Author's Note: Sorry this fic is so short and that there's no dialogue… I hope you enjoy it anyways. As a warning, this fic is rated T for one curse word and general angstiness. As a disclaimer, I own nothing.
Lorelei Martins is a complex character, and I admit I was lulled into hating her for disrupting my ship. But she was actually a blessing to the show, not a curse. She brought a new dynamic to the Red John story line, and I became fascinated by that.
Yes, she and Jane are quite similar, which I wrote about in this fic. But I mostly wanted to explore their differences, which I contest are more poignant than their similarities. I also wanted to know what drove her to do the things she did in the season five episode, There Will Be Blood. I wanted to know what went through her head. I sure hope I did her character justice.
The split second after I left Patrick Jane to clean up the mess I made at that bastard Jason Lennon's house, I was elated and felt like nothing could bring me down. Even if I did not survive my mission of vengeance (which was pretty much a given, if I knew Red John) I would still be overjoyed. Because now I knew the truth. I knew for sure.
The past couple of months were a kind of hell for me. Not knowing what was real, or if anything I had held sacred for the best years of my entire life was real. He had lied to be. My savior had lied to me. Patrick had shown me the truth. Patrick had become my new savior.
These thoughts circled in my brain as I went to confront Red John. This was it. My entire life has led up to this moment. But maybe Patrick was right. Maybe he knew that I knew. Maybe he knew about everything I had been doing recently. The torture spree and the preparations of ultimate vengeance. I wouldn't put it past him. And maybe he was prepared for me. If so, I didn't have a chance. But, oddly enough, I didn't care. I only cared about one thing.
Red John killed my sister.
Red John raped and killed my sister.
Red John abandoned her to die in the desert, alone and suffering. And then he had the nerve to convert me to his cause. He used my pain against me. Just as he had tried to do to Patrick, only Patrick didn't fall for it like I had. Oh I should've known! But I was foolish, oh so foolish. I had trusted Red John, and for that I must kill him.
Patrick and I are very similar; I know this like I know Red John killed Miranda. We both lost our family to the same man, and we both want revenge on that man. We want him dead. We want to be the ones to do it. But Patrick is weak. He lets too many things get in the way of his ultimate purpose. He cares about people. Like that Teresa Lisbon. He chastised me for torturing people, even when he knew they had something to do with Red John, and therefore deserved it. He is too good. If you have to sacrifice your humanity for revenge, so be it. Patrick would never do that and that means that I am not really like him at all.
Revenge demands your entire focus. You cannot care about anyone, anything, but vengeance. So I don't care about people. But I almost cared about Patrick. As he pleaded with me to tell him Red John's name, I almost felt something for him. I remembered the times we had shared and I had a glimmer of thought: Maybe I should tell him.
But when he kissed me I remembered the last man to claim that he loved me and then I realized the truth. That Patrick Jane was just like Red John. That we are all like Red John. Even I was like Red John, but I was going to kill Red John. And even if I got killed in the process it wouldn't matter. Because revenge is a cruel master, and I had a crueler master that I must finally spurn. I had been Red John's girl for far too long, and I had disobeyed him once and for all. I would pay for my transgression. To him, I probably had it coming. But that thought just made me smile. Goodbye, Patrick. I'm sorry it had to be this way, but you of all people should understand. Red John is mine!