I do not own anything from the 100.
XxCLARKExx
I just kept walking and walking, under the shade of trees, completely unaware of where I was headed. Not a clue in the world as to what I was going to do.
Do I even want to live?
Charlotte, three hundred grounders, Finn, and all the people in Mt. Weather, I am responsible for all their deaths. After all I have done, I should pay. It is blood for blood after all; jus drein jus daun. While walking by some berries that I knew were poisonous, I thought about eating them, to get it over with already, but that would be too easy. My death doesn't deserve to be peaceful, it should be slow and painful. Maybe I should die the way the grounders would have it, by a thousand cuts. Thoughts of how I should die filled my head as I walked through the dense forest. This would have never happened if we never had made it to Earth. If we hadn't, everyone who had lived on the Ark would be dead, but three hundred grounders, and everyone who resided in Mt. Weather would be alive. We wouldn't have saved the grounders that were being drained of their blood and turned into reapers, but maybe the grounders would have saved them eventually. It doesn't matter, I shake the thoughts out of my head. What happened, happened nothing can be done to change it.
It felt like years, but it had only been about a week since I had stood before the gate of Camp Jaha and given Monty a big reassuring hug. He hadn't realized that it was also a goodbye hug. After my moment with Monty, I had gone to say my goodbye to Bellamy.
Bellamy, my co-leader, friend, and honestly, in better circumstances, someone I might have wanted to become more than friends with. I never really thought much about that though. There had been no time to take notice to those kind of emotions. I had been too busy trying to keep everyone alive. And I had killed Finn- the only guy I had ever been romantically involved with. How could I ever think about being more than friends with anyone after that? No one would even want to be more than friends with me anyway, not after all I've done. Jasper couldn't even look at me, Octavia hated me, and Lexa abandoned me and my people when we needed her and her people most.
Bellamy was the only one I actually said goodbye to. I said goodbye to him because, out of all of us, everyone who had fought, he would have understood and let me go. I also figured that if I hadn't told him my plans he would've come looking for me, probably with others as well. I didn't want anyone to find me, I still don't.
Bellamy would tell everyone I went on my own free will, so they wouldn't worry that I may have been kidnapped. But I knew they all hated me, so they probably wouldn't care. The only person who may care that I left is my mother and that's a maybe. She may have tried to comfort me, but she won't ever look at me the same, if she ever will again. After all, it's probably hard being the mother of a monster.
The sun is setting, giving off a deep red light that streamed through the trees. As I continued to look at the bleeding sky, I finally realized how tired I was. I couldn't just sleep out in the open, I'm not sure if we still have a truce with the grounders. Even if we did there are many of them who want me dead. Cage and Emerson were still alive too, and they would definitely kill me as soon as they saw me. Although, I deserve it, I don't think I actually want to die. All this time fighting to survive, to just give up. Deciding that I want to live, but not sure what for, I began to look for some sort of shelter. Maybe, I could find another underground bunker like the one Finn and I had found. Thoughts of Finn flooded my mind as darkness swept across the sky. With only the light of the moon, I manage to spot a cave not far ahead of me. A cave wasn't as good as a bunker, but it was good enough. I gathered some branches and began to build a fire inside the cave. Sitting down, I watched the glowing embers and began to drift off into a deep sleep. Although I fell asleep quickly, the sleep that came was not peaceful. Visions of Maya and innocent children screaming clouded my unconscious mind watching them as radiation burns start to spread across their skin..
Suddenly, I jerked awake. I was covered in a cold sweat, my eyes wide as I gasped for air. Fixing my eyes on a crack in the smooth stone wall of the cave, as I took deep breaths, calming myself. There is a small amount of sunlight that spilled into the cave, signalling that it was probably early morning. My stomach rumbled, reminding me that the only thing that I had to eat yesterday were some blueberries. There were still a few left in my pocket, but not enough to ease my hunger. I wasn't able to carry more, because I left without anything but the clothes on my back and the knife I'm carrying. My pack had been inside Camp Jaha. It would have been helpful to have it, but retrieving it would have meant going into camp, and I wouldn't have been able to handle seeing my friends' faces, Jasper's especially. It would have killed me.
Deciding that I really need to get something to eat, I got up. I went to leave the cave in search for food, but as soon as I stepped outside my stomach heaved and... I vomited.
