"And now, we're doing a new excercise, ladies and gentlemen! I assure you, this will be quite fun!" rambled Dr. Friedland while handing out sheets of paper.
Artemis Fowl looked down at the paper in front of him in disgust. Not another psychological survey. Supposedly, this was to determine which of various disorders that you have. Ever since he had let slip that fairies existed in a carelessly forwarded email to his mother, she had dumped him in a therapy/support group for people with mental problems. He remembered the discussion well and slipped into memories.
Angeline Fowl settled into a comfortable armchair in her bedroom suite. She was quite content and happy nowadays, having recovered from mental illness after Artemis Fowl Sr. returned from Russia. But right now her main concern was Artemis Jr. or Arty, as she liked to call him.
"You called, Mother?" asked Artemis in a calculating voice, as always.
"I wish you'd call me Mommy or at least Mom. Mother is so impersonal, as if you aren't my son anymore" replied Angeline. She often wondered whether Artemis suffered because he was so bright and missed out on a childhood.
"I am hardly a child as you are well aware, Mother. The word 'Mommy' is not befitting to an individual like myself"
"Mom, then?"asked Angeline hopefully.
Artemis chose to ignore this."What have you called me for?"
"Well-um. Let me start by asking you this. Are you feeling alright? Nothing jumping out at you from shadows...or flitting around with laser guns?" said Angeline.
"Are you suggesting I'm insane, Mother?"
"Of course not, but-"
"It was rhetorical. Why are you asking me these strange questions?"
Angeline shifted uncomfortably in her armchair. Her son often made others uneasy, and right now, he was having that effect on her, but she knew she couldn't . She pushed her hair out of her face, walked over to her computer, and opened up an email from Artemis.
At this point, Artemis was truly puzzled, for once in his life. This just didn't happen to Artemis Fowl. He had the highest tested IQ in Europe, he wasn't to be fooled by a computer. He felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, which he recognized as dread. Wasn't Juliet in his room sifting through his email two days ago? He had forgotten to lock it, but it wouldn't happen again. She probably forwarded something about his illegal activities. Maybe the forged Van Gogh? Or maybe the Faberge heist? Whatever it was, it would seriously hurt his funds, something that was vital for his activities.He looked at the screen and was horrified by what he saw.
Captain Short tried to buzz me in the arse with her Neutrino 2000 the last time I saw her (maybe it had something to do with the fact that I almost stepped on her while she was completing the Ritual ). Yes, I saw her. I was at Tara and saw her completing the Ritual. Her shields don't fool me. I think she fancies me because I am so dashing, however disturbing that may be. Who wouldn't fancy me? Hell, I fancy me! Wait, what am I doing? This is a strictly scientific log, not the ramblings of a teenage boy.
Subj: LEP Log
Date: 5/30/2003 1:50:57 AM
From:
To: fairies are under control for now. I am keeping a log of their patterns and activities. This is possible because I implanted a small camera within Captain Short's retina when I held her captive, so I can see whatever she sees, as well as several small ones in Foaly's communication booth. However smart Foaly thinks he is, I have never been outsmarted, and a talking centaur is no exception. Unfortunately, I don't think the 'Holly Cam' is very effective, as the last image I got was of Holly walking in on Foaly engaging in some..ahem-questionable activities, shall we say. Maybe ignorance really is bliss.
LOG
----
"This is what I'm worried about. You of all people should know that fairies do not exist. And who is Holly? Captain Short? Is there something you aren't telling me, Arty?" asked Angeline, almost pleadingly.
Artemis silently cursed the one letter that differenciated his mother's email from his. Artemis had unwittingly forwarded a log of his own surveillance log to his mother. That one letter in their addresses. He had hit SEND without looking. And now his cover was blown. As hard as he thought, there would be no explaining this away. But he had an idea
"Oh, that. That's a log of a game we play at school. My friends and I have devised a code to communicate with each other, and whoever can't figure it out is put on the LEP "surveillance" list," said Artemis calmly without batting an eyelash. He could get out of this.
It looked as if Angeline had accepted his explanation.
"No. You're lying. I can tell. All day long, I hear you talk to shadows and walls, and address them as Captain and Commander and Root. Why? Why didnt you tell me earlier, Arty? I could have gotten you help, with professionals. I was ashamed to get help and look what happened to me," Angeline paused for a while,"It's settled, I'm sending you to the finest support group in the entire United Kingdom, Dr. Friedland's group. She specializes in hallucination cases. I'll send her an email right now, Arty, don't you worry," said Angeline as she ruffled Artemis' neatly combed black hair and sat down to write an email.
Artemis pushed his hair into place irately and thought to himself. So that's what she thought it was? A hallucination. Well, it could have been worse. She could have discovered the people. Artemis sighed and resigned himself to looking politely contented, and jumping at shadows, to reinforce the hallucination theory his mother seemed to have. It was going to be a looonnnggg couple of weeks
A/N: Next chapter is going to be the autobiography...That's going to be funny P ease review!