A/N: this is just a funny one-shot about the things Jane can't do. it was inspired by a wonderful writer who goes by the pen name FantasyBloomed. She wrote "51 Things Aro Can't Do" and "51 Things Caius Can't Do". Some other awesome stories written by her are "Aro and The Homeless Guy" and "Carlisle vs. House". She and her stories are awesome! check her out! ... not that way you pervs! lol :D
Disclaimer: I do not in any way own any of the characters you might recognize.
51 Things Jane Can't Do:
1. Jane is not allowed go to McDonalds, order a McFlurry, and then torture the cashier when she does not receive a Big Mac.
2. Jane cannot go to the Apple store and torture the cashier when she does not get a PC.
3. Jane can't torture Marcus just to see his expression change.
4. Jane can't torture Heidi's pet porpoise, Mrs. Poppinschnooker.
5. Jane cannot eat Mrs. Poppinschnooker.
6. Jane can't go within a 1 mile radius of Mrs. Poppinschnooker.
7. Jane cannot torture Heidi for forbidding her to do so.
8. Jane can't sing.
9. Or break dance.
10. Jane can't watch PG-13 movies at the movie theatre because she doesn't look old enough.
11. Jane can't torture the movie ticket clerk for telling her this.
12. Jane is banned from Disneyland.
13. Jane cannot torture Justin Beiber for not having reached puberty yet.
14. Jane can't torture Rebecca Black for singing worse than a cat that got ran over twice through the genitals.
15. Jane is not allowed to torture anyone without a good reason.
16. Boredom is not a good enough excuse.
17. Jane is not allowed to crash Emmett & Rosalie's next wedding.
18. Jane is not allowed to break Alec's video games for making this list.
19. Or his awesome Xbox 360.
20. Or his new Van Halen autographed guitar.
21. Jane cannot harm any of Alec's possessions.
22. This list does not qualify as a good reason to torture Alec.
23. Jane can't ask Alice what she's going to do before she does it until Alice says I don't know.
24. Then, she can't say "Some psychic you are" to annoy Alice even more.
25. And then, she can't torture Alice when she goes crazy and tries to murder Jane.
26. Jane cannot perform in any musicals.
27. Because that would require for her to sing.
28. Jane can't do the running man.
29. Jane is not allowed to gamble in Las Vegas.
30. Because she doesn't look old enough.
31. Jane can't go to a concert and participate in a moshpit.
32. Jane can't convert to Judaism just to have a Bat Mitzvah.
33. Jane can't have a quinceañera.
34. She isn't allowed to play rugby.
35. Or ice hockey.
36. Jane is banned from Canada.
37. Jane cannot have her own fashion line for kids.
38. Jane can't watch season one of The Vampire Diaries.
39. Or season two.
40. Or any seasons of that show.
41. Because then she starts asking for a lapis lazuli ring.
42. Jane can't have a lapis lazuli ring.
43. Jane cannot have a ship.
44. Because then she pretends to be Captain Jack Sparrow.
45. Jane is not allowed to hide Aro's rubber ducks in the basement.
46. Because Aro is afraid of the basement.
47. Jane cannot dress up as Tweety Bird on Halloween.
48. Jane can't dress up as Domo either.
49. Or Invader Zim.
50. Jane can't touch Marcus' Pillow Pet.
"Thank you Carlisle. We will be sure to add that to the list. Please let Alice know that there are no hard feelings... Yes... Yes... Good bye" Aro said, hanging up. He looked back down to the piece of paper he had not begun writing on yet, when a crash came from outside his office. Caius and Alec came running in.
"Master! It's Jane again. She found a way around the list," Alec explained in a flurry of words. Aro got up and went into the throne room to see Jane throwing Barbie Dolls and Beanie Babies at Marcus.
"Why won't they cry in pain?" Jane screamed in frustration, throwing each one at Marcus, who was hiding behind his pillow pet. Caius handed Alec a pen and he began scribbling at the bottom.
51. Jane cannot go out and shoplift dolls, and throw them at Marcus when they won't scream.
A/N: so this was my first comedy! yay! hit that little blue button down there! ... please?
:Dee