Chapter 1

Sonea threw down her bag, loaded with heavy books from her Healing lesson that afternoon. She knew she should make a head start on the homework, but that just had to wait. She may be the High Lord's favorite, and her teachers expectations of her were a lot, but she was feeling too stressed and tired to care at the moment. A warm bath is what I need right now, she thought. A while alone to just think things over. But she let out a groan as she remembered that she had to dine with the High Lord in an hour.

Sonea quickly gathered fresh robes and her half-finished cup of raka, heading out of her room and down the corridor to reach the guest bathroom which had been reserved for her use only. As she passed the slightly ajar door to Akkarin's bedroom, she averted her eyes and looked straight ahead. But she still caught a glimpse of him in his dark robes, and from what she had seen, he seemed to be sitting on the edge of his bed, holding something in his right hand, yet what it was she didn't know, for his door had obscured the sight.

She let out her breath as she reached the bathroom door, realizing that her pace had quickened unconsciously. She slipped inside silently, locking the door by sending the softest bout of magical energy to secure the handle. Sighing in relief as the warm water filled the white marble tub, she eased out of her robes and sunk into bubbly water, still feeling a little awkward as she wasn't used to such luxury, even at the Baths on the edge of the Guild grounds. But she tried to clear her head, taking a sip from her raka and relaxing as much as her mind would allow her to.

Akkarin sighed, slowly lowering the book he was reading. He could hear the water splashing slowly from the end of the corridor, and even such a soft sound wasn't helping his headache. He used some more healing energy for around the tenth time, and momentarily lay back contentedly as the pain subsided. He had noticed Sonea's tentative glance into his room as she practically ran past. He felt a pang of annoyance but then he couldn't help smiling. She had always been too proud to admit how intimidated she was by him. But lately he often caught her a bit more comfortable in his presence.

Yet these were rare times in which Sonea and he didn't have other things on their minds. Akkarin knew she missed her family in the slums, and Rothen who had been like a father figure to her. He felt a pang of guilt as he remembered how he had parted them when they had been most happy. And he hadn't improved in Sonea's eyes; she must still see him as the heartless black magician who happened to be in a position of great authority. Though after a while…she seemed to trust him a little…

Akkarin's gaze was thoughtful as he wondered what he may mean to her. But he knew it was just wishful thinking, and he felt disgusted for these things he had been feeling for a while. He was her guardian and High Lord; and he found this girl far too attractive, but not only physically. Ironic, really, he thought, getting off the bed. His headache was gone thankfully, and yet it seemed to have been replaced by a huge weight upon his chest, and only one thought on his mind. Sonea.

He couldn't help but watch her at all spare moments; the way her dark eyes narrowed when she was concentrating, her fierce determination as she improved in her magical abilities and how her gaze held a strong power which he felt irresistible. He felt so tired of such thoughts and how weakly he controlled these feelings. And on top of all that there was the soft guilt and lingering loyalty he felt towards her... the woman whom he used to love...

But she's gone now, and will never return, therefore there is no point in restricting my emotions, he told himself logically, for what felt like the millionth time. It was something which was taken away before it barely begun, and I cannot love a memory for the rest of my life... He argued with his concsience, even though he remembered promising to himself that he could never care for another as deeply...

He heard the lock of the bathroom down the hall click open, thankfully interrupting his thoughts, and Sonea walked past his door at a steadier pace, drying her wet hair with the short cloth in her hand.

Akkarin sighed inwardly, thinking that anything he was feeling had to be physical attraction, and absolutely nothing more than that. Re-tying his hair which he had run his hands through in annoyance many times, he slowly headed to the dining room.

She looked carefully at Akkarin, without making it too obvious, as she accepted the seat Takan had drawn out for her. There was definitely a subdued look in his eyes, yet that was nothing new. He always seemed to be thinking of other things yet always was attentive to the present at the same time.

'How were your lessons today Sonea?' He asked as he always did, holding out his glass as Takan poured in some dark red wine.

Sonea cast about frantically for an answer, trying to think of anything new she had done that day. She always succeeded without really concentrating in her studies. 'We did some more work on complex illusions…and just began learning the basics of sending a mindstrike.'

Akkarin nodded and returned to his food, which Sonea found really unusual. He nearly always had some good advice for her on any new subject they might be learning. He glanced up at her and Sonea hurriedly dropped her gaze to her plate the moment his sharp gaze met hers.

