Grouchy, Pissy, Snarky
Miles has a bad day and he's grumpier than ever – yeah, cause he usually glimmers with joy – so he grumbles about the people he met on the island. Beware, the losties from Miles' POV. Pls, R&R :)
This chapter is dedicated to javajive ;)
Jack – the uptight, bland, superhero-wannabe doctor who first found me when I crushed my ass on the rocky side of this damn hellhole. Man, this guy's grim face reminds me of an Ester Island stone head. Seriously, you can bury this guy in the ground up to his neck, and make it a tourist attraction. I nearly pissed myself when LaFleur put him in charge of the janitorial trolley. Worst humiliation ever: a stuck-up surgeon, who probably graduated from some snobbish Ivy League Med School, became a freakin' custodian in a happy hippie village. This really made my day.
LaFleur – this guy has so many aliases, his real name could be Hillbilly Joe for all I know. When I first met JIM, his testosterone levels were so pumped up, I thought his eyeballs were going to pop out. He was acting like a freakin' maharajah, swinging his riffle dangerously close to the back of my head, giving me restraining orders (pfff), tossing around nicknames.... Oh yeah, he likes to do that, but the thing is... he really sucks at it. Calling me Bruce Lee? Oh yeah, sooo original, so innovative, wow. What the hell is he, like 12? But I gotta admit, I WAS impressed when he bamboozled those dumb stoners into thinking we were actually in a boat wreck. What bothers me though, is that they made him our boss. Yeah, way to go hippies, your new head of security is a guy with an ego the size of Texas, and huge anger management issues. Also, the guy claims to be well-read and grandiloquent, but every time he opens his big mouth, I hear grammatical disasters like "ain't none of ya business," but I digress. The guy's a freaking psycho. One day, he's gonna lose it, and when he does, I just know - I have that gut feeling - that he's gonna take it out on me. But that's just my luck.
Jin – what can I say about Jin? He looks like a Korean version of Ronn Moss. He doesn't say much, even now that he has learned English, which is why I dislike him LESS than other people in this cuckoo town. Still, the guy freaks me out sometimes. The disapproving glares he gives me every time I pay perfectly chivalrous – mind you – compliments to the hot Dharma ladies, send shivers down my spine. Jin's like a freaking robot with a few disconnected circuits – particularly those responsible for a sense of humor. I told him several times now, he should get laid and get rid of that stick up his ass, but I don't think he got the message. Well, maybe that's for the better, more hot chicks who dig Asian dudes for me.
Juliet – a complete ice queen. No, she's an iceberg that sank the Titanic. She's so cold, the polar bears on the Hydra island feel at home when she's around. The weird thing is, she's a gynecologist or something, but decided to work as a grease monkey in the motor pool. Well, I guess it doesn't make that much of a difference... You just fix stuff under the bonnet. Anyways, despite the fact her death glare scares the living shit outta me, she's number two on my Top 5 Hottest Island Chicks list, just behind Naomi.
Horace – God, that guy pisses me of. Everything about him is so damn irritating – from his crazy hairdo, tie-dye T-shirts, circles of trust, his mumbling about the truce with the Hostiles, to his annoying habit of ending every damn sentence with a semi-question 'okay.' "Don't go on the hostiles' territory, okay?" "Take this smelly, ugly-ass corpse to Dr Chang, okay?" "Don't press 77 in the Flame Station, okay?" Well, don't make me kick your ass Horace, OKAY?
Sayid – the maniac Iraqi who shot kid Linus. The Rambo of Bollywood. The Jean-Claude Van Damme of the Middle East. He's even more pumped up than Dr. Janitor, LaFleur and Robo-Jin combined. Yeah, "I'm such a hot alpha male rogue cause I constantly wear sleeveless tank tops to show off my hefty biceps". Puh-lease! I could easily kick his ass. Not that I have to prove anything to anybody, but theoretically, in a combat, I'd so kick his Arabic butt. Oh, and I don't have to go out and shot 12-year olds to affirm my masculinity.
So these were Miles' catty comments on some of our losties. Pls, let me know what you think, and which characters do you want Miles to bash next.
Next chapter: Kate, Faraday, Ben and more....