A/N: This idea is originally derived from a previous fan fiction story I made about Zuko and Mai. This one has a different ring to it compared to its original. Setting is after AC and it may be a bit dramatic. And I don't really bother hiding Kadaj's tears in my fics since he DID cry when he saw 'Jenova's friggin' head'.
"Is he doing okay?" Yazoo asked a certain dark-haired girl who sat in a corner of the living room with her shoulders slumped.
Catching a slight movement, the middle Remnant realized it was a minute shake of her bowed head. He sighed, feeling sorry for her. They had met her again three months ago, and she had developed certain affection for the youngest brother. That was understandable, considering as she was Kadaj's long-lost and nearly forgotten childhood friend. Yazoo had observed that she cared about him a lot. Even though she never voiced those feelings before, it was really evident.
It had been three months ago-three months since Kadaj had nearly died by Cloud's hands. They managed to get away at the last minute, taking her with them. She had nowhere else to go, anyway.
Yazoo resisted the slight urge to comfort her. It felt wrong somehow. Kadaj had returned the girl's feelings, and his younger brother had made it clear enough that she was officially his. They weren't dating, and Yazoo had come to think of the little chemistry buzzing between them as puppy love. They constantly flirted in an unnoticeable way for most mortals, but this Remnant could tell.
She really cared about Kadaj, and always asked about his whereabouts whenever he was nowhere to be seen. Kadaj wouldn't stop talking about her before sleep. Yazoo had conversed with him about it, and he didn't mind. They were good together, but Kadaj had mood swings, and he'd already harmed her physically and emotionally more than once.
Now though, he stared at her curled up form in the corner, where she would always stay whenever certain 'things' weren't going okay. Since the day that Cloud had beat them and they lost Mother, Kadaj had been horribly depressed and refused to eat. He had suicidal fantasies and daily nightmares that reoccurred every time his head would hit the pillow. He could see it. He could see how concerned and anxious Flame was. She always checked on him in his room, where he sat and just sucked on hard candy, and took small sips of water to keep himself alive.
Somehow, Yazoo was thinking, that in the back of Kadaj's mind, the will to live wasn't completely lost yet. Maybe he still thought of his brothers and maybe he too still cared about Flame-or fantasized about being with Mother. But that was it. Ever since they'd fail to accomplish their main mission, Kadaj had given up hope that they ever would, and his psychotic mind had recently gone over the limit. And the poor Remnant leader had been more insane than usual. He became more violent, and as hard as it was for Loz and Yazoo, they had to lock Kadaj in his room.
The first few weeks, the brothers had to tie him down with bonds that wouldn't easily break because of his immense strength, and they had to constantly put a gag in his mouth to block out his screaming. He'd scream and scream until he couldn't speak anymore. He'd scream about failing, and Sephiroth annihilating them all for sure. The brothers had trouble holding him down, both had already accepted the fact that they had failed, and it was time to move on, but it wasn't the end of the mission for Kadaj. Sometimes, late at night, Yazoo could still hear his little brother's whimpering from another nightmare. During the first few weeks, every time Kadaj demanded and screamed for water, they'd dissolve sleeping pills into it-though it made them guilty-just so he would quit his raging.
One time, he threatened Flame that he would decapitate her once he was free, and topped off the threat with bone-chilling psychotic laughter. Fire and wild insanity were always visible in his eyes, and after some time, Yazoo had stopped visiting him for three weeks straight. Strange, however, that Kadaj was calm and almost tame whenever Flame watched over him. But he would never talk, never be the same again.
Yazoo cast one last sympathetic look at the girl huddled in the corner-understanding her feelings all of them have been through since that day-and turned back. He knew she wanted to be alone to think, and sort her thoughts. He just hoped Kadaj's mind wasn't completely damaged.
vVvVv
She sat huddled in the corner, thinking of what might've been her biggest problem yet. He wasn't getting any better, his condition was stagnant. The only signs of visible improvement was that one time that Kadaj had stopped screaming and crying loudly. He was tame now-tame enough to be around him, but still very unstable, and quite dangerous.
