The One With the Annoying Ex-Fiancée
Rachael turned her head to the sound of someone's fist pounding
against the door.
Before she had the chance to open the door, in popped a three
hundred- pound man standing in front of her, holding a box of
cookies.
"Um, no thanks. We already bought some from the girl-scout next door."
Rachael said, referring to the large box of cookies.
"No, Rachael, it's me," said the man with a hurt look, " It's me, Barry."
"Barry, wow. . . you look. . . so, where's Mindy?"
"Actually, we. . .well. . .we got a divorce." Barry said.
"Sorry to hear that. . . so what brings you into town?" Rachael asked
getting off the subject.
"Actually, I'm unemployed now, and not doing so well financially,
emotionally, mentally. In fact, Mindy got the house, the Porsche, she even
got custody of our son, oh, what's his name? Jeremy? Josh? Jamie? Jody?
One of those. I got tired of my boss pushing me around, so when he asked
me to do something, I just told him to do it himself. Then he fired me. So
now I'm broke, homeless, unemployed, lonely, and not to mention I've
gained a couple of pounds. So anyway do you mind if I stay here with you
for a few months?"
"What? Well, Barry, I have a baby now, and a roommate. . ."
"Oh, you're so sweet. I'll bring in my bags of clothes in a second, just let
me go pee."
Disgusted, Rachael watched Barry walk into the restroom, making himself
at home.
Just then, Monica walked in, a cheery look on her face.
"Monica, you have to help me." Rachael whispered, "Barry's here!"
"Oh, that's great, what's he been up to? How does he look now?
"Mindy divorced him and he's a little. . . larger now." Rachael replied,
"Oh, who am I kidding? He's a mule."
"He can't be that big." Monica said.
All of a sudden, Barry rushed through the room, ignoring Monica,
heading down stairs with his pants soaking wet, to get his bags, "Sorry about
that. Sometimes I have accidents."
When he was out of sight, "Oh. . . my. . . gosh. . .he's huge." Monica said.
"And that's not the worst part. He going to be staying with me for a
while."
"Why? You said the apartment is cramped already with Emma and Joey.
Why would you ask him to stay with you?" Monica asked.
"That's the problem, Mon, he wasn't invited." Rachael said, " and never
ask him what brings him to town because he goes on and on and on, telling
you his worries, problems, and guilts."
"So you mean to tell me that he invited himself to live with you?"
"Yep, and when I told him that I had a roommate, and there wouldn't be
all that much room here, all he did was thank me for letting him stay here."
Rachael said.
* * *
"Hey," Joey asked Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Chandler, "did y'all see the
fat guy trying to sell cookies to people yesterday? I had to pay him $20 just
to get him to go away."
"Joey, that's Rachael's ex-fiancée, Barry," Monica asked as she sat down
by Chandler, Ross, Phoebe, and Joey at Central Perk, "He's changed a lot.
He weighs like three hundred pounds now, and he's unemployed with no
place to stay, so he wants to live with Rachael for a while."
"He can't live with us," Joey complained, "he probably has complications
fitting through the door. Why did Rachael ask him to stay with us?"
"Well," Monica continued, "She didn't. He just sort of asked himself if he
could stay."
"Where is he now," Ross asked.
"He's changing his pants." Monica said, trying to block out the look of
Barry running past her with those horribly gross wetted pants.
"What'd he do? Pee on himself?" Chandler asked sarcastically, not
realizing that that was exactly what had happened.
"Well. . . yeah." Monica replied, making the sarcastic grin disappear from
her husband's face.
Suddenly, Rachael rushed through the double doors of Central Perk
holding Emma in a blue and purple carrier, " Y'all have to get him away
from me. Earlier he kept mentioning how alone he was, but apparently he
isn't so alone."
"What do you mean by that?" Ross asked, giving Emma a kiss on the
forehead.
