Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings. That would belong to J.R.R.
Tolkien and his estate. Thanks.
I would also like to point out that this is an incredibly weird bit of fanfiction (if you've read my stuff already, you know what to expect.) So, I warned you.
Welcome to Reality, Mr. Frodo, and Legolas, and Aragorn, and Gimli, and Pippin, and Merry.
The nine companions (this is before Boromir dies, children!), who were gathered around the fire, never saw it coming. Pippin just happened to look up at an opportune moment.
"HEY! What in Middle Earth-"
All the other companions looked skyward. There was an enormous black hole in the blue sky. Gandalf grabbed for his staff. "The eye of Sauron grows ever more powerful!" he shouted over the roar that filled the air. Boromir and Aragorn drew their swords. The hobbits, as was usual, stood there, gawking. Legolas knocked an arrow to his bow, and aimed at nothing in particular. Clutching at his axe, Gimli muttered something along the lines of:
"Bloody elf! What good is that?"
However, none of their weapons were of any use against what they were up against next. The black hole in the sky sucked them in, and in a few minutes, they found themselves neatly deposited in front of a number of stores: specifically, Barnes and Noble and Best Buy.
"Where the heck are we?" Pippin asked no one-and everyone at the same time.
"Peregrine Took, if I knew where we were, I would answer! But as no one knows where we are, I may well count your question as another example of your foolishness!" