Did he know?
He had kept his mind from making that question for a long time, but now he couldn't ignore it anymore. Even now, while he was inside his city and tried in vain to rest, doubt gripped his mind and his heart.
His father's words kept echoing into his head: "Faramir should have left and not him!…Faramir should have left and not him!…Faramir should have left…"
Left to follow a dream, in search of Imladris and of the Sword That Was Broken…And instead he found Isildur's Bane on his way.
Faramir bowed his head. 'Boromir, my poor brother…'
His mind came back to the never-ending discussions to decide which one of the two brothers should take the road to the House of the Elves…When he had heard that his father wanted to send him, really him, he had felt a great joy: he had deceived himself his father had finally understood he was no more a silly boy with his head in the clouds, he had grown up, he had become a man…But his brother had set himself against it.
In that moment, he had hated Boromir.
'This is not your task!' he had wanted to shout him, but had kept his mouth shut.
But if he had managed to hold his tongue, it couldn't be told the same for his eyes: he was sure that what he had thought and what he had felt in that moment had been written too clearly in his eyes. And Boromir had met his gaze and read there all that his mouth didn't dare to say but his mind couldn't help but think…He couldn't forget the hurt expression that crossed his brother's face.
Now he knew that in that moment, in that crossing of glances, Boromir had tried to tell him something…But he didn't want to listen, he was too angry.
He didn't understand.
He couldn't help but wondering what would have happened if he had gone instead of his brother.
When he had said goodbye to Boromir for the last time at the gates he had had the feeling that he would never saw him again, a feeling he had immediately banished…Now he knew clearly that if he had gone instead of him probably he would have met the same fate, if not a worse one.
That was the reason why he couldn't help but wondering if, thanks to the Seeing Stone, his father knew – or at least suspected – what fate awaited the leaver.
This suspect tormented him: on one hand he thought it was absurd, his father couldn't foresee such a thing not even using the Palantir…but on the other he couldn't help but wondering.
That question was usually followed by another one very similar, except for the subject.
Did Boromir know?
Had he insisted so much to go because of this, to protect him again?
His brother had never treated him like a stupid child…well, maybe sometimes but that was an older brother's prerogative. Like it is an older brother's prerogative protect the younger. It was a duty that Boromir had never failed at. And so he had done twice "simply" leaving instead of him.
Twice, yes: first taking his place into the journey to Imladris and what came from that, then saving him from the same Ring he, Boromir, couldn't resist.
He couldn't blame his brother for his fall: the One Ring, however small and harmless it may seem, held into himself a great mesmeric power and had his own evil mind.
He knew, he had felt it into his head during the small amount of time the Bearer and his servant spent with him in Ithilien…There had been a moment when he had almost fallen into the Ring's web: he wasn't sure he would have been able to resist if Sam hadn't reminded him what that thing had been for his beloved brother.
Afterwards, he had imposed himself to always remember what had happened to Boromir to avoid temptation: it had worked and so, even indirectly, Faramir had been protected by his older brother again.
These were the thoughts that ran through his head at night and didn't let him sleep. Thoughts that gravitated around the two most important people in his life, as usual.
Thoughts summed up in one question.
Did he know?
Even if he would never admit it, Faramir knew the answer very well, however he kept on searching for it because it wasn't the kind of answer he could bear.
He preferred being tortured by his doubts, because that simple syllable would have surely destroyed him.
One syllable, three simple letters.
Yes.
That was the answer to his question. But nobody said he had to like it.