The Comedy of Eros
Curtains
Dead to the world; that's what she was. Hermione Granger floated away from her pain ravaged body. Looking down at it, she waved a pitiful goodbye and waited.
"Death is the next great adventure," that's what Dumbledore always said wasn't it? So she waited ... and waited ... then she proceeded to wait some more; Hermione Granger was nothing if not patient – well, she was dead, time, she supposed, was really inconsequential to her.
What appeared to be a long time for Hermione had passed, she had stopped looking for the bright light and she had stopped anxiously picking up her feet to see if a fiery chasm was opening beneath them, she had even stopped drifting higher away from her body. She just floated still in the air, suspended above her mortal form wondering, now, whether her fate was to become one of the denizens who roamed the castle. She didn't think that she had any unfinished business or a Hornby to lust after; in short, she couldn't think of any reason why she was still there, just waiting uselessly in the mortal plane.
After another considerable period of time had passed and Hermione had followed her body to the infirmary, she saw a glimpse of that white light that she had been waiting for. She had expected a retina-detaching brightness, so the dull ghostly glow of what appeared to be just a man left her somewhat deflated. The glowing stranger continued its casual stride towards her; he stopped before her and cupped her cheek with his palm.
"Hermione Granger," Hermione nodded and fought the urge to roll her eyes at the tone of his voice. The man looked pensive. "Do you know who I am?" Hermione shook her head. The man opened his mouth, about to say something and then closed it again. He walked around her in a slow circle, looking her up and down.
"Who are you?" Hermione squeaked. The man dismissed her question.
"I don't think you belong here."
"Well, I suppose I'm waiting for someone to take me away I suppose. I think I'm dead," she made a lame gesture towards her prone body, which someone had covered with a white cloth. The man gave her a long look before a smile appeared on his face. Not really knowing what to do, Hermione smiled back at him.
"Unfinished business."
"What?"
"That's why I'm going to send you back today, Hermione Granger, because of your unfinished business," he waggled his eyebrows in a persuading way but Hermione was quite perplexed. "Don't you think that being killed because the o-so-great-Hermione Granger, in the heat of battle, was unable to tell her left from her right is quite rotten luck?" Hermione slowly nodded.
"You know, if somebody hadn't yelled 'right!' and made me turn around, I probably wouldn't be in ... well, in that state." She pointed at her body.
"And that's why you have unfinished business!"
"What kind of unfinished business? You know, if it's the Elfish welfare stuff, I'm done with that right? The Hogwarts Elves were really quite mad with me last time, they made me take an oath about them, and you know, it's quite pointless if I strive for rights for Elfish kind and leave them out; it's discrimination and I won't stand for that!" Hermione made to continue but the stranger covered her mouth with his hand.
"True love," he said softly, "it's always true love. Well, true love is one of the 'unfinished business' features, there are others, but I think in this case, 'true love' is as good as any reason to send you back." Hermione tried not to scoff and failed. The stranger fixed her with a stern look. "Seven days, Hermione, that's all you have to find your true love, otherwise I'm afraid you'll have to come with me. Agreed?"
"How will I even know if I've found my 'true love'?"
"Oh, there are ways of telling ... I'll give you some h-elf, I mean, help, so don't you worry. But, seven days, that's the deal, agreed?" the stranger held out his hand and Hermione took it and shook it once. The stranger started to laugh. Hermione didn't find it alarming so she added her own nervous laughter to his. "Enjoy the ride. Twinkle!" he said as she felt her navel being pulled roughly toward the back of her spine. Hermione gasped for breath but it would not come and as quick as it came on it stopped and she found herself in darkness.
Meanwhile, the stranger turned and waved at a distant winged figure who was fast approaching.
"About time you turned up," he grinned. "I've sent her on with instructions, you're too late."
"She's not meant for you," the winged man raged.
"Well, you should have flown faster," the stranger laughed and in a puff of smoke he disappeared.
A/N: This is a completely crazy, parody-esque romp and most importantly a WIP, I promise I will update when I can ... I may even be powered by reviews... who knows :D
Please take the time to R and R, gorgeous people!