"She is doing us no good just sitting about doing nothing mother." Chop. Chop. Chop.
"She takes up space and does nothing to contribute to this household." Chop. Chop. Chop.
"She just eats and sleeps. That's it." Chop. Chop. Chop.
"We all feel sorry for her but its high time that she gets over the whole thing and move on." Slice. Slice. Clatter.
High time that she gets over the whole thing and move on
It's high time that she gets over the whole thing and move on.
It's high time.
That she gets over.
The whole thing.
And move on.
Move on.
Move on.
It's high time that she gets over the whole thing and move on.
The past the then the there the now all blur together until I'm back. Stuck in my own memories of what
was forced upon me. Their screams their scream oh how their screams now sing to me. Not in beauty
but in warning. To never close my eyes for if they shut they will stay that way for forever. I should have
listened. I should have fought. I never should have given up. Their screams their screams oh how they
warned me. I should have listened I should have stayed away I never should have trusted the man who
did not hear their screams. I never should have left them behind.
We all feel sorry for her but its high time that she gets over it all and move on
"How could you say that?"
Her voice so sweet and broken. Mother oh mother how your love in me is everlasting but so soft its
barely heard. Her image forever pictured in my head. Her hair tied in a bun but now loose from hard
work. Her circle face with chubby cheeks blushed red from breathing hard and the hot kitchen she slaves
away in. Wisps of escapees float around her face, some trapped and drowned by her sweat stuck to her
forehead and neck. Her body curvy yet short. Some extra fat by her tummy only by the fact that she
birthed seven kids. Her eyes brown and filled with a kindness that is given to everyone. She who has
failed to have cured me of my mistrust and has tried to deny my nightmares access to my mind. She who
would love me for forever, she who has only known my love secondhand.
"You know it's true. She does nothing but mope. She should have a husband as well as a new family, her own family."
Looking up from the window I looked around in rage. Have a family of my own. Have a family and do my
duty. I have done my duty twice fold. I have birthed my family from within all the crevices of my body
and have nothing left to offer to those who only want one thing. My body. Your body that is all men
want and the ones who are considered evil are the ones who tell you out loud. At least they are honest
and do not try to manipulate the message the brain sends to a certain organ. At least you know what
they want and expect.
Have my own family
My own
Family.
Have I not suffered enough? Have I not done my duty? Have I not?
"My own family?"
My voice comes out raspy for its use over the years has been minimal.
"Yes your own family it's about time you get married and move out. You've done nothing to contribute to thi.."
Does she not know what it is like to be me? To not be able to be who I once was. To leave those who came from my body behind, to come here?
"What exactly are you doing here then sister?"
My voice now a tid bit smoother
Her eyes have gone big and she seems to be nearly hyperventilating out of shock. I have not talked this much since I have come back.
"What do you mean?"
What do I mean?
What do I mean?
I mean
"You have a husband so why are you here? Why don't you go home and serve your husband? Oh wait your husband doesn't want you."
She never knew. She never new why he wanted her. She never knew. But I knew. Iknew why and I warned her but she didn't listen. She never listened.
"Why you…"
She always thought she was better than all of us.
She always thought
always thought
thought
"Why are you taking up space and time blabbering about what I have yet to contribute when you in turn have contributed none? Your husband rather burry his stick in some sick diseased harlot than you."
I told her. I warned her.
Those voices of the past begin to sing.
"You should do your part have a husband and have kids and.."
Do my part
My part
My part
What is my part when I've already done yours?
"Where are your kids? Now that I think about it you've had a husband for five years and still are unable to carry a child to full term. Why don't you do your duty first before you come at me about neglecting mine?"
I did
I've done
I've used to have
"How dare you, you kn…."
I could feel her eyes glare at me in hurt, in anger, and in pain, maybe even in pity.
Her words they echo like rocks in my brain. My ears I feel bleed and my eyes water. My lips tremble and my hair slip from its confinements within my skull. My mouth opened and uttered…
"We all feel sorry for you but it is high time that you get over it all and move on"
Her words dripped from my lips and left the taste of bitterness in its tracks
"Bella"
Her voice harsh and shamed almost embarrassed if not sad.
Mother, mother how I have saddened you. How I have caused your happiness to linger in the cave of your now dark and tormented mind. Oh mother how I have burdened you with my incapability to move on. Oh mother.
Oh
Mother
"No mother she shouldn't start something because she feels incompetent and needs to bring someone else onto her level."
How my voice shook
But I spoke with honesty
Mother how I have let my snake tongue hurt you. How I have denied you the ability to be disappointed with me.
Her face, my sister, was locked into a face full of deep sorrow. Her soul welled up and began to sing.
Warning me. Her singing turned into a screaming wail that sent shivers down my arms and trembles
down my back. Sorrow echoed from within her and poured from her pours. I hurt her but she had hurt
me.
I warned her what her fate was to be
"Don't start something you can't finish."
Her head snapped up and her face lost all color
Yet she chose the road that ended with a plunge 6 feet deep