Written for the Kurt Big Bang 2015 challenge. Because FFN is a pain in the behind, I can't directly link you to the fabulous video and banner art that was made for my story, but I sure can tell you that luvtheheaven did a fabulous job. You can (probably, if FFN allows it) find a link to it on my profile. And my beta catwho2 - thank you! You ROCK!
Blaine looked at the list in his hand, first with utter confusion, then with horror.
"Bam-BOOBIES? What the hell are those? My Brest Friend? NIPPLE CREAM?" He shook his head, as if to shake the unwanted mental pictures that had begun swirling around in his mind. "I am WAY too damn gay for this shit..."
He took his best friend's baby registry and scoured it for a less... scary... gift for the expectant mother. Most of the things on the list had already been purchased by those who had obtained their items in a far more timely manner than he, so he finally had to settle on a diaper pail.
"It is a sad, sad day when I have to choose between poop and boobs..." he muttered to himself. He snatched the pail off the shelf and spun around on his heels, eager to get out of the somewhat terrifying store. In his haste he nearly stumbled to the floor, narrowly escaping dropping the pail and making a complete fool of himself. He looked down to see what he had tripped on.
"Hi mister!" At Blaine's feet was a tiny little girl, no more than three or four years old, with long, silky blonde hair and sparkling sapphire blue eyes.
Blaine's heart melted. The child was adorable, and despite being completely out of his league in a baby store, he absolutely loved children. He crouched down so he could speak to the girl on her level.
"Well hello there! Are you okay? I didn't see you next to me. I hope I didn't hurt you when I ran into you."
"I'm okay mister!" she said with a bright smile.
"You shouldn't be here by yourself, sweetie. Is your mommy or daddy nearby?"
"Oh, I don't have a mommy. Just a daddy. I useta have TWO daddies but we had to move away from the other one. He's MEAN," she said, her arms crossed and a pout forming on her face.
Her mention of two daddies did not escape Blaine's ears, but he set aside that tidbit of information in his concern for the child's safety.
"Are you here with one of your daddies, then!"
"YEAH, mister! But I'm playing hide an' seek and waiting for Daddy to find me but I don't think he's coming." She shrugged. "Maybe he doesn't know we're playing?"
"Oh sweetie, hide and seek isn't a game you should be playing without telling someone. We should try to find your daddy. What's your name?"
Just as the child opened her mouth to speak again, Blaine heard quick footsteps and a frantic voice calling, "Elsa? ELSA! Where are you?"
Blaine looked down at the little girl. Long white-blonde hair, deep blue eyes..
"You must be Elsa," Blaine said with a grin.
"That's me! Elsa Elisabeth Hummel-Karofsky... but Daddy says I don't hafta worry about the Karofsky part anymore..."
The voice approached the section where Blaine and Elsa were standing. Blaine grabbed her hand and gently pulled her to the main aisle where they could be seen.
"Here I am, Daddy!" she said, breaking away from Blaine and bounding into the man's arms.
"Elsa, honey, don't you EVER run off like that again! I was so worried!" It was obvious to Blaine that the man was trying to sound firm, but the relief bled into his voice. The man held the little girl tight for several moments before he realized there was a third party standing nearby.
"Disney fan, huh?" Blaine said knowingly, a teasing smirk on his face.
The man gave Blaine an impressive "bitch, please" look. "Idina Menzel is a goddess. Just try and deny it."
Blaine immediately raised his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "I couldn't possibly," he said, laughing lightly.
The man straightened up to look at face Blaine at eye-level. Well, almost eye-level, anyway - Blaine immediately noticed that the man was a few inches taller than he was.
The man stuck out his hand. "Kurt Hummel."
"Bl - Bla - " Blaine stuttered. He hadn't fully looked at Kurt until that exact moment, but when he did, he was momentarily speechless. Blaine couldn't help but think that Kurt was, quite literally, the most attractive man he had ever seen. It was obvious that Elsa's eyes had come from her father; Kurt's eyes were the exact same shade of blue, and perhaps even more striking than his daughter's when you considered the rest of the package.
Which Blaine was most definitely now considering.
"That can't be it - I certainly don't think you're blah," Kurt said with a grin as he grasped Blaine's hand.
Blaine shook his head, hoping to snap himself out of his impromptu reverie. "Blaine Anderson," he said, much more confidently this time. They shook hands for a moment longer than most people would consider acceptable, and they dropped each other's hand somewhat awkwardly.
"Thank you for finding my daughter and keeping her safe," Kurt said softly, taking a moment to hug the child again. "She's so precocious and always getting into everything and I am constantly afraid that each time is the time where something awful is going to happen... I'm just glad she ran into someone decent," he finished.
"Me too," Blaine said with a smile.
There was an awkward pause. Blaine could tell that Kurt wanted to say something but hadn't quite managed to spit it out yet. He was just about to give up and excuse himself when Kurt said, "Listen, I don't want this to be weird, but I have to ask... are you...?" He gestured back and forth between him and Blaine.
Blaine figured out what he was asking immediately. "Yep. 100% gold star."
