Authoress' note: BankotsuRenkotsu is One True Pairing!
Just kidding.
Wow, this fic was painful to write. As you can tell from the rest of my fanfic, I'm not a BankotsuJakotsu shipper. I see only a comeraderie there, maybe even a fatherly comeraderie between Bankotsu and his brethren-in-arms.
So I wrote this fic, because, yanno, two dudes can't be within ten feet of one another without "something more" going on. And ALL fangirls like yaoi and yuri. Mmm-hmm.
Obligatory warnings:This fic contains HEAVY out-of-character shounen-ai themes and sort-of Mpreg. If you don't like that stuff or don't understand what "parody" means, please hit the back button now. If you aren't crazy about that stuff and you do know what "parody" means, this might be the fic just for you!
I also won't be held responsible for weird spacing as the interface on ff dot net seems to love taking my spaces out here and there. I can't fixone thing without something else getting messed up.
I also have to do the disclaimer thing and say I don't own Inuyasha or anything in the Inuyasha universe!
Firearms of Steel, Halberd of Iron!
CHAPTER ONE.
Renkotsu knew there would be hell to pay. The jewel shard seared in his shoulder, causing him to feel even more guilt and frantic worry with every step forward.
The kid, who was his leader, was naive. He was so often stupidly naive. Renkotsu recalled how many times he himself had to come up with the simplest attack strategies as to ensure the highest number of kills to the opponent's side, rather than walking up to the front door and knocking, as Bankotsu often was wont to do. Bankotsu's simplistic values and methods often sparked rage within him, rage that had never been with him before his resurrection. All his life, he had had to think his way out of every situation he'd gotten himself into, and the kid never had to do that, for the simply fact that he was so strong.
Only now, with a second chance at things, had he regretted his lack of forethought in joining the merciless group of mercenaries known as the Seven Man Army.
Not that he regretted attacking, outwitting, and annihilating the opponents. No.
He regretted all the things made available to him through his stay in the Seven Man Army. Jewels, riches, fine silks, spectacular weaponry...
...and Shikon Jewel shards.
They were a distraction to him, and he knew it. Anything that had the intoxicating perfume of power fascinated him, and the shards of the broken Jewel were no different.
He wanted them all.
And now, he had secreted away one of them. It was the shard practically given him by his dearest comrade, Ginkotsu, in spite of orders given by their leader to hand them over if any of their plunders would deem successful, or their comrades would fall. Renkotsu knew there would be only one of them remaining when their leader, that damned bastard of a kid, Bankotsu, found out about Ginkotsu's shard; and that person would be none other than himself. Renkotsu swore to himelf that he would live to posess all of them. Yes, he had onced looked up to, admired, even loved his Eldest Brother. But affections lessen with time. Familiarity breeds contempt, and you always hurt the ones you love. So it was time to spread his wings, and assure himself of more power, and more glory.
Anything, as long as it was more.
The firearms expert knew that now, it was all too late. Travelling in the stream that led from the cave where that miserable wolf-demon was carried, Renkotsu's brow was furrowed deeply, and his jaw was locked so tensely it provided a distraction from the chill of the stream water. All he could think was that his dearest comrade's shard was used not only in spite of, but to spite Bankotsu, and Renkotsu sweated as he tried to think of a strategy to render himself the owner of all nine shards which came into his comrades' possession.
If Bankotsu finds out that I'm using the Shikon fragment, he will kill me...What can I possibly do now? There was no way for Renkotsu to think his way out this time, and he knew it.
As the chill of the cold water bit his heels, as his feet splashed through the stream, a call of his name interrupted his scheming thoughts, shocking him into looking up.
"Hey there, Renkotsu!"
Renkotsu looked up, and startled a bit. His leader's dark gaze bore down on him from above, as Bankotsu stood on the riverbank. However, he noticed something uncomfortably odd about Bankotsu's greeting, despite his now severe expression. His eyes narrowed the slightest degree, and worry was etched in his brow.
He knew. "B...Bankotsu...my Eldest Brother...," he said hesitatingly, exiting the stream and standing next to his leader.
"I heard from the insects that Ginkotsu has died. Right?"
Renkotsu couldn't keep his voice from stammering nervously. "Ah...Y...Yeah." He already knows about me!
