This is my second attempt at fanfiction at My first fic was great, but this one is a little bit more on the wacky side. Ehehehe….This idea came up to me during school. Don't ask. It's first person again. I just write better this way.

Note: I made the age gap between Sasuke and Itachi smaller. So Sasuke's a freshman and Itachi's a senior. That's four years…I think.

Summary: In his first year of Konoha Boarding School, Sasuke tries a new experiment. Suddenly, a new girl appears, stealing everyone's attention – including Mr. Perfect-and-Handsome. ItaSasu, some SasuEveryone Yaoi. OOC, if acting is OOC. A.U.

Enjoy!

Chapter One: The Experiment

When I first thought of this experiment, I thought I just went crazy. Then I thought that this would be a perfect addition to my life. Then I thought that if I don't try this out, I don't know how I'll survive Konoha Boarding School.

"Class, I'd like to introduce Kyoku Hikari," Kakashi, this weird teacher who has a mask on at all times announced. He was our homeroom teacher, the teacher we're supposed to go to if we have troubles or in the beginning of the day.

I smiled a little. I'm not too good about being out-going. I already saw a stupid looking blonde, a guy with sunglasses on in the classroom, a pink-haired girl, and a slutty blonde. This class can't get any more normal.

"Hikari-chan, will you please take a seat next to Uzumaki Naruto?" the stupid blonde I mentioned before rose his hand quickly. Great. Stuck with a boy who obviously is ecstatic about sitting next to someone like me.

I walked over and sat down next to him. Naruto was giving me this cheesy grin. "Hey, my name's Uzumaki Naruto. Hikari-chan, I can show you around if you'd like. After school, okay?" Naruto attempted at giving me a small wink. He failed, making it seem like there was something stuck in his eye.

"Okay." I stifled my laughter.

So. Here I am, the bored Uchiha Sasuke, disguised as a girl and planning on turning this school upside-down.

Teachers:

Homeroom/English: Hatake Kakashi. He seems suspicious. As far as I know, he's a closet pervert. I'll just leave him alone for now.

Gym: Maito Gai. He won't do anything. He's too STUPID to do anything. Anything other than torturing us with running ten miles per day.

Biology: Yuuhi Kurenai. Poor woman. She's pregnant; I'd go easy on her…A lot of the male teachers pick on her sometimes. Mostly Asuma.

Chemistry: Orochimaru. He is freaky. He is the freakiest person in the universe! He's a pervert in a very Michael Jackson way. He even looks like Michael Jackson! I'm keeping my distance.

Math: Sarutobi Asuma. He's probably the most normal out of all of them, except he keeps bugging Kurenai-sensei. Smokes. Big fool.

History: Jiraiya. Big pervert. I swear. He's a huge pervert. All I really know about him. I've got to keep my distance from him.

Art: Kakashi's trying to do art. The best he can do is stick figures, and that's the best the current staff can do. But he's obviously the best at making stick figures, so he somehow got the time to do the job.

Spanish: Pein. People call him Pein, but every freshman is on the mission to find out what his real name is. People say it starts with an N. He's a little freaky, with all the piercing on his face. His hairs like Naruto but he's the exact opposite of Naruto.

Drama: One can wonder how one teacher does three subjects. Kakashi's doing drama, too. Gai should seriously be the one doing drama. He's the drama king.

This school is sort of pathetic, sort of weird. Yet, I'm the kid who's dressing up as the opposite sex, so who am I to talk?

Students:

Uzumaki Naruto. He's a real idiot. He's a failure at flirting. He's plain out annoying, and if you're going to explain something to him you have to use Pre-K words. Kids, the new meaning of idiot is Uzumaki Naruto.

Haruno Sakura. A girl that really doesn't shut up. She's my chemistry partner, and she seriously thinks that that actually means something. She has pink hair, and claims that it's her natural hair color. I really don't plan on finding out.

Yamanaka Ino. Oh great. She's the fan girl type, and right now I'm so lucky I'm disguised as a girl. She wants to get the scoop on everything, which explains why she wants to join the school newspaper. Oh, geez.

Inuzuka Kiba. He's secretly hiding a dog, I hear. I personally think he eats dog food. He isn't as idiotic as Naruto, but if there were a category of people, he'd be placed in the idiot group.

Nara Shikamaru. Personally, I think he's an okay guy. Just doesn't have any motivation whatsoever. I think he's too lazy to even eat. This guy's skinnier than I am!

