Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is brilliant. I am not. I do not own Harry Potter. This story was written just for fun, and is not meant to be taken seriously.

Also, I'm American, so I apologize for…you know…sounding American.

Public Display of Affection

"I will never understand Muggles," Ginny remarked, walking beside the heaping shopping cart her brother was pushing down the aisle. "Honestly, Ron, why would you buy all this junk? A rubber ball on a string stapled to a wooden paddle? Do you even know what it's used for?" She lifted the paddle from the cart, bouncing the ball a couple of times and sending Harry a puzzled glance.

"Well not yet," Ron replied, snatching back his paddle ball from his sister. "I'm trying to…you know…familiarize myself with Muggle customs."

Hermione laughed. "I hate to break this to you, Ron, but Ginny's right. Most of this stuff is just junk. There aren't really any Muggle customs that involve…" she pulled a can of spray cheese and a tape measure out of his cart.

"Okay," Ron said, frowning. "So I'll put those things back."

"You ought to put all of these things back," Ginny replied.

Harry nodded. "You really should."

"Except this," Hermione said, grabbing a purple stuffed armadillo from his basket.

Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Is that an important Muggle item?" Ginny asked.

"No," Hermione said, patting the stuffed animal. "But it's cute and fuzzy."

Harry laughed. "C'mon Ron. I'll help you put all this stuff back."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Fine."

"Come with me, Ginny," Hermione said, tugging on the red-haired girl's sleeve. "I want you to see…" she leaned toward Ginny and whispered something in her ear.

Ginny's eyes grew wide. "They have those?"

Ron and Harry watched as the girls hurried off.

"What do you suppose…?" Ron began.

"We probably don't want to know," Harry cut him off. "Let's go get rid of this junk."

Ron sighed as the two began re-shelving items.

"What's with this sudden interest in Muggles, anyways?" Harry asked, returning a green umbrella to its shelf.

Ron shrugged. "Oh, you know. It couldn't hurt to know more about them. Their traditions and stuff. You and Hermione didn't know a thing about Wizard stuff until you were eleven. And Hermione's parents are Muggles, so…"

"What do Hermione's parents have to do with anything?" Harry interrupted.

"Well I'm gonna have to know a thing or two about Muggles if I'm going to…" Ron trailed off.

Harry grinned. "Going to what, Ron?"

Ron looked at his best friend nervously. "Can I ask you something, Harry?"

"Of course."

"How… How would a Muggle ask a woman to...to marry him?"

Harry laughed, and Ron looked offended.

"Oh, this is funny, is it?"

Harry shook his head.

Ron wiped his palms on his jeans. "Will you help me then?"

"Okay, okay. First you need a…"

"Got that covered," Ron cut him off, pulling a velvet box from somewhere deep in the pocket of his jeans.

Harry blinked, taken aback. "Okay. Well then you've got to kneel down…"

"I have to bend over?"

Harry shook his head. "No. Kneel. On one knee."

Ron looked confused. "Show me."

"I'm not gonna show you," Harry replied, glancing around the area.

Ron crossed his arms. "Fine. If you don't want to help me…"

Harry sighed and dropped down onto one knee in front of Ron. A few Muggles gave him bewildered looks as they passed. One man stopped a short distance away to watch them. "You kneel down," Harry instructed, "and then you take her hand."

"Just one hand?"

"Yes."

"Which hand?"

"Just grab a hand, Ron."

"Do I take her hand with both of my hands?"

"It doesn't matter."

"But if I hold her hand with both of mine, how do I hold the ring?"

Harry shrugged. "Just use one hand then. Or drop her hand when you pull out the ring."

"When do I pull out the ring?"

Harry groaned.

"Show me," Ron insisted.

"Ron, I'm not gonna…"

"Don't you want me to get this right?"

Harry sighed. "Give me the ring."

Harry took Ron's left hand with his right and slipped the velvet box into his pocket. By this time, five or six Muggles were standing around watching them in amusement.

"You say something about how you love her," Harry instructed.

Ron nodded. "And then?"

"And then you pull out the ring," Harry said, pulling the velvet box out of his pocket and flipping it open.

"And then?"

"And then you say, 'Hermione, will you…?"

"Harry? What are you doing?"

Ron and Harry snapped their attention to the direction of Ginny's voice. Standing just a few feet away were Hermione and Ginny, watching the two of them and laughing.

"Harry," Hermione said between giggles, "why do you look like you're about to ask Ron to…"

"To what?" Ginny asked. "Is this a Muggle thing? I don't get it."

Harry jumped to his feet, his cheeks flushed with color. Ron stared awkwardly at his feet, wiping his hands on his sweater, his ears matching the fiery color of his hair.

Hermione shook her head, wrapping an arm around Ginny's shoulder. "Yes. It is a Muggle thing."

The girls walked away, laughing as Hermione whispered something into Ginny's ear.

Harry let out a deep breath as the crowd around them dispersed, a few of them muttering, "What's a Muggle?"

"I think I've got the idea now," Ron mumbled, taking the ring from Harry and shoving it into his pocket. He began to follow the girls, but backtracked when he realized that Harry was not walking with him. "Something wrong, Harry?"

Harry tore his eyes off of Ginny's diminishing form and turned to his best friend. "Ron, how does a wizard ask a witch to marry him?"

Ron's eyes widened, and he glanced briefly around them before replying, "I'm not gonna show you here." He leaned toward Harry and lowered his voice. "We're in public."

This is the weird shit that goes through my mind after I read a Harry Potter book... I actually wrote this just after Deathly Hallows came out, but could not bring myself to post it until now.

I know, I know, there's nothing in the books that suggests Wizard proposals are any different than Muggle proposals, but...why not? Like I said, just me being silly.