White Pony: Yes, that's right. Thomas! Mwahahahahaha! Go, Disclaimer Dude!
Disclaimer Dude: White Pony doesn't own Thomas the Tank Engine. Thank God.
A Weird Day
The Island of Sodor, an island paradise of many railways twisting and turning about as if it were a plate of spaghetti. It was a beautiful morning, but not an ordinary one. For the author has forced me against my will to narrate this ridiculous parody she wrote-Ouch!-How did you get that anvil?!-Ouch!-Alright! Stop! ... Where was I? Oh, yes. It was a beautiful morning on the Island of Sodor. Thomas awoke from a peaceful slumber by the crow of a rooster that seemed to have appeared suddenly. His driver lit his fire and he puffed out of his shed to collect Henry's coaches.
When he arrived at the station, Thomas found that the coaches were arguing about various plays of sporting events. While he collected them, he decided to ask why they were arguing about sport strategies.
"Well, we are coaches, aren't we?" they replied.
Tiddy-Boom!
A hobo did the comedic drum thing.
Thomas chuckled and he thought how silly they were acting. The coaches were coupled, but Henry didn't show up. Instead, Gordon came.
"Henry isn't feeling well again. He said he caught something," said Gordon.
"What did he catch?" asked Thomas.
"He caught sight of a shaved ox. You know how Henry's system reacts to bald oxen."
"Yes, he breaks out in polka-dotted platypus eggs."
"By the way, little Thomas, why were the coaches arguing about strategies in sports?" Gordon asked.
"Because they're coaches," Thomas said simply.
Tiddy-Boom!
The hobo did the comedic drum thing again and he was snatched off the ground by a giant hobo-eating kingfisher.
"Mush, Gordon! Mush!" Gordon's driver ordered and he pulled out of the station with the arguing coaches.
"Where's Sir Topham Hatt? I need to know what I'm going to do today," Thomas waited and waited. Still the fat controller didn't arrive to boss everyone around to do their manual labor while he relaxed to enjoy their pain and misery.
"If Sir Topham Hatt doesn't show up in ten minutes, we can bail and do whatever we want!" Thomas' driver exclaimed.
"Sounds good to me!"
Meanwhile in Sir Topham Hatt's office, Sir Topham Hatt was curled up in a corner and rocking back and forth in a fetal position.
"Elevator music... elevator music... elevator music...," the fat controller repeated over and over like a broken record player.
Back at the station, Thomas waited for Sir Topham Hatt. An hour has passed, but Thomas' driver didn't know that because his watch was broken.
"Finally!" Thomas' driver yelled in frustration, "Ten minutes have passed!"
Thomas smiled and he left the station to do whatever he felt like doing.
"Those ten minutes seemed more like an hour."
Thomas agreed. Then he shifted his attention away from his crew when his fireman opened a bottle of champagne. It wasn't long until Thomas found Percy who had tin foil wrapped around his funnel.
"Percy, why do you have tin foil wrapped around your funnel?" Thomas asked out of curiosity and confusion.
"Shhhhh, Thomas! I am not Percy. I am... uhhh... just call me 'Fred'."
"What for?"
"I dunno," Percy replied, "I have this protective tin foil around my funnel and now the diesels can't read my mind!" After that, Percy went back to shunting trucks.
"Let's go, my little minions," Percy commanded the trucks.
"Yes, Master," the trucks replied in a mindless monotone.
Thomas puffed along the line merrily when suddenly, a dark emerald blur with a string of coaches filled with screaming passengers flashed by.
"Holy waffles!" Thomas gasped when the speeding blur vanished over the horizon. Then the blur came back without the coaches and came to a sudden stop next to Thomas. It was Emily.
"Hello, Thomas!!" Emily greeted unusually cheerfully. She was extremely hyper due to the fact that her fireman had poured several hundred bags of pure sugar into her tank. How did it all fit? I guess Emily really likes her sugar.
"Hello, Emily," Thomas returned the greeting, "You seem really perky today."
"That's because I had lots of sugar and it made me really really hyper and my driver told me to save my energy for work and I did and I just finished all my work in record time!!!" Emily exclaimed in her hyper activeness. Then she began to calm down a little, "Whacha doin here anyway?"
"Sir Topham Hatt didn't show up to give me work."
"The lazy bum," Emily snickered.
"Yeah, no kidding," Thomas chuckled, "Want to go do whatever we want?"
