AUTHORS NOTE: This story is written like it was told on a tape recorder, and later written by a publishing company. It was supposedly Carl who wrote this though. Any dialect is most likely voices in the background. Anyways, read on. :) I had fun writing this:) This will be my most frequently updated fanfic. No P+F characters or places belong to me, but Carl's neighbor does. And the groundbreaker, which is the lamest villain ever:).
This is the story of how I became an intern, and the story of some of the O.W.C.A's (Organization without a cool acronym.) greatest moments, that I got to witness. The name's Carl. Carl Karl, paid intern. Best. Title. EVER! Sorry, off topic. I don't actually get paid by the way. It's just a title. AN AWESOME TITLE! Sorry where was I? Oh of course. The day I got promoted to the term unpaid intern. I remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was four years ago. That day-
"Carl what are you doing?"
" Major Monogram, Sir, please stop it. I am TRYING to publish a novel here."
"Oh sorry Carl. Go ahead. Just don't forget to get me my sandwich."
"Right away Sir." Excuse me for a moment. Alright. I'm back. Okay well it was back 4 years ago. I had just finished typing an essay on the history of squirrels, when I got a phone call.
"Carl! You forgot the mustard!"
"Excuse me but I was in the middle of a very emotional moment sir."
"Carl..."
"Oh course sir. Here's the mustard sir. Enjoy." Okay well this is obviously not going to work out like this, so maybe if I try a different writing style.
The brave, dashing, auburn haired college student picked up the phone. The caller ID listed the old man's name. Major Francis Monogram. Filled with hope, our hero reached down to see what-
"CARL!"
"Yes sir?"
"Did you just call me old?"
"No sir. Not at all sir."
"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure you did."
"Not at all sir. Why would I do that?"
"Hmmm. Carry on."
Now as I was saying-
"CARL!"
"Yes Sir?"
"Come quick!"
"What happened? Is something wrong sir?"
"No. Ducky Momo is on though. I thought you might want to errr watch it.
"I love that show! I'll grab the popcorn!"
Alright, I'm back. Sorry about the delay folks, but I had urgent matters to attend to. Well anyways I picked up the phone and answered it.
"Hello is Carl speaking?" the voice on the other end asked.
"This is he."
"Carl, you've just been promoted to the term, Unpaid Intern."
"WHOO HOO!" My shrieks must have been heard all over Danville. I got the job! I had actually got it! It was one of my proudest moments. That and the time I got that super rare collectible action figure, but I'll get into that some other time.
"Carl!"
"Yes sir?"
"I can't help but hear you recording that book of yours."
"So?"
"Well I hate to crush your spirits, but it's kinda...lame."
"LAME? WHAT?!"
"Yeah. Lame. Can you add some action in it."
"Maybe I could if you would STOP INTERRUPTING ME!"
"Carl..."
"Sorry Sir..."
"Okay good. Now remember. Action."
"You can count on me sir!"
"Didn't you say that the one time you went incognito?"
"Maybe..."
"Okay whatever. Carry on. Again."
Now I lost track. Thanks Monogrampa.
"I heard that Carl!"
"My apologies sir."
Okay where was I? Oh yes. My first day on the job. Bang! Crash! Doofenshmirtz burst through the doors of the O.W.C.A.
"HAHAHA! Now I will use my Interngoawayinator, and I will get the job of intern, therefore granting me, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, access to the O.W.C.A, allowing me to dispose of Monogram and take over the tristate area! HAHAHA!" He bellowed. Suddenly, our very own Agent P, accompanied by a very handsome intern approached him. The platypus ran over and kicked Doof in the shin, engaging in hand to hand combat, while everyone's favorite intern-
"Carl don't get cocky."
"Yes sir."
While the just plain intern dismantled the machine. Monogram was so proud he gave the intern free tacos for life.
"Carl..."
"Yes again sir?"
"I have a few questions about that...interesting story..."
"Fire away sir."
"Did that ever happen?"
"No Sir, not at all sir."
