Title: The Game of Life
Author: Silver Moonbeam
Archives: none that I know of
Category: Humor
Rating: G
Warnings: extreme character bashing and OOC-ness
Disclaimer: Time for multiple choice. Do I a) Not own Gundam Wing, b) Not own the game, Life, c) Not profit from this fanfic, or d) All of the above? D, you say? Correct! We have a winner! As a grand prize you have the privilege of not wasting your money trying to sue me. Also, as an additional prize, you will get a 3-day, 5-night stay in your own backyard! Enjoy your prize.
A.N During this fic, it will be assumed that each pilot spins at the beginning of his turn unless stated otherwise. Also, I'm sorry if I don't know all the rules in this game, cause I've only played a few times. Some of the rules and stuff will be changed cause of uncertainty on my part and for humorous purposes. So, if you follow the rules in this fic and you and your friend get into a heated argument cause your friend thinks you're cheating, it's not my fault! Just telling you ahead of time. Oh yeah, just in case you didn't know, each player picks a job and a salary, and after the player passes a square on the board marked 'Pay Day' they get that amount of money. Oh yeah, we'll assume they pass them at regular intervals but I don't want to keep writing that they did. There's probably about 15 of them, and there's going to be 7 characters, so I would have to write it 105 times. Yes, I can do my math.
"I can't believe I'm playing a board game," grumbled Wufei for the tenth time in the last minute.
"Come on, Wu-man! You've got nothing better to do anyway," protested Duo as he rummaged through the boxes stashed in the corner.
"I could be improving my fighting skills," he replied frostily.
"You could be doing that any old day," Duo pointed out. "Aha!" he cried as he found a certain box and plopped it onto the table.
"Life?" asked Trowa, raising an eyebrow.
"It's a long game," Duo replied, answering Trowa's silent question.
"Monopoly is a long game," Heero said, in a tone that indicated his low opinion of Duo's intelligence.
"Yeah," Duo said grinning, "which is why we'll be playing that later."
"Maxwell, don't push it! Just because I don't have anything of utmost importance to do, doesn't mean that I want to waste my time!" Wufei snapped.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say," Duo replied airily. "Now let's get started already!"
Duo spread and set up the game on the floor and the pilots each selected a car, which they would move around the board. Each pilot also took a blue peg and inserted it in one of the six holes in the car. Next, they all received $5,000 to start with. "Ok! We'll go according to pilot number. Which means, Heero has the honor of going first!"
Heero glared at Duo and then reached for the spinner. He picked up his little blue car and moved it to the right. After loaning a mere $20,000 from the bank to pay for college, he picked a job card from the deck. "Doctor," he read blandly after looking at the card.
"Doctor?" said Duo incredulously. "You've got to be kidding me."
Heero glared at him and thrust the card in front of Duo's face, squashing Duo's nose in the process. "You see this card?" Heero asked menacingly. Duo nodded. "You see that word on the bottom?" Duo nodded again. "It says 'doctor'. Got it?" Duo nodded once again and Heero finally removed the card from Duo's line of view.
"Geez, could you be any louder?" muttered Duo.
"What was that?" Heero snarled, murder in his eyes.
"Uh, I said, geez, could you, uh, make it any clearer?" Duo stammered. Heero glared suspiciously at him, but didn't say anything.
It's not fair, Duo thought to himself, Heero would make such a bad doctor. Especially how he sets legs. The thought made him slightly nauseous.
Heero then picked a salary card from the deck. "$50,000," he read.
Duo's turn was next. "Screw college. Who needs an education?" (A.N. No, I do not encourage dropping out of school) he said, as he moved his black car to the left and picked a job. With a flourish, he picked up the card. After glancing at it, he paused dramatically before continuing. "Butler," he announced. His eyes widened considerably as he absorbed what he just said. "Butler!" he yelled, "What the-"
Quatre blinked. "Aren't those the guys who stare down their noses at people and never smile?" (A.N. Not always true, cause Pagan never stares down his nose at people. Of course, you can't really tell with those eyebrows.)
"Yes," Wufei answered, "You're supposed to have one."
"Really?" asked Quatre, "Good, Duo can be my butler."
"I think I'll pass," Duo managed to say. Rather shakily he selected a salary card. "$80,000."
While this was going on, Trowa had picked up his green car and went to college although he looked like he couldn't care less. After he picked a job card, he looked up. "TV reporter," he murmured, raising an eyebrow. And "$90,000."
