9 months ago, Garcia's POV
I couldn't help the smile on my face as I walked around my office, getting everything together for the day. To say I had the best night of my life was an understatement. Derek had finally proposed to me after 2 years but surprises come in pairs. I surprised him with the fact that I was pregnant with our first child. I'll never forget the tears of joy that began to make their way down his face when he had registered the news.
After hearing the news, he had gotten down on one knee and proposed. He told me he'd been looking for the right time to do it and now was the perfect opportunity to do so. The fact that our family had come together in the matter of an evening.
Once I got my stuff together for the morning, I was planning on telling the rest of the team the news. Excited nerves began to build up in my stomach at the prospect of telling them. I was about to share one of the happiest moments in my life with the people I cared about. Though I was equally happy as I was excited, I was also slightly terrified. This is my first kid, what if I'm a terrible mother? What if things don't work out between Derek and I and we end of getting divorced, shuffling our child between our houses for the holidays? No kid deserves to live that, no kid!
As I searched for the case files that I needed, I heard a soft knock on the door behind me. Turning around, I watched as Derek entered my office, then shut the door behind him.
I couldn't help the smile that began to spread on my face at the sight of him. "Hey handsome, I was just getting some stuff together for the morning debrief. If it's ok with you, I was thinking about telling the rest of the team about the engagement and the baby. I know we said we wouldn't say anything until your mom knew but I just figured it could hurt to tell them, you know?" My mouth was going a mile a minute as I went from place to place, gathering various items together.
Looking back, I saw that Derek was spacing off in my direction, a lost look in his eyes. It seemed that everything had gone in one ear and out the other with him.
"Everything ok there? You seem to be off in another world." I cocked my head at him as he took a few steps towards me, his eyes cast towards the ground.
"There's uh- there's something I need to talk to you about." Once he got in front of me, his eyes remained cast on the ground. Tucking my finger underneath his chin, I forcefully brought his eyes up to meet mine as I continued to look at him. The minute I saw the glistening of his eyes, I knew there was something wrong.
"What's wrong?" One tear slipped out of his eye as he continued to stare at me. Morgan sniffed, then brought his hand up to quickly wipe away the tear.
"I- Penelope I-" He kept opening, then closing his mouth as he tried to find the right words.
"Come on, surely an FBI agent such as yourself can find the words to tell me what's going on inside your head." My voice kept a lighthearted tone as I attempted to bring some normalcy back into the conversation. The more I looked into Morgan's eyes, the more I knew that something was seriously wrong with him.
"I've been thinking a lot since last night and-" He glanced at the ground, taking a deep breath before raising his eyes to meet mine. "I can't marry you, Penelope, I'm sorry."
I felt my heart sink as I heard those words. I don't understand. We just got engaged yesterday, we're having a baby, what the hell happened?!
My own tears started to well up in my eyes as I took a few steps away from him. "What are you talking about? What are you saying?"
"I know this is a lot and for that I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry sweetheart for the pain I'm causing you-" The sadness washed away from my body as it was replaced with anger.
"You proposed to me YESTERDAY? We're having a baby together! I thought you loved me!" I cried out, the tears spilling from my eyes and down my face.
"I do love you-"
"Then why are you doing this to me? To us?!"
"It's not you, it's me-" I stormed up to him, pointing my finger directly in his face.
"You're damn right it's you because I sure have hell didn't do anything to deserve this, at least nothing that I can recall. If you think you're just going to walk away from me and this child without so much as an explanation, then you're sorely mistaken." Pure venom began dripping in my voice as I stared him down. All Derek did was shake his head and he backed away from me and towards the door to my office.
"I'm sorry baby girl, for all of this." With one last sad smile, Derek turned his back on me and walked out the door.
Once that door shut, the tears began falling down my face at a rapid rate. My feet could no longer support me as my body collapsed to the floor in a heap of sobs.
Not only had I lost the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, but I was also now going to raise our child by myself.
5 months ago
Derek went MIA after leaving my office. He had slid his resignation letter underneath Hotch's door without anyone seeing him. He's cut off all contact with the rest of the team. All I did for days was call, text, email or whatever I could do to try and get in contact with Derek. After all, his number was disconnected and my emails to him stopped getting sent. I even called his mother and sisters to see if they knew where he was. If they knew anything, they weren't telling me anything.
I tried my best to stay positive after he left, but there was only so much I could take before I started retreating within myself. Besides taking care of my basic necessities, the baby's, and going to work there wasn't anything else I did. I had slowly turned into a shell of the person I once was.
I did my best to keep a smile on my face, even if it was forced, at the office because I didn't want to worry anyone else. They were already worrying themselves with tracking down Derek, they didn't need to worry about me too. The minute the door closed behind me in our once shared home, the tears would fall down my face. Everything in my life reminded me of him, from the house to the clothes I would wear and to the baby growing inside me.
