Katie Cottrill

Facing the Past

I woke up to the warm sun shinning through the window. I quickly got out from under the covers of the bed. I took a yellow dress from my walk in closet. I took my time in getting dressed because I knew that this couldn't be rushed. Getting dressed took me a little over five minutes. After I decided to do my hair as nicely as I could make it. Today I was going to leave it down. I slowly got my Mary Jane's on my small pale feet. Finally I was able to head down for breakfast.

I walked out into the hallway and headed towards the stairs. My room was the nearest to the banister so it would be easier for me to get them. Before I headed down, I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then I slowly headed down the white staircase to get breakfast. Mom was making what she could from the rations that we had this month. It didn't matter that there were rations because it smelled good anyway. The smell of breakfast made me walk down the stairs faster mostly because I was hungry.

Once I stepped down the last step I took another breath. My legs were still weak from what happened a few years ago. I never talk about it anymore. It's not that I don't want to it's just too scary for me to talk about to anyone. After a few seconds had passed I finally went to the kitchen table where breakfast was waiting for me. Mom had just sat down the orange juice in my favorite glass. The orange blended nicely with the yellow on the glass. I sat down at the kitchen table in my yellow soft seat.

I began to eat my breakfast as slowly as I could to enjoy the taste of oatmeal. This breakfast isn't one of my favorites, but I have to eat in order get my strength up again. I know that my legs are getting weaker, but hopefully I will be able to walk to school this morning. "How is your breakfast, Alice?"

"Just fine, Mom, thanks."

"That's good, now start to school. It's okay to scared Alice. How are your legs this morning?"

"They're getting weaker every week, mom. I should get to school."

I headed to school in late May in 1941. I began to walk down the bright and shinning streets in Pearl Harbor. We had moved here last year. I knew that something terrible was going to happen soon, but I just don't know when. I walked past the waterfront. The water glistened in the sunlight and looked like a mirror. The battleships were moored in the harbor. It didn't take me very long to get to school on this nice warm day. It usually takes me about ten to fifteen minutes to get to school. Today it seemed to take less than ten minutes for some reason.

I normally stumble and need to stop to rest a lot on the way to school. Today however, was different for some odd reason. I still did stumble a little, but it wasn't as much as it usually is.

I finally reached school and surprisingly I was on time. I went inside two double oak doors and headed to my locker. I only have one teacher who teaches everything. Some grades have at least two teachers. I am a sophomore in high school. The higher grades have more than one to teach the classes. I liked only having one teacher because I wouldn't have to walk a lot. Once I got my books from my locker I headed to my classroom. I was the first one in the room besides the teacher. She turned around and smiled at me.

I headed to my seat near the front of the room. I slipped into it as more of my class mates filed into the room. My best friend Emilie Snow sits right behind me. She is also a volunteer nurse at the local hospital. Emilie and I can't think about our afternoon job right now though. We must think about school so we can do well this year. That is all that I care about at the moment. I was so focused in my thoughts that I didn't notice the rest of the class had come into the room.

"Good morning class. This morning we'll begin with history. Today's lesson is on the civil war. We'll start on why it started in the first place." Ms. Winters was very smart in history. It was also her favorite subject to teach. A boy with brown hair walked into the classroom. I froze in fear. I knew this boy from when I lived in Miami. "We have a new student with us today. Class this is Adam Parker, please sit in the open seat next to Alice Morgan."

He came near me, but sat in the seat to my left. Why hadn't I seen this coming? He looked slightly different from the last time I'd seen him. However, he was the same as before. He had the same face features so he hadn't change much. I didn't even look at him mostly because I was still frozen in fear. Why was he here, in the same classroom as me? He was the reason why I could barely walk now. No one knew that, not even Emilie. I knew that I needed to tell her soon, but I just couldn't right now. Ms. Winters was passing a worksheet full of questions. Our notebooks were already out on our desks.

I was able to look at the questions that were on the paper. I knew most of them, which was nice. I answered the first question in a breeze. It didn't take me long to finish at least ten of them before it was time for a new subject. I was the only one who finished most of the questions while the rest of class didn't even get to number nine. It was homework that was due tomorrow. To my luck Emilie saw me freeze up again right when I put my pencil down on my desk. "Alice, are you alright?" she whispered in my ear. What could I say to her? I knew that if I told her the truth everything would come out.

