This is what happens when you start talking about Merlin at four in the morning, after an evening of watching (and making lewd comments on) Disney movies. A little piece of crack born of a conversation between Askaris and myself.
Arthur x Merlin. (Or is it?)
Gwen felt sincerely sorry for Merlin, who seemed never to be able to keep up with all the tasks that Arthur loaded onto him. And even though Gwen might have privately liked Arthur a little – a little more than appropriate, even – she would not have swapped masters with Merlin for the world. So, in her own way of showing sympathy, she had taken to sometimes picking up the laundry from Arthur's chambers along with Morgana's, even though that was, of course, strictly speaking one of Merlin's duties.
It was on one of those mid-mornings when Gwen suddenly developed serious doubts about this charitable notion of hers. She was just about to enter Arthur's rooms when she heard a groan from within and stopped short, her right hand on the door latch and her half-full basket of laundry in the left.
"And don't you daretell anyone about this!"
Yep, it was definitely the right decision not to intrude – judging from the tone of Arthur's voice, someone was just receiving a royal upbraiding. Gwen was about to turn and walk away when the person at the receiving end of Arthur's displeasure spoke up.
"You know, you could just be glad that I came to untie you."
It was Merlin, sounding uncharacteristically defiant. Gwen looked up and down the corridor – no one in sight safe for the closest guard, posted at the next corner with his back to her. Gwen's curiosity got the better of her and she decided that she reallyneeded a moment to think about whether she had remembered to take Morgana's favourite dark veil. Leaning against the doorframe, she opened the door just a crack wider and could see half of Arthur's face, bedded on the usual abundance of cushions and slightly flushed. Merlin stood facing the bed, hands clasped behind his back.
"I didn't need any help with that, thank you", Arthur was just saying with heavy sarcasm, "In fact, the fun was just beginning and I did not mind the floor being rough and cold and the straw poking my back."
"Oh, fine!", Merlin burst out, "Next time, maybe I'll just let you 'have fun' all by yourself, if that's what you want... sire!"
Arthur made the little gasping sound that usually followed when anyone other than Uther dared to tell the Prince to his face that he was full of it. Then he sputtered: "And maybe I will just ask Sir Thomas to help out, next time! Or Lancelot! At least he knows how to handle his—"
"Oh, not that again!", Merlin interrupted him, "Did it ever occur to you that you're obsessed with swords? The bigger the better?" He harrumphed.
"It wouldn't have to be big", Arthur shot back, "but it'd really help if you knew what to do with it!"
Gwen felt herself blushing.
"I have other qualities", Merlin sniffed, "As, in fact, you might have noticed last night if you hadn't just... just... lain there!"
"You should be glad that I got those cuffs off and helped you out – it would've been a complete disaster any other way."
"I was perfectly well equipped to deal with the situation", Merlin grumbled, but he sounded a little defeated.
That moment, Gwen heard voices in the corridor and two of Arthur's knights rounded the corner. It would not do for her to be seen eaves-dropping on the prince, so Gwen made the only inconspicuous move her position allowed, tried desperately to straighten her face and entered Arthur's room.
"My lord", she said and curtseyed, not looking him in the eye, "I was just picking up the laundry and was wondering if there was anything you needed cleaned."
Arthur glanced a little quizzically from her to Merlin and back, but apparently decided not to ask. "Thank you, Gwen, those clothes over there, please." He pointed to an untidy heap of something that looked more like mud, straw and moss than anything fit to wear, least of all by a prince. Arthur probably saw her look and added, somewhat apologetically: "Those bandits threw me into some disused cave of a cellar, and it took Merlin here forever to get me out." He turned to his manservant. "Really, Merlin, what did I tell you to stand watch for? So you could motion desperately from behind their backs as they dragged me off?" He turned back to Gwen. "I put up a formidable fight, of course. I was outnumbered eight to one..."
Gwen just smiled and picked up the dirty clothing. So Arthur had encountered some trouble when he had gone out last night to hunt down the small group of bandits that had been making life hard for traders coming to Camelot these past few weeks. He had taken only a handful of men, who had returned at sunrise, contritely explaining that they had been separated from the Prince. Thank the Heavens that Merlin had been around – as he always seemed to be when there was trouble – and helped Arthur. To think that she had thought...
Gwen collected the last dirty stocking and asked, straightening up, "Is there anything else you need, my lord?"
"No, thanks, Gwen."
"Very well."
"Although... Could you please not tell anyone that I got myself captured?"
"Of course, my lord."
She curtsied and left the room, and had to suppress the sudden urge to giggle. She and Morgana really needed to stop telling each other those stories in the evenings... They made her read untoward implications into the most innocent of situations, it seemed.
"I should get going, too", Merlin said, thoughtfully studying Arthur's face and the appreciative look he gave Gwen's backside as she left the room. "I'll ask Gaius for some balm for your cuts and bruises."
"Mhmm" was all Arthur could be bothered to answer before he contentedly closed his eyes and settled back against his pillows. Merlin sighed quietly as he turned to leave, but when he cast a look back over his shoulder he couldn't quite help a grin of his own.
"Merlin?", Arthur said, eyes still closed.
"Yes?"
"Could you bring some honey, too?"
"Honey? I..." Picking up some honey required making a beeline for the kitchens, four additional flights of stairs down, to a different wing of the castle and then back again. "I was up all night, too, you know...", he said weakly, knowing that his protest would be futile. It always was.
Arthur was actually very good at motivating his people when he chose to be, though, and it seemed that he felt inspirational right then. He snapped his blue eyes open and gave Merlin a look and a smile that very nearly made him go weak in the knees.
"I'll make it worth your while", Arthur purred, "I promise."