Akimichi Chouji. Damn, this guy's fat. He obviously hates being called fat, but I'll call him fat anyway. Fatso. Stop eating in class, especially during History when you're sitting behind me! Quit your constant fart bombs!

Aburame Shino. Uh, silent? Possibly blind?

Hyuuga Hinata. She's really shy, but she's dependable. If I were to give away my secret to someone, it'd be her. Though, if people pressure her too much she'll probably blurt everything she knows out. She has really good eyesight despite the fact that her eyes are whitish-purplish.

There's more, but I'm too tired to write more. I'm just writing down anything I see, because I'm bored.

Naruto ran up to me after drama. "So, it's time for your grand tour, right?" He gave me the smile and attempted to wink again. He must have been practicing, because it actually was a successful wink. Not that I like him. He's a little…weird for my tastes.

"Yeah, sure," I smiled at him. I didn't want an idiot to be giving me the tour, but he seemed to know the place well enough. As long as I knew the area and didn't act like a lost puppy so that Orochimaru can pick me up, I'm fine.

Naruto led me outside, and I'm just thankful to God that he didn't take my waist. "You know this area, right?" I simply nodded. "Okay, here we go, then." He led me to the around the school. When we stopped at the cafeteria, I noted some older kids making a lot of noise.

Naruto saw me watching them. "They're just loud kids. Seniors. The popular ones." The blonde stared at them with a hint of disdain. "They're so annoying sometimes."

"Yeah." I spotted a tall guy with spiky blue hair and blue skin.

"…And odd. Great, here comes Mr. Perfect-and-Handsome," Naruto pulled me aside. I kept my watch on the group and I saw a guy with long black hair pulled back, eyelashes that should belong to a girl, and the mysterious lines that run from his eyebrows to his cheeks.

"Oh, shit," I muttered aloud, getting a little dizzy all of a sudden. That group of kids passed by us, not even giving us any recognition.

"Mr. Perfect-and-Handsome's name is Uchiha Itachi," Naruto explained to me as we walked out of the cafeteria. "I've never talked to him before, but all I know is that he gets perfect grades and has great athletic skills…and the handsome part." The blonde tried to look handsome as he ran a hand through his spiky hair. "Which I seriously don't get."

I laughed a little. He stared at me, confused.

It was two days after the first day of Konoha Boarding School, and I already thought I was going to be sick. I always passed that idiot of an older brother everyday. And yet he never recognized me. Maybe it's because I'm dressed up as a girl? Well, yeah.

Either I just can't stand being ignored, or I still hate him more than anything right now.

But right now, every single ounce of my attention was turned to the suddenly covered bulletin board. Great. So many things I can do, so little time. There were sign up sheets for all of the sports teams, ten million clubs and extra-curricular activities, events, and student council. I shrugged. I'm usually good at basketball mainly, and I'll sign up for student council just for the heck of it. I've got nothing to lose there, right?

"Kari!" Sakura ran up to me with her bag slung over her shoulder. She started calling me 'Kari' out of nowhere. Girls really are the oddest things. I still don't get them even if I'm actually trying to act like one now.

"Huh?" Act like a girl. Easy for you to say.

"You're signing up for student council! That's great! I'll vote for you! I don't really want to sign up myself, anyway, and recently only guys have been voted in student council," Sakura babbled on. Yeah. Only guys. Heh. About that.

"Yeah, but I doubt that anyone else will vote for me." Right now, Uchiha Sasuke is playing the innocent, coy, modest girl. But seriously. No one's going to vote for me.

"Don't worry; I'll be, like, your campaign manager or something! We'll think of something right, Kari?"

I nodded, trying to hold back my utter confusion.

"Okay, Kari, I've got to go right now! Bye-bye!" she gave me a quick hug and ran off really quickly. I think that she put too much syrup on her pancakes today. Sakura reappeared suddenly again, then added, "You have to give in your speech in three days, just a reminder!" She gave me a wave and disappeared behind the corner again.

Great. Speeches. Just great. I'm not so good at public speaking unless I'm a boy.

I went to the basketball tryouts the next day. None of the girls I knew where there, so I tried not to be too shy and not too out-going.

"Hey." I jerked up, hearing a firm female voice that was obviously directed at me. I looked up to see a girl with her hair pulled up into two buns with brown eyes staring right at me. "You're trying out for the team?"

"Yeah," I replied, standing up from the bleacher that I was sitting on.

"We're running first." I realized that I was the only one sitting down at the moment. Great. My reputation takes one step down the ladder.

