This is a sad story that I have been working on for awhile. If you do not like sad stories, then please don't read.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything associated with it.
A smile. . . How can something so simple put someone at ease? Why does such a simple gesture as moving your lips up normally make such a positive difference than leaving your lips in a straight line? No one can be 100 percent sure why a smile does what it does. However, there are many reasons why people smile. Some smile because they are happy. Others smile to put others at ease. Still others smile to appear friendly. While there are many positives to smiling, there are rare occasions where a smile can be deceiving.
A smile can also be used to hide negative feelings. Negative feelings such as loneliness and pain. There is a saying that goes along the lines of the saddest people smile the brightest. Contradictory, while a smile can be deceiving, the eyes always tell the truth. That saying goes along the lines of the eyes are the windows to one's soul. Now, it may be hard to accept both sayings as true, but no harm could possibly come from at least taking some time to consider them.
Walking down one of the many streets in the Hidden Leaf Village is one Naruto Uzumaki. Today is Saturday; so the academy is not in session. With nothing to do and since it was a gorgeous day out, he decided to take a walk around the village.
Naruto is wearing a black t-shirt with a red swirl on the front of it and white shorts with a single blue stripe running down the sides of them. Instead of a headband, googles are on his head and his hands are behind his head . A big smile is on his face and his blue eyes are only slightly open. Like always, people glared at him and whispered things like "Hey, its that boy" as he walked by while deep in thought.
Why do they always do this to me? What have I ever done to them? Why do they always ignored me and pretend that I don't exist. . .
No matter what I do, it is always the same response. Besides pranks of course. With pranks, they have to do something to me. They have to scold me. . .
With each yell, came relief. Relief because someone noticed me. Someone took time out of their day to punish me. It was always refreshing to hear someone say something to me instead of ignoring me. That isn't even the best part!
The best part is that everyone had to see the pranks I pulled! Everyone had to know I existed. Everyone had to see Naruto Uzumaki!
With the types of pranks I pulled, I made sure of it.
So the number one prankster in the Hidden Leaf Village was born!
While lost in thought, suddenly, I felt myself run into someone. The collision sent me stumbling back slightly, but I managed to catch myself before I fell. Getting a better look at who I ran into, I notice I ran into a male adult and he was facing away from me.
I knew what would happen next. Hell it should have been obvious to me by now. Especially since it was an adult, but I couldn't stop the slight hope from building inside of me. Hope that this person would not ignore me like the plague or make some snide remark and see me as a human being.
As he turned, I could tell from his smile and the twinkle in his eye that this person is normally a friendly person. So, against my better judgement, I allowed my hope to grow.
However, that smile and twinkle in his eye disappeared once he saw me.
"Watch were you going, demon-brat."
With those words, my hope disappeared and the weight in my chest grew heavier. Putting a big smile on my face, I moved to go around him. For I knew that people were now staring at me and any other action would cause a riot.
"Oh look at this. Is the little demon crying?"
Shocked at what the man said, I stopped moving and brought a hand up to my face. Feeling something warm, but wet, on my cheek, I knew that the man was right. After letting a "dammit" out I quickly looked down and tried to wipe the tears away as fast as I could. However, I knew the damage had already been done when I heard laughter around me.
"Good, you should suffer after what you did."
The tears were now coming down faster than I could wipe them away. Why did I have to cry? I could always put on a big smile no matter what, but for some reason I couldn't stop the tiny bits of water from coming out of my eyes.
"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW THAT EVERYONE HATES YOU. IF I COULD, I WOULD KILL YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. YOU SHOULD JUST DO ALL OF US A FAVOR AND JUST DIE."
That did it for me. Before felt like a simple scratch to the chest compared to the large hole I felt now. I had to get away. I just had to. The pain was too great to stay. It didn't matter that my vision was blurry or I had no idea where I was going, I just ran.
"YOU CAN RUN ALL YOU WANT, BUT EVENTUALLY YOU WILL DIE AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS, NO ONE WILL MOURN YOUR DEATH."
Naruto eventually made his way to the top of the Hokage Monument and he spent hours sitting on top of the Fourth Hokage's head. It was now late and the sun was setting over the horizon. The light from the sun tinted the sky in a beautiful orange and pink color. However, even while witnessing the beautiful scene, the heavy feeling in his chest remained. Tears were no longer falling from his eyes, but pain and sorrow were still seen in his eyes.
Somewhere inside I felt something snap.
"Dammit, why me?" I said as the sun disappeared below the horizon.
Slowly, but surely, I felt myself getting angrier and angrier. My heart started to beat faster and I clenched both my fists tightly.
"What did I do?" I said louder while standing up.
By now, I could hear my heart rapidly beating in my ears and I narrowed my eyes.
"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?" I shouted to the village.
. . .
Growing more agitated after hearing no response, I shouted even louder, "ANSWER ME!"
. . .
I knew that the villagers had to be laughing at me. Laughing at how pathetic the "demon-brat" sounded.
Seeing red, I got onto my knees and began striking the ground with my fists.
"ARE. . .YOU. . .HAPPY. . .NOW. . .SEEING. . . ME. . .LIKE. . .THIS!" I shouted while striking the ground as hard as I could after each word.