Our next subject was English. We were reading a book that was written not too long ago called Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder. We were already on the second chapter. "Please read chapter two silently," Ms. Winters told us. I slowly opened my book and began to read the chapter I was told to read.

It took me about an hour to read the chapter. Emilie finished a few minutes after me. Soon after my best friend finished others were starting to finish the chapter. Then it was onto a subject that was similar to English and that was writing. We had to write a short summary of what we had just read. While I was writing my summary I could feel Adam's eyes watching me. Okay right now he was beginning to scare me a lot. I still had no idea why he was here.

By the time I was able to finish my summary it was lunchtime. Emilie and I headed to the cafeteria. As we were walking Emile took the time to ask the question that she wanting to ask again. "Alice, are you alright?"

I didn't know if I should lie or tell the truth. "No, I am not alright Emilie. The new boy Adam did something to me a few years ago and I don't like talking about it. If I see him I'll either freeze up or have a panic attack."

"What ever he did to you must have been very serious?"

"Yes, Emilie it was very serious. Have you ever wondered why my legs are slowly getting weaker?" She nodded her head slowly. "A few years ago he did something to me that I don't like to talk about. I haven't talked about it since it happened."

By the time I finished speaking we had reached the cafeteria. Both of us sat down at a table. The oak table was away from everyone else so we were alone to talk if we wanted to. "Alice, did you ever tell anyone what happened?"

"Yes, my parents. My dad checked me out and he's the one who told me that it was serious. I barely remember it now."

She looked at me stunned. I have not told anyone that I couldn't remember what happened. That memory was gone since I woke up. There were also a few pieces of memories that I can't remember from before either. I never told anyone that either. The only who knew was my dad and he promised not to tell anyone especially mom. I knew that he kept his promise. Emilie noticed that I was quiet for a long time. "Ali, why are you so quiet?"

"I have never told anyone besides my dad that there are some memories that I can't remember that happened before the attack." A tear rolled silently down my cheek. I didn't tell her what memories I couldn't remember mostly because I couldn't remember them.

We were silent for the rest of lunch. It didn't take long for lunch to be over. In my green eyes lunch was too short. Emilie and I walked back to the classroom as fast as my weak legs could go. Within five minutes we reached the classroom's oak door. We walked through the open door and headed to our seats. We were the firsts ones in the classroom besides Ms. Winters. She was already sitting at her desk. She was eating an apple that she had brought with her.

I didn't know if my legs were going to get stronger or stay the same. They might even get worse and stop working completely. I have an idea of what is going to happen, but it is too blurry. I so wanted them to get stronger, but I had a strange feeling that they wouldn't get better at all. I hated limping, stumbling and stopping to rest every now and then. Why was it different today? It wasn't because my legs were getting stronger that I knew. It had to be something else, but what.

Adam walking through the door of the classroom knocked me out of my thoughts. He sneered at me, and that made me have the worst panic attack I ever had. Emilie looked up just in time. Ms. Winters looked up from her desk and rushed over to me. I didn't only have a panic attack, but I also froze up. That has never happened before. She waved her hand in front of my eyes. When I didn't blink she got very concerned.

By the time the rest of class came in, I still hadn't moved a muscle. "Alice, can you hear me?" I didn't even hear a word that she said, which scared her. I was unmoving for almost ten minutes. Finally after fifteen minutes or so my small delicate body began moving again. "Are you okay, Alice?"

"I'm fine now Ms. Winters. I just had a little panic attack."

She sighed and nodded. I knew that she didn't believe me, but she walked back to her seat anyway. After Emilie made sure that I was okay, Ms. Winters began the second half of class. She began with math for an hour or so. We were doing linear equations. I was able to finish without freezing up again. Emilie watched me very carefully just in case I froze up once again. The rest of the class finished after me. Emilie was on the only one who finished the same exact moment as me.

We did drawing for an hour or so after math. I almost always draw what I see. Within the hour that we had I drew two drawings. My first one was the terrible event that will happen; it had gotten a little clearer. The second one that I drew was a little happier than the first. The drawing was a boy with honey blond hair who would be coming to Pearl Harbor. I think it has something do with my future, but I am not sure. I don't know the boy's name quite yet. I most definitely wish I did, though.