We just jogged around the huge gym, taking our time so that we didn't get too tired too early. "My name's TenTen," the girl who was speaking to me before said. "I've never seen your face before. You new?"

I just nodded. If I try to talk while running, my voice will go down to it's lower (boyish) self.

"Hmm. I think I saw you with Uzumaki Naruto on the first day," TenTen gave me a gentle grin. At least there's a more tomboyish girl around that I can hang around with and be a little more comfortable with.

"Uh, what about it?" Okay, I talked. It wasn't that low of a voice was it?

TenTen nudged me sharply. "What, you like him?"

"No!" I said it too quickly, but it's the truth. Naruto's an idiot as far as I see him. He just doesn't know I think of him as one.

"Right," TenTen gave me a sly smile and I just gave her a disgusted face, meaning that he is gross and weird and why in the world would I ever like him. She nodded. I'm learning female body language all of a sudden. Weird. If I'm going to stay this way for the rest of the year, I'm going to be stuck acting like a girl for the rest of my life.

So it turns out I made the team. So it turns out that Naruto found out and is now ecstatic because he doesn't know any girl other than TenTen made the team. (Sakura and Ino are in cheerleading, because they're girly girls and really no one can stand them.)

"At least there's a new addition to our group that isn't shy or a girly-girl!" Naruto exclaimed very loudly when he caught me at breakfast. Hinata gave Naruto a small hurt look, and then turned away.

"Uh, right," I muttered, watching the group of popular kids in the corner of my eye. Sakura was staring at me curiously, following my line of vision.

"Oooooh," Sakura whispered, poking me with one of those sly smiles again. "You're watching Itachi-senpai, ne? He's so smart and hot and awesome! Isn't he?"

"No! He's a jerk, trust me," I blurted out. Damn. I'm supposed to be a girl. And girls fall for guys like…him. "Why would I even like him?"

"I've never seen you talking to him," Ino, the superficial blonde, speaks. "Geez, Hikari, you're such a liar. Stop trying to act cool and admit that you like him like every other girl in school."

"Shut up, blonde," I retorted.

"Yes! Cat fight!" Kiba and Naruto stared at the both of us intently. Sakura was just plain out perplexed. "Cat fight!"

"Make me you flat-chested freak!" Ino yelled back, standing up. I think we caught a little bit too much attention at the moment; I saw a lot of pairs of eyes staring at us intently, and some guys chanting 'cat fight'. The cafeteria was silent.

"At least I'm not as skinny as a stick!" I crossed my arms and stood up, too. Luckily, I was taller than her, so I think I made a little bit more of an appearance. "I bet you're just scared of being insulted! Well wake up, Little-Miss-I-Think-I'm-Perfect, because I don't care!"

"Oh yeah? You think you're all that don't you!" Ino yelled, though it seemed like she was struggling for the right words to find.

"No, I don't, so back off, bitch," I said, giving a nice slap to her face. I resisted punching. That's too boy-like. I just plopped back down to the chair watched for her reaction.

"Uh! No one slaps me!" Ino yelled, taking her hot chocolate and pouring it on my head.

And that hot chocolate was really, really hot. Naruto and Sakura had jaws touching the ground, as I clutched onto my head yelling threads of curses. It really burned. One of the guys from the popular table yelled something like 'Call a teacher' and ran over to me. I fainted not soon afterwards, but I saw the triumphant look on Ino's face, then a shocked one all of a sudden.

This made me just wonder. Why in the world was she shocked, anyway?

My first trip to the nurses' office. What, was this the fifth day of school? To the nurses office on the first Friday. I would've tried to beat that record if I didn't want to make a fool of myself on the first day.

Man, this office is so white. White. What an irritating color. It makes badly injured students think they're in heaven.

"Are you alright?" I sat up and saw a blue-haired woman with piercing that reminded me of Pein on her face. She had a nice paper flower in her hair. If there were an origami club, she'd be the supervisor. Then again, I think there is one.

But I just nodded to her question. I sat up and felt a very cold (soothing) paper towel on my forehead, which obviously took the most damage. I slowly took it off and felt the skin. Oh, I'm going to kill that Ino-bitch. The skin there was burned. And the water from the paper towel was spiking up my hair. Damn. If I'm right, the nurses' office is a little bit far from my room. Damn.

Revenge!

Girl grudges. Great.

"You sure? You're burned a little on your shoulders and neck, and a lot on your forehead." The blue health office nurse said.