This morning, however, when she took him some breakfast, he barely touched it. He just stared and curled up into a tight ball with resigned sighs, and soft sobbing-crying about Jenova again probably. As absurd as it sounded, she was jealous of that outer-space creature. What had she told him that made her so important to him? She hated seeing him like that; she hated how much she damaged his vulnerable mind. To say the least, Flame was only eight months younger than him, but seeing him in his current state reminded her of a scared little boy.
She sniffled slightly as she brushed away a stray tear with the back of her wrist. She loved him, and there was no way she was giving up on him. Deep down, she really believed he'd still recover from the shock and trauma-and the pain. He was strong, and she believed that the real Kadaj was just beneath that quaking, cowardly shell. The real Kadaj was yet to reemerge from the depths of unconsciousness. That silver-haired boy inside that bare little room upstairs wasn't Kadaj. Maybe he looked like him, but he wasn't him. He never was, he never is, he never will be. The real Kadaj had yet to return from some sort of slumber.
She hoped with all her heart that whatever was keeping its hold on him would just give up and release him from its clutches.
Standing in that room earlier that morning as she coaxed him to eat, her heart was silently breaking, her soul quietly shedding all the tears. Kadaj wouldn't talk to her anymore; he just sipped some water, and stared out the window, muttering 'Mother' over and over again.
She could still remember it clearly, when he pushed her into the water playfully. Real laughter bubbling out of him. She'd sulk at him, and pout, and he'd chuckle, shake his head, and join her misery. Their first kiss was one among many others she had dreamed of once. It was their most private moment that she was sure neither Yazoo nor Loz knew about it. Kadaj had placed his soft lips on hers gently, his eyes closed contentedly. She returned the sweet gesture, and that was the only time they'd kissed.
Now though, she wished for more of those moments; not just that single memory she could fall back on. She often wondered if Kadaj even knew her name, let alone remembered her, or that kiss he'd given her. Someday, things will change for the better, and Kadaj would finally be okay. He'd finally realize what he was doing, and realize how pointless it was. Jenova was nothing more than an alien, the distributor of the disease, and the horrible Shin-Ra subject that owned the cells responsible for driving Sephiroth insane.
She hoped that her love would realize how much she cared about him, and he'd have the sense that life without his brothers and her was just going to be one black abyss full of misery. If he was going to dwell on Jenova's loss, he'd definitely stay that way. But she trusted him, had absolute faith that he would come to his senses-with or without her help-and realize that he had his own life to live. She never doubted him; his instinct, and his determination to protect the ones he loved and cared about.
vVvVv
"C'mon Kadaj," Flame chided as if she were talking to a child who refused to take his vegetables. "You have to eat, and keep your strength up." She brought the spoon to his lips, earning a frown from Kadaj.
Flame smiled slightly thinking that at least she got a reaction from him.
"Not hungry," Kadaj mumbled dejectedly.
"You need to eat," she spoke softly, but lowering the utensil in quiet surrender. She sighed. "I'm going to the bathroom for a while, okay?"
She didn't wait for an answer and was out of his room in a daze of movement.
Kadaj stared at the girl as she walked away to do her business. He hated how they were treating him; like he was a toddler who couldn't fend for himself, or who wasn't in his right mind. He knew exactly what he was doing. How could they? How could they give up on Mother and Reunion so easily? Kadaj couldn't believe their betrayal, and Cloud was to blame for all this.
He didn't need them. All he wanted was to be with Mother, and it was all he would ever live for. He breathed and moved for Mother, and his devotion towards her overshadowed other nonsense. His brothers wouldn't join him, then so be it. They wouldn't matter if they hated Mother. And since all means of Reunion were used up, he'd have to resort to his last and most desperate action. Not the smartest move, but it was definitely worth it. If it would bring him straight to Mother, then it was the right solution. He envied Sephiroth. How come the SOLDIER had to be with Mother and him-her devoted son-wouldn't get to be with her? It was unfair, and Mother was all about being fair, making sure that every member of the family got what he deserved.