His amazing blue eyes blended nicely with my green ones. I immediately got knocked out of my thoughts with Ms. Winters moving onto her last subject of the day. I was pretty sure that it was one of the most boring subjects that she ever taught. Science was our last subject of the day. We were learning about viruses. When I heard one of them I froze once again even though I tried not to. However, it was only for a few minutes at least. Once I came out of it we were given a final project of the year.

The project was to create a poster for anything we learned this past year. I didn't know what I wanted to do my project on yet. For me it was a very hard decision to make. After several minutes of thinking I decided to go with the civil war. I would do the women of the civil war to be more specific. Instead of finding pictures from magazines I would be drawing them by hand. It was due by the second to last week of school. We had only a few weeks to get it done. I was very exited to get this project done.

The bell rang suddenly. It was the end of another school day. While everyone else filed out, I stayed behind with Emilie. I looked up and noticed that Adam Parker also stayed behind. It was probably to gloat at me some more. "Why don't you just leave Alice alone? I don't know what you did to her, but just stay away from her." She turned toward me. "Let's go Alice." She took me gently by the hand and led me away from the mean Adam. "Are you okay Alice?" she asked once we were away from Adam.

Instead of speaking I just nodded my head as slowly as I could. I didn't want to risk Adam hearing us. Emilie knew that I was lying so I knew that I had to tell her the truth. "I'm scared of Adam. I have been and always will be afraid of him. I am angry that I can't tell anyone what happened to me. How do you think I feel, Emma?" Emma was my nickname for Emilie. "You can't tell anyone what happened to me. I don't want you to get hurt so please don't tell."

"I promise not to tell anyone, Ali." Her nickname for me was Ali and I liked it. "I think that you're feeling scared, hurt, and angry since this happened. By the way who was it that you were drawing today?" she carefully thought about it before she answered her question. "It was that boy you keep seeing isn't it? Do you know his name yet, Alice?" she was just as hyper as I was most days.

"Yes, it is the boy that I keep seeing. No, I don't know what his name is, yet. I really want to know what his name is."

"Do you want to know his name?"

"Of course I do, but we need to get to hospital today. We can't be late you know that."

We giggled as quietly as we could. Finally we left the school and walked down the sidewalk. The hospital was only a few blocks away from the school. As it was near the harbor made it longer for me to walk, but I didn't care. Emilie turned to look at me. "How are you holding up? I know that you struggle a lot, but you are strong you do know that."

"I know, but I am scared if my legs will even move in a few weeks. I hope that they will get better, but I am expecting that they'll get worst over time. That is what makes me terrified."

It took us a little over ten minutes to get to the hospital. My dad was waiting for us in the lobby. He was so patient today for some reason. "Hello girls, I am glad that you could make it. Let's get started. Emilie you can start with room 222 and Alice you may start with me. We are going to room 123 if that is okay."

"That's fine with me, dad."

Together we walked down the long white hallway towards room 123. It wasn't that hard to find because it was the only door that was open. Together we walked through the white wooden door. The person on the bed looked strangely familiar. I just couldn't place it and then I remembered that Emilie had a sister named Ashley. She was a few years younger than her, but looked the same. Her face was pale and her hair messy on the pillow. Will she be all right? Will she live through whatever she has?

I had an older brother who was training to be in the military. I never want to see him getting hurt. My brother Andros has a tendency to be slightly clumsy, but most of the time he is tough. That is what I like about him. Another thing that he has is a tendency to be a little over-protective of me. Sometimes that can land him in the hospital as well. I hope he doesn't land himself in here soon. If he does get himself in here I won't be able to treat him.

"Alice, are you alright?"

"Dad isn't that Ashley, Emilie's little sister. What's wrong with her?"

"She came in last night after you had gone home. This morning I was assigned to her case. All we know is that she's very sick." He notices me freezing up for a second. "Alice, are you alright?"

"Dad, Adam is back. Now I am always freezing up or having a panic attack. I can feel him sneering at me right now. What should I do?"

