What is love?
A semi-continuation of "A Change of Kimono". Rin contemplates her feelings for sesshoumaru and acts on them?! It is not necessary to read the first fic but I do recommend it. ^_^
Love. It was an unfamiliar concept or was it? Rin loved sunny days, flowers, and grilled fish. Somehow this love did not seem to be quite the same as her feelings about lord Sesshoumaru. The bubbly excitement of a fish dinner did not compare to the breathless tingle that permeated her body when Lord Sesshoumaru was near her. Can all these feelings be love?
Rin shook her head. No, perhaps the old lady was mistaken. The feeling I have for my lord is not love. I do not love him and he does not love me. We are friends….maybe. I am not sure. Are we….acquaintances, traveling companions? That sounds so cold, but I am sure that is how he sees it.
Rin looked out across the field. The last blush of pink was glowing above the tree line, fading to lavender and finally a deepening periwinkle studded with early stars. A warm breeze flitted through the trees and fanned her lose hair along her back. The air was full of the rhythmic hum of cicada songs. She teased her comb out of the folds of her obi. It was lovely. Intricately carved with two cranes arching their necks towards one another. He fingers traced the fine wooden teeth. Instinctively Rin's hand moved to her hair. She brushed it every night and now the once wild mass was a smooth flow of mahogany.
Tonight she had spent extra time combing out every strand. She even took a dip in the river and dusted off her kimono. Sesshoumaru had been gone for a while now and Rin expected him back soon. She found that as the time since his departure lengthened, each night she spent a little extra time grooming. Jaken usually just huffed and grumbled about how human girls were so slow to complete any simple task.
"How many times are you going to brush your hair?" He criticized. "If you keep brushing it, it will all fall out and you will go bald."
"Oh, like you Master Jaken?" Rin teased.
"What.!? You insolent child! How dare you speak to me in such a manner." Jaken sputtered. "A demon like myself has no need of paltry trimmings like hair." He turned away from her on the pretext of going to check on Ah-Un.
Rin laughed into her hand. Master Jaken may say that but she knew better. He was just as worried about appearances. Lately his clothes were more carefully arranged and she had seen him smoothing his baldpate carefully before setting his eboshi in place. Jaken expects Lord Sesshoumaru to return soon too.
Rin tucked the comb back into her obi and looked out over the field. The sky had deepened to navy sprinkled with stars. Still no sign of her lord. She nestled deeper against the tree and kept watch. How long will he be gone this time?
The next thing Rin knew she felt a tug on her kimono sleeve. Still groggy she pulled back when a ferocious tug and screeching voice awoke her fully.
"What are you about?" Jaken quipped "Sleeping in a tree like some filthy half-demon." He turned on his heel to face the camp. "Lord Sesshoumaru will not return tonight; come back to camp. If something devours you in the night I will get blamed." Jaken did not wait for Rin but started to walk away. "
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Morning broke early in the summer and Rin awoke with the sun. Jaken was already up rekindling the fire.
"Good morning Master Jaken." Rin called.
"Good you are awake." Jaken said without greeting. "Would you go to the river for some fish?"
"Yes, master Jaken." Rin replied dutifully and dusting off her kimono headed to the river. She splashed cool water on her face and took a deep breath. The morning was quiet with only the rush of the water around the rocks to disturb the peace. Rin looked into the sparking water and her mind wandered back to her lord and her musings on love. I do miss him. But that is normal, right? A plink of water disturned her reverie. I don't have time for this, I need to catch fish before Master Jaken comes to find me.
The sun had risen higher and even though it was still morning the summer heat was already making the air uncomfortably warm. Full and content Rin sat back across from Jaken. When it occurred to her.
"Master Jaken, what is love?" She asked naively.
"love?!" Jaken sputtered taken off guard. "What kind of question is that? How should I know anyway, love is a silly human emotion." He looked at the fire and his eyes narrowed then his mouth twisted oddly. "Then again, I remember a particularly beautiful courtesan back when I was a great lord. Her flawless green skin and pliant webbed fingers…" Jaken sighed longly.
"Was that a sigh of love?" Rin interrupted intrigued.
"hmph, don't butt in!" Jaken barked. "Why should I waste time telling you this? You are too young to understand. How could you possibly be in love." He humphed. Rin was silent. She looked down embarrassed. "Besides, you only have contact with Lord Sesshoumaru. How could you be in love" Rin stayed silent. Jaken glanced over at her and noticed a pink tint on her face. His large globe-like eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why do you ask?" He pryed.