It's been going on for a while now, it started not too long after I had killed Finn. Originally, I had chalked it up to stress or my body reacting to the awful things I've done. It just made sense. Now I'm not so sure, since I am not so much stressed as I am numb. Which makes me wonder what it could be. It's been too long for it to possibly be a cold or a virus. I haven't been feeling sick necessarily, just a bit sore. Surely, that the strange illness is from me putting so much strain on my body, and probably has nothing to do with me genuinely being sick. The unusual part is that I get nauseous and vomit at least once a day. Could it be some sort of radiation sickness? No, I don't think so. My body can process radiation, and I don't think there has been anything to increase radiation levels that I know of. Maybe it is some sort of weird Earth illness? Who knows what kind of illnesses that she hadn't heard of developed on Earth.
I hate not knowing, but it's something I've become used to when it comes to this planet. It doesn't seem to be too serious, certainly not life threatening, so I decide not to think too hard about it. Suddenly, I begin to crave some meat, boar especially. Ironically, the rest of The 100 – 48, now - and I ate boar almost all of the time, when we first arrived. After a while I started to wish for anything but a boar. Now, however, it was all I wanted. My craving influenced me to decide to go try to hunt one.
I am no good at hunting, I only went twice. It didn't turn out so well. The first time, I more just watched, because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing. The second time I was taken by grounders. I was thinking and remembered the snare traps that I helped Miller with before the Ark came down. Gathering some sticks, and vines that grew along the cave, I brought them over to the stream I had stumbled upon last night looking for shelter. Once I got there I tied the vine to the wood. The vine was supposed to act as a noose and the more the animal moved the tighter the noose would get. I went and stood behind a tree, just close enough to see, but far enough away to where I wouldn't startle the animal. To my luck not too long later a boar actually ran right into the trap. I watched as it hopelessly struggled and then died.
You would think I'd be used to killing anything- whether it be human or animal, by now. But as soon as it died, my throat started to close up, and I began to sob. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't make the tears stop. Having killed so many animals to ensure that my people wouldn't starve, I thought this was the most ridiculous thing.
I didn't cry the first time, for a person or an animal, so why the hell am I crying now?
When I finally stop crying, I grab the boar by its legs drag it as I head back towards the cave. When I arrive at the small clearing in front of the cave, I put the boar down. I look for some branches that could be used to hold the weight of the boar and a branch that I could put through the boar to support it on those branches. I finally find some that would work. Why was finding and cooking your food such a long process? My stomach hurt, I was so hungry. I set up the sticks and prepared the boar. It was really heavy, I was just barely able to get the boar up onto the v's of the branches. Waiting for the boar to cook, I stood there. Then it started protruding a horrid smell. Oh, my… Why does it smell so bad? Unable to hold it back any longer, I turned away from the cooking meat and ran towards a big oak tree. Using one hand to grip the tree, I vomited again. I didn't even think there was anything left to come up after this morning. My lunch will have to be berries and nuts after all. It was then I started to realize what might be making me sick.
"No, no, no. This is not happening. There has to be another explanation." I mumbled to myself, leaning against the tree.
The doctor part of my brain chimed in. It all makes sense, though, all of the symptoms you've been having. Your have breasts growing, becoming rather sensitive, nausea, vomiting, mood swings and you know you haven't gotten your period in a while. Shit, my last period was a week before we landed on Earth. Stress is what I had thought was the reason for not having my period. When I was apprenticing my mother, I saw a woman who didn't have her period and all the tests confirmed she wasn't pregnant. My mother's prognosis was that she had just been extremely stressed. I had been more than extremely stressed, so, it was a logical explanation. I couldn't help, but realize that stress doesn't cause all my symptoms. Gripping onto the oak tree for support, I gasp,
"Oh, god… is it possible I could really be pregnant?"
XxBellamyxx
When I got back to camp Jaha after Mt. Weather, Kane thought it would be best if I became a key member of the council, since Clarke had left. Since I had become a major part of the council, I was very busy. Building a new society was currently our main goal. Hopefully, a society that Clarke could be proud of and that was a lot of hard work. As I came out of a council meeting after discussing the possibility of assigning people specific jobs, I decided I should try to squeeze in a quick nap. Since, Mt. Weather, I haven't been sleeping well. If at all.
As I got closer to my tent, I began to hear shouting.
"Bellamy, someone's coming out of the woods and is heading towards camp!" Miller yelled. I start running. I'm not sure where we stand with the grounders. But after they left us at Mt. Weather, I would like to rip them to shreds. But we can't handle another war. We're still far from recovered from the last one. Arriving at the gate, I look out at the figure heading towards the camp.
"Clarke?!"