"Adam's the guy who attacked you, right?" I nodded my head slowly. "I don't know what you should do at the moment. Your legs are getting weaker by the day and soon you'll be in a wheelchair." He paused for a moment. "Let me think about it for awhile and I'll let you know by the afternoon, alright. Now let's get back to work."

I slowly nodded my head. For most of the afternoon I watched over Ashley. My dad thought that was a good idea. So I just sat in the chair beside her bed and watched her. I took her hand as gently as I could. I began to stoke it softly. Her small eyes opened slowly. She turned to look at me. "Alice, what are you doing here?' she whispered.

"My dad asked me to watch over you. Emilie is upstairs doing other rooms."

For a few hours we talked about school. Finally she went back to sleep. After she fell asleep, I had to leave to go back home. Emilie met me outside her sister's room. "How is she?"

"She's sick, Emma. I don't even know what she has, yet."

As we were walking down the hall, she asked, "Haven't you seen anything about what is wrong with her?"

I stopped to look at her and shook my head. She sighed and took my hand as we walked out the door together. She was walking me home today like she always does. About a block away from my house my legs almost gave out from under me. Emilie caught me in time, which was lucky. "Emilie." I only got that one word out before collapsing on the sidewalk. She looked up as she saw a boy running away through the trees. She was sure it was Adam Parker. However, she wasn't positive that it was him though.

"Alice, can you hear me?" She kept saying that over and over again. The only way she knew that it wasn't working was I wasn't waking up.

A lot was going through my mind. The most important thing was if I was going to be okay or not. After five minutes or so I heard a new voice. It sounded like my brother's, but I wasn't sure. "Emilie, what happened?"

"I don't know, she just collapsed and it was so scary."

"When did this happen, Emilie?"

"I don't know at least ten minutes ago. Maybe she is having another panic attack. She already had one today. I haven't checked her pulse yet." She puts two of her fingers on the base of my neck. "Her pulse is weak maybe something is wrong with her?"

I felt myself being lifted from the cold sidewalk. Why was I being carried? Where was I going? Okay I was totally freaking out right now. Maybe that was an understatement at the moment. It wasn't too long until I felt something soft. Then I felt something warm being draped over me. Finally after almost another ten minutes or so my eyes slowly fluttered open. "What happened?"

"You don't remember what happened, Ali?" Andros my brother asked. I shook my head in order to answer him. For some reason I couldn't find my voice again. "Well, you collapsed on your way home from the hospital. Your pulse was very weak. That's what scared us most of all. Maybe there is something wrong with you."

"Or maybe the reason why she collapsed was because the person who attacked her came back today. That's right, Andros, Adam Parker is back in school and is in the same class as us. She's been freezing up all day and once she even had a panic attack."

"What, Adam Parker is back. Did anything good happen today?"

"Well, someone will be coming tomorrow to our class and he'll be a good friend of mine. I think that I know his name."

"Are you strong enough to sit up, Ali?"

I thought about it for a moment. "I don't know, Andros." I tried to sit up by myself. After about five or so minutes I gave up. "No, I don't have the strength to sit up at the moment." Why am I not strong enough to sit up right now? I just wanted to sit up.

Andros and Emilie helped me to sit up. They put pillows to help support me. Then they sat down beside me. "How are you feeling, Alice?" I knew that Emilie wanted to know if I was all right or not. I just didn't know what to tell her.

What should I say? I thought about it for a moment and then I answered. "No, Emilie, I am not okay." I wanted to know if I was getting better or not. "Am I getting better, Emilie?"

She put two of her fingers on the base of my neck. Could she feel it or not? "I am so sorry Ali, but your pulse is still a little weak."

What would Andros say? "Alice, you are going to be okay, I promise you. You are my little sister and I will help you in anyway that I can. It's my job to protect you." He paused in order to take a quick breath. " I promise that I won't be an over-protective brother like I normally am. I know that you're weak at the moment, but you will get stronger." He carefully and gently took my hand in his and squeezed it.

How long would it take for me to get stronger? Emilie got up in a swift movement to leave. She knew that she needed to get home soon. She left Andros alone with me. Her knowledge of me being safe with Andros was strong. He wouldn't let anything happen to me. "Andros, are you going to tell mom and dad what happened to me? I know that if you do then they'll just worry about me more. I mean dad already knows that Adam is back, but mom doesn't. Should she know anything that happened to me?"