His expectations of the Banryuu running him through at that moment were unnervingly proved false. Did Renkotsu sense something strange in that call of greeting his Eldest Brother had given him?
"That's too bad..."
And with that, his leader's face became downcast, and he spun round on a heel. Renkotsu had to back away from Bankotsu as he turned around, or the huge banryuu would have smacked him hard upside the head.
"You worked so hard. But Ginkotsu sure got 'remodeled', didn't he?" asked Bankotsu, walking a short distance away.
Renkotsu stood still as a statue. He could not comprehend why Bankotsu's dark humor would show now, out of all times. Didn't those annoying insects tell him anything? Was he ready to have people in stitches as he cleaved them in half? Was he trying to one-up Jerry Seinfeld, or Jeff Foxworthy?
Bankotsu turned back around, and Renkotsu would have been instantly ready with his hand-made rifle, had he not seen the disconcerting...smile...on Bankotsu's face.
"But I'm glad, Renkotsu. At least you are still alive," he said quietly, and at that point, Renkotsu was totally befuddled. Renkotsu was rarely befuddled, and he was painfully aware how much this gave his leader the mental advantage.
But that's always what infuriated Renkotsu so much. Such a simplistic kid...and he still always had the advantage.
"Suikotsu has also died," said Bankotsu in a most sombre tone again, hearing the gossip from the demonic insects buzzing around his head. "It's just the three of us left. All there is of the Seven Man Army is you, me, and Jakotsu."
Renkotsu gasped. Bankotsu made a move toward him.
Renkotsu's hand inched toward the trigger on his weapon.
Bankotsu reached up, and Renkotsu tensed, waiting for the Banryuu to cleave him in half. He was sure Bankotsu could smell the fear on him.
And then, the unexpected happened.
Bankotsu did something strange.
He...patted Renkotsu.
And on the back, yet!
"Well, that's how it is," said Bankotsu encouragingly, warmly. "I'll be relying on you even more from now on."
Renkotsu's mind raced. He was starting to understand that strange feeling he sensed when Bankotsu said "hello" to him before. But logic, social expectations, and experience did not match what he felt. Also, since they were resurrected, he had not the opportunity to spend any quality time with Bankotsu, and that allowed unresolved tension to build. Being separated from him so much gave him inadequate information on which to base his analysis of Bankotsu's greeting.
However, he could not deny what he felt.
How did he know that I always regarded being patted on the back as...erotic? He seems to know that the best way to get me all buttered up is to pat me on the back!
Renkotsu was taken aback. Bankotsu...is...attracted to me? He is returning my secret, unrequited longing for him I've had for all this time? Could this possibly be what Naraku's insects have told him? And his brow was furrowed in anger for not having known sooner? Was I wrong in plotting against him?
Usually, as Renkotsu knew, at this point in either the manga, the anime, or the fanfiction, the background behind him would turn green and happy and bubbly. But Renkotsu would not allow the background behind him to turn green and happy and bubbly. That was a crude, simplistic technical device. A device used by those who could not render completely the complicated thoughts racing through Renkotsu's mind.
That bastard hasn't noticed about Ginkotsu's fragment?
Renkotsu was perplexed for the first time in his life, or afterlife.
Instead of running me through with the Banryuu..he's..hitting on me? Absolutely ridiculous! Well...at any rate, it seems I'm still useful. So I'll get to live longer. Renkotsu turned away, and began to walk toward the castle that the Seven Man Army had taken from the traitorous daimyo days ago.
"Renkotsu!"
"Yes?"
Bankotsu heartily slapped Renkotsu on the back. "We need to wrap it up for today. I'll walk back to the castle with ya."
So, he likes to play rough, too! My defenses are...weakening!
After an unsuccessful day or so of looking for the half-demon, Renkotsu could not get the amorous pat-on-the-back Bankotsu had given him out of his mind. The new day made the flame in his heart grow brighter.
"Big Brother..." he ventured, when the two of them were at the mountain, trying to flush out the half-demon.
"Yeah?"
Renkotsu stumbled for words. He had played his part well all along, and now was the time to bare his soul to his leader. "Don't you...sense something...about us?"
Walking alongside of him, Bankotsu's face turned to complete puzzlement. "Huh?"
Renkotsu halted their progress for a moment. "Bankotsu..."
"Yeah?"