"Sure!" Thomas and Emily ran along the line side-by-side. Along the way, Thomas' driver had tied a sheet to Thomas' funnel and crafted it into a sail. Thomas' drunk crew began singing sea shanties very off-key. Emily's crew leaped to Thomas to join his merry men after Emily was switched to autopilot that had been installed into her seconds ago.
Emily's break man and guard began break dancing after they had twenty glasses of champagne. Emily's driver passed out, her fireman was tied up and was used as a pinata by Thomas' driver and fireman. Thomas' guard was trying to learn how to play the ukelele with his toes, and the break man was hitting on a visiting brown pelican that he had mistaken for Brittany Spears. As a result, the flustered pelican coughed up a fish that began beating up Thomas' poor break man. When the fish decided that the break man had enough injuries, he hopped back in the pelican's mouth and she flew off.
Thomas and Emily were enjoying themselves before they came face-to-face with Diesel and Diesel Ten.
"Good morning," purred Diesel in his oily voice.
"It's afternoon actually," Thomas corrected.
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Diesel sobbed, but then the brightened up when Diesel Ten's mechanical claw released its collection of daisies. Diesel and Diesel Ten smiled happily as the daisies seemed to dance in the wind. Thomas and Emily exchanged glances of worry and fright.
"Come on, steamies, let's join together in harmony," Diesel Ten purred sweetly and sickly.
Thomas and Emily backed up and kept at a safe distance from the evil diesels.
"Don't be afraid, my friends. We only wish to spread peace," said Diesel.
"They're spreading peace! Run, Thomas, run!" Emily shouted. She and Thomas somehow turned around on the rails and ran off.
"Wait! We want to invite you to our party!" the two diesels ran after them.
Thomas and Emily were eventually stopped when a wall of cheese magically appeared onto the tracks.
"OH-NO!" the two steam engines cried out.
"OOOOH-YEAH!" the giant Kool-Aid pitcher guy exclaimed as he pounced out of a bunch of bushes. Thomas and Emily stared at him and he seemed to pull them into a trance of awkwardness. The two diesels arrived at the scene and scared away the Kool-Aid guy when he was offered their friendship. They coupled themselves to the frightened engines and dragged them to the smelters.
It was much different and scarier than both engines remembered. The walls were painted bright pink and lacy decorations hung everywhere. There were even paintings of pretty rainbows, magical flying unicorns, and of the cast of 'Three's Company'.
"Hey, everyone!" Diesel and Diesel Ten sang together addressing a group of other diesels, "We brought company!"
"Yippee!" the other diesels cheered and they began chatting and squealing amongst each other like rabid teenage girls at a slumber party.
"Settle down, boys!" Diesel announced, "It's time to bake cookies!"
Thomas and Emily looked at each other and back at the herd of wild diesels.
"Splatter, Dodge, get the Easy Bake oven ready, darlings," Diesel Ten ordered in an annoying bubbly tone.
"Thomas, I'm scared," Emily confessed.
"Me too," Thomas said, "How are we going to get out of here? I'm too young and handsome to die!"
"Yes, you are," Emily smiled slyly.
"What?" Thomas asked, not sure what his female friend had said.
"Nothing," she replied quickly as her face glowed. Then she was struck with an idea, "I have an idea!"
"What is it?!" Thomas asked excitedly.
"You'll see," Emily blew her whistle to the 'Gilligan's Island' theme song. After the song and a time period of 12.4 seconds reached its end, a family of seals appeared. They were Emily's seals she met at the Black Loch line.
The seals intimidated the diesels with various martial arts poses and Seinfeld comedy sketches. The diesels shrunk back in pure terror. The seals uncoupled Thomas and Emily from Diesel and Diesel Ten and they escaped the horrific place safely.
"That was quick thinking, Emily! You and your seals saved the day!" Thomas praised Emily, making her flush with embarrassment.
"Oh, stop it," Emily gushed, " You're making me blush."
"You'll make me blush, you attractive hunk of sunshine."
"What?" Emily asked, unsure of what Thomas just said.
"Nothing!" Thomas said quickly as his own face was aglow.
Thomas and Emily's crew awoke with aching heads. Emily's crew hopped onto Emily after crashing a few times. They left for Tidmoth Sheds as the sun set after a long day of insanity.
For no reason, James was stuck in a tree the entire day. He eventually got down when a friendly beaver gnawed down the tree. Fortunately, no one was hurt, except for the hare that James squashed as he landed on the ground.
That is the end of the Island of Sodor's weirdest day and the narrator gets a cookie for doing a great job of narrorating the author's parody. Yay!
THE END.