"I don't know, yet, Ali. I feel like that they should know that you collapsed today. You're right if they know they'll just worry about you more." He paused once more. "I think mom should know that Adam's back, but that's is about it."

I leaned my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes so I could rest a little. I was woken up only a few minutes later by dad coming through the front door. He came over to us and sat down in the white chair that stood beside the couch. "What happened this afternoon, Alice. Please tell me."

"I don't know what happened this afternoon on our way home from the hospital."

For a while, both Andros and dad stayed by my side. They stayed there until mom and I had to get dinner ready. I pushed myself up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen. Even though my walk was slower then this morning, I still got there in time to help. I finally walked into the warm and bright kitchen to help mom. Hopefully she wouldn't figure out what happened just a few hours ago. Mostly that was because of her worry that she already had building inside her.

While mom was making dinner, I was setting the table with white clean plates. Then, I went to help mom make dinner, which was a casserole made from vegetables from our garden. It was in the oven baking when I decided to put the milk and silverware on the table. A half an hour or so later dinner was ready to be eaten. We called the boys in from the living room. They trooped in like a couple hungry dogs even though they weren't dogs at all. They sat down side by side at the kitchen table.

Mom and I sat down in the two open seats. We dished out what we wanted to eat. Once all of us had milk, mom put it back in the fridge. She turned around and sat back down in her chair. We ate together for about a half an hour. We even talked a little about how our day went. I was very careful not to tell mom anything what happened in last few hours. I didn't think that she should know quite yet. When I was finished, I excused myself. Andros, mom, and dad were left at the table.

At school the next morning, the honey blond haired boy came into the classroom. "Class, we have another new student with us this year. This is Jasper Collins. Adam Parker please move to the back of the room. You can sit next to Alice."

Adam did what he was told. The new boy Jasper came and sat down in the seat next to me. At least I didn't have to worry about Adam sneering and breathing at me. When I looked I saw that Jasper was smiling warmly at me. His smile almost made my shell that was wrapped around my sheltered heart melt. I didn't know if I could trust him, yet, but if he could melt a shell that I have been hiding behind then maybe I could trust him.

Today we were just working on our projects for the whole day. I was wearing a pink dress that went just past my knees. I took out my sketchbook to start to draw a rough draft of my project. That at least took most of the morning. Finally it was lunchtime so Emilie and I got up and walked towards the cafeteria. Jasper caught up to us and walked beside me. "Hi, my name is Jasper Collins. What is your name?" he asked me.

"My name is Alice Morgan. Welcome to Pearl Harbor. This is my best friend Emilie Snow."

"Thank you, Alice. Are you okay?"

I froze only because I was scared to tell him the truth. What should I tell him? Emilie only knew because I told her and she was worried about me. I took a deep breath and let it out. "Yes, I'm fine Jasper thanks for asking." I hated lying to people who actually care about me. That is why I never do it.

To my surprise he believed me. I hoped that he would, but I expected he wouldn't believe me. We reached the cafeteria in five minutes. Emilie, Jasper, and I all sat down at an oak table. I opened my lunchbox, but didn't eat anything. Emilie just saw me looking at the food within. "Alice, you aren't eating. Are you sure that you are okay." I nodded my head, but she put her hand on my forehead. She yanked it back very quickly. "Alice you're burning up. You are not okay." She set her cool hand on one my legs, but I couldn't feel it.

"I don't feel well. I feel like I am going to collapse again. What's wrong with me?" my voice was soft and quiet. Emilie and Jasper could barely hear my voice.

To our luck Ms. Winters came over to our table. "What's wrong?"

"Alice is burning up, Ms. Winters. We need to get her to the hospital right away."

"Emilie do you think that you could look after her until she goes to the hospital? The big question is can she feel her legs."

"No I can't feel them. When I collapsed yesterday I could barely feel them."

Jasper picked me up as carefully and gently as he could. He carried me out of the cafeteria. Emilie followed us out of the room. She showed Jasper an empty classroom that we could use. Once there, they kneeled down on the floor with me lying down. My head was in Jasper's lap. My eyes were slowly closing. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I didn't know if I would make it until we got to the hospital.

