Author: Manda

Word Count: 1297

Paring: Alex/Izzie

Rating: PG-ish, for references to sex

Spoilers: up through 3x08 "Staring At The Sun"

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Grey's Anatomy, but I don't. Please don't sue.

Hey all ... this is my first fanfiction ever. Seriously. I posted it on the now defunct (anyone know why the site when down? I was a moderator and got no advanced warning!) and people seemed to like it there, so I thought I'd post it here, too. There's a lack of good Alex/Izzie fanfiction out there, anyway.

Anyway, this story was inspired by the Jesse McCartney song of the same name, and if you're crafty, you may be able to find some subtle references hidden in the text. Please, please, please leave feedback ... I'd love you forever. And besides, it'll let me know if I should continue my pathetic writing endevours or if I should keep the stories I've started on my hardrive hidden. Thanks guys!

"Nice job, Dr. Stevens."

It was just a simple statement, but he could see her face brighten as he said it. She smiled wider, gave him a knowing look, and turned her attention back to Frank Jefferies.

"You'll probably feel a little tender for a few days, but it shouldn't be anything to painful. The twins look good," she told Frank, watching as he glanced down at his chest to reassure himself that what she was saying was true.

Alex Karev watched as Izzie Stevens further assure Frank that he would be fine, and Alex couldn't help but notice the caring enthusiasm in her voice as she did. She sounded so happy to be involved. Who said Izzie wasn't a good doctor? he thought. She really cares about her patients, and that's a hell of a lot better than some of the doctors around here.

Alex was startled out of his thoughts when he noticed Izzie moving toward the door, and then by Frank catching the sleeve of his lab coat.

"Frank wishes you luck. Frank understands the importance of the grand gesture." Alex nodded slightly, absorbing Frank's oddly delivered piece of wisdom.

He turned toward the door, catching sight of Izzie waiting for him, still smiling. Pausing a second before joining her, Alex vowed that he'd keep the image of happy, smiling Izzie tucked away in his mind somewhere. He hadn't realized how much he missed seeing her around the hospital until she came back, and then he hadn't realized how much he missed seeing her happy.

They headed for the stairs, the stairs that would take them back to Mark Sloan and the real world; the real world where people doubted that Izzie was cut out to be a surgeon, where people died, where Izzie wouldn't be truly happy.

He hated that thought. She looks so beautiful happy. I don't think I've seen her with such a bright smile on her face since… his thoughts trailed off. Since Denny, he finished his thought bitterly, then instantly regretted it.

I was okay with Denny, he reassured himself. Maybe not in the beginning, but he was the better man. In the end, I just wanted her to be happy. It seemed like her happiness was his main concern. He used to not care what everyone else thought. He did what he thought was best for himself. And now … now it didn't really matter what he did. No one really noticed anyway. He felt like all he'd ever be doing is running errands for Sloan, and if he could, he might as well make someone else happy in the process.

But he couldn't deny that he loved it when she smiled. He loved her smile in general, be he loved it even more when it was directed at him. When he thought about it, that's why he kept doing things that he thought she might like. He wanted to be a better man for her, wanted her to think of him more than a pompous ass that aspired to be like Mark Sloan.

That was new to him. He was used to women, there was no doubting that. He was Alex Karev, and it wasn't unusual that throughout college, he'd be seen with a new woman every other night, but he had never found himself wanting any of those beautiful women to just smile at him. He had been content with hot, steamy nights at his place or quickies in bar restrooms. Now, and he couldn't pinpoint why, a smile could give him more joy than all of the previous hot and steamy sex combined. It was a new feeling for him and he enjoyed its simplicity. If he could, he wanted to keep that feeling around as long as possible.

How is that possible? he thought. A smile isn't remotely equal to sex. Sex is always supposed to be better. How can it make me happy when she smiles?

Because you love her, you idiot, a voice in his head responded, seemingly on its own accord.

Love? He wasn't sure what the word meant.

Yes, love. You know, those feelings that you get when you really, really, really like someone and you'd rather have them be happy than yourself? When you can't stop thinking about that same someone? I realize it's a foreign emotion…

No, he thought back to himself. I don't love Izzie. It didn't work, when we were together.

Which time? the voice responded. The time you screwed up and slept with Olivia or the time she left you for the dying man?

Both, he thought bitterly. Both times ended with someone getting hurt.

Maybe she doesn't realize that she hurt you. You never really showed her you were in it for more than just sex. You fed her beast. End of story. The voice seemed to get louder and louder the more Alex tried to block it out.

Well, yes. The sex was good. Alex conceded, smiling slightly.

See? My point exactly. Do you ever think about anything else?

Yes, Alex thought back. Have you not been listening? Her smile… her smile makes me happier than sex does.

And why is that? the voice in his head prodded.

Well … I guess … I guess it's because … I love her. The realization hit him at once, and he finally understood what the voice in his head had been trying to get him to figure out. It doesn't matter though. She doesn't love me. She couldn't.

Wanna bet? the voice inside his head responded. Why don't you kiss her and find out? She'll never know if you never show her the way you feel inside.

How cliché, thanks for that advice, Alex shot back.

"Thank you, Alex," he heard her say. "I can't believe you let me help."

For the second time that afternoon Alex was forced from his thoughts. He smiled slightly as he registered what she had said, glad that she had noticed. Of course she did, idiot. No one has let her within 20 feet of a patient, and I let her do a procedure. How could she NOT notice? He didn't really care that his intentions, his grand gesture, as Frank had called it, was blatantly obvious.

"Alex is cool. Alex is the coolest," Izzie went on, continuing the game that they had been playing all day.

Somehow, those two sentences made him happier than he had been all day.

Why don't you tell her?

Will you shut up? I can't just tell her… Alex tried to drown out the voice.

"Oh, Alex knows it. Izzie isn't too bad, herself," he responded, hoping that his thoughts didn't make their way into their friendly banter. Isn't too bad? the voice in his head came back. Smooth talking.

Alex willed the voice to go away, but it seemed like the harder he tried to get rid of it, the louder it sounded. He tried reasoning. It was his best shot.

Fine, Alex thought to himself. I can't just kiss her. She's Izzie… and I couldn't do that to her. And she's, well, she might say no. Then what? Everyone thinks I'm tough, but if she turns away, I'm not sure if I can handle that.

She might not, the voice in his head shot back. She might promise that she'll stay forever, and then what? You'll have everything you've hoped for recently.

"Oh, Izzie is rocking," she responded with that bright smile that Alex loved. "Izzie is back in the game."

See? the voice continued. She's great. Wonderful. It's the best time. Make your grand gesture count for something.

Fine! Alex conceded to the voice in his head. I'll kiss her.

And he did, for once not concerned about the consequences.