WE OWN NOTHING EXCEPT THE CHARACTERS WE MADE UP AND YOU KNOW THE CHARACTERS WE MADE UP! (Like audience member 62)
The PAPAYA TANGELO Show
Starring Lyn and Liz and Waldo the Compassmaker
Lyn: Hello, Hola, Bonjour, Konichiwa, and all those other weird hi phrases!
Liz: She is Lyn and I am Liz and this is the Papaya Tangelo Show, not to be confused with the Pina Colada show!!!
Lyn: Last season, as you may recall, we interviewed Twilight Characters!
Liz: Sorry we haven't broadcasted in a while, but we were redecorating.
Lyn: We bought our own spot on Mount Olympus, and bought isn't the right word!!!
Waldo: We acquired using intellect. And since we used all our intellect up, there will be none of that in the show!
Audience Member 62: Who's that!?
Lyn: You all remember Wyatt, don't you?
Audience: Yeah.
Liz: Well this is his cousin, Waldo. He's a compassmaker, but he gets lost all the time.
Audience: What happened to Wyatt?!
Lyn: We gave Wyatt, Shannon, Stu, and Bob and most everyone else a paid vacation for the season. Everyone except Emeril.
Emeril: (In his Bermuda shorts and tourist shirt and his sunglasses with margaritas on them) WHAAAT?!
Liz: You're still going on vacation, you're just not getting paid.
Emeril: What? Since when?
Lyn: (Gets a memo) Whoops, sorry Emeril, that was for Stu.
Emeril: Phew!
Lyn: You're staying here with us!!!
Emeril: But but but but that's not fair!
Liz: Who else will make delicious food for us?
Lyn: We should get on with the show.
Mysterious Voice: EY YOU! WUT YOU DOING IN MY SPACE!?!?!
Liz: Uh… guys, did we mention that we kinda stole Mount Olympus?
(A big cloud comes bursting into the studio)
BC (big cloud): Leave or you will have to die!
Liz and Lyn: What?
BC: I said Leave Or You Will Have To Die!
Lyn: No, we mean what as in, like, what?!
BC: What do you mean what? I said OR YOU WILL DIE. Is it that hard to understand?
Liz: Yes.
BC: Okay, I'm going to have to kill you now. (Takes out freezer ray.) PREPARE TO PERISH! (Starts to click the button) EY- EY- EY- EY THIS ISN'T WORKING WHY ISN'T IT WORKING!?
(Emeril pops up in superman cape) Emeril: BECAUSE I HAVE THE ICE CREAM PACK!
BC: NOOOO I AM DEFEATED!!!
Percy: (Comes through door) Hey, were you guys going to call my name or not?
Lyn: Percy, Percy, we were having a little problem. We aren't anymore, but we WERE!
Percy: Yeah yeah whatever now get me some ice cream!
Liz: Percy, Percy, bossy today aren't we?
Lyn: Yes, loyal fans, we didn't have to capture this guy. We just promised him ice cream and said we could cure his ADHD. We can't.
Percy: WHAT?! YOU LIED TO ME!?
Liz: No—well, lie is such a strong word… but yeah.
Percy: I'm gonna go cry in the bathroom now.
Lyn: Well, you can't.
Percy: Why?
Lyn: Well, it's, uh, kinda gone.
Percy: How is it gone?
Liz: We put a self-destruct button in it…
Lyn: And I accidentally pushed it…
Percy: Well—Why?
Liz: Well we put it there so we could push it if someone tried to steal our fancy custom-made soaps in the shape of our faces…
Lyn: And they were very well sculpted.
Percy: Like I care about your stinking soap faces—
Liz: There was one of you, Percy.
Percy: REALLY?!
Lyn: No, but I did carve one of Yoshi. YOOOOSSSHHIIII!!!!! Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi… I love Yoshi… he's my best frieeend… I GOT YOSHI ON THE BRAIN!!!
(Suddenly, Yoshi from the famous Mario series pops up and starts doing the tango with Lyn.)
Lyn and Liz: Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, Yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi, yoshi…
(etcetera etcetera.)
Lyn: Now that your eyes have been burned with the power of Yoshi, let's get on with the show.
Liz: Where'd Percy go?
(Shows Percy in the fetal position in the corner, rocking back and forth.) Percy: Too… many… yoshis….
Lyn: Okay Yoshi, would you like some ice cream?
Yoshi: YOSHI!!!
Lyn: Well, me too. EMERIL! GET US SOME ICE CREAM! CARVED INTO THE SHAPE OF YOSHI!!!
(A ten-foot tower of sculpted green ice cream appears in the shape of yoshi. It weighs about ten tons, and is packed with calories and fat! Everyone from the Papaya Tangelo show comes in with spoons and hungry looks on their faces.)
Liz: Wait, where's Waldo?
(Somewhere in the middle of Nowhereville)
Waldo: Liz? Lyn? …Yoshi? Why won't this compass work? NOW IT'S POINTING WEST, AND WHEN I TURN WEST IT STARTS TO POINT SOUTH! I'M SO CONFUSSSEEEEEDDD! I'M LOST lost lost lost lost (echoes)
(back at the studio)
Lyn: Waldo, where are you Waldo?
Percy: (still in part fetal position) I thought this was a TALK SHOW! Not a let's-eat-yoshi-shaped-green-ice-cream-and-annoy-fictional-characters-show!
Liz: Ha ha you just called yourself fictional.
Lyn: And it is a talk show. Have you watched the Pina Colada show?
Percy: No.
Liz: Oh. You're screwed then.
Percy: Well- you haven't even asked me a question! ASK ME A QUESTION!
Lyn: What's your favorite color?
Percy: Blue.
Liz: That's all the time we have for today! See you next time on the PAPAYA TANGELO SHOW!
(Somewhere in the middle of Not-Here-Ville)
Waldo: Welp… that's the end of the show I guess. I hope I can find my way back within the next two seconds. Or else I'm screwed.