"Must be a quiet program," Wufei commented.
"And boring, no less," mumbled Duo, after recovering from his trauma.
Quatre moved his purple car, and after going to college, picked a job, and paled slightly. "Garbage man. And.$25,000."
Duo hastily turned his laugh into a hacking cough. "Being a garbage man isn't so bad," he offered after he stopped 'coughing'. Quatre looked far from comforted.
Wufei rolled his eyes as he moved his bright red car. He decided to go to college because "Education is very important and full of justice and integrity". Duo's expression clearly told that he didn't agree. Wufei picked a card from the messy pile and stared at it. The other pilots watched in interest as Wufei's face turned the same shade of red as his car. Wufei started to splutter as he stared at the card with disbelief. An impatient Duo snatched the card from him.
"Housewife," Duo read. He blinked once, twice, three times. Slowly, a wide grin spread over his face. His face began to turn the same color as Wufei's as he laughed uncontrollably. Quatre quickly hid a smile behind the back of his hand. Trowa coughed and Quatre stared at him, wondering whether or not he should announce to the world that Trowa had laughed. Of course, he thought, it could just be my imagination. Maybe Trowa has a cold; he must be catching whatever Duo has. Maybe I should ask Catherine how she makes that soup of hers. (A.N. Which to my knowledge, no one drinks)
Wufei picked up a salary card. "$20,000."
"It's your turn again, Heero," Duo said calmly.
"Wait!" a loud female voice shrieked as Relena barged into the room from who-knows-where. Wufei glared at her with extreme dislike evident on his face. "What do you want, onna?"
"I want to play too," Relena stated in a tone that gave no room for argument. Unfortunately, it didn't work.
"Onna, it's bad enough that I have to play this game, but I'm certainly not playing it with an incredibly annoying woman like you." Relena opened her mouth to protest.
"Be nice, Wufei," interrupted Quatre, trying to prevent the oncoming quarrel.
"Just let her," said Duo, looking slightly bored. Wufei looked at him in open disbelief. "After all," Duo continued, "think what'll happen if we don't? She'll annoy us forever."
Wufei turned white and miserably accepted defeat. "Fine, you may play onna." Relena smiled triumphantly.
"Hey, if she gets to play, can't I?" another female voice asked. The figure entered the room and promptly sat down on the floor. (A.N. Guess who)
"Why do you want to play?" asked Duo quizzically.
"Summer's been a total bore so far. Besides, why can't I? It is, after all, my fic. I can do whatever I want," the figure pointed out.
"True," mused Duo, "but can't you make it so that you would win?"
"Yeah, but I might not," replied the authoress, but as the gundam pilots noticed, she did not guarantee anything.
"Go ahead then," Duo said, shrugging, "the more the merrier." But he didn't include Relena in that statement.
Both Relena and the authoress took pink pins and stuck them into their cars. Relena picked up her pink car and went to college happily. She picked her job card and beamed. "Nurse!" she announced. "And.$40,000!"
Trowa raised an eyebrow. "Maybe you'll be Heero's nurse," he murmured.
"Heero's a doctor?" Relena asked ecstatically, not expecting an answer. "It must be fate calling out to us!"
"Yeah right," the authoress mumbled. But Relena hadn't heard her because she had tackled Heero and hugged him fiercely.
"Relena." Heero mumbled.
"What?" asked Relena happily, while still hugging him.
"I can't breathe."
But Relena paid him no mind and still didn't let go even after Heero's face turned red and then blue, and eventually everyone else had to tug her off him before Heero suffocated.
I swear, Duo thought with exasperation, Heero may be the one giving death threats, but somehow, Relena will end up killing him before he kills her.
After Heero had recovered, the authoress moved her light blue car to the right. She nonchalantly picked a job. "Artist," she read. "Good thing I didn't get 'Housewife'." The authoress shot a sidelong glance at Wufei and smirked. Wufei turned red from anger and embarrassment.
By the time everyone had gone a second time, they had all stopped at the 'Get married' square and gotten 'married'. Everyone was supposed to put another pin into his or her car. If they had a blue pin, they were supposed to put a pink pin, and vice versa.
"Oh Heero!" cried Relena. "We're finally getting married."
"We are gathered here today," Duo intoned, "for a most joyous occasion." The authoress moved to the stereo and turned it on. A funeral march sounded throughout the house.