Kurt let out a sigh of relief. "Thank god. I have asked out one too many straight men in my day and... I mean, not that I am asking you out or anything, but...well, maybe I am... I mean, are you free? Like, not free as in your schedule, but is there anyone? Oh crap, I should just stop talking now..."
"Relax, Kurt. Yes, in that context, I'm free."
Kurt's face lit up. He eagerly dug his phone out of his pocket and pulled up a blank contact in his address book. Offering it to Blaine, he said, "Why don't you just put your phone number in here for me and I can give you a call..."
Blaine didn't reach for the phone immediately, making Kurt's heart sink a bit.
"On one condition," Blaine said.
Warily, Kurt asked, "And that is?"
"Help me figure out what the HELL I'm supposed to buy?" Blaine replied, waving around the registry listing. "I mean, you've got a kid, surely you have SOME clue what might not be completely useless?"
Kurt's stomach immediately relaxed. Shopping he could do. Rejection, not so much. "Sure, gimme," he said, reaching for the piece of paper in Blaine's hand.
Kurt frowned as he looked through the list. "Good lord, some people have no clue. I am by no means an expert in any sense of the word, but a lot of the stuff on this list is just stupid." He handed the handful of paper back to Blaine and grabbed the hand of the antsy little girl beside him.
"Follow me," Kurt said. He walked by a stack of shopping baskets and snagged one, handing it to Blaine without losing a beat.
Kurt grabbed a pack of reusable absorbent pads ("because no matter how pretty of a changing table you have, 99% of the time you're changing them on the floor"), a bundle of flannel receiving blankets ("to use as burp cloths - spit up travels way farther than you think it does"), a little duck that held a roll of tiny blue bags (" they always need to be changed when you're miles away from a garbage can"), and a Mommy Hook ("you should get one of these for yourself - they're meant to hold things to the handle of a stroller, but sometimes you have a bunch of bags from the grocery and only want to make one trip"). "There," he said, satisfied with the items he had found. "Useful, and you can save all the boob stuff for someone else."
Blaine chuckled. "Yeah, I didn't quite know what to make of that stuff." He set down his basket and turned to face Kurt. Grabbing one of his slender but strong hands, Blaine said, "Thank you. I really appreciate your help."
Kurt smiled widely. "You're welcome. Now maybe you can help me... ?"
"Me? Um, I don't know what I could possibly help with in a store like this, but I can try."
"Awesome." Kurt took his fidgety daughter's hand and led the way to the video game portion of the children's store and pointed inside a case. "I know these are video games, and I know my brother has an Xbox of some variety, but I'm afraid that's about the extent of my knowledge. My brother's birthday is tomorrow and we need a gift for him. He'd rather not get gifts at all than have me buy him clothes again, so that's out. He plays drums, but he's all set in that respect. So that pretty much leaves his gaming habit, and I'm not too proud to admit I'm completely out of my league. PLEASE tell me you can help me."
Blaine grinned. He could definitely offer some assistance with this one. Video games weren't his favorite hobby, but video gaming was a very popular pastime in the all boys boarding school he had attended.
"Oh sure! What kind of games does he like? Is he into RPGs or shooters or racing?"
"Ummm..." Kurt looked completely lost. One more minute and Blaine was certain his eyes would glaze over in confusion.
Chuckling, Blaine tried a different tactic. "Okay, how about this - does he play games over the internet with other people?"
Kurt looked thoughtful. "I've walked in on him with a huge headset on and him screaming at the screen. You think that's what he's doing?"
Blaine smiled. "Yeah, probably. Here, I have an idea." He left the video game case and headed to a large display of gift cards. He perused the rack for a few moments and selected a bright green one.
"Here you go. An Xbox Live membership. He can play online for a whole year with this one." Blaine set it gently in Kurt's outstretched hand.
"Oh that's PERFECT!" Kurt exclaimed. "I would've never thought of this myself. Thank you!"
"Daddy, Daddy!" Elsa interrupted, tugging on the hem of her father's shirt. "There's a princess doll on the top shelf that I want to see but I can't reach it! Can you hold me up please?"
"Not now, sweetheart. We've still got to go and pick up the cake for Uncle Finn's party tomorrow. I need to go buy this so we can get going."
"But Daddy!"
"No, Elsa. Now let's go."
"Kurt, may I?" Blaine broke in. "You go pay, and I'll show it to her and then bring her to you in a minute."
Not wanting to give in to his daughter's demand, but also not wanting to deal with the tantrum he knew would come if she didn't get her way, Kurt acquiesced.
"Okay. But please, just a few moments. If you let her, she'll have you personal shopping the entire Disney section for her. And I've really got to run."
"Sure thing. Okay, Elsa, where is this doll?"
With the basket of baby gifts in one hand and the little girl's hand in the other, Blaine allowed himself to be dragged to the shelf of princess toys that Elsa had been excited to see. He set his purchases on the floor and swung the child up into his arms so she could see the doll she was anxiously pointing at. She jabbered on happily about the princess, whose movie she had recently seen, and Blaine paid close attention to every word.
He didn't notice that they were no longer alone in the aisle. He didn't see the foreign object until it had jabbed painfully into his ribs. He didn't hear a single sound until a threatening voice gave a sharp command.
"Don't. Move."