Tears flood my eyes as I walked through the gate with Edward, my flower wilting in my fist. This isn't what I had wanted. I didn't mean for this happen...
Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)...
I didn't think he would... I just... I was so wrong...
Someone tapped on my shoulder lightly, and I turned, still feeling this whole mess was my fault.
"Sarah," I sobbed, wrapping my arms tightly around the woman in front of me. "I didn't mean for this to happen. Please, please forgive me. I'm so sorry. I'm-"
"Isabella Marie Swan, none of this was your fault!" She grabbed my face, forcing my stare on hers through teary eyes. "You couldn't have stopped this even if you wanted to. It's okay," she rubbed my back, and rested her chin on top of my head. I hiccupped and whimpered, and she hushed me softly. Like he always had when I was sad...
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried...
"I have to go talk to his Grandparents now hon, okay?" I nodded against her chest, turning to take Edward's hand and walking toward the chairs. Black bows graced the back of them, flowers of all kinds hanging all over the black tents above our heads. Everywhere I looked; black clothes, black umbrellas, black, black, black, all over the field of green. It looked like a sad old movie... I thought this only really happened in movies... I never thought... I was so wrong!
I kept glancing around, making sure to take everything in. It was all important. Although it made me sad, I had to remember all of this... Everything.
My hand came up to cover my gasp when I noticed the picture next to one of the tents. My eyes squeezed shut, and I turned away, my shoulders shaking with my cries.
I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
"Shh," Edward hushed me, wrapping his arms around me, and carrying me under the tent bridal style. I could feel him sit down, but I refused to open my eyes. I couldn't...
"C'mere baby." He whispered softly, pulling me down onto his lap. I curled into a tight ball on his lap as he comforted me. "It's okay, you need to calm down." He kissed my temple softly as I shook.
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out
I looked up at the picture again, the one of him smiling. I quivered in pain, knowing the reason we were here was because of me... It was all my fault...
Staring at the picture of him smiling, I couldn't help but feel something stir in my belly and my heart flutter. He was such an amazing boyfriend... And now he's gone... Oh Jacob, why did I do this to you? Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
He was so amazing. He'd do anything for me. He made me feel so special, like I was the most important thing in the world.
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
Why couldn't I just love him enough? Why did I have to ruin his life like this?
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
People started to sit down, but I didn't have the strength to move. I just sat on Edward's lap breathing hard, and thinking deep. I clutched behind his neck, and he tightened his arms around me as people started to speak of Jacob. Of the boy that I couldn't love hard enough... The boy whose life I ruined. Today is a winding road, tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
"Bella," Edward whispered in my ear. "It's your turn, love." I looked up to his face, my face going blank. Standing on shaky legs, with his help, I walked up to the picture of Jacob's beautiful face. My face showed little emotion, I was sure. I was trying to hold it all back...
Today I'm on my own, I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone
I don't know (I don't know, I don't know, I don't know)
I glanced over at his mother, sobbing into his father's arm. Toward his Grandparents, who were grasping their hands together as if they would lose each other at any moment. I looked at his friends, his brothers, Quil and Embry, and suddenly rage flared in my stomach. And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
"How... could you...?" I whispered brokenly. My head snapped back toward his picture. "How COULD YOU!" I screamed in raged at the face of the happy Jacob I knew. "How could you leave us all like this! How could you kill yourself knowing how it could effect us all Jacob! HOW COULD YOU!" Someone suddenly grabbed my arms, and I struggled greatly.
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out
"Bella, Bella, stop!" I heard Billy's rough voice behind me, shaking with emotion. His arms grew weak, and I fell to the ground, crying once again. My whole body heaved strongly. Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder!
I felt drops hitting my hands, and it took me a moment to realize that it was rain, not my tears anymore. I lifted my face to the rain, and stared at the dark sky solemnly.
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
"I love you..." I murmured toward the sky. "I loved you! And you left me!" My voice cracked, and my hand came up over my mouth as a sobbed once again. Voices mumbled all around me, and the water started to fall more frantically.
So bring on the rain Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think we'll make it out
"So you need to let him go..." Sarah's voice whispered softly in my ear. "You need to forgive him, and yourself... If you love him, you have to do that for us all." I took a deep breath, and nodded slowly, staring at Jacob's smiling face.
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain
"I love you Jacob," I whimpered to him. "I love you..."
Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa
My heart fluttered quickly as I looked at him smiling. He's happy... He's okay now... He's with his sister, I thought. He's taking care of her now...
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
I breathed deeply and grabbed Edwards hand. He started to lead me toward the gate, but I tugged back.
"No, I still have to give him something."
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder, and I said
I jogged back to the grave in silence, and placed my flower on top of it.
"I love you Jacob..." My fingers trailed along the edge of the stone as I walked away.
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder
I love you.