I didn't know how long I've been out, but a voice sounding so familiar woke me. It was my dad. What was he doing here? "Dad, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I got a telegram saying that I needed to come to the school right a way. Are you okay?"

"She's burning up, Mr. Morgan. She says that she can't feel her legs anymore. I have just been watching her just to make sure that she's okay."

"Emilie, how long has she been like this?"

"Since the middle of lunch so a few hours at least. She just started to burn up almost as if she was on fire. What's wrong with her?"

"We need to get her to the hospital immediately. She is as sick as your sister."

My eyes slowly closed again. It wasn't long until I felt myself being lifted from the ground. I didn't know who arms I was in this time, but I didn't care who it was. I felt myself moving almost as fast as a cheetah. "Hold on Alice, we are almost there."

The next place I knew was I was waking up on a soft bed in a room with plain white walls. My light brown hair was messy on a pillow. "What happened to me? Why am I in a hospital bed?" my words were just rambles. My voice was quiet and raspy.

"Ali, you're sick. Most likely worst than my sister."

"Emilie, what do you mean that I am basically worse than Ashley?"

She hesitated as if she didn't want to tell me. Maybe she didn't want to tell me and scare me even more. She didn't know that I was already scared out of my mind. All of a suddenly my eyes began to flutter uncontrollably. "Alice, you need to stay awake. I know that you want to sleep, but you can't at least not just yet."

"Please Emma why do think that I am worse than Ashley?"

To my anger she hesitated once again. "We don't know why. All we know is that you are worse than my sister. You passed out twice already." She took my hand as gently as she could. "Your hands are like ice, but your forehead is like it is one fire." I knew that my dad was trying so hard to figure out what is wrong with me.

Within a few minutes my dad came into the room. Hopefully he has some news about what is wrong with me. I just wanted to know why I was worse than Ashley. Would they tell me or would they just keep it to themselves? Seeing my dad's very concerned face told me that he knew what was wrong with me. "Daddy, what's wrong with me? Please tell me the truth."

"Alice, what you have is very rare. You're only the sixth person to have this disease. It has been building ever since the attack, but it was there ever since you were a baby. Have you ever wondered why you were in the hospital so much when you were little?" I nodded my head slowly. "This disease is why. Don't worry it's not fatal so you will be okay in time."

"Dr. Morgan, do you think Adam's presence might have spiked it faster than it normally would've if he didn't come back."

"That's why she collapsed yesterday. What about Mr. Collins presence? do you think he helped to bring it down a little."

Emilie paused for a moment to think. "Yes, I think it did. Jasper's really cares about her and he gained Alice's trust almost at once."

A figure suddenly stood in the doorway. His face was very worried and concerned. It wasn't my brother, but Jasper himself. His face almost matched my scared face. Emilie slowly got up and left the room as he walked towards my bed. He sat down where my best friend just was. I knew that he wanted to know if I was okay or not. I didn't know if I should tell him the truth. "Ms. Alice, are you all right?" I slowly shook my head deciding not to lie to the new friend I had. "What's wrong with you?"

"I wish that I could tell you, but I can't."

Jasper smiled at me trying to cheer me up. He wasn't angry that I didn't tell him the truth about what was wrong with me. His hand reached out to mine and squeezed it gently. As if he wanted to heal me, but he knew that he couldn't. I didn't care if I got better because I knew that I would in time. Ashley was the one who needed to get antibiotics. "Alice, how long have you had this disease?"

"About as long as I can remember."

Jasper being in the room with me was the only thing that helped me feel better. Although it didn't actually made me feel better, but it definitely helped though. He has a calming presence to me. He makes me feel relaxed when he is around. While I was looking into his eyes, my dad came into the room. "Well I have good news Alice. Ashley was given some antibiotics and she's slowly getting better. You on the other hand just need to rest. A dose of penicillin will help the fever go down, but you will never be free from the virus that it is within you. You might have to stay here a week or so."

At least I got some news. Whether it was good news or not at least it is something. That was all I cared about. I knew that I wouldn't be able to go to school for a while, but I'll manage. So I followed my father's directions and closed my eyes to rest for a while. I only knew that Jasper stayed to keep me company was that I could feel him.

The End