"It turns out, he's gay, he turned gay, how on earth did he turn gay? He has
a boyfriend named Miranda." Rachael said, not believing what Barry had
confessed to her.
"Well, why can't Barry just stay with his boyfriend?" Chandler asked
Rachael.
"You see, that's the bad part. His boyfriend has no place to stay either. So
now Barry thinks that it's okay if Miranda stays with us, too." Rachael said.
"Are you really going to let these two guys live with you?" Phoebe asked,
"I mean, I never met Barry or anything, but he seems like a. . . well. . . a
rude boy. That's what he is. . .he is a rude boy."
"You know what? I just remembered why I stood Barry up at the alter."
Rachael said as Barry walked in Central Perk holding hands with a scrawny
old man. They walked up to the counter and began telling Gunther what they
wanted to drink. Barry ordered a little bit more than what Miranda did.
"Well, if they move in with you guys, Joey, just think. . . Barry's weight
can make up for all of the weight that Miranda doesn't have." Chandler said
with a half smile.
"Hey, Rachael," Barry began, "As sorry as I am, we won't be living with
you anymore. We're getting married, everyone! ! ! . . . "Hey, you're the guy
who gave me twenty bucks to get lost yesterday." Barry pointed at Joey,
"Thanks, that bought me quite a bit of food. Well, at least enough to last me
through last night. Well, we better run. We got a long trip in front of us."
Barry and Miranda walked out of Central Perk to begin their long journey.
" You do realize that the only state that will allow that is in the western
states somewhere, and it will cost money and time to get there." Chandler
said
"Yeah, I know," Rachael replied.
" Well, how are they supposed to get there with no money?"
"I don't know, and I don't really care."
12 months later
Barry and Miranda now are happily married with no jobs and no
money, living on the street beside a hotel in Chicago. Rachael soon
plans to move out into Ross' apartment after they get married in a
few months. Phoebe lives with Joey and Rachael now that her and
Joey are dating. Monica is eight months pregnant with little Chandler
Jr., and of course, Gunther still goes on, madly in love with Rachael.
Rachael turned her head to the sound of someone's fist pounding
against the door.
Before she had the chance to open the door, in popped a three
hundred- pound man standing in front of her, holding a box of
cookies.
"Um, no thanks. We already bought some from the girl-scout next door."
Rachael said, referring to the large box of cookies.
"No, Rachael, it's me," said the man with a hurt look, " It's me, Barry."
"Barry, wow. . . you look. . . so, where's Mindy?"
"Actually, we. . .well. . .we got a divorce." Barry said.
"Sorry to hear that. . . so what brings you into town?" Rachael asked
getting off the subject.
"Actually, I'm unemployed now, and not doing so well financially,
emotionally, mentally. In fact, Mindy got the house, the Porsche, she even
got custody of our son, oh, what's his name? Jeremy? Josh? Jamie? Jody?
One of those. I got tired of my boss pushing me around, so when he asked
me to do something, I just told him to do it himself. Then he fired me. So
now I'm broke, homeless, unemployed, lonely, and not to mention I've
gained a couple of pounds. So anyway do you mind if I stay here with you
for a few months?"
"What? Well, Barry, I have a baby now, and a roommate. . ."
"Oh, you're so sweet. I'll bring in my bags of clothes in a second, just let
me go pee."
Disgusted, Rachael watched Barry walk into the restroom, making himself
at home.
Just then, Monica walked in, a cheery look on her face.
"Monica, you have to help me." Rachael whispered, "Barry's here!"
"Oh, that's great, what's he been up to? How does he look now?
"Mindy divorced him and he's a little. . . larger now." Rachael replied,
"Oh, who am I kidding? He's a mule."
"He can't be that big." Monica said.
All of a sudden, Barry rushed through the room, ignoring Monica,
heading down stairs with his pants soaking wet, to get his bags, "Sorry about
that. Sometimes I have accidents."
When he was out of sight, "Oh. . . my. . . gosh. . .he's huge." Monica said.