Rin shook her head not wanting to look at him. "No reason" She mumbled. "Thank you for the food." Rin hurried out to the field. She walked halfway into the grass. A single brightly colored wild flower bobbed its head among the tall stalks. Rin bent down and cupped it gently. "Do you know what love is?" She asked earnestly starring at the flowers center. "Is it only a silly human emotion? Perhaps I should ask a human." That was it! If I find humans, maybe I can find my answer.
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Rin dismounted Ah-un just outside a small village. "Wait here Ah-un." The beast grunted and sat down. Rin walked silently through the trees to a field bordering the village.
"Keigo!" A female voice called. Rin ducked but noticed a blur of movement out of the corner of her eye. "Keigoooo!" The voice called again then seemed to give up. She snuck over to where she saw the blur. A young boy sat hunched in the grass a wad of flowers slightly crushed by his tight grip.
"You're going to crush them" Rin stated looking at the wilting flowers.
"gyaaaa!!" The boy yelped leaping into the air and swiftly turning to face Rin. He backed away slowly. "Who are you?"
"My name is Rin" Rin smiled bowing slightly. "I was just passing through when I saw you." She looked at the boy who was still confused. "What's your name?"
"I'm Keigo" he said relaxing a little.
"Why are you hiding out here?" Rin inquired looking down at the flowers in Keigo's hand. He followed her gaze and thrust the flowers behind his back. "Are those for a friend?"
"No, they are nothing important." Keigo muttered allowing them to fall behind him.
"Aww…don't waste them. I always give flowers to my friends." Rin explained reaching to pick up the fallen blossoms. "I am sure that your friend will be happy to have flowers."
"You really think so?" Keigo asked taking the boquet back from her.
"Of course, I will help you gather some more. Why don't you tell me about your friend?" Rin said walking toward a clump of vibrant purple blooms.
"Well, they're for this girl in town. Her name is Sayuri." He started. Rin nodded. "We're not really friends. I don't think she really even notices me." Keigo added a tinge of sadness in his voice. "So I decided to do something. I skipped out on chores today to pick flowers and give them to her."
Rin listened. Yes, it was difficult when people you wanted to be your friend seemed to ignore you. However, flowers had not helped her much with Lord Sesshoumaru. He looked more confused than happy when presented with flowers.
"Do you love her?' Rin asked suddenly.
"What?!" Keigo asked shocked. "No…I dunno…maybe." He amended. "How should I know; I'm just a kid." Oh, so he doesn't know either Rin thought disappointed.
"Is that how you express love, by giving flowers?" Rin asked. Looking at the bunch she had gathered.
"I guess. My sister says she is in love with this boy in town but he only gave her flowers once. And…" Keigo paused and looked at Rin a moment before deciding to continue. "and last night I caught them kissing!!" He looked up at her, obviously expecting a reaction. Rin only looked puzzled.
"kissing?" She repeated the foreign word.
"Oh, come on! You know kissing." Keigo said exasperated. He puckered his lips and smashed them against his hand making a sucking sound. Rin's face turned from curious to slightly disturbed. "You're older than me. You must know what I am talking about. When a couple is always holding each other and petting each others faces and kissing!" He tried to explain getting a bit flustered. Rin decided she had better play along.
"Yes, of course, I know. So do you want to kiss Sayuri?" She asked letting the unfamiliar word roll off her lips. Keigo's face turned bright red.
"Well, maybe but not on the lips…not yet." He turned away. He grabbed at some flowers and ended up with a hand full of more weeds. "Anyway, don't you have somewhere you are going?" He asked Rin. She looked up at the sky the sun was almost just above her. Half the day was gone already.
"Yes, I should be going soon. Let's put our flowers together then you can take them to Sayuri." Keigo nodded. Rin expertly wrapped the flowers together and tied them with a long blade of grass. "good luck." She said giving him the bouquet. Keigo looked up with a wide smile.
"Good luck to you too." Keigo dashed off toward the group of houses. Rin considered heading back but found herself following Keigo. Eventually she found him standing in a small garden talking to a pretty girl about his age. That must be Sayuri. Keigo looked uncomfortable, he kept shifting his weight and looking down. Finally he pulled the flowers out and held them toward the girl. She smiled and reached out to take them. She buried her face in the colorful bunch and inhaled deeply. When she raised her face it was glowing. She said something that Rin could not catch. Keigo seemed to gain confidence. That was when it happened. He leaned in and placed his lips on the girls cheek. Rin felt a blush tingle across her face. So this was love, it was this thing called a kiss.