Because of his brothers' treachery, they deserved to stay in this planet and be miserable. Kadaj on the other hand, believed he knew the secret, and he was more than willing to follow through with it. It was the perfect solution.
Kadaj took one nervous glance at the doorway, listening for the girl's footsteps. He wasn't scared of her, not one bit. He didn't care about her in fact, but there was something about her that in her very presence, he would give up everything he was planning just to please her and that was a really strange feeling. Nevertheless, the young Remnant didn't trust it. Those very feelings kept him from coming to Mother and that wasn't going to happen the second time. He made that mistake once, and he wouldn't do it again.
Thinking of the inevitable, Kadaj grabbed his sword, leaning against the wall next to an empty closet. He closed his fingers tightly around the broad hilt, glad for the feel of its weight on his left hand again. Expertly, he pulled it out of its sheath, the gleaming double blades glinted with the promise of death he was longing for all this time since Yazoo and Loz had tied him up to 'keep him from hurting himself'. Kadaj's pupils dilated wildly as he ran a finger across the blade reverently. It was still sharp, and in perfect condition; well-polished too.
He heard his name ring out cautiously right when he was about to slit his own throat. The voice came from Flame of course. She was standing in the doorway, her posture obviously tense. He could sense it; how afraid and vulnerable she was. Yazoo and Loz weren't anywhere, and they were alone. It was his chance.
"Kadaj what are you doing?" she whispered, and his gaze flickered from her to the blade and back again. "Whatever you're thinking, don't do it."
She was careful now; careful not to piss him off with a single false word. The situation was scary, and one thing gone wrong would cause Kadaj his entire life. He was committing suicide.
"Why shouldn't I?"
The sound of his voice, made her jump a little, considering as she hadn't heard it since three months ago. It wasn't the same though. It was rid of emotion and as flat and hard and cold as a block of ice. She swallowed the bile that rose to her throat and concentrated on calming him down.
"I just want to be with Mother, why can't you understand that?" She just blinked. He was doing it again. "You of all people understand how I feel Flame. You know how and what it was like growing up in an abusive family. You know how it feels like when your own flesh-and-blood betrays you."
'Oh-kay...So he knows who I am, and he remembers everything I told him after the kiss,' Flame thought.
It took her almost a full five seconds to realize that he was talking about that time when Yazoo and Loz had to tie him down to keep him from hurting himself, and putting a gag in his mouth to stop his screaming.
"Your brothers care about you," as she spoke, Kadaj shook his head. "They had to do it for your own good, so you wouldn't hurt yourself. I saw the regret in their eyes. It pains them to see you like this, so am I. Kadaj...this is not you," she whispered cautiously.
"You don't understand. Only Mother cares about me, she forgave my failure, and I'll be forever grateful to her, but I'll forever regret failing her."
Flame gasped as the double blades pressed closer to his neck, but she sighed in relief upon realizing that it hadn't punctured the skin that was gleaming with sweat... yet.
"Do you even know what you're doing Kadaj?" she snapped at him.
He looked genuinely surprised, but it flickered out of existence from his face in seconds, and it was replaced by unkempt rage.
"Of course I do. I'm not crazy or out of my mind. This is how it's going to be!"
"What about us? What about your brothers? Don't you care about them? If you won't do it for me, please do it for Yazoo and Loz. All they've wanted for these past few months is to have their brother back. They want Kadaj back!" Flame yelled, the tears began blurring her vision, making her surroundings hazy. "Stay alive Kadaj. Fight through it. She's lying to you!"
"She would never lie to me. She loves me Flame! You're just jealous because you've never felt this way before. You've never felt this happy because a mother loves and accepts you!" Kadaj grinned manically, and dreamily, yet at the same time, evilly, cold, and calloused.
"She's not your Mother for Cloud's sake! She's an abomination! She's a disease! She cares about nobody but herself! Don't let that alien ****h take control of you. She's dead already. Live your life for once!" The floodgates had opened, and she was definitely crying now.