"For today-" Duo continued before getting punched in the stomach by Heero. "That's enough," he said ominously.
"But Heero, don't you want to get married?" Relena asked. Heero looked very tempted to say 'no'.
Sensing another argument, Quatre quickly intervened. "Heero would love to." Heero glared daggers at him and repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fists.
Not wanting to witness a brutal murder, the authoress continued, "But it wouldn't be proper." Everyone stared at her. "I mean, we don't have rings," she quickly continued.
"What about the napkin rings?" asked Duo.
"Those would work!" cried Relena.
"We don't have anything nice to wear," said the authoress.
"I have a dress," said Relena.
"And Heero could borrow a tuxedo from me," added Quatre.
"What about the rest of us?" asked the authoress.
"I'm sure we could find something," said Quatre.
"We don't have flowers," said the authoress.
"There's some out back. We could use those," offered Quatre.
"We don't have a big cake," said the authoress, started to run out of excuses.
"We could buy one from the bakery down the street," Duo said.
"What about presents?"
"We could--" Duo started to say, before the authoress soundly bashed him in the head.
"You were saying?" she asked sweetly.
"Um, nothing," Duo said, trying to steady his vision. He was presently seeing four Relenas, which was disturbing as well as frightening.
"Anyone else have any suggestions?" the authoress asked, while glaring at everyone. The other gundam pilots shook their heads. "Good," she said, satisfied, "I guess that we can't have the wedding then." Relena looked extremely disappointed, while Heero started to breathe again.
"Hey, Quatre," Duo said suddenly, "why do you have two blue pins in your car?"
"Huh?" asked Quatre intelligently.
"Well, blue pins represent males and pink pins represent females. When we passed the 'Get Married' square, you were supposed to put a pink pin in your car."
"Oh," said Quatre, turning red.
This is getting to be a rather long fic. Oh well, I'm having fun writing it. Made my boring summer slightly better. Somehow, I think this fic isn't as good as some of my other ones. Can't seem to write humor as well after trying to write a serious action-adventure/romance/angst fic. Oh yeah, excuse my rather excessive use of author notes in the fic. Feel free to ignore them. I've been trying to cut down, but it's rather hard for me. Better work on that. ~Silver Moonbeam~
Author: Silver Moonbeam
Archives: none that I know of
Category: Humor
Rating: G
Warnings: extreme character bashing and OOC-ness
Disclaimer: Time for multiple choice. Do I a) Not own Gundam Wing, b) Not own the game, Life, c) Not profit from this fanfic, or d) All of the above? D, you say? Correct! We have a winner! As a grand prize you have the privilege of not wasting your money trying to sue me. Also, as an additional prize, you will get a 3-day, 5-night stay in your own backyard! Enjoy your prize.
A.N During this fic, it will be assumed that each pilot spins at the beginning of his turn unless stated otherwise. Also, I'm sorry if I don't know all the rules in this game, cause I've only played a few times. Some of the rules and stuff will be changed cause of uncertainty on my part and for humorous purposes. So, if you follow the rules in this fic and you and your friend get into a heated argument cause your friend thinks you're cheating, it's not my fault! Just telling you ahead of time. Oh yeah, just in case you didn't know, each player picks a job and a salary, and after the player passes a square on the board marked 'Pay Day' they get that amount of money. Oh yeah, we'll assume they pass them at regular intervals but I don't want to keep writing that they did. There's probably about 15 of them, and there's going to be 7 characters, so I would have to write it 105 times. Yes, I can do my math.
"I can't believe I'm playing a board game," grumbled Wufei for the tenth time in the last minute.
"Come on, Wu-man! You've got nothing better to do anyway," protested Duo as he rummaged through the boxes stashed in the corner.
"I could be improving my fighting skills," he replied frostily.
"You could be doing that any old day," Duo pointed out. "Aha!" he cried as he found a certain box and plopped it onto the table.
"Life?" asked Trowa, raising an eyebrow.
"It's a long game," Duo replied, answering Trowa's silent question.
"Monopoly is a long game," Heero said, in a tone that indicated his low opinion of Duo's intelligence.
"Yeah," Duo said grinning, "which is why we'll be playing that later."
"Maxwell, don't push it! Just because I don't have anything of utmost importance to do, doesn't mean that I want to waste my time!" Wufei snapped.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say," Duo replied airily. "Now let's get started already!"
