This story is a short two-shot that takes place in the present time but Noah, Jesse and Frannie don't exist.
I'm still working on chapter 2 of "Happy Birthday, Olivia" and hope to have it updated soon. :)
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Olivia grips the armrests of her seat and grits her teeth as the aircraft she is traveling in gives a sudden sharp dip, her fellow passengers seeming to collectively hold their breath before letting out a simultaneous gasp at another quick jolt. Although she is generally very calm whenever she needs to fly somewhere, whether it be for work or for pleasure, and never giving the situation much thought even when the weather is rough, Olivia has to admit that she has found this flight to be a bit unnerving right from the start.
They are on their way back to New York and have almost reached their destination after a whirlwind weekend conference that has left her feeling exhausted but invigorated at the same time, eager to implement some new and improved changes to her squad room after she indulges in some well-earned rest. Any sleep or relaxation that Olivia might have treated herself to on the short journey home, her eyelids drooping tiredly as she had slumped into the tiny seat beside Amanda, had been completely obliterated upon take-off as they had ascended into the black clouds and driving rain.
She is wide awake now, throwing a glance across the aisle at her sergeant and male detective, Fin quite possibly the only person on board who appears utterly disinterested with the wild weather, the older man staring unblinkingly at the seat in front of him as if in a fatigued, apathetic daze. Carisi looks to be much more uneasy with the circumstances they are in, both hands repeatedly clenching and unclenching on the armrests until he accidentally squeezes Fin's arm instead and the sergeant rolls his eyes and frowns in return, muttering something under his breath that has a light blush creeping into Carisi's cheeks.
Olivia's gaze swings back to her seatmate, sneaking a glimpse at Amanda out of the corner of her eye and then swiftly looking away again before the blonde realizes that she is being watched. She has been subtly observing the other woman in her peripheral vision since the plane had taken off, noticing her rigid demeanor and listening to the soft, shallow breathing that either increases or decreases depending on how bumpy the ride is, the storm that was supposed to dissipate early in the trip only gathering strength as they go along.
Amanda has flown quite a bit during her time with the Special Victims Unit in New York, the younger woman approaching her seventh anniversary of joining their team, but Olivia has thus far been unaware of any issues she may have had over the years of flying back and forth for various cases. Her eyebrows furrow in concern when she hears a quiet whimper emit from the woman next her, chancing another peek at her subordinate and taking in the ashen quality of her complexion and the slight trembling of her lips.
"Are you okay?" she asks in a lowered voice, not wanting to catch the attention of the rest of their squad or any of the other passengers, knowing how private of a person Amanda can be.
When Olivia doesn't receive a response and Amanda just stares straight ahead, wide blue eyes fixed on the seat in front of her, much like Fin is doing but without the apathy, she nudges the blonde detective with her elbow and repeats herself.
This time Amanda jumps at Olivia's voice, her expression startled, as if she has forgotten that her lieutenant is sitting right there beside her and they are practically pressed together in the confined space, a shudder running the length of her small frame when the plane jerks again. Amanda's mouth opens and Olivia is certain that the words I'm fine are about to pass from those quivering lips, so used to hearing that statement over the many years they have been working together, and prepared to chastise the other woman for lying when Amanda's mouth closes and she simply shakes her head.
Olivia arches an eyebrow in surprise, and upon seeing the embarrassment and shame that cross Amanda's delicate features at this confession, she shifts closer in the tight quarters of her seat and decides to confide something in return. "You know, I'm not doing that well myself," she acknowledges in a hushed tone. "I normally don't mind flying but this weather is causing some anxiety for me."
"Yeah," Amanda mutters in reply, her voice barely audible when she speaks and her head lowering toward her chest so that a long blonde curtain of hair hides her face from Olivia's probing gaze.
Both dark eyebrows are raised expectantly now, Olivia waiting for Amanda to keep the conversation rolling, but the younger woman has fallen silent again, pale fingers twisting themselves into a knot on top of her lap. She slowly reaches over to lay a hand on slender digits that seem to be taking on the shape of a pretzel, surprise thrumming through her once more when Amanda flinches violently at the physical contact and turns her head away so she is facing the storm that is raging outside the window.
"Hey," Olivia says gently, still trying hard not to attract the attention of Fin and Carisi as she shuffles over in her chair as far as she can without unbuckling her seatbelt, her fingers tracing soothing patterns on clammy skin. "It's okay, honey."
"It'll be okay when we're on the ground," Amanda murmurs fiercely through what sounds to be tightly clenched teeth. "Nothing is okay right now."
"Do you want to switch seats with me?" Olivia offers softly, even though she has no desire to sit next to the window and watch the bright lightning streak through the darkened sky, but wanting to do whatever she can to assuage the blonde's fear. "You can sit on the aisle and maybe have a chat with Fin. He's looking pretty chilled out over there."
"Fin's always chilled out," she hears Amanda mumble with a hint of mirth in her tone that quickly turns to horror again when the plane gives another large bump. "I don't want to sit there, though. I don't want the guys to know..."