"I..." Renkotsu trailed off, unsure as to whether he should press on. However, his thoughts turned to that undeniable act of lust, that pleading gesture to know one another as no one else knows one another...ah, yes, a simple pat-on-the-back, but with an ocean's depth of meaning. He mustered up the courage to continue, keeping that simple gesture in his mind, since it provided so much hope. "I always found you unbearably attractive."
Bankotsu stood there, halberd in hand, and paled. He raised his eyebrows briefly.
Renkotsu took an incredible risk. He knew all his dreams of love, acceptance, and the potential future of children with Bankotsu could be shattered moments from now.
After a darned long while, Bankotsu's expression turned to exultation. "That's great!" he said, gripping Renkotsu around the shoulders with a strong arm. It made Renkotsu breathe a sigh of relief. Bankotsu had, in fact, returned his long-hidden affections! He had read the greeting and the pat-on-the-back correctly!
"I've got a confession too," said the young man. "I've always thought bald is beautiful."
Renkotsu turned away coyly. "Just...beautiful?"
Bankotsu laughed, and threw the Banryuu's cruel double-edged blade down into the ground. Using the arm already around his comrade to turn him back around, he brought up the other arm around him. "No, Renkotsu. Really, really...beautiful. You're stunning, man."
Renkotsu was relieved. He had always thought himself inferior to Bankotsu because of the younger man's thick mane of hair. "I...never told you. Because..."
"Don't worry, Renkotsu." Bankotsu batted his eyelashes at him, and began to suggestively undo his braid. "And forget what I said about going to the castle. I wanna trade some hot war stories with you. Right here. Right now." He tore off his armor in a mad fury, and almost ripped the material of his handguards, tossing the items he removed from his person far away. "Ya know all those times I called Jakotsu 'weird'? I was just kidding!"
"I know that, Big Brother," said Renkotsu, finally having had enough encouragement, began to take his own armor off. "I'm sure everyone will take in jest that time I threatened to pull Jakotsu's tongue out, for insinuating I was attracted to that half-demon!"
Bankotsu was working on getting his shinguards off, and found that it was kind of annoying hopping around on one foot. Renkotsu saw Bankotsu's convoluted efforts to remove the guards as quickly as possible, so he offered an arm for Bankotsu to lean on.
"Yanno what, Renkotsu? Everyone that had lived to see all of us for more than ten minutes thought I had something going on with Jakotsu. Or, the really really small, minority who might think I like women. But man, they're all wrong!"
Renkotsu smiled. This was such a cleansing experience for both of them.
"I was way too nice to him when he kept on arguing that he wanted to kill that half-demon. I mean, that should've clued everyone in right there! The truth is, I use the banryuu, or threaten to use it, only on my worst enemies," and he winked at the firearms expert, "and my best friends."
Whether the background turned green and happy and bubbly wasn't the issue to Bankotsu. True confessions were the priority here. "It was you, Renkotsu," the young man continued. "You were the one I always thought about. You were the one I wanted to have babies with!"
Renkotsu nodded. "Yes, even though we are a group of merciless killers who, in turn, could be killed any day," he said, rubbing his chin, "I think we need the patter of little feet to brighten up our mood. Killing villagers, destroying castles and putting heads on pikes really gets monotonous after a while. It's about time we all celebrate the incomparable joy that a new life brings."
Renkotsu had a little thrill go up and down his spine, now that he had the freedom to say those words. He thought how ironic it all was. He thought how perfect his life was now, how complete he felt, and how so irresistibly in love he was. And it was all due to an innocent pat-on-the-back!
Bankotsu threw away his shirt, and leaned way in to Renkotsu. "Looks like we're on the same page, here," he said suggestively. "That's what I love about you, Renkotsu. Completely logical, but thrilled by trying all sorts of new stuff, and happy with the thought of future kids, even with someone you can't possibly have kids with!" Bankotsu paused, overcome with emotion. "You'll be a great dad!" Bankotsu exclaimed. "I'm so happy anything is possible in fanfiction!"
Grinning evilly, Renkotsu reached in his shirt pocket, and brought out a small tub, which, Renkotsu noted, contained Aloe Vera gel.
Bankotsu fluffed his luxurious hair teasingly, then proceeded impatiently to take his trousers off. "That's my man, Renkotsu," said Bankotsu with an intoxicatingly charming smile. "You're always prepared!"