When I found out the baby was going to be a boy, I all but burst into tears. I could already imagine the little bundle of joy sharing the same chocolate colored eyes and dark skin tone as his father, which would just be a further reminder of him.
As my stomach continued to grow and my clothes grew tighter, I should have been over the moon. Every checkup with the doctor has assured me that the baby was healthy and everything was fine. I was getting closer to the due date of my first child, I had a name picked out and everything. Every time I found myself finally looking forward towards the future, I would find it all come crashing down moments later.
The event of Derek leaving me and the team was hanging over my head like a dark cloud. No matter what I did I couldn't get out from underneath it.
I know the only thing that can truly heal a heartbreak is time, but I was beginning to wonder how long it was going to take for me to get over it, or if I was truly ever going to get over it.
Present Time
It took months of crying my heart out over the issue, but I finally came to accept Derek leaving. I realized that it was nothing that I had done to cause this to happen to me. When I finally came to that realization, it was easier for me to accept the fact that he was gone. Besides, I had a baby to worry about and take care of.
My due date was in three weeks and as excited and thrilled I am to become a mom, I just wanted this baby out of me already. The morning sickness that was only supposed to last a few months? It's been with me the entire length of my pregnancy. Because of that, I've practically lived off saltine cracks for months now. On top of that, my already curvy body has become extra curvy with the baby bump, though the rest of the team has assured me multiple times that I look just fine. I still remember the time Spencer made the mistake of telling me a pregnancy weight gaining statistic. Nearly bit the poor kids head off.
With the extra weight, I slowly made my way towards the bullpen with a stack of folders in my hand. With me officially going on leave at the end of the week, I was getting as much of information I could get on cases they were investigating ahead of time. I was supposed to be on bed rest while I was on leave, but there was still so much I had to do for the nursery so that probably wasn't going to happen.
Eventually, I made it to the bullpen where the rest of the team was at. JJ and Emily were chatting away at one of the desks, where it looked like Reid was actually trying to get some work done.
"It took you long enough to get here," Emily spoke up, a joking tone in her voice.
"You try being nine months pregnant, see how you feel at the end of it." I handed off the folders as I stood in front of them. My hands subconsciously went to rest around my stomach.
"Ah, I can't tell you how happy I was at the end of Henry's pregnancy." JJ looked off into the sky, a smile on her face as she began reminiscing about the event.
"Well, three weeks and this will all be over. Little-" I stopped mid-sentence when I saw that JJ and Emily were no longer paying attention to me. They were now staring at something over my shoulder with a wide look in their eyes. Even Spencer had looked up from his work to whatever behind me. His eyes widened as he rose an eyebrow. What the hell were they all looking at?
I waddled myself around in a circle to turn myself towards whatever all of them were looking at. When I finished turning myself around, my own jaw dropped. Standing there, in all his handsome glory, was Derek. The man who had proposed to me, the man whose baby I was having after he practically abandoned us 9 months ago had shown back up. To say I was pissed would be an understatement.
Derek stood there, staring at the four of us with the hint of a smile on his face. He shifted his weight from foot to foot as he adjusted the sleeves of his leather jacket.
I don't know long we all stared at each other awkwardly, the silence in the air making the situation worse. Eventually, Morgan cleared his throat as he took a few steps towards us.
"Aren't you guys going to say anything?"
"What do you expect us to say, Derek? You left without saying a word to any of us." Spencer told him. The hard edge in his voice was foreign. Besides me, Reid took it the hardest when Derek had left. He had considered him his brother. It destroyed him when he left without so much as a goodbye. First with Gideon and now Derek, poor kid must be destroyed.
"I know kid, look-" Before he could say anything else, I found myself raising a hand up to stop him. I thought he would continue going, but the second he saw my hand his jaw slammed shut. Derek's eyes fluttered over to rest on mine as his eyes softened. His eyes traveled down my body to rest momentarily on my swollen stomach before resting them back on my face.
"You don't get to come sauntering back here after 9 months and think that everything's going to be the same. You didn't so much as attempt to contact us in those months you were gone, so excuse us if we're not as warm to you as we were before you left." I crossed my arms over my chest to the best of my ability as I narrowed my eyes at him.
I intended to just leave it off at that because honestly at this point he wasn't worth it. A feeling began to rise within me the longer I stared at him. Maybe it was the hormones that were coursing through my system or the fact that he hurt the ones I loved, but I wasn't going to leave it at that.
"In fact, nothing is EVER going to be the same Derek! You would have done us all a favor if you just stayed out of our lives, seeing as you don't care about any of us. And before you start, don't even BOTHER giving me the bullshit that you've never cared about anybody as much as you care about us because if you did, you wouldn't have been able to leave us, you wouldn't have been able to leave me!" I raised my voice to the point of where I yelling. My arms were no longer crossed across my chest as they now were waving wildly in the air. I had to stop for a second to catch my breath as I was not used to this much movement at 9 months pregnant.