Duo spread and set up the game on the floor and the pilots each selected a car, which they would move around the board. Each pilot also took a blue peg and inserted it in one of the six holes in the car. Next, they all received $5,000 to start with. "Ok! We'll go according to pilot number. Which means, Heero has the honor of going first!"
Heero glared at Duo and then reached for the spinner. He picked up his little blue car and moved it to the right. After loaning a mere $20,000 from the bank to pay for college, he picked a job card from the deck. "Doctor," he read blandly after looking at the card.
"Doctor?" said Duo incredulously. "You've got to be kidding me."
Heero glared at him and thrust the card in front of Duo's face, squashing Duo's nose in the process. "You see this card?" Heero asked menacingly. Duo nodded. "You see that word on the bottom?" Duo nodded again. "It says 'doctor'. Got it?" Duo nodded once again and Heero finally removed the card from Duo's line of view.
"Geez, could you be any louder?" muttered Duo.
"What was that?" Heero snarled, murder in his eyes.
"Uh, I said, geez, could you, uh, make it any clearer?" Duo stammered. Heero glared suspiciously at him, but didn't say anything.
It's not fair, Duo thought to himself, Heero would make such a bad doctor. Especially how he sets legs. The thought made him slightly nauseous.
Heero then picked a salary card from the deck. "$50,000," he read.
Duo's turn was next. "Screw college. Who needs an education?" (A.N. No, I do not encourage dropping out of school) he said, as he moved his black car to the left and picked a job. With a flourish, he picked up the card. After glancing at it, he paused dramatically before continuing. "Butler," he announced. His eyes widened considerably as he absorbed what he just said. "Butler!" he yelled, "What the-"
Quatre blinked. "Aren't those the guys who stare down their noses at people and never smile?" (A.N. Not always true, cause Pagan never stares down his nose at people. Of course, you can't really tell with those eyebrows.)
"Yes," Wufei answered, "You're supposed to have one."
"Really?" asked Quatre, "Good, Duo can be my butler."
"I think I'll pass," Duo managed to say. Rather shakily he selected a salary card. "$80,000."
While this was going on, Trowa had picked up his green car and went to college although he looked like he couldn't care less. After he picked a job card, he looked up. "TV reporter," he murmured, raising an eyebrow. And "$90,000."
"Must be a quiet program," Wufei commented.
"And boring, no less," mumbled Duo, after recovering from his trauma.
Quatre moved his purple car, and after going to college, picked a job, and paled slightly. "Garbage man. And.$25,000."
Duo hastily turned his laugh into a hacking cough. "Being a garbage man isn't so bad," he offered after he stopped 'coughing'. Quatre looked far from comforted.
Wufei rolled his eyes as he moved his bright red car. He decided to go to college because "Education is very important and full of justice and integrity". Duo's expression clearly told that he didn't agree. Wufei picked a card from the messy pile and stared at it. The other pilots watched in interest as Wufei's face turned the same shade of red as his car. Wufei started to splutter as he stared at the card with disbelief. An impatient Duo snatched the card from him.
"Housewife," Duo read. He blinked once, twice, three times. Slowly, a wide grin spread over his face. His face began to turn the same color as Wufei's as he laughed uncontrollably. Quatre quickly hid a smile behind the back of his hand. Trowa coughed and Quatre stared at him, wondering whether or not he should announce to the world that Trowa had laughed. Of course, he thought, it could just be my imagination. Maybe Trowa has a cold; he must be catching whatever Duo has. Maybe I should ask Catherine how she makes that soup of hers. (A.N. Which to my knowledge, no one drinks)
Wufei picked up a salary card. "$20,000."
"It's your turn again, Heero," Duo said calmly.
"Wait!" a loud female voice shrieked as Relena barged into the room from who-knows-where. Wufei glared at her with extreme dislike evident on his face. "What do you want, onna?"
"I want to play too," Relena stated in a tone that gave no room for argument. Unfortunately, it didn't work.
"Onna, it's bad enough that I have to play this game, but I'm certainly not playing it with an incredibly annoying woman like you." Relena opened her mouth to protest.
"Be nice, Wufei," interrupted Quatre, trying to prevent the oncoming quarrel.
"Just let her," said Duo, looking slightly bored. Wufei looked at him in open disbelief. "After all," Duo continued, "think what'll happen if we don't? She'll annoy us forever."
Wufei turned white and miserably accepted defeat. "Fine, you may play onna." Relena smiled triumphantly.