The rest of their dinner past in a heavy silence and Sonea did not dare look up at him again. He obviously had something important on his mind, but whatever it was, she didn't know. I don't really care anyway, she thought uncertainly. She had enough to deal with as it was. Besides, what did it matter? Akkarin was merely her guardian and a black magician who had taken her hostage. But lately Sonea had been wondering whether there was a good reason for all he had done.

Sonea sighed and put down her food, raising herself and bowing briefly to the man in front of her. 'May I be excused, High Lord?'

Akkarin nodded and took another sip from his glass. 'Goodnight, Sonea.' He still seemed very distracted, but Sonea did not intend to pry further at all. Relieved to have escaped from his presence, which brought up too many mixed emotions in her, she nearly ran up the stairs to her room and shut the door.

Creating a small globelight, she changed hurriedly and carelessly, throwing on the linen nightgown and picking a book from the many on her shelves, setting it down beside her bed to read. Untying her hair and not having the patience to give it a brush, she merely walked over to her window, staring over the Guild grounds bathed in moonlight. Yet her gaze slid to the dark sky, and she was content to just watch the stars for a while, until she was yawning too frequently to stay there.

Making her way back to her bed, Sonea tried to fall into a dreamless and deep sleep; something she had failed at for a few nights. And she most certainly did not want to think of the reasons for her uneasy nights, nights which found her lying in her bed with her head buzzing in exhaustion.

He had to sleep. He had to distract himself. Otherwise he would do something he would regret. Tossing the empty wine bottle aside, Akkarin took off his black robes and threw them into his wardrobe. He just couldn't stop thinking about Sonea. He had noticed how she had changed while she was in his presence, and hated himself for it. He snorted to himself as he remembered his previous hopes. It was just his foolish interpretation of her so-called "feelings" for him; it was obvious the girl was only feeling suspicion and fright.

She was so cautious, so formal and she obviously didn't trust him enough to voice her real thoughts. If only he could explain everything to her, the threat of the Ichani and his practice of black magic only to protect Kyralia. But for some reason, the timing had never been right, and never had he trusted her to believe him.

He sighed and approached the wine cabinet. He really should stop drinking for tonight, even though he was far from drunk. He was just beginning to feel it's effects, that's all, and these effects usually made him feel bolder than usual. Setting his glass down, he walked over to his large balcony, staring at the night sky. He had never felt so many emotions over a person before except for the first woman whom he had loved.

Akkarin's eyes widened. Surely I do not love Sonea? He questioned himself. No, he thought. I don't. I'm her guardian and I'm much older than her. I just find her physically attractive, that's all- there is no emotion involved, he thought defiantly.

"What am I thinking..." he murmured to himself softly, shaking his head at his lie. He longed to see her, to hold her, to give her the love she deserved from him after so much hardship. But she would never accept it. She hated him. She would be horrified. And he couldn't stand this thought.

He sat on a couch, thinking vaguely of reading to help him sleep and divert his thoughts. But the moment he lay down he knew there was no way this could work. He wanted her so much and yet there was no way he could have this... privilege.

Or wasn't there? He knew what he could do. But it was too terrible…Or was it? He had gone through so much for others, and yet even Sonea was denied to him. It was enough. He had power, he had the authority. No one would question his statement, and no one would believe a novice over him. He could continue to use Rothen's safety as means of making sure she refused a truth read.

Yet he knew if he did this, any hope of Sonea ever loving him would go. But was it even there in the first place, for him to be worrying about it going?

Obviously she never loved him and probably never would, and if he didn't have her by force, he never would otherwise anyway. And Akkarin had had enough and felt sick of so much denied to him, so much he had to sacrifice in the past for others and get nothing in return from them- only resentment. He had never wanted anything until now; and now that he did, he knew he could never have it. And he couldn't stand it. Not anymore. The day Dakova had forbidden him to be with her, was the day he had promised himself that this was the last time he silently abided by another's imposed restrictions upon himself.

Standing abruptly, he grabbed his robes and slipped into them, tying the sash of the black material. This was the only time he had wanted Sonea so much, and he would not be deprived of her tonight, even if this meant he could never forgive himself. Besides, Akkarin thought to himself with a self-mocking smile, my list of unforgivable deeds has grown too long for me to compensate...