Sasuke/Naruto Battle Chronicles
So Sasuke decided he was all bored and shit with not being in a battle, so he punted Orochimaru in the bean sack and went out to find some chump asses with which to throw down. On his way out the front door, Kabuto ran over crying about something stupid, and Sasuke wasn't about to have any of that, so he bitch slapped him. Kabuto pissed his pants in fear, but was all "You have a battle on your hands now!". Sasuke just fired up a Chidori and let out his new catch phrase. "Ride the lightning mother-fucker!". In all my years of narrating fights, I have never seen someone get lightning stabbed as hard as Kabuto did that day. He quite literally shit his pants. But I digress.
Somewhere in some direction, Naruto woke up with the urge to stomp some asses, so he wandered out of his room with a fist full of fury. He saw Sakura, and tried to get up out of there before she caught sight of him, but it was too late. "NARUTOOO you are stupid and Sasuke was cool and I like medical jutsu but I still suck so hard so often and I am hip and pretty and whine whine whine nag nag nag blah blah bla-!". Her sentence was cut short, for a Rasengan blowing the back of your skull out can do that. Naruto dropped the bag a few times, and feeling satisfied with this conquest, kept on wandering.
As you can infer, shit was to get real on this day. Sasuke kept on walking until he came across Kakashi. "My old master and prominent badass, Kakashi. I'm lookin for some battle. You wanna die bitch?", Sasuke asked way too arrogantly for this to go well for him. "Now you fucked up. You have fucked up now," Kakashi whispered. They both charged up some lightning, Sasuke the Chidori, Kakashi the Raikiri. "Ride the lightning mother-". but before Sasuke could finish the catch phrase, Kakashi whipped his ass like a baby back bitch. I mean, Sasuke cried. Real tears. Lots of em. It was real embarrassing. I was embarrassed just narrating it right there.
Naruto could smell a challenge coming up as he rounded the corner, and sure enough he found Jiriya jerking it to a group of husky teenage girls. "Hey pervy sage, or should I say chub tits, you're pedophile ass is about to take a reaming!" Naruto decreed. "Oh no you didn't you little fucking puke," Jiriya uttered. He pulled up his trousers and a battle was on. Naruto revved up a Rasengan and Jiriya summoned a big ass toad. Naruto leapt into the air with the intention of deep sixing his opponents, only to be swatted out of the air and beaten pissless. Like, beaten until all of the piss in his body was out of his body. He pissed his pants. It was so embarrassing I got diarrhea. It was really that embarrassing.
Sasuke finished crying and decided he needed something small and weak to vent on. Sure enough, he saw Akamaru, Kiba's dog, pissing on a tree not 30 yards out. He picked up a rock and tagged its nut bag, effectively disabling its running away capabilities. He then ran over and started kicking it while it was down. Now, I've seen some harsh shit in my time, but this was pretty hardcore – at least that's what I thought. Akamaru wasn't losing, Akamaru was waiting. Right as Sasuke lifted up his leg for another ax kick, Akamaru struck, and by that, I mean he leapt up and bit Sasuke's dick. Hard. And started spinning. Fast. Sure enough, Sasuke was surprised to say the least, and did the only thing he could. He tore Akamaru's melon off. O-F-F off. He killed the dog. To death. Whew, I need a second here…..okay, I'm back, but shit that was rough. And the prick just laughed and made a diaper from the hide, which he then defecated in and left for Kiba to find. He sure did. And there was hell to pay. But we'll touch on that later.
More to come. Comment if you enjoyed.