"Penelope, maybe you should take a seat and calm down." JJ advised as she grabbed my elbow and started pulling me towards a chair. I roughly pulled my arm from her grasp as I stomped closer towards Derek.
"No, I'm not going to calm down. You left me, Derek, not only after you proposed to me but after I told you that you were going to be a father! You left me to go through this pregnancy by myself! I was absolutely fucking terrified! I was going to be a single mother, I didn't know how to raise a child by myself." Hot tears began to make their way down my face as I poked at his chest with my finger. "You told me you loved me! How do you leave someone that you love without so much as a fucking explanation as to why? I'm an absolute mess because of you. You tore my life down in a matter of minutes and you think you can show back up here like we're just going to welcome you back with open arms? Fuck you Derek and I hope-" I stopped mid-sentence as I bent over slightly, my breath rushing out of me as my stomach started to cramp.
I unlocked the catalyst that was keeping Derek still as he immediately bent down to my level, a concerned look manifested on his face. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"
I stood back up after a few more seconds as I was able to fully straighten myself out. "I'm fine, I just probably wasn't breathing enough during the rant or whatever."
"JJ's right, maybe you should sit down. You are pregnant after all, you should be taking easy."
"I've managed to go 9 months without taking it easy, I think I can manage another 5 minutes- oh god." I squeezed my eyes shut as I found myself bending over again. I felt a sudden rush of wetness between my legs as I continued to stay hunched over.
Before I could get anything out, JJ and Emily had flanked both of my sides and brought me up to standing position.
"I think I'm-" I couldn't get the rest of my sentence out as another stabbing pain began in my stomach. "Jesus Christ, what the hell is happening to me?"
"You Pen, are going into labor." The happiness in JJ's voice was unmistakable as she spoke. She and Emily began to slowly walk me towards the doors of the bullpen.
I was able to see Derek shoot straight up as he rushed towards the three of us, a panicked look on his face. "Oh my god. I'll drive." Normally, I would have objected. A scream tore through my body as we got closer towards the elevator.
"I'll let Hotch and Rossi know. I'll see you guys at the hospital." Reid rushed out as he actually ran towards Hotch and Rossi's offices.
Here it was, the biggest moment of my life.
Almost 5 hours later and I still hadn't given birth. The doctors weren't too worried and neither was I, I was more frustrated than anything. On top of me being in labor, I was fucking pissed as hell. I was alone in the delivery room because I told them Derek wasn't allowed in the room otherwise I'd kill him. When they heard that he was the father they were more than slightly confused.
Long before I went into labor I decided I was going to do an all-natural, no epidural birth. The biggest fucking mistake of my life.
I was half out of it, the pain keeping me focused on the situation only slightly. I was too busy staring off into the delivery room with the nurses all sitting around to see Derek slowly making his way into the room. I wasn't afraid to narrow my eyes as another contraction hit. I clutched the armrest of the hospital bed as my eyes slipped closed.
"How are you doing in here baby girl?" When all I responded with was a painful groan, he had chuckled.
"The doctor sent me here. Figured I'd be able to do something to make this baby come along faster." He now was standing next to the bed, looking down on me as my face was etched with pain.
He brushed a few strands out of my face that was hanging in front of my eyes. "I know you're angry with me right now but I just want to let you know something."
"Yeah, what might that be?" I groaned out once again as my eyes floated up towards the ceiling.
Derek gently placed a hand against the side of my face and gently guided my eyes towards his. "I know I haven't been here the past 9 months, and I swear on my life that I will explain everything to you and the team. But right now, all that matters to me is you and our baby that is on it's way. This is about to be the biggest and most important day of our lives. I will be here for whatever you need during this birth."
At exactly 6:57 PM, Jason Alexander born. It didn't take long for me to decide on the name Jason. I wanted to honor Gideon in my own way. Even though we weren't that close, he was one of the best men I've come to know.
After he was born and I was calmed down, Morgan explained everything to me. He'd been recruited by a special unit of the FBI to go undercover. He could tell me many details of what went down, but he stressed the fact that there was nothing else he wanted to do then tell me and the team what was going on, but he couldn't do to clearance. He thought the best option was to break things off with me, then disappear without a trace. I was angry, hell I'm still angry that he didn't tell me regardless but I understand. He was doing what he thought was right to protect his family.
My tired, exhausted eyes watched as Derek walked around the room carrying Jason in his arms. He'd been staring blankly at the baby for the past hour as Jason held on to his father's pinky. When he finally looked up at me, there were trails of tears coming down his face.
"I'm going to make all of this up to you Penelope, I promise." He whispered, placing a gentle kiss against the baby's forehead.