Quick Notes: Pretty Little Liars is not mine; I'm just playing with the characters. There aren't any real spoilers in this story, but just in case, assume spoilers in any and all PLL episodes. This started out as a one shot, but grew longer as I began to write. The prompt was originally from sarahlynn00, who was looking for a songfic based on Boys Like Girls "Be Your Everything". I sort of ran with that and this is where it ended up.
Please let me know what you think! Enjoy!
I think I've loved her forever and could never find the right time to tell her. My life – our lives – up to this point has been so fractured and broken. I've never been able to put together the pieces at just the right time, in just the right way to make her see that we're supposed to be together. I thought for a fleeting moment that night she'd been feeling the same way all these years. I knew she was drunk – now we all know she was drugged – but that night when we couldn't find her, I felt myself losing control. I'd sword to protect her in any way I knew how, and the first time we cut loose and relaxed since she'd been home, I let her disappear into the night. When we finally returned to my house to see if she'd come back on her own, she was laying on my bed upstairs. I told Hanna and Aria she had passed out and sent them back downstairs to sleep in the living room. I approached her on the bed and told her how worried we'd all been. She told me she'd been looking for me everywhere and she missed me so bad it killed her inside. I felt my chest lift and my breath steal away until I realized she was talking about Maya. Maya was gone and Emily went 1500 miles away to escape the pain her death. She missed Maya terribly and there was nothing I could do but comfort her in her time of need. I climbed in my bed beside her, pulled her gently toward the headboard and brought the blankets up over us. She began to curl her body into mine and I felt the heat of her skin through our layers of clothes. I lay on my back as she draped half of her body over me – arm across my stomach, leg over my shin – and nuzzled her face into the crook of my neck. Her lips made tentative contact with my collarbone and I choked back a gasp, fearing I'd startle her and make her leave. She passed out soundly just after, lips still resting against my skin.
"Spence! Hey, where'd you go?"
"What? Nothing. No worries I just got distracted for a second. I've got a big test coming up and I don't think I studied quite enough." Spencer replied, still sounding a bit more off than she typically did when stressing about an exam.
"What is it this time? History of the least liked feminist monarchs in medieval Europe, AP of course?" Emily chuckled to herself, gaining confused stares from both Hanna and Aria and receiving a curious glance from Spencer. "Tough crowd, I guess."
"No, Em, nothing like that. Though that does sound like a very intriguing class." This earned a genuine, if not mocking, smile from the swimmer. "I've just got a lot on my mind and need to take off right after school. Em, take my keys. You can borrow my car and drive it home today, is that alright? I promised you a ride but I'm going to skip French club after school to go home and study. I'll walk home, could use the fresh air to clear my head." Spencer dropped her keys on the table in front of Emily and got up without another word. She walked away steadily, hearing her friends calling after her as the distance between them increased. After school she did exactly as planned – leaving for home as soon as the bell rang – taking the long way home in order to clear her head.
She heard the hum of an engine approach her garage and turn off, the door of a car click open and shut, and the dull patter of footsteps approaching through the grass. Fear rose in her gut for a moment before Spencer realized it must be Emily returning her car. The sun was going down and in the mild early autumn Spencer was studying on the small balcony off the loft of the barn. She'd moved into the barn after Melissa left back to Philadelphia and had set up an outdoor office of sorts on the balcony from the lofted bedroom. It had been her refuge during her summer classes and had yet to be invaded by her friends. From her perch above the back yard she watched Emily approach; oblivious to the fact that Spencer was following her form moving toward the barn. Music spilled through the windows of the bedroom, letting Emily know Spencer was home and she let herself in, calling out for the studious girl as she moved her way through the small living room.
"Upstairs!" Spencer called from the balcony. She wasn't ready to share her special study nook with all the girls, but she was more than willing to let Emily in on her secret spot. She heard footsteps on the stairs and when they stopped she leaned her body over and peered through the French doors, making eye contact with Emily in the process. Emily smiled, both confused and delighted, and made her way to the balcony. As she stepped through the doors, Emily turned her body from side to side taking in the comfortable looking furniture and books scattered over tables. She was surprised to see how private the balcony was – unseen from the yard and driveway, partially hidden behind trees – and how at home Spencer seemed in the small space. It was rare to see Spencer so relaxed, especially when stressing about an exam, and she was more than a little relieved to see that her friend had calmed since that afternoon at school.