Kadaj strode toward her quickly, a sharp throbbing pounding on her head, and she realized she was sprawled on the floor on her back, her temple beginning to bruise.
"I won't let you refer to her that way!" He seethed, and back-handed her across the face, her cheek and lip split from the blow, issuing dark red blood.
"I can't let her control you ever again!" She yelled defiantly despite the pain that set her face on fire. Another sharp pang was aimed at her side.
She slid across the floor, hitting the dresser where the tray was perched, the glass of water tipped over and splashed her face, and splinters of glass began digging into her arms, drawing more blood. The terrible smell of her own blood made her want to gag. Kadaj was closer to her now, and her side hurt terribly.
"Oh yeah?" He taunted. "Just watch me."
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion as he placed the parallel blades of Souba against his neck, his grip tightening on the hilt, and apparently the same time when Flame heaved herself up and stood even if it nearly killed her to do so. She hurled herself at him, wrapping her right hand across the double blades, slicing her palms deeply, the blood dripping and slithering across the blades in a lithe curvy line.
Kadaj stared in bewilderment, as one arm was wrapped around his waist; the other had thrown Souba across the room. He watched as the various cuts on her body oozed out blood that dripped to the floor like a faucet. And for the first time since he could remember, he stared down at her, at the girl embracing him, refusing to let him go.
"D-Don't do this to yourself. You deserve better. And I'm not going to let her take you away from us."
Something about her words jarred him to his senses. Not going to let Jenova take him away from them? It sounded wrong yet so right at the same time. What could she be possibly talking about? What was he to them anyway? Did Yazoo and Loz really care about him? As clouded as his thoughts were, he couldn't help the memories rising to the surface from the back of his head. An earlier memory of a girl falling asleep in his arms; the feel of soft and warm lips pressed against his. Taking a glance at the same girl embracing him now-at her battered and bloodied form that was his fault-caused a sharp feeling of a stab embedding deep into his chest.
What had he done? Kadaj's bottom lip trembled involuntarily. He couldn't believe himself. Flame was clutching at him, her hands creating a series of bloody trails that trickled from her bare arms all the way to the floor.
"Kadaj," she murmured his name, but loud enough that he turned his attention to her. "Don't let her take complete control over you." Her eyelids fluttered. "Please..." She whispered, almost inaudible, and finally slumped in his arms, her eyes closed, her expression distressed.
"Flame?" Kadaj shook her lightly. "Flame!" He yelled, forgetting about the predicaments that filled his head.
Whatever was happening to him, he knew and remembered now that he could never afford to lose her. Not her. Not this honest, sweet, and gorgeous girl that tried and might as well gave up her life for him.
"Yazoo! Loz!" Kadaj called loudly. He cried for his brothers again. They came back just in time and at the moment when Kadaj was ready to give up.
Flame still lay there, in his arms, still drenched in a pool of her own blood. Kadaj's older brothers came rushing in, and Loz was frozen at the doorway, jaw dropped. Yazoo however, didn't waste his time gawking. He snatched the unconscious girl from Kadaj's grasp, the same serpentine eyes flickering to his younger brother, confused, mortified, and enraged at the same time.
"What did you do Kadaj?" Yazoo demanded harshly, momentarily forgetting the Remnant leader's mental instability.
"I-I...There was...I...She..." Kadaj stuttered uncontrollably.
"You're hopeless! I should've never left you to her!" Yazoo jumped to his feet, Flame's blood staining his leather coat.
He stormed out of Kadaj's room in a hurry. Her pulse was very weak. Meanwhile, Kadaj was left in his room, the door wide open, but he made no move to stand or follow his brothers. Flame could've been dying and it was going to be his fault. What was he doing? What had he been doing? Kadaj's gaze flickered to his abandoned sword, blood coated and lying across the room. His bottom lip was trembling again, and the sudden urge to kill himself was there, but he couldn't do it. He would never-not after what it had almost cost the girl he cared about the most.