"I noticed," I managed to mumble. I didn't bother sitting up because then my hair would really spike up and she would know that this person on the bed is definitely not a girl. As long as I lie down here, I'm completely fine. "Um, what's your name?"

"You're new here, huh?" she leaned over and took the wet paper towel off of my forehead and replaced it with an even damper one. Oh geez. "Just call me Konan." I felt a little bit more of my hair attempting to spike up.

Stupid spiky, porcupine-molested cockatoo hair.

Konan kept talking. "A lot of the girls in this school are like this, so don't worry about it. Just don't provoke them, and then they won't dunk hot chocolate on you. Oh, yeah, you've got a lot of chocolate stains on your shirt, so I got you a sweater. Is that okay?"

"…Do I have to pay for it?"

"No." She laughs.

"Good." Despite the fact that I'm basically a 'rich kid', I like to save money. "Uh…"

She kept talking again. "You really should thank that young man who brought you over here…I think he was Uchiha Itachi?"

I jerked upright. "Yeah, got to go now. Bye." I quickly threw the paper towel into the garbage and ran out of the nurse's office, and dashed to my room. I passed by Naruto and Sakura, but they didn't notice me, luckily.

"Oh, no." The keys to my room. Gone! What the hell? I heard footsteps coming. Damn. Bad days. This really isn't my day. I grabbed the hood and pulled it on; praying that the spiky hair didn't spike up too much that it'd be too noticeable.

Ino-bitch is back.

Revenge!!!

"What do you want now, Ino-bitch?" Screw not provoking her. Provoking her is fun.

Ino frowned at me and crossed her arms. "You're lucky you missed all of your classes today. We had a pop quiz already."

"…And you're telling me this, why?" My forehead feels weird because of you!

The blonde shrugged. "Sakura told me to. And the entire school's yelling at me, just because I dunked some hot chocolate on you."

"Hello? Hot chocolate. Quit being such a dumbass," I muttered, searching through my pockets again. No key. What the hell is wrong with this world? Now I'm stuck talking to Ino-bitch. Last thing anyone wants to do (especially me) is talk to her.

"Oh." She didn't look too surprised. "Whatever. I just don't get what's so special about you." Ino frowned again, leaning against the wall. Resist the temptation to slap her. "You do know that everyone in the school is suddenly talking about you."

Something unexpected. "Huh?" Screw keys. This is weird. "What do you mean?"

"Now you're acting innocent. How many personalities do you have in that skimpy body of yours?"

"Your body's skimpier than mine, if you wanted to know," I groaned. Not getting anywhere. "Why's everyone talking about me? I'm just the new kid who's trying to get by." It'd be really weird if they already knew that I'm actually a guy.

"I guess that's exactly why."

"I don't understand."

Ino stood up straight, and looked at me in the eye. She placed a hand on her hip and explained this to me. "New. You're new. Everyone here knows each other but you. Now everyone suddenly wants to get to know you, especially the guys."

"Why the guys?"

"Boys will be boys. Mata ne, flat-chested freak," Ino said, turning on her heel and walking off.

"…Bitch." I muttered, continuing my key search.

Ten minutes of looking for something. Dull and boring. Until…

"Are you looking for these?" A hand with slender fingers held keys right in front of my face.

"Uh, thanks," I didn't look at the person's face. I took the keys and opened the door. Then I looked at the person's face.

Oh geez.

Fuck.

Lie, Sasuke, lie! "Um, who are you?" Who are you. Nice thing to say. I had my hand on the doorknob, ready to run in and shut the door and scream go away. Calm down. Resist the temptation to do so.

"Oh, you're new here, right?" He talks as if everyone already knows him. As if everyone in the world should know him. "You should introduce yourself first, you know." Damn. He's the guy (supposedly), shouldn't he introduce himself first? Then again, chivalry's dead.

"Kyoku Hikari," I mumbled. Pretend to like him. Pretend. "And you?" My hand tightened around the knob.

He leaned against the wall casually. "Uchiha Itachi."

"Well, uh, thanks again for giving me the keys." I can lie. I just don't like the way he's looking at me. Those eyes that I (used to) think were beautiful stared right at me. Like he knows something. Maybe he already recognizes me as Sasuke. My hair's totally spiking up right now and he might find out sooner or later if I don't get in my room and fix it. "Where'd you find them, anyway?"

Just had to ask.

"They fell out when you went to the nurse's office." Oh, right. He was there when the Ino incident happened.