"Hey, if she gets to play, can't I?" another female voice asked. The figure entered the room and promptly sat down on the floor. (A.N. Guess who)
"Why do you want to play?" asked Duo quizzically.
"Summer's been a total bore so far. Besides, why can't I? It is, after all, my fic. I can do whatever I want," the figure pointed out.
"True," mused Duo, "but can't you make it so that you would win?"
"Yeah, but I might not," replied the authoress, but as the gundam pilots noticed, she did not guarantee anything.
"Go ahead then," Duo said, shrugging, "the more the merrier." But he didn't include Relena in that statement.
Both Relena and the authoress took pink pins and stuck them into their cars. Relena picked up her pink car and went to college happily. She picked her job card and beamed. "Nurse!" she announced. "And.$40,000!"
Trowa raised an eyebrow. "Maybe you'll be Heero's nurse," he murmured.
"Heero's a doctor?" Relena asked ecstatically, not expecting an answer. "It must be fate calling out to us!"
"Yeah right," the authoress mumbled. But Relena hadn't heard her because she had tackled Heero and hugged him fiercely.
"Relena." Heero mumbled.
"What?" asked Relena happily, while still hugging him.
"I can't breathe."
But Relena paid him no mind and still didn't let go even after Heero's face turned red and then blue, and eventually everyone else had to tug her off him before Heero suffocated.
I swear, Duo thought with exasperation, Heero may be the one giving death threats, but somehow, Relena will end up killing him before he kills her.
After Heero had recovered, the authoress moved her light blue car to the right. She nonchalantly picked a job. "Artist," she read. "Good thing I didn't get 'Housewife'." The authoress shot a sidelong glance at Wufei and smirked. Wufei turned red from anger and embarrassment.
By the time everyone had gone a second time, they had all stopped at the 'Get married' square and gotten 'married'. Everyone was supposed to put another pin into his or her car. If they had a blue pin, they were supposed to put a pink pin, and vice versa.
"Oh Heero!" cried Relena. "We're finally getting married."
"We are gathered here today," Duo intoned, "for a most joyous occasion." The authoress moved to the stereo and turned it on. A funeral march sounded throughout the house.
"For today-" Duo continued before getting punched in the stomach by Heero. "That's enough," he said ominously.
"But Heero, don't you want to get married?" Relena asked. Heero looked very tempted to say 'no'.
Sensing another argument, Quatre quickly intervened. "Heero would love to." Heero glared daggers at him and repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fists.
Not wanting to witness a brutal murder, the authoress continued, "But it wouldn't be proper." Everyone stared at her. "I mean, we don't have rings," she quickly continued.
"What about the napkin rings?" asked Duo.
"Those would work!" cried Relena.
"We don't have anything nice to wear," said the authoress.
"I have a dress," said Relena.
"And Heero could borrow a tuxedo from me," added Quatre.
"What about the rest of us?" asked the authoress.
"I'm sure we could find something," said Quatre.
"We don't have flowers," said the authoress.
"There's some out back. We could use those," offered Quatre.
"We don't have a big cake," said the authoress, started to run out of excuses.
"We could buy one from the bakery down the street," Duo said.
"What about presents?"
"We could--" Duo started to say, before the authoress soundly bashed him in the head.
"You were saying?" she asked sweetly.
"Um, nothing," Duo said, trying to steady his vision. He was presently seeing four Relenas, which was disturbing as well as frightening.
"Anyone else have any suggestions?" the authoress asked, while glaring at everyone. The other gundam pilots shook their heads. "Good," she said, satisfied, "I guess that we can't have the wedding then." Relena looked extremely disappointed, while Heero started to breathe again.
"Hey, Quatre," Duo said suddenly, "why do you have two blue pins in your car?"
"Huh?" asked Quatre intelligently.
"Well, blue pins represent males and pink pins represent females. When we passed the 'Get Married' square, you were supposed to put a pink pin in your car."
"Oh," said Quatre, turning red.
This is getting to be a rather long fic. Oh well, I'm having fun writing it. Made my boring summer slightly better. Somehow, I think this fic isn't as good as some of my other ones. Can't seem to write humor as well after trying to write a serious action-adventure/romance/angst fic. Oh yeah, excuse my rather excessive use of author notes in the fic. Feel free to ignore them. I've been trying to cut down, but it's rather hard for me. Better work on that. ~Silver Moonbeam~