"This is amazing." Emily said. "When did you do this? Is this where you get all that Ivy League studying done while the rest of us are trying to tune out Hanna and her headphones in the library?"
"Yep." Spencer shrugged, but looked around proudly." This is my fortress of solitude. I needed an escape after – everything – so I made a quiet refuge this summer while you were away." Their eyes met and Emily looked at her curiously for a moment before looking pointedly at her own shoes. "Did you bring your books? There's room on the couch with me if you want to study for a while." Emily's eyes slowly met Spencer's again. She let out a bright smile before moving to the cozy outdoor sofa and dropping her bag to the floor. Emily dropped to the cushion, kicked off her shoes, and pulled her feet up under her body before turning to Spencer.
"You want to take a break? We can just hang out for a while maybe? I feel like we haven't talked in forever." Spencer stared at Emily for a solid minute before closing her thick textbook and placing it on the table next to them.
"Ok, um, why don't I head downstairs and make us some tea? It's going to get a bit chilly out here once the sun finishes setting and I don't want us to get cold. You can put on some different music if you want" Spencer said, motioning to the speakers playing Bach softly. "You know classical helps me concentrate, but it isn't exactly "hanging out" music." With that, Spencer retreated down the stairs to the kitchen.
Emily watched Spencer's retreating form nervously before rising from the couch and walking toward the computer in the corner of the bedroom. She clicked through a few windows before opening her favorite Pandora station and moving back to the balcony. She sat back down on the couch, leaning into the soft fabric of the cushions and losing herself in thought.
Why am I doing this? I don't want to freak her out, but I feel it every time we're together. It took so long to piece together what happened that night. I thought I'd just wandered up to Spencer's room and fell asleep, but when I woke up in her arms everything felt so right. So comfortable. Like it had always been, and should always be that way. Spencer has been so weird around me lately. Is it because she's feeling the same things I am, or maybe because she knows how I feel and it makes her uncomfortable? Either way we should really talk things over before we get even more obvious. Hanna is already asking questions and I don't know how to answer them. "Yes, Hanna, I'm in love with Spencer. I just figured it out that night we disappeared up to her bedroom. No, I don't know if she loves me back." God, she'd think I'm a complete head case. Maybe I am a complete head case. Ok, Fields, pull it together now.
She hears the click of cups being set on the wooden table top and flicks her eyes up, meeting Spencer's concerned gaze. "You ok, Em? You look like you were in another world."
"Yeah I'm fine, sorry, just spaced out for a minute."
Spencer turned and went back to the bedroom. She reached onto the foot of the bed and grabbed the blanket folded there before turning back to the balcony. Emily's confused look dissipated when she saw the item, moving on the couch so Spencer could sit down next to her. The girls sat on opposite ends of the small couch, backs resting against the armrests and legs side by side stretched out across the middle. Spencer unfolded the blanket and spread it out across their laps, covering their legs and up to their hips. She grabbed a throw pillow and hugged it to her chest before looking up to meet Emily's eyes again. She was at a complete loss for words.
"I think we need to talk about a few things, don't you?" Emily began, sounding more confident than she actually was.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Spencer shot back, uncertain and defensive.
"I know you do, but I'll play along. We've been a little – off – recently and I know what it is on my end. I'd like to know where you're coming from."
Spencer began to fiddle with the edges of the pillow, staring at the patterned fabric and refusing to look away.
"Spence. Come on. I need you to talk to me." Emily leaned her body forward, gently grabbing the edge of the pillow and pulling it out of Spencer's hands. She laced their fingers together instead, hoping to calm the girl and get her to tell her what she felt.
"Em, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what you want to hear."
"This isn't about what I want to hear, I just need to know what's on your mind." Emily stalled for a moment before continuing. "Spencer, I remembered what happened that night- the night I was drugged. The night I fell asleep in your bed and you held me till morning. I remember you getting out of bed without a word and pretending like it never happened." Finally, Spencer's eyes shot up and caught Emily's pleading stare, begging her to listen. "I was drunk that night and I got lost. Only I didn't really get lost. I was looking for something. I was looking for somebody. And I went to your room. I remembered getting a phone call and leaving your house. I remembered wandering around the town, but I have no clue where else I went or what I did. The last thing I remember before I was waking up in your arms is that I was scared and I needed to find you. I went back to your house and you guys were all gone. I was scared and alone and I needed you. Not Aria, not Hanna, just you. You make me feel safe and loved" Emily blushed, sheepish about what she'd just implied. "I don't think I've ever been as comfortable with another person as I was when I woke up that morning. I haven't been with anyone since Maya, and I didn't think I'd even thought about it. But in my fuzzy, drunken mind, all I wanted was you."