And for the first time since he was a child, tears subtly leaked from the corners of his eyes as he kneeled on the floor splattered with Flame's dark red blood. He was confused now more than ever, but only one thought stood out from the rest. Was it right to endanger the people he cared about for Mother?
vVvVv
Flame slowly came to her senses after those painful encounters and memories. Slowly, she opened her eyes, her vision hazy and unfocused. But they cooperated gradually as she all too soon realized the person leaning over her.
His eyes were sad, mourning. He stared at her, bashful, and his actions expressed shame. Hesitantly, he moved to take the glass of water on the dresser. She watched him deliriously as he pressed the object to her lips urging her to drink after losing so much blood. Was this real? Could she be dreaming?
She turned away from the offer, making him stop. Her heart pounded in her chest.
"Flame...I...About what happened that day. I'm sorry," he slowly bowed his head, replacing the glass of water.
"How long was I out?" She asked.
"Three days. You lost so much blood. I'm sorry. I really am," he shook his head slowly.
"Kadaj look at me."
He kept his head down, still refusing to meet her gaze out of shame.
"Look at me," she coaxed, and he reluctantly raised his otherworldly eyes to meet hers. "It's okay."
"It's not okay. I nearly killed you," he protested.
"Maybe this was meant to happen..."
"To teach me a friggin' lesson..." He continued, letting his eyes linger over her face. She acknowledged his realization with a slight nod. "To value the ones I care about."
With trembling, but brave intentions, she softly ran her fingers through his silken hair.
"My brothers will never forgive me for this," he mumbled.
"They already did," she remarked, sitting up against the headboard.
"They did?"
"Of course they would..." Flame was smiling now.
Kadaj looked at her, bewildered, remembering Yazoo's earlier outburst out of pure anger for what he had done.
"But...But he was so angry at me...after what I-what I did to you."
"He was just upset," Flame explained happily. "Sometimes I get the feeling you don't know your brothers as well as you do," she teased, and Kadaj's eyes flickered with amusement for a second, but it disappeared just as quickly.
The Remnant grasped her hand, brushing his thumbs across her palms. He wasn't wearing his gloves, and Flame was secretly delighting in his gentle touch. Who knew the feel of his skin would be so smooth?
"I'm sorry. I really am," Kadaj apologized once more, looking deeply into her eyes, searching for signs of forgiveness.
Flame smiled, and placed a finger against his lips, shutting him up.
"Kadaj," she said, pronouncing his name with a teasing tone, he stared at her, wide-eyed. "You talk too much... Which is very unlike you."
He gently released her hand, but scooted himself closer to her anyway. He stroked the side of her face gently with his fingertips, and finally leaned in and kissed her.
Flame smiled against his mouth, finally getting what she wished for, she reached up, tangling her fingers in his hair as he pressed her further against the headboard. His hands wandered to her waist as he tilted his head to the side, deepening that heart wrenching kiss. His tongue gently tapped her bottom lip, and her lips parted to give him access.
This one moment, just for this one kiss, made all the hardships and struggles of hoping to bring him back made it all worth it. All the pain, all the sadness, all the hopelessness, was nothing compared to this single moment. Just one kiss that could turn her world around.
Her fingers stroked the fine hairs growing at the back of his neck, communicating the love she felt for him through that quiet touch. Kadaj drew his tongue back, giving her one final kiss before pulling away.
"I believed in you... Even after all this time," she whispered.
"Thank you..."
"For what?"
"For giving me this second chance."
She smiled. "Thank your brothers too."
"Of course. But do you think I really deserve this?" Kadaj asked, a bit doubtful.
"Kadaj, everyone deserves second chances."
Kadaj smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Thank you Flame... Thank you."
"I love you," she wrapped her arms around his neck.
Kadaj smiled, giving her another kiss. "I love you too..."
And thank you... for everything...
A/N: Here comes the petition of all fan fiction authors. Please read & review since we really appreciate it.