Behind The Stake: Episode 4

by ChosenTwentyFirstCentury

4th and currently the last part of the Behind the Stake series. This was written in 2003 and there have been none since

Behind the Stake Episode 3:
The Revenge of the Benson.
This Story takes place some years after the Buffy ended. About 5 or 6 years so this is set in 2008 or 2009.

A short time ago,
In a country that started many, many wars.

Behind the Stake
Episode 3
The Revenge of the Benson

The supreme creator, Joss Whedon, grows tired of doing nothing and so decides to make a movie.
He enlists the help of all who have helped before, his Cast, his Crew and make-up people.
The cast who are also growing tired of doing nothing are desperate for paying work and so join the franchise once more.
With a legion of fans waiting. Joss and crew begin to resurrect Buffy once again.

Joss
Well, to start I want to thank you all for coming. It's nice to see you all together again after so many, many, many years.

SMG:
I would also like to say thanks… br
Alyson;(To Nicholas)
The only thing she's thankful for is money. I heard she spent it all on a trip to Vegas.

Nicholas;
What do you mean you heard you were with the (beep) when she spent it. And apparently it was you who egged her on.

Alyson:
Oh (beep) off! At least I didn't start a petition to get Police Academy 12 started or whatever number they are on now. And you wanted to star in it. Are you off your (beep)ing rocker?!

Nicholas:
See, Steve Gutenberg and me are good friends… br
Alyson;
Oh that's where you get it from!

SMG:
Look you two if you wanna be in this my movie keep those (beep)ing holes on your ugly face shut. Ungrateful little sheep!!

Anthony Head:
Jeez what's up her arse?

Michelle. T:
I heard it was Steve Gutenberg

Anthony:
Well that makes sense

The door of the room swings open and in comes Amber Benson dressed as a cowboy, shouting that she looks like Julia Roberts in it.

Alyson:
Oh for (beep) sakes! Not again.

SMG:
Joss, you didn't tell me that she was part of this. Explain yourself now!

Joss:
She wasn't, until a week ago, I meant to tell you. You'd change your mind to if she nailed your only pet to your front door and left this note.

Joss reaches in to his pocket and takes out a piece of paper. He unfolds it. There are tears drops on the page which made the ink blotchy

They read the note that Says:
"Dear Joss, How are you? I see your cat has taken a turn for the worst. If you want to see that cat alive again, you're going to have a job on your hands. It's been on that door for 3 hours now. Anyway now since we're such good friends. I was wondering if you could maybe let me in your movie. I would really appreciate it, and to show me gratitude I would never ever nail anything of yours to anything again. Thanks your biggest fan(currently 350lbs),
Amber 'Tom Hanks' Benson.
note does not include Shoes, sheep, next of kin, spouse or immediate other." br
SMG:
Crazy mother(beep)er! She can't to this to my comeback movie… I mean our movie

Amber:
I gots goods handwritings don't it sweety baby?

Alyson:
Are you talking to me?

Amber:
Well I don't see anybody else in the room. It's just us you and me all alone. Two women. Two lesbians. What do you think is going to happen next?!

(She is totally unaware that the room is full, she sits on Alyson's knee)

Alyson
Hopefully a sterilisation!

Amber;
Maybe later. If you play your cards right.
There like the old times. Any way Jossy baby continue the story. Get to the part about yours truly (Pokes herself). Amber Benson aka Mathew Broderick

SMG:
Actually, Benson, I was talking! and nobody including an obese, hair monster like yourself is going to stop my comeback movie.

Amber;
Are you talking to me?
I don't see any body else here.
So you must be talking to me. (Again unaware of any body, but herself)

Nicholas:
Uh… Duh!

Amber;
Shut you the (beep) up and get you straight ass outta my bedroom right now! There's no room for straightness. (Whispers) But if you wanna ring me later I could sort your straightness out. I have both organs you know! (Amber looks at Alyson) And I'm a 100 sure you know that don't you my little petrol soaked apple drop. GET OUTTA MY BEDROOM!!!

Michelle. T:
This isn't your bedroom. So just back the (beep) off!

Amber: (In the voice of a wise old lady)
I think it wise that you stay outta this conversation dear. Young ears must not dwell on such things. Isn't it time for your nap?!

(At that Amber picks Michelle up and hurls her through the window, Michelle is knocked unconscious on the concrete below)

Amber:
Aaaah. Sleeping at last. My little angel.

SMG;
Sweet mother of holy crap. She really is a lesbian.

Amber;
Thank you for your keen observation Sarah, I'm a method actor and take my job very seriously I haven't shaved since 'Tootsie' br (To the rest of the room)
Come on all of ye get out. If got things to be getting on with. This pile of washing isn't going to wash it's self(she's pointing at a on out "SHOO".

They all sit not moving at all.

All:
What the (beep) are you on about?

Amber:
Did I hear cursing in my house. Nobody will be (beep)ing cursing in my house. Now get the (beep) out. In need to wash meself.

With that they all leave except for one studio executive who is sitting in the corner crying

Amber:
Oh for (BEEP) sakes what's wrong with ye now.

Studio. E:
I really wanted to see this movie happen. I'm was a huge fan. I thought you were a nice person.

Amber;
I am and to show how (beep)ing nice I am, Here's a consolation prize.

She hands her a sponge and some sand paper

Studio. E
What's this for?

Amber;
I wasn't kidding you know about washing meself. And I know you won't say "no".

Studio E:
You really are a horrible woman.

Amber;
What did you call me? Those letters W-O-M-A-N will not be spoken. I am a lesbian a breed apart from all others. Now do as I (beep)ing say. Wench

Studio. E; (Nervously)
I won't do it. I'm not going to… wash you.

Amber:
Oh yes you will! I believe you have 2 dogs and 3 children. Would you like them as ornaments on your front door?!

Amber:
WASH ME. AMBER ALSO NEED SHAVE.

The other cast members are looking for Michelle T. They hear screams from the room they were just in.

Studio. E:
OH MY GOD THER'S NO (BEEP)ING WATER. OR RAZOR.

The other cast members see Michelle lying on the ground. But run like the wind when they hear the Studio E's screams.

Amber:
Yeah keep on running you (beep)ers. I'll get you and you little dog too.
Amber going to be big.
My name will be in lights. Amber 'Steven Spielberg' Benson.
(To the Studio E.)
DID I SAY STOP SCRUBBING?!…. Actually you wouldn't find doing me pits. They need a good seeing to, love. Thanks your wonderful. What are you doing to night, hey!
ANSWER ME!

THE END
Studio. E;
Holy (BEEP)

THE END?

Behind the Stake Episode 2;
The Attack of the Fans.
Coming Soon