Father's Day by Shadowgirl416
Be the parent you've always wanted to have.
Just as Anneliese walked into the palace, she knew something wasn't right.
This place was normally awfully quiet, but today the quietness in there was different… it felt almost as if sorrow had taken the place of the usual silence. Sure, sorrow and silence are two utterly different things – but sometimes too much silence can make you feel alone, which only lead for sorrow to come.
As she closed the door behind her and took off her raincoat, she started to scan the place to see if she found either of the two persons she knew where in the palace at the moment.
After dropping her off, their driver also left for the day, only a few guards remained watching the castle. Genevieve had given everyone the day off; it was a very special holiday, and she usually liked to spend this specific one alone - even if it meant that she had to do everything on her own.
So, with an almost deserted palace and the inconvenient monsoon outside, the atmosphere inside wasn't the best.
Still, Anneliese just felt something wasn't normal and when she walked into her and Julian's bedroom – her deductions where confirmed. Silently sitting on a couch in front of a window of the room he was, staring at the rain outside.
The coldness hit her instantly; she buttoned her sweater and wrapped her arms around herself. She then noticed that Julian hadn't even lightened the fireplace like he normally did. A blanket was wrapped around him, and even when she started walking towards him – her heels clicked against the floors, so she knew he was hearing her – he didn't even moved.
She frowned; he was acting quite weird today. Maybe it was because she left in the morning without waking him up, or maybe because she had arrived late. Maybe he had a discussion with her mother… Wait, why would they fight?
As she walked closer to her husband, Anneliese could think of anything that could explain why he was acting like this. This wasn't Julian; it was a cold and sad day, she knew that, but knowing him the way she did she knew he'd probably be reading a book instead of just being staring out of the window.
Slowly sitting beside him on the pink couch, she looked at him. Even the expression on his face bemused her; he seemed lost, sad and hurt. His icy pale blue eyes glued to the window, concentrated on the rain falling outside. Something wrong was obviously going on, she had never seen him like this.
So, leaning closer to him, "Honey?" she whispered.
Julian blinked a couple of times before he finally looked at her. That's when she noticed how glassy his eyes were. A small smile flickered across his face. "Hi…" he replied, closing his eyes and cleaning the fresh tears with the blanket he had on. "You're back."
Anneliese nodded, never taking her eyes off of him. "Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't wake you. It was very early and I was actually late for my checkup -"
He smiled, gently cutting her off. "Don't worry about it," he sniffed, "It's not like you have to take me everywhere you go."
She softly smiled back, at least he almost back to normal now. But she still felt like if there was something bothering him, "Why are you here all by yourself?"
Julian slightly shrugged, "There's no one in the castle and it's raining, so I can't go outside."
Anneliese nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder and moving closer to him. "Then what's wrong?"
He looked at her as if she was crazy, an unbelieving expression on his face when she asked that. "Nothing's wrong." He replied, chuckling at bit.
She raised an eyebrow as a smirk replaced her smile. He looked away from her – she could see right through him. "You can't fool me, Julian."
And then he sighed, dropping his head in defeat. She was right, Anneliese knew him too well. It was impossible for him to lie to her. And after running a hand through his hair and taking a deep breath to keep the tears that were starting to form in his eyes from running down, he decided to answer her – it would be the pure truth, just that he would be entirely implicit. "I just don't like this holiday."
Anneliese was taken by surprise when he said that, she knew he was telling the truth. But that was something that she didn't know of him. Afraid to ask at first since she felt the same way about it, she figured it would be better if he just let it all out. "Why not?" Julian looked at her and shrugged again without saying a word. She had never seen so much pain in his eyes before, maybe letting him know that he wasn't the only one that felt that way would make him speak. "I don't like it either, you know."
"Why?" He asked, curious about what she had to say – for all he knew, he was aware that Anneliese had a nice childhood.
She shrugged; she thought he would figure it out by himself. "I don't have reasons to like it." He looked away, pain was starting to surge from her eyes as well – he shouldn't have asked that. "My father died when I was very young... I can't even remember a single moment that I've spent with him." Julian nodded, but nothing could have stopped Anneliese from asking him the same thing. "Why don't you like it?"
He took a deep breath again, trying to find the strength to talk with her about this. This subject was something they had never talked about before; parents were often kept away from their conversations. But in days like this, in days where you were supposed to honor one of those parents, those hidden themes started to wound you. Besides, Anneliese didn't have to listen to all of this foolish talking. His mother had passed away not so much time ago, she had been sick for a couple of months and then there was nothing they could have done for her – but she died peacefully, that's for sure. But he had never mentioned his father before. But it was inevitable not to remember what happened to his family a day like today more than a decade ago. "A day like today, when I was eight, my father left…" Anneliese softly gasped, "I haven't seen him since then."
Oh God, now she felt awful. She had managed to make a bad situation worse by just asking a simple question. She put her hands on his face, making him meet her gaze. "I'm sorry Julian, I didn't know…"
He smiled, shaking his head. "It's okay; it's not your fault." She opened her arms to wrap them around him, he hugged her back.
He broke their embrace; Anneliese reclined on his side – resting her head on his chest as he played with her hair. And after she felt like he had calmed down a bit, she asked him something else. "Do you remember him?" It was something she knew would probably cause him more pain but it would bring peace and calm once he had threw it all out. Julian nodded, his gaze upon the rain outside again. "How was he like?" she added.
"My dad…" he started, closing his eyes to picture him better. "Very tall; I'm pretty sure that if I ever see him now I would still look way shorter than him." He chuckled, just like she had thought he would. But as he kept remembering, the smile on his face disappeared – a frown came up again. Not all the memories where pleasant or funny ones. Julian opened his eyes, "He had wavy dark hair…" And frowning harder he finished, "And eyes just like mine."
