Disclaimer: I don't own. I don't profit.
Special thanks to notinourdreams for her comments, her "sick Darcy" prompt is partly responsible for this. Also thanks to CelticGoddess. You can also blame her for the "Wizard of Oz" tie in. Unbeta'd. Read at your own risk.
Readers of "Blue" I think this takes place soon after Loki & Darcy's engagement, but before the apples.
I'm Dying Here!
Darcy sniffles on the couch. Her head pounds, her lymph nodes feel as big as golf balls and her whole body aches like it has been wrung out twice but never hung out to dry - she is so cold and clammy. Shivering she pulls the Lightening McQueen quilt she'd filched from the her sons' room closer to her chin. Her sons are long out of college now and live elsewhere, but their room remains almost untouched. It gives her a sense of security to be hunkered down with McQueen. Also, their room is closer to the couch and it meant she didn't have to walk as far.
Why isn't Loki home by now? She squints at the clock above the stove. She can't actually read the numbers, but she's positive, positive! That the car show he went to with Steve is done for the day.
Feeling suddenly too hot, she throws off the quilt, puts her hand to her head and groans. She shuts her eyes.
It may be a few minutes later or an hour - it's hard to tell with flu naps, but Darcy awakens to see the front door swing open, and a very blue Loki walk in, his red eyes alight. She barely raises her head before he's in the kitchen in a few quick strides - Darcy's apartment is small and his legs are long. He's talking a mile a minute. "Darcy, you should have been there! Steve and I bought a motorcycle. And then we souped up the engine to make it capable of transdimensional travel. I don't know if the portal we opened actually goes to another dimension per se..." He pauses to toss a Lindt Ball into his mouth, chewing it only briefly before swallowing it like a snake. "But it put the most magnificent hole into the garage and sucked all of Stark's precious collector edition vehicles through it."
He throws another Lindt ball in the air, catches it, and chews happily.
Darcy squints at him. "Steve let you open an interdimensional portal." Her voice comes out a strangled croak.
Pursing his lips, Loki looks to the side and taps his chin. "He may have been under the impression that our modifications would only make it faster." Shrugging he pops three more Lindt balls in his mouth, this time not even making a show of chewing. Loki's metabolism rivals Thor and Steve's, but he doesn't have their patience with the mechanics of it.
Rolling her eyes, Darcy blows her nose with a honk.
Looking up at her and licking his fingers, Loki says, "Are you alright?"
Sniffing, Darcy says, "Finally you notice! I'm dying here!"
Loki's eyes widen, the world goes green, and suddenly he is looming directly above her. "Who did this to you! Tell me! I will extract the cure from them even if it means extracting their intestines through their navel with a dull grapefruit spoon!"
Darcy's mouth drops and she swallows. "Um, Loki, it's a figure of speech. It's just the flu."
Standing back, Loki stares at her quietly. His jaw twitches. The green around them dissipates.
There is a knock at the door. Loki's eyes slide to it. There is a knock again. Groaning, Darcy starts to get up, but Loki puts a hand on her shoulder. Looking slightly abashed he walks over and opens it. Two familiar faces peek through, Phil and Bob, her friendly neighborhood paramedics. Looking past the still blue Loki, Bob, a large, muscular, very dark man of African descent says in a bland voice, "Hey, Miss Lewis. Did you cut your finger again?"
Sniffing, she shakes her head. "No, just the flu."
"Fever over 102?" asks Phil. He's very pale, his hair is white, his eyes are gray, but he has the same build as Bob. It's like he's Bob's ghost.
"No, just barely 99," sniffs Darcy.
"Mmmmmm, drink plenty of fluids and get some rest," says Phil.
"Well, then, we'll be on our way," says Bob. Turning to Loki he says, "Mr. Hearthson, would you be so good as to teleport our ambulance out of the lobby? It's too large to fit through the door."
Loki meets Darcy eyes. Tilting his head he says,"I'll be right back."
x x x x
Darcy feels much better. Well, not physically, but emotionally. Loki's sitting at the far end of the couch and her feet are on his lap. She has a steamy cup of mint tea beside her - made by Loki! And she's pretty sure he didn't steal it from another dimension. On the TV the Wizard of Oz is playing.