"And that's not the worst part. He going to be staying with me for a
while."
"Why? You said the apartment is cramped already with Emma and Joey.
Why would you ask him to stay with you?" Monica asked.
"That's the problem, Mon, he wasn't invited." Rachael said, " and never
ask him what brings him to town because he goes on and on and on, telling
you his worries, problems, and guilts."
"So you mean to tell me that he invited himself to live with you?"
"Yep, and when I told him that I had a roommate, and there wouldn't be
all that much room here, all he did was thank me for letting him stay here."
Rachael said.
* * *
"Hey," Joey asked Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Chandler, "did y'all see the
fat guy trying to sell cookies to people yesterday? I had to pay him $20 just
to get him to go away."
"Joey, that's Rachael's ex-fiancée, Barry," Monica asked as she sat down
by Chandler, Ross, Phoebe, and Joey at Central Perk, "He's changed a lot.
He weighs like three hundred pounds now, and he's unemployed with no
place to stay, so he wants to live with Rachael for a while."
"He can't live with us," Joey complained, "he probably has complications
fitting through the door. Why did Rachael ask him to stay with us?"
"Well," Monica continued, "She didn't. He just sort of asked himself if he
could stay."
"Where is he now," Ross asked.
"He's changing his pants." Monica said, trying to block out the look of
Barry running past her with those horribly gross wetted pants.
"What'd he do? Pee on himself?" Chandler asked sarcastically, not
realizing that that was exactly what had happened.
"Well. . . yeah." Monica replied, making the sarcastic grin disappear from
her husband's face.
Suddenly, Rachael rushed through the double doors of Central Perk
holding Emma in a blue and purple carrier, " Y'all have to get him away
from me. Earlier he kept mentioning how alone he was, but apparently he
isn't so alone."
"What do you mean by that?" Ross asked, giving Emma a kiss on the
forehead.
"It turns out, he's gay, he turned gay, how on earth did he turn gay? He has
a boyfriend named Miranda." Rachael said, not believing what Barry had
confessed to her.
"Well, why can't Barry just stay with his boyfriend?" Chandler asked
Rachael.
"You see, that's the bad part. His boyfriend has no place to stay either. So
now Barry thinks that it's okay if Miranda stays with us, too." Rachael said.
"Are you really going to let these two guys live with you?" Phoebe asked,
"I mean, I never met Barry or anything, but he seems like a. . . well. . . a
rude boy. That's what he is. . .he is a rude boy."
"You know what? I just remembered why I stood Barry up at the alter."
Rachael said as Barry walked in Central Perk holding hands with a scrawny
old man. They walked up to the counter and began telling Gunther what they
wanted to drink. Barry ordered a little bit more than what Miranda did.
"Well, if they move in with you guys, Joey, just think. . . Barry's weight
can make up for all of the weight that Miranda doesn't have." Chandler said
with a half smile.
"Hey, Rachael," Barry began, "As sorry as I am, we won't be living with
you anymore. We're getting married, everyone! ! ! . . . "Hey, you're the guy
who gave me twenty bucks to get lost yesterday." Barry pointed at Joey,
"Thanks, that bought me quite a bit of food. Well, at least enough to last me
through last night. Well, we better run. We got a long trip in front of us."
Barry and Miranda walked out of Central Perk to begin their long journey.
" You do realize that the only state that will allow that is in the western
states somewhere, and it will cost money and time to get there." Chandler
said
"Yeah, I know," Rachael replied.
" Well, how are they supposed to get there with no money?"
"I don't know, and I don't really care."
12 months later
Barry and Miranda now are happily married with no jobs and no
money, living on the street beside a hotel in Chicago. Rachael soon
plans to move out into Ross' apartment after they get married in a
few months. Phoebe lives with Joey and Rachael now that her and
Joey are dating. Monica is eight months pregnant with little Chandler
Jr., and of course, Gunther still goes on, madly in love with Rachael.