Spencer was floored. Was Emily really saying all of this to her? Was she asleep and dreaming? What a wonderful dream. The words sunk in as Spencer felt Emily's fingers stroking over the backs of her hands. It was real, but now she was stuck. She had no clue how to proceed from this point without looking like a total jackass. The music in the background changed again and Spencer recognized the slow tempo. She looked deeply into Emily's eyes, hoping to convey everything she was feeling but couldn't quite say out loud yet. Smiling slightly, she rose from the couch, allowing the blanket to fall from her lap onto the floor at her feet. She extended her hand to Emily, wordlessly inviting the graceful girl to dance with her.
Understanding Spencer's hesitation and nervousness, Emily stood steadily, grabbing Spencer's hands and pulling them to the small open space on the balcony. She pulled Spencer in closely, linking her hands around the shorter girl's waist. Spencer smiles shyly, silently thanking Emily for taking the initiative and allowing her to come to terms with what was happening. She lifted her arms around Emily's neck and the pair began to sway slowly to the pace of the song.
They danced slowly, drifting further into one another as songs played into one another and the sky darkened completely. Twinkling Christmas lights appeared on the balcony railing, activating on a sensor as the last bit of sunlight left the sky. The girls drew into one another, slowly becoming more comfortable with each other's touch and allowing their bodies to relax into their embrace. Spencer's mind calmed significantly. Her fears were abated and her nervousness evaporated as she repeated Emily's words in her mind. She was in love with Emily, and after all this time she was finally ready to let her know. The song shifted again, Spencer immediately recognizing the melody. Perfect. This is the perfect song to let her know how I feel. Spencer pulled back from Emily's arms just slightly, just enough to look into her eyes with a broad smile on her lips, before hugging her tightly. As the band played on in the background, Spencer sang softly- barely audible - into Emily's ear, lips ghosting over her skin.
Four letter word
But I don't have the guts to say it
Smile till it hurts
Let's not make it complicated
We got a story
But I'm about to change the ending
You're perfect for me
More than just a friend so we can just stop pretending now
Gotta let you know somehow
Emily began to shiver as she absorbed the words coming out of Spencer's mouth. Though they were barely loud enough to hear, and were only vaguely in tune with the song, the words sunk in deeply. Emily had been so nervous, so afraid of Spencer's reaction to her words she'd never really stopped to consider what would happen if the girl actually loved her back. She was tenser than ever now. Buzzing with anticipation and nervous energy, Emily began to sing the song back to Spencer.
I'll be your shelter
I'll be your storm
I'll make you shiver
I'll keep you warm
Whatever weather
Baby I'm yours
Be your forever, Be your fling
Baby, I will be your everything
Spencer couldn't believe her ears. Emily was singing right back to her now, saying the words she'd longed to hear for so long. She pulled back from their tight embrace and stopped their swaying. As the second verse rang out in the background, she and Emily looked deeply at one another, emotions coursing through them and causing heart rates to soar. She brought her hand from behind Emily's neck to her cheek, brushing her thumb against pronounced cheekbones as she picked up the next line from the song.
And I don't wanna share, I want you all to myself right now
I just wanna scream it out
With that last phrase, Emily brought her lips to Spencer's and kissed her soundly. Spencer relaxed at the feel of Emily's lips against hers and leaned deeply into the kiss, moaning softly at the unexpected contact. Song forgotten, the girls collided with one another with passion and grace, lips dancing together and hands searching for contact. Spencer, emboldened by the forcefulness of Emily's actions, nipped at Emily's lower lip causing the swimmer to groan and lean further into her body. At the next nip, Spencer licked the small wound as she retreated, causing Emily's body to tremble. Their lips met again, mouths open, and Spencer licked the underside of Emily's upper lip before feeling her tongue flick out to meet her own. This time, both girls shuddered and groaned at the contact, pulling each other as close as possible and solidly connecting their mouths in a breath stealing, skin tingling kiss. Tongues slid over one another, teeth nipped at swollen lips, breathing grew ragged and both girls refused to surrender to their need for oxygen.