Darcy smiles. Despite her achiness, and being too hot, and too cold, and the fact that her nose occasionally whistles when she breathes, this isn't so bad.
"That bicycle isn't modified for transdimensional travel. This movie is highly inaccurate," Loki says.
Darcy glances at him. His face is blank and unreadable. She blinks and looks back at the movie.
"Those aren't dwarves!" Loki bristles a few minutes later. "Much to spritely, and too short. You've been to Svartálfaheimr! They should have used you as a consultant when they were designing the set."
Darcy stares at him. "This was made before I was born. And they're Munchkins, not dwarves."
Loki glowers at the screen. "There's no such thing as Munchkins."
"Mmmmm..." says Darcy, feeling sleepy, and sick, but mostly content.
Loki is very quiet for a few long minutes. And then out of the blue he says, "Do you want to have sex?"
Darcy puts down the tissue she's holding. She sniffs and her nose whistles. "You can't be serious."
Loki shrugs, not facing her. "I'm bored."
Darcy doesn't have the energy to glare at him, but if she did, she would be. "I look like crap! Besides the fact that I'm laying in a nest of tissues, my nose is twice it's normal size..."
"Still smaller than a dwarfs'," says Loki.
"...and I haven't taken a shower all day!"
"Dwarfs are more of a bathing every other day culture and you have considerably less chest hair," says Loki turning to her and giving her a rakish smirk.
Darcy closes her eyes. She knows better than to ask how Loki's gathered this bit of information. "You know how to make a girl feel sexy."
"Is that a yes?" says Loki.
"No," Darcy grumbles. "I don't just look like crap, I feel like crap!"
Looking back to the TV, Loki's face becomes blank again. "I'm sorry," he says stiffly. She's not sure if the apology is directed at the fact that she feels bad, that he made his offer, or that she's mortal and she get's sick.
"It's okay," Darcy says, hacking into a tissue.
"I'm just bored," says Loki.
Darcy sighs. "Why don't you go do something else then?"
Loki scowls. "Because you said you wanted some companionship...and..." He winces slightly. "...snuggles."
"Really, you can go," says Darcy.
Loki's scowl deepens. "No, I can't. You haven't agreed to marry me yet, and I still have to prove that my worth is at least as great as a mortal man's."
Darcy blinks at that. "So after I marry you, you won't sit with me."
Loki looks thoughtful.
"Just go!" says Darcy.
Sinking into the cushions, Loki hunches his shoulders. "I don't really have anywhere else I want to be."
Too tired to think anymore, Darcy, turns her face back to the TV screen. Loki is silent again. And then the flying monkeys come on. He sits up. He lifts Darcy's feet up so he can turn. He puts them back on his lap...and then lifts them up again. He coughs. He starts to tap his feet - and then to tap his fingers in-time on her toes.
"Just go," says Darcy, not looking away from the TV.
"Are you sure?" says Loki.
"Leave!" Darcy says, blowing into her tissue for dramatic effect.
"Thank you," says Loki. Throwing her feet off he bolts for the door. He might say something like, "Be back soon," but Darcy is rapidly falling back into a cold coma, so she can't be certain.
She's vaguely aware of the phone ringing, the answering machine clicking on and Tony Stark's voice. "Lewis, your boyfriend-fiance-giant is an ass. But tell him I'll forgive him for the cars if he tells me how he opened the portal".
x x x x
"Ooooo-oooo-aaaaa-aaaaa!"
Was that a monkey? Darcy opens her eyes. It's very early in the morning. She glances at the TV. The Wizard of Oz is over and there are no ancient Tarzan reruns on the screen. She still feels feverish, but her headache seems to have cleared up.
"Oooo-oooo-aaaaa-aaaa!" Darcy's eyes slide to the stairway that leads to Loki's "lair". When they began their 'trial engagement', Loki bought the penthouse upstairs. He has a computer there he uses for derivatives trading and financial terrorism against the ruler of Laetveria, a few antique windup non-magical clocks he trades with the denizens of other realms, and not much else. He does all his sleeping, eating, and video game play offs with Steve down here.