"That you're scared?" Olivia supplies tenderly without judgment, Amanda's shoulders hunching briefly like she is loathe to admit the truth before nodding nearly imperceptibly. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, Carisi looks like he's about to lose his lunch and I've already told you that I'm having some anxiety myself. It's not that big of a deal, honey. It's normal to be scared during lots of turbulence. And I'm sure it'll be over soon and we'll be safe and sound back on the ground."
She hears another tiny whimper and what sounds like a stifled sob emanate from the huddled figure next to her and realizes what the problem is; that not only is Amanda completely terrified of flying through a storm but she is also very close to bursting into tears. Olivia feels a wave of sympathy and compassion for the blonde detective who is trying so diligently to pretend nothing is wrong and struggling to act like her usual cool and collected self, her heart melting at the brave front from a woman who is about to break into pieces.
She leans down to the floor where a light blanket is tucked into her carry-on bag amid a few snacks and some files that she had brought with her from the conference, pulling the soft material free and offering it to Amanda. "Here, take this. It might make you feel a bit better."
"A blanket? Are you seriously about to tuck me in, Lieutenant?" Amanda scoffs in response, Olivia gratified that the other woman has turned away from the window long enough to grace her with narrowed eyes that are brimming with unshed tears, her subordinate appearing quite insulted by this prospect.
"If that will help you, then yes, I will," she answers with amusement, her lips quirking up at the corner at Amanda's aghast expression, glad to provide a bit of distraction. "It helps me to snuggle up with a blanket when something is scaring me."
"Good lord, Olivia, have we gone back in time to kindergarten? We need to be tucked in with blankies, now?" Amanda grumbles with a roll of her eyes, Olivia smirking inwardly when the blonde instantly plucks the blanket from her hands and drapes it over her lap instead of shoving the offending article away. "I didn't know you were so riddled with anxiety and needed to cuddle with this fluffy thing in order to calm down."
Despite the harsh tone, Olivia can detect a hint of worry residing beneath the teasing; curiosity shining in those tear-filled blue eyes, as if Amanda is concerned about her boss having to endure rough times and is trying to decide whether to purse that topic of discussion. Olivia wants to keep the focus on Amanda, though, and do everything she can to make sure the younger woman is able to feel as at peace as possible for the remainder of their trip back to New York.
"All of these times we've had to fly for cases and conferences, and you've never told me about this," she remarks casually, aiding Amanda with adjusting the blanket to cover her legs and give her a sense of warmth and comfort. "Is it just turbulence or is it flying in general that frightens you?"
"Just turbulence," Amanda mumbles with a shrug, her head lowering down again as if that embarrassment and shame is creeping back in, and Olivia sweeping a curtain of golden hair aside so she can continue to look at the other woman while they talk, securing the silky strands over Amanda's shoulder. "And you've never told me that you enjoy snuggling with a blanket when you get scared. This is the first time I'm hearing about it. So that makes us even, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, I suppose it does. I guess we all have our secrets," Olivia chuckles softly, wincing when the aircraft suddenly dips so low that she can feel the contents of her stomach rushing into her throat and has to swallow back the wave of nausea, hearing a yelp from Carisi across the aisle and Fin's gruff tone telling him to shut up.
"Fuck, Liv, I need to get out of here," Amanda whispers hoarsely, her voice strangled with barely-concealed emotion and a tear hovering on the edge of her long lashes when she throws Olivia an anguished glance.
"I wouldn't recommend trying to escape the plane when it's in mid-air, honey," Olivia soothes with another chuckle, although this time the sound is laced with her own fear that she desperately tries to tamp down, resolving to stay calm for Amanda's sake. "We'll be home soon, okay? We're almost there."
"Not soon enough," Amanda moans as her face crumples and a tear slips down her cheek, the seats moving back and forth with the force that the smaller woman is shaking with.
Olivia peers furtively across the aisle and sees that Fin has his hands full with a very nervous Carisi, relieved that no one will likely notice as she yanks up the armrest between herself and Amanda, no more barriers blocking her from the detective and allowing her to duck beneath the blanket as well. They sit there side by side, arms and legs pressed together, and the soft material that is pulled up over their laps concealing Olivia's larger olive-colored hand that is hovering next to the small, pale one.
She carefully slides a palm over Amanda's trembling hand, not wanting to startle her with the gentle touch this time, and slowly rubs her fingers back and forth across freezing cold skin that is pebbled with goosebumps. Olivia hasn't seen the younger woman in this state very often, only able to recall a few times over the years that Amanda has experienced a meltdown of this magnitude in her presence, whether it be from physical or emotional pain, and her heart aching when she feels slim fingers clutching so hard onto her own that the gesture actually hurts.
She shifts in her chair again, struggling against the confines of the seatbelt and placing her back toward the aisle, effectively blocking any curious onlookers with her body and trying to give Amanda as much privacy as possible when she sees the ashen face awash in tears, the detective's other hand coming up to cover her mouth in order to muffle any noise. Olivia continues to hold Amanda's hand while gripping onto the younger woman's knee and speaking very quietly to her, assuring the blonde that everything will be okay, and eventually reaching up to remove Amanda's hand from her mouth and holding onto that one too.