Anneliese worried, she should just keep her mouth closed or else she was going to end up enraging her husband bringing up his childhood traumas. So, trying to make him forget about how much he resembled his father she asked another thing. "Had?" She tried to emphasize the fact that he could still be alive.
Julian nodded, "Had… has…" He couldn't care less if his father was still alive or not. "Wouldn't make a difference to me."
Anneliese shook her head, "Why not?" She asked, feeling a bit puzzled by his attitude. Since when her husband had become such a cold hearted man? "He'd still be your father."
"Father is a name he never earned." He remarked. "A father is supposed to support you, and take care of you no matter what. He barely spent time with us. He was too busy being an idiot."
Anneliese didn't know what to say next, everything she tried to make him feel better only made him feel worse. But she could never understand what he was feeling. It was starting to hurt more than ever; the loss of her father was making her feel awful. After more than a decade of his passing, and she was starting to feel sad for him now?
Well, now that she thought about it – she had reasons to feel like Julian and perhaps worse than him. "At least you remember him…" Her voice trembling as her tears threaten to spill from her eyes.
Julian gasped, looking at her. And instantly feeling guilty for those tears he hugged her again. He understood what she must have been feeling, it was fault too – he should have been feeling lucky that he actually spent some time with his father. If it wasn't for the paintings of the late King that were around the palace, Anneliese wouldn't even know how was he like. "Oh, Anneliese, I'm sorry." She wept on his chest; she had never thought she would come to miss her father so much. Maybe she did remember him; deep inside her conscience he was still present. How much she would give for him to be here with her. Just to see his face, his real face – not a picture or a statue of him. Julian didn't realize how lucky he was to at least have met his father. Releasing her, he started to walk away. "I should go; I'm not in the best mood and I already made you cry."
Anneliese stood up from the couch as well, wiping her tears away. "No, don't go." She pleaded. A motive of happiness stronger than any pain made her forget about everything they had talked about. The reason she had gone to get a checkup, the same reason for her to spend more time out than she had planned today. "I have something important to tell you…" She smiled.
Julian was almost at the doors, he turned back at her. "You can tell me later." And just before he left, she continued.
"If that's the way you want it," said she, walking towards him. A grin on her face, her hand digging in one of her sweater's pockets as she looked for something. "I bought something for you after I went for my checkup, by the way."
That made Julian stop, and he came in the room again closing the doors. Looking strangely at her he asked: "Bought something for me?" Anneliese nodded, grinning even more. Stretching her arm to give him the gift she had bought him, he still felt utterly confused. A gift for him? "Did I miss something?" Maybe it was an important day and he had forgotten to buy her something as well, even though that wasn't like him at all – he would never miss any important date that had to do with her. Their anniversary… the day he proposed… or maybe the day they met? Anneliese giggled, shaking her head. "Then why would you do that?"
She shrugged, still offering the box to him. "It seemed suitable to buy something for you today. It's still Father's Day after all, right?"
Today, Father's Day, a gift… Julian's eyes bulged out, his breath caught up in his throat, his heart skipped a beat and he paled. "Oh my God…" he managed to mutter.
The blonde woman nodded as she grinned. He slapped a hand on his forehead, he was sure he was going to faint soon… was this really true? And as he took everything in and realized what a marvelous new she had just given him, he ran towards her. His arms wrapped around her as he kissed her. Anneliese chuckled, and she took one of his hands to place it on top of her still flat belly. Julian's eyes getting glassy again, but this time she was calmed because she knew those were tears of joy.
"Happy Father's Day…"
He kissed her again, her lips parted wider as she deepened their kiss.
He broke away another time, "I love you so much."
"We love you too."
Author's Note:
So, today's Father's Day! Happy Father's Day to all fathers!
I got the idea to write this the night of last year's Father's Day, I didn't had to wait a whole year to post it but I wanted to 'cause this is a very special one-shot to me.
This is super personal, but I feel you all deserve to know so you can also learn what I did.
When I was in 8th grade -2008- I got a call from my Mom when I was at school. She sounded worried and said that my grandma had called to ask her for help because my dad was in the hospital. My dad works driving construction trucks, so I thought he had an accident. She continued and said that I shouldn't worry, that he was being taken care off in 'Cima' - our town's mental hospital.
My dad had tried to kill himself; he had set his house on fire. Thankfully, my grandma –his mother- lives very close to him so she rapidly noticed the smoke. She called for help, and then called my mom. He wasn't hurt, but he was very hostile – he was all medicated and unable to talk for a week.
I was devastated, I felt like the worst daughter in history. Luckily, I have an awesome best friend, Nicole! And she allowed me to cry on her shoulder all day complaining about how stupid my dad was and how horrible life was to me.
It wasn't until she said: 'At least you know your father.', that I realized what I had done.
Nicole's father committed suicide when she was still in her mother's womb. She only has two pictures of him.
And I have my dad alive.
That made me feel worse, and yes, I apologized. But, eventually, opened my eyes and made me appreciate things –and days- even when they aren't like I wish they were. If it wasn't for that man I wouldn't be writing this. My last name wouldn't be the same, I wouldn't have the body I have, I wouldn't be able to see life and things in this way, I wouldn't be in this Earth being who I am today.
Sometimes we can't understand why things happen to us, but we just have to go with the flow and do our best to ignore what we hate and get what we like. We can't keep our wounds open, if we get stuck complaining about the pain, life will go on without us.
Be happy, love your parents, if you can't or don't want to, be a good one!
Happy Father's Day again!