"Oooo-oooo-aaaaa-aaaa!"
Darcy sighs. The noise is definitely coming from the stairs. There is a sound like a ball hitting the wall, and a crash. Wrapping the McQueen quilt tightly around her, Darcy heads to the stairs. She's just stepping into Loki's lair when something dark and orange flies past her head and lands with a thump behind her.
Not bothering to look, Darcy stares straight ahead at Loki. He's holding an orange monkey in his arms. Loki's eyes widen. "Ah, you are awake."
"Why do you have a monkey?" Darcy says.
"It's a gold tamarin actually," says Loki stroking the creatures lustrous mane. There is a joke in there, about monkeys and stroking, and it makes Darcy's headache throb again with a vengeance. Something stirs behind her. Turning, she yelps as an orange brown shape collides with her chest.
Darcy jumps, the creature gives a squeak, and she finds herself staring down into two very wide eyes on a face that looks like a fox...But it's a fox that has bat wings. She blinks. It is a bat, probably an Egyptian fruit bat if that one semester internship in the biology department serves her right. It is the size of a small dog, and is amazingly cute. It makes a clickity click squeaky noise and tries to pulls itself upward with the little hands at the corners of it's wings.
"Awwwwwwww..." Darcy says, wrapping a hand around the bat's body to give it a lift.
She looks up at Loki. She looks at the monkey...and down at the bat. She sniffs, and her brow furrows. "What were you going to do with them?"
Looking a little surprised at her tone, Loki says, "I was merely trying to introduce them...nothing nefarious." He blinks too innocently. "Really."
Darcy's eyes widen. "You are thinking of making flying monkeys aren't you."
Loki tilts his head and looks sideways. The monkey bites his hand. As Loki curses the creature hops down, hisses at Darcy and the bat, and then races off.
Closing her eyes, Darcy says, "Wouldn't there be gene splicing involved with something like that?"
"Of course there would be gene splicing involved!" Loki snaps.
Darcy opens her eyes, absentmindedly stroking the bat's head. It leans into her hand encouragingly.
Loki crosses his arms, and stares at the bat. "With magic they could do it the fun way. But they don't seem to fancy one another."
"Take them back, Loki." Darcy sniffs and tilts her head. "Wait, where did you get them?"
Loki shrugs. "The monkey's from the zoo. The bat I stole from the closet of the neighbor downstairs."
Darcy's eyes widen. "Was it all alone?" she asks. The bat makes a noise that sounds distressingly like a sob.
"Yes," says Loki distracted by the monkey, that is now shrieking from the top of his computer. He narrows his eyes. If Darcy wasn't there the monkey would probably be monkey toast.
Darcy looks back down at the bat. Bats are social animals, that should never roost alone - that's like bat torture! The little guy shivers and Darcy is sure it is trying to snuggle into the quilt she has wrapped around her. She obliges, and it makes a happy clickity click noise. She smiles down. The quilt is like her own pair of giant bat wings.
She turns to Loki who is eying the monkey distastefully. "Take the monkey back. I'll call bat rescue..." The little bat wiggles. It's daytime. He's nocturnal and would probably just as soon sleep too. And obviously he's fond of snuggles.
The monkey hisses again, but it can deal. It will be back home soon enough.
Darcy tickles the bats nose. Snuggles and company that's all she wanted. Loki's plans never quite go as planned, but they always seem to work out, for her, for him, and this time, for the bat.
She looks down at it and smiles. "I'll call bat rescue...tomorrow."
She swears the bat gives her a smile back as it closes its eyes.
A/N:
I happen to think the scientific value of an interdimensional portal would be worth a few lost antique cars, and an occasional ambulance stuck in a lobby (especially if Loki transported them back to exactly where they needed to be w/o them having to deal with Manhattan traffic). And for the rescue of a bat, a monkey's brief discomfort is more than acceptable. Chaos, I think, in the end makes things better...but it is a royal pain in the ass
As always, reviews are love. Also, please have a look at my original stories! Links to all of them are in my profile.