"Well, thanks again, but I've really got to go…" I mumbled. "Um, see you later, I suppose." I ran into the room, still praying that he didn't notice my spiky hair. I grabbed some hair gel and started flattening it again.

Yamanaka Ino. Bitch! I'll get my revenge on you!

Health Office Nurse – Konan. Nice woman. But she looks a bit like she's Pein's girlfriend. Looks can be deceiving, though.

Uchiha Itachi. I hate you! I completely hate you! I swear you're stalking me! If you dare try and make me fall in love with you like every other girl in this school, it's not going to work you idiot! It's on Romeo. It's on. And I'm going to win.

"Kari-chan!"

"Hikari-chan!"

The first one was Sakura. The second one was Naruto. Sakura's the only one that calls me Kari. But lately Naruto's trying to get into the habit of calling me Kahiri. He just mixed up the syllables and he claims that it sounds cool. Kahiri's a weird name, in my opinion. Then again, it's just me.

The pink haired best friend wanna-be arrived before the blonde and blue eyes boy friend wanna-be.

"That was an awesome speech this morning," Naruto managed to say before Sakura. "I think you'll win. I really didn't know you were running…Sorry I'm running against you." Naruto's probably the type of guy who wants to be noticed a lot. So that's why he was running, as far as I know. He's a pretty good motivational speaker. He kept saying stuff like wanting to make the school year a lot more fun for everyone (even though that's what they all say), he's going to do everything in his power (which happens to be very little since the seniors always get what they want) to make this year something different than the rest (but that's a bit like the first one, right? I'm making this year something different by just being a girl), and he added in that he was going to try and make the food at the cafeteria better (which really caught everyone's attention).

My speech was really just like everyone else.

But I swear a lot of the boys weren't staring at my face when I stood on the stage.

"But you know, there's already a student council president," Sakura exclaimed, shoving Naruto aside. I find the fact that they're fighting over my attention very…uhm…weird. "I'm so jealous of you!"

"What? What? Huh? Who?" Naruto said, his face filled with shock. Maybe more jealousy than shock.

"None other than-" the pink haired girl started, then she stopped straight, her mouth in a wide 'o' as she leaned to the right to get a better view of something behind me.

"What is it?" I asked a little nervously. I felt someone looming over me like a tower, then Sakura silently squealing.

"I never knew a girl like you would really have the guts to run for student council already."

Oh.

Shit.

Him.

I turned around quickly, hiding the anger in my face with a coy look. I pulled it off somewhat…I think. He fell for it pretty well.

A lot of people stopped what they were doing and stuck around to watch. So this was what Ino meant by 'new'. What they're probably thinking is OMG; it's the new girl who I don't know at all and Mr. Perfect-And-Handsome! It was all written clearly on their faces.

"Nice speech. Better than…many other ones." I saw his eyes flicker to Naruto, then back. So it was true, Naruto's speech did have a little…a lot of grammar mistakes. Still, he was indirectly picking on Naruto. Even though I don't really like the blonde that much yet, it's just a chance to pick on him for a while.

I took a small step forward, still having a timid smile on my face. "You know, you really do think you're perfect, do you?"

"…No comment," he muttered, keeping his gaze fixed on me.

"So since you're perfect you think you have the right to mess around other people's feelings?" Personally, this isn't the kind of fight that I'd usually fight. Now, it's a different story.

"…No comment," he repeated. Unfazed. Oh well.

"I'll give you a warning then," I smiled at him a fake smile. Anyone could see through that. Usually someone would run but this is Itachi I'm talking about. He stays rooted on the spot. Still unfazed.

No teachers around. Time for fazing.

I raised my hand and slapped in on his face. "That's my warning," I said, still smiling. "'Bye." I grabbed Naruto and Sakura's arm and strode off, holding my head pretty high. Maybe because I'm just singing a victory song in my head.

"Itachi-kun!"

Fan girls back there run to help him.

Boys are staring at me, thinking that I'm made.

I dare to look behind me for a split second, and I see a completely amused (but fazed) expression on Uchiha Itachi's face.

Sasuke – 1

Itachi – 0

Like I said, you bastard. It's on.

Yeah, very...weird. Wondering why Sasuke hates Itachi so much? Comes up a bit while up. Keep guessing; let your imagination fly...

Review please! Thanks for reading this totally pathetic writer's story… It was a pretty stupid idea so yeah…Don't ask about the title, either. The title's kind of freakish, but it goes well with the story.

Again, review please!