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Rin nestled back in her favorite perch facing the field. The sun was a vibrant blood red disk quickly slipping below the tree line. The orangey glow made the field grass look a flame. The small violet flower glowed almost magenta as she absently twirled the blossom in her fingers. "A kiss." She said looking at the petals dance in a circle. The image was still sharp in her mind. Is that how people express love? A kiss on the cheek? on the lips? Her finger strayed to her mouth and traced along the bottom lip. What would happen if she kissed him?
The sun had disappeared and the moon was just gracing the sky with it's light. A glint caught Rin's eye. Her heart fluttered and blood rushed through her veins. He was back.
The tall summer grasses swayed around his legs making it seem as though he was floating over the surface of a pale golden lake. The breeze caught his hair and surrounded him in a silver halo. Rin's breath caught and a whisper of a sigh escaped her parted lips. She remembered the old woman had called this a sigh of love. Her face grew warm. She was glad her lord was still far from her.
Trying to forget her feelings, Rin jumped down from her perch and walked to the edge of the field. Sesshoumaru was still only half way across. Bathed an ethereal silver from his head to his flowing tail. Rin could not yet make out his face but she imagined she could see his perfect features and absorbing golden eyes. She strained her every sense towards him.
Sesshoumaru sensed her before she came into view. The familiar scent of Rin: earthy, floral, human, Unique but not unpleasant. She appeared at the edge of the field. He could feel her gaze from almost the moment he had entered the clearing. Curious, how she was always waiting. He shrugged it off and walked at a leisurely pace toward their camp.
Rin moved from one foot to the other impatiently. Lord Sesshoumaru was taking his time. Rin could hear Jaken moving about the campfire just inside the line of trees. He would come out any moment and ruin it. Rather than wait, Rin started out across the field to meet her lord.
The grass swished about mid thigh on Rin's petite frame. She felt her breathing quicken as she drew closer. Her kimono felt hot and restricting. A thin sheen of sweat formed on her neck trapping a few errant strands of hair. Her face felt flushed.
Rin's smell was all around him. The hot summer air seemed to amplify her scent. She struggled trough the grass toward him. So small and delicate like the flowers she collected. Sesshoumaru's steps slowed and finally stopped as Rin was almost upon him.
She could not think of what to say. His eyes burned into hers. She wanted to speak to move to do anything but she was lost before his scrutiny. Finally, she took a step forward, eyes still locked with his. His face was stoic and his pale skin glowed in the moonlight. Her eyes traveled to his mouth. The perfect set of his lips highlighted by the moon. A kiss? Rin felt her body tremble. Sesshoumaru did not move. He remained statue still, neither encouraging nor stopping her approach.
Rin was so close now she could see the individual golden flecks that composed his amber eyes. The sleeve of his kimono fluttered and cool silk brushed against her hand. At such a close proximity his height was impressive and imposing. Rin raised up on to the tips of her toes. What am I doing? Am I really going to kiss him? Her mind panicked and her heart fluttered. Is he really going to let me? This idea sent a tingle through her body that fell into the pit of her stomach as a writhing mass of uncertainty. He was so close she could smell him almost feel the heat of his skin. Seshoumaru remained still, watching Rin's unusual behavior. Rin raised a hand to touch his cheek and faltered. Dare she touch him? Caress the inviting skin of his face, run her fingers through his shining hair?
Her hand hovered in the air by his face for what seemed like minutes as struggled to move her hand one way or another. Suddenly Rin felt his fingers close around hers. The sudden physical contact made her gasp. Sesshoumaru's hand grasped hers firmly holding it in place just beside his cheek. "Rin" He said sternly looking at her shocked face. Rin struggled to tear her eyes from their clasped hands. She forced her vision past his soft lips up to his cool level gaze. "Do not start things you cannot finish."
He gently lowered her hand and released it before walking past her toward the camp. Rin remained frozen in shock. Was he disgusted…or disappointed? Rin had seen some unknown emotion flicker in his eyes as he spoke to her. Not trusting her feet to carry her, she slowly turned to watch her lord's retreating form.
"welcome home" she whispered.
Oh ho ho ho ho! How about you dear reader, disappointed or happy? I cannot imagine sesshoumaru in a relationship. Until I can imagine it, I cannot write it. He seems to deny his own feelings and take a somewhat passive attitude toward Rin. She can follow him if she wants…can she do more? Thanks for reading. Do review with comments and suggestions.