Chapter 1: Under the weather

"Tell me about Tamara."

Sitting across from Dr. Archie Hopper, Neal Cassidy let out a smirk as he shifted on the couch.

"I thought we were going to talk about my father today," he whispered, as he reached for something inside one of the pockets of his jeans. "I even did the homework you assigned."

He unfolded the list of the "ten things my father and I have in common", but Archie merely rearranged his glasses and put down his notebook before speaking again.

"That's great, Baelfire. I'm sure we'll get back to that sooner than you imagine."

"Alright."

"We've been talking about him quite a lot. I think you need a refresher."

"You could have chosen a better one, then."

He had the very distinct impression that talk would make him feel anything but refreshed.

"What do you wanna know?"

"Everything."

"That's rather vague."

"Tell me about you two. How you met, your first date, the day you got engaged..."

He had never actually talked to anyone about that. Not even when he thought everything was true; he had never had friends with whom he could talk to. But now... Now that he knew everything was a lie...

"It's not worth it," he responded, after scratching his nose, trying his best to look like he couldn't care less about where that conversation was going.

"Why not?"

"Because... it was all a lie..."

"Really? Were you lying to her as well?"

"Maybe."

He let out a sigh. Was Dr. Hopper really gonna make him do it? Go back to that day when it had all begun... When August had shown up to tell him that the curse was about to be broken... that he would be able to look for Emma if he wanted to... after eleven long years of waiting...

Just for him to let her down. To look for comfort in a woman he didn't even know.

No wonder he had never realized there was something wrong about Tamara. He didn't want to face the truth, for starters. None of it.

When he raised his eyes from the coffee table to the man sitting across from him, he realized there was no way out. Dr. Hopper was not going anywhere until he told him what he wanted to hear. And so, he did it. He went back to every single day Tamara and him had spent together: the first time they had gone to the movies together, the first time he had shown her his apartment, the first time they kissed... Everything.

And by the time he got to the part in which she had shot him in the cannery, he was already feeling numb.

And dumb.

Very, very dumb.

"How did you feel when you found out your father had killed her?"

"Nothing..." Neal replied, his gaze distant and vacant.

"Nothing?"

"Sad."

He frowned, and tilted his head before speaking again.

"But I don't know if I was sad because she had died. Or because my father had killed her, of all people. Or because..."

He paused, smiling sadly as he prepared to admit the one thing he had never thought he would say aloud.

When it came to Tamara, it didn't actually hurt that he had been shot and sent through a portal. It didn't even matter that much that she was dead...

"Because she never loved me," he whispered, partially ashamed to admit how much he had craved for someone who would choose him, once in his life.

"Did you love her?"

"I wanted to. I really did."

Dr. Hopper remained silent as his patient studied his hands, pouting like a 14-year old boy.

"Please don't make me talk about Emma Swan," Neal whispered, knowing exactly well that his last answer had just opened another major wound. "Not today."

"I won't," Archie replied, standing up and opening the door to let a joyful Dalmatian in. "You're free to go, after you play with Pongo. Dogs always help us feel better about ourselves, so take your time."

And then, he walked out of the room, leaving Neal and his canine friend alone.

When Neal left Dr. Hopper's office, he really wished they had talked about his father instead. Revisiting the past year had sucked more than he had ever thought possible, and as he walked back to his room at Granny's he wondered if anything could get worse.

And, as usual, the answer came quickly.

He felt the first heavy drops of rain fall on his head, and when he searched for his umbrella he realized he had left it at Archie's.

Wonderful.

He kept on walking, head down as he stared at the puddles quickly forming under his feet.

When he raised his eyes from the floor half a block later, he saw Emma and Hook in front of the police station, sheltering themselves from the incoming storm. His eyes searched for hers as she looked at the pirate, and there it was: that look of trust, the little smile.

The ones that had always been his.

As if everything were in slow motion, he saw her turn her head to look at him, finally, her eyes losing some of its spark as green met hazel.

And then she smiled again, but not a happy, giggly smile.

He felt his heart had sunk even further as he mirrored her saddened smirk, and gave her a slow, respectful nod as he kept walking.

Perhaps he should just spend some time with his father? Not that the pain in his chest would simply disappear, but at least his father... well, his father was his father.

And in times like those, there was no other person he wanted by his side.

The pawn shop, however, was closed, and it only took Neal a glance towards Granny's to understand why. In one of the tables near the counter, Belle and his old man seemed blissfully entertained as they tasted their hamburgers. Fair enough, after everything they had been through and all the time they had spent away from each other.

Taking a few steps closer to the window, his eyes scanned the diner as rain poured down, his soaked coat clinging to his body as he watched the dwarfs talking merrily by the counter, their jugs filled to the brim with beer after Granny had refilled them.

Not far from there, Whale and Ruby were whispering something to each other, and after making sure there was no one else looking, disappeared behind one of the doors that led to the B&B.

If only he could bring himself to emerge from the dark hole he had fallen into on the past few hours, he would certainly walk in and challenge the locals for a game of darts…

Too bad he was feeling way too miserable to even try.

"Dad!"

He whipped his head around to see his son under the umbrella Regina Mills was holding.

"Buddy!" he screamed back, a broad smile lightening up his face as the boy flung his hands over his head to protect himself from the rain. "Careful, you're gonna catch a cold if you stay out in the rain, come here!"

He pulled Henry by the arm so that he was under the canopy, and ruffled the boy's hair. All of a sudden, he could barely remember why he had been sad the moment before, while the person he loved the most in the entire world stood there, looking at him with a smile on his own.

His son.

"Do you wanna have dinner with us?" the boy asked, as Regina approached them on the other side of the street.

"I'm making lasagna."

"It's really good," his son added.

"David told me about the time you offered him lasagna..." said Neal, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he rested an arm over his son's shoulders.

"Times have changed," she replied, with a sneer. "Trust me, I will not make a move on you."

"What are you guys talking about?" the boy asked, looking from one face to the other.

"Nothing," she replied, tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. "Henry would really like you to come. And it doesn't look like you have better plans, if you don't mind me saying that."

He raised his eyebrows as Regina studied his face with her usual smug expression.

At the end of the day, she was right. There were no better plans than spending time with his son.

"I'll just go get changed," he replied. "Meet you guys in one hour?"

"Great!" said Henry, giving him the thumbs up.

He waved the kid goodbye, and realized he hadn't stopped smiling for a single instant. To think that sometimes he wondered what his purpose in life was...

The one that had just turned the corner with Regina Mills by his side was more than enough.