Sarah vs covers, lies and ticking time bombs
A/N Warning: This is a flashback. This was the episode that got me hooked. I'll try to tone down the angst, but can't promise the same for the fluff. The chapters will be short, I have a busy time ahead with audits and exams, but I can't do it without my fix. And I also need something to balance out "The fight" – will keep working on that too. Hope you enjoy. And remember folks, I don't own Chuck.
Chapter 1
Sarah Walker did not cry. Rebecca Frenckell did. Katie O'Connell, definitely. Jenny Burton, yes. Sarah Walker? Never.
Rebecca missed her old bedroom. She missed her mom. She missed her friends. She missed her name.
Katie couldn't forget the disenchanted faces of the homeless crowd that was not going to get their Christmas meal this year. Or the excitement that faded from the seven year old when he couldn't take a new toy truck home because his dad's wallet was now safely tucked away in her backpack. She should really talk to her dad about his choice of marks.
Jenny watched her dad being led away in handcuffs. She had to endure endless snickers, looks and snide remarks from that jerk, Dick Duffy. All she had now was a knife, a trunk full of cash and an uncertain future. She was all alone.
Sarah Walker was a spy. She had no emotions. She was cold, detached, focused. Sarah Walker was the master of deception. And no one was more deceived than the person in the mirror.
"Oh, hey, I...I didn't know you were coming by." I'm surprised to see you. I thought after yesterday you would avoid me. At least for a little while. But you're here. There's no mission, no one around to sell the cover to. You came to see me. Just me. No covers, no lies.
"Um...Sarah, you know when you think you're gonna die...and your whole life is supposed to flash in front of you?" Yeah, Chuck, I know. I was poisoned too, remember?
"That didn't exactly happen for me yesterday." Me neither. All I could think about was the future. The things I still wanted to do. Wanted to have. The person I wanted to have those things with.
"In fact, mostly it was...just a list...that I saw. A list of stuff that I haven't done...and things that I haven't had a chance to say." That makes sense. You've been working on that five year plan forever. Maybe this was the nudge you needed.
"So today...today I wanna start crossing things off my list." Good idea. Who knows if we'll still be here tomorrow? Especially in this line of work.
"And this is the first thing that I promised myself that I'd do." Breathe, Sarah. This is it. He didn't buy the lie, despite the truth serum. He knows. He feels it too. He's going to kiss me. What are you waiting for? Make the first move. I'm not allowed. Don't ask. I can't give permission. Just make a move and we'll take it from there. Kiss me, Chuck.
"We need to break up." No. This can't be happening.
"What?" That's not how this supposed to go. I was supposed to tell you no. You were not supposed to believe me.
"You know, you know, like, fake break up our pretend relationship." But if we do that, what are we going to do about the thing under the undercover thing? Please don't do this.
"I just can't do this anymore, you know?" I know. I want more too. But this is better than having nothing, isn't it? It's not enough, but at least it's not nothing.
"The longer we go, the longer we keep trying to fool people into believing that we're a real couple..." We are a real couple. What we feel is real. The looks are real. The hand holding is real. The kisses would have been real too, if you just weren't so averse to PDA.
"...the person I keep fooling the most...is me." Yeah well, you did a pretty good job of fooling me too.
Sarah Walker did not cry. But then again, Sarah Walker never had her heart broken before.
He. Punch. Was. Punch. Not. Punch. Your. Kick. Boy. Punch. Friend. Punch. It. Kick. Was. Punch. Just Punch. A. Kick. Cover. Punch-punch.
Sarah grabbed the heavy bag with both hands, resting the forehead against it. She let out a shaky breath. This was bad. And not just for cover. Screw the cover. She grabbed a tissue from the vanity table, wiped her eyes and let it flutter to the growing pile on the floor. This is not working. Neither did the pint of rocky road. Or watching The Notebook.
She took off her boxing gloves and threw them on the nearest chair. Sitting cross legged on the middle of the bed, she pulled her laptop closer.
[A/N To avoid confusion: '...' indicates what's on the screen, folder and file names and document contents, -...- indicates what Sarah is typing. Hope this makes sense. And yes, the codes mean something 'wink']
'User name' -Sarah Walker- Enter
'Password' -20118181215235203822311- Enter
'Personal' Open folder. Click.
'People who need a good ass kicking' Open file. Click.
-4. Dick Duffy-
'3. Dick Duffy' Delete -3. Heather Chandler-
'2. Heather Chandler' Delete -2. Lou, the sandwich maker-
'1. Jill ? from Stanford' Save. Close file.
'Mission objectives – 3822311/920/2185/15145' Open file. Click.
-5. Don't get myself reassigned -
'4. Don't get myself reassigned' Delete -4. Don't let Casey find out that I'm compromised -
'3. Don't let Casey find out that I'm compromised' Delete -3. Keep Chuck out of the bunker -
'2. Keep Chuck out of the bunker' Delete -2. Get my guy back-
'1. Protect Chuck by any means necessary' Save. Close file.
Tomorrow. Zero nine hundred. Time to start ticking things off my list.
A/N Questions, comments, thoughts, concerns? Fino alla volta prossima. Kate.