"I thought this was a nonfiction book Carl."
"It is sir."
"Then why did you make up that whole story?"
"Because you said it needed action. Why else Sir?
"Carl, one more question."
"What is it Sir?"
"Why would you want free tacos for life? Pizza is much tastier. "
"I strongly disagree Sir."
"Think what you want Carl. Pizza will always be the best."
"Alright. Whatever."
"Are you sassing me Carl?"
"Nooooo Sir."
"Okay. Just checking."
Sorry about that. So long story short, I got a phone call, got the job, and went to work. Actually that IS a pretty lame story. I can do better. Okay, here we go, the never before told super cool story of me, Carl, and how I saved the world. This may or may not have happened, but it's semi based on a true story. I'll just leave it at that.
"CARL!"
"What is it sir?"
"Are you lying to these people AGAIN?"
"I'm not lying sir, simply stretching the truth."
"Okay. Fine by me. You may continue."
It was a hot summer day, sometime in July. Almost all of the agents had chosen to go on vacation that week, so the Major chose to give me the week off. It also could have been the fact that he was doing some top secret project that week that he did not want me involved in because it involved hula dancers and I don't do well around them, or it could've been the fact that there was nobody to brief, so I didn't need to come to work and film him. Nobody knows.
"Carl who told you about the hula dancers?"
"Nobody sir, it was just a lucky guess. Wait there were hula dancers?"
"I never said that."
"Alright sir..."
So anyways I was just chilling on my couch, you know relaxing and-
"Carl, I'm sorry I kept the hula incident from you."
"Wait it actually happened?"
"Yes. Yes it did."
"Well thank you for including me."
"I'm sorry Carl, but you remember the time when you turned off the light and eer did the whole Dr. Coconu-
"I remember perfectly well sir."
"Okay Carl. Now can you please be quiet. my wife asked me to try out this new meditation thing. I don't really get it."
"Of course sir."
That day I was relaxing on my couch watching that one cooking show, what's it called? Oh yeah "The Boot Challenge" Where contestants have to create a dish based off a boot. I't's fabulous. Well there was a blackout, you know, and I figured it was the work of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N, so using my boss intern skills, I hacked into their central evil system, and sure enough, I was right. I knew I had to stop it, but everyone was busy, so it was up to me. I mean I'm Carl Karl, THE intern to be. I adjusted my purple aluminum glasses,and a confident grin escaped my lips. I could do it.
"SQUEE! I'm going on my own mission! To save the world!" I yelled walking out the door. My cranky neighbor, the old Ms. Beatrice gave me a glare, so knowing it was a good luck glare, I gave her a thumbs up. For good luck to her too. Yes. I actually said squee. Don't mock me.
"Seriously Carl? Squee? Heh heh I haven't heard anything that ridiculous in...oh actually only 20 minutes. Never mind. I thought it would be longer."
"Sir please stop."
"Sorry Carl, it's just that's heh heh so darn ridiculous."
"SIR!"
"Okay Carl, I'll heh stop it."
"Thank you sir. Now if you'd please excuse me for a moment, I'd like to get back to-"
"Squee! Ha ha Carl, that is among the weirdest things you've said, and that's saying a lot because-"
"Okay Mr. Ducky Momo fan club president."
"Excuse me Carl."
"Nothing Sir."
"Who told you that?"
"Nobody sir."
"I am not the president of any fan club Carl. I just greatly enjoy the culture Ducky Momo has to offer."
"Since when has ducky Momo had culture?"
"Carl, don't push me."
"Sorry Sir. May I please get back to my story?"
"Of course Carl. Heh heh squee."
"grrrrrrr..."
"Carl did you just...growl at me?"
"Sorry sir."
I had packed nothing but myself. Wow that's a cool line. Um anyhoo, I got on my bike, and please don't mock me for riding a bike either! It's environmentally friendly. And I was approaching an intersection, when the ground began to crumble beneath me. It was starting to cave in!
"Carl! You may want to start a new chapter."
"Oh good idea sir! I'll do that right away!"