They slump toward each other in the tiny seats with their knees touching and their fingers locked, the blanket swaddling the lower half of their bodies, eyes fixed intently on one another as Olivia softly talks Amanda down from what appears to be a panic attack of epic proportions that is only getting worse with every passing second. Amanda no longer looks the least bit embarrassed and ashamed as she clings onto Olivia for dear life, and she is convinced that her subordinate is about to climb right into her lap for comfort when the plane gives another dizzying dip.
"This is never gonna stop, Liv," Amanda groans under her breath, Olivia inhaling sharply when a fingernail digs deeply into the back of her hand but determined not to pull away. "I need it to stop. God, I can't breathe. I feel like I'm choking."
"You can breathe, honey," Olivia tells her gently but firmly, maneuvering their entwined forms so they are leaning back against the seats in a more relaxed and less awkward position.
She loops one arm through Amanda's so they are pressed even closer together but are still concealed beneath the blanket, feeling Amanda's head come to rest heavily on her shoulder and listening to the labored breathing, warm breath puffing into the skin of her neck with halting gasps. She can hear a string of curse words being emitted from across the aisle by Fin, the older man finally seeming to lose his cool, and wondering if her sergeant is also dealing with an overwrought detective that has dissolved into a puddle of tears.
Olivia doesn't dare chance a look over her shoulder to see if Fin needs some assistance in dealing with Carisi, unwilling to let go of Amanda in her time of need, and relieved to hear the younger man utter some curse words of his own and Fin's sputter of laughter in response. A smile tugs at her lips and she figures the two men are trading stupid jokes and silly stories in an effort to alleviate the tension, and she is pleased to have Fin on board with them, her longtime colleague and friend bringing his usual brand of humor and ease to the situation.
As more laughter rings out from the nearby set of seats and thunder rumbles outside the window, Amanda seems to fall further into a pit of despair, her entire body sinking into Olivia's so they are practically molded into one being. The air in the cramped space around them is punctuated with strangled breathing and muted cries, Olivia tightening her hold on the small frame that is bouncing with so much pent-up anxiety, she briefly wonders if Amanda is going to shake herself right out of her seatbelt and slide into a heap onto the floor.
Slender fingers are gripping so sturdily onto her shirt, Olivia is sure that she both hears and feels the material rip, and she knows that she needs to get Amanda's panic under control before she spirals any more than she already has. "Hey, I think Fin and Carisi are telling jokes over there," she notes quietly, swiping a tender thumb beneath a damp blue eye. "Maybe we can tell some of our own. Do you know any?"
"I'm a cop, not a comedienne," Amanda grouses in annoyance, Olivia happy to see a spark of her detective's usual spunky personality peeking through all of the terror and angst. "So, no, I don't know any jokes. And Fin and Carisi's jokes usually consists of stuff that only adolescent boys would find funny."
"Maybe I can share some jokes with you, then," Olivia offers thoughtfully, wracking her brain for anything at all that might be considered even remotely amusing.
"Well, can you think of any?" Amanda sounds vaguely interested at this point as she leans away with a puckered brow, her tone peppered with irritation and fear, and Olivia bites her lip and shrugs apologetically when she is unable to come up with a single joke.
"Nope."
"Ugh," the younger woman grunts out as tears continue to trail wet pathways over cheeks that aren't quite as pale now. "What was the point of even having this discussion, then?"
"To distract you?" Olivia offers with another shrug and a small smile, her eyes lighting up when she sees the barest hint of a grin given to her in return.
"I swear this crazy flight is never gonna end," Amanda complains with a derisive sniffle and a watery chuckle. "Raging storms, horrible turbulence, my badass lieutenant talking about how she likes to snuggle up with blankets and wishing she could tell cheesy jokes like a twelve-year-old boy. And I think it's comedy hour over there now." She jerks a thumb in Fin and Carisi's direction when a roar of laughter explodes into the cabin, some of the nearby passengers joining in and the noise sounding out of place in such a tense atmosphere.
"I just need the torture to stop," Amanda adds with a grimace, Olivia's smile widening at the playful undertone in the other woman's voice, feeling a tendril of hope that this flight from hell will soon end with a safe landing on solid ground and that Amanda will be able to continue calming down in the meantime.
The plane gives another swift drop in the air and any color that has begun to infuse back into Amanda's cheeks is promptly sucked away again, the younger woman going sheet white and her entire body shivering from head to toe as Olivia immediately finds her detective plastered against her once again, all of the joking in the next row coming to an abrupt halt as everyone falls silent.
She takes a deep breath and peers out the window over Amanda's bent head, running a soothing hand through rumpled blonde hair as her heart pounds frantically inside her chest and she watches the raging sky with a wary gaze, wondering if they are ever going to make it home.