"WE. . .WILL. . .SEE. . .WHO. . .WILL. . .GET. . .THE. . .LAST. . .LAUGH!"
After saying this, I felt my angry reach its peak and with a battle cry I struck the ground as fast and as hard as I could.
At first, I moved with great speed. However, my speed slowly went away until I didn't even have the strength to lift my hands from my side.
Completely worn out, I drew deep, heavy breaths as I looked down at the puddle of blood forming on the ground.
*Drip*
Confused, I looked in the direction where I heard that noise from.
*Drip* *Drip*
This time, I saw what made that noise. It was a drop of water falling and mixing with my small pool of blood. Oh great. Now it is going rain.
Looking up at the sky, I was surprised to see the stars and moon staring back at me and no clouds.
Confused, I looked back down and then I felt it.
Felt the cool liquid on my cheeks.
*Drip* *Drip* *Drip*
After making that discovering, I just stayed on my knees, frozen, and let the tears fall from eyes to my cheeks and then to the ground.
After some time, I curled myself into a ball on the tear and blood stained ground and let out all of my pent up emotions.
In the late hours of the night, Naruto made his way home without, surprisingly, running into any shinobi doing late night rounds. He was no longer crying, but evidence that he had was clearly shown in his red eyes.
Walking up the stairs to my apartment, I thought over my last visits to the Hokage Monument. Like always, the visit dulled the pain.
Granted, I did not just sit their and look over the village like my normal visits. However, in the end, the spot served its purpose once again.
Reaching up to with my keys to open my apartment, I could not stop from wondering what was worse. The never fading dull pain I feel now or the heavy lung crushing pain that I felt on the Forth Hokage's head.
No! I knew what was worse, I thought, as I opened the door to my apartment.
Looking around at my unwelcoming and dark apartment, I was once again reminded why I don't like spending much time here. Reminded of not having any parents.
"Sure, being an orphan is great," I said with sarcasm.
"Not having anyone around to yell at you when you make a mess," I continued with false joy.
"Not having anyone around to tell you what to eat. Not having anyone around to tell you what to wear. Not having anyone to tell you it's ok when your scared or angry," I said with a sigh at the end.
"Not having anyone to comfort you when you cry. Not having anyone to welcome you home. Not having anyone to tell you that they love you. . ."
After saying this, I felt. . .
Nothing.
I felt nothing, but that dull pain in my chest. I didn't feel like screaming at the top of my lungs and banging my fists against something. Nor, did I feel like weeping like a new born baby. I just felt that never fading dull pain.
Turning on the lights and walking into my apartment, I welcomed myself home.
Examining myself as I closed and locked the door behind myself, I noticed that I was mess and I needed a shower before going to bed.
To save time and because I could, I started to take off my cloths, shoes, and googles as I walked towards the bathroom.
Then, I turned on the shower and stepped in.
Instantly, I shivered as the cold water hit my back. As I took sharp and unsteady breaths, I prayed for my body to quickly adjust to the temperature and end my suffering.
For once in my life, my prayer was answered. My body adjusted to the temperature and my breathing returned to normal.
After awhile, I turned the shower off and began to dry myself off with a towel that I found in the bathroom. Afterwards, I went to my bedroom and quickly put my pajamas on. Then, after a quick trip back to the bathroom to brush my teeth and to use the bathroom, I was ready for bed.
Turning the lights off and climbing into bed, I began to think back to the question I asked myself when I first got to my apartment.
What was worse. The never fading dull pain or the heavy lung crushing pain?
While the heavy lung crushing pain seems like the clear winner. The opposite is actually true.
For at least I still feel like a human being when experiencing the heavy lung crushing pain. I still have emotions. In contrast, the longer I experience the dull pain, the more I feel myself slipping away. The more I feel myself changing into something that I am not.
The old man (Third Hokage) once told me that time heals all wounds. If that was true, then why hasn't that dull pain gone away! No matter what I do, it is still there mocking and eating away at me! If it was the heavy lung crushing pain, I could simply punch or cry away until it was gone. However, with the dull pain, I can't do that. With it, I don't feel angry or sad. I feel freakin nothing!
"I feel nothing," I said softly.
Maybe feeling nothing is not a bad thing after all. I could just fade away. Yeah, that sounds nice. Never having to deal with the pain and suffering anymore. . .
Shaking my head, I quickly let that thought leave my head.
I know there has to be a better way to deal with the pain.
There just has to be. . .
However, with each passing day, the idea of fading away seems more and more inviting. . .
Feeling I did enough thinking for today, I turned in my bed so I was lying on my back and adjusted my blankets accordingly to fall asleep.
Yes, sleep sounded nice. . .
. . .
Opening my eyes wide and quickly sitting up in my bed, I finally connected the dots. It all made sense. Why that villager I bumped into earlier reacted with such anger instead of mostly ignoring me? Why no one came to confront me for yelling at the top of my lungs on the Hokage Monument? Why I didn't see any shinobi when I was returning home? The answer was simple, at least for the last two. On this time every year, almost all of villagers and shinobi go to some nearby village to celebrate and mourn what happened today in the past.
Getting up from my bed, I went over to my calendar to confirm my suspicion that today was really that day. Seeing that I was correct, I released a slow and long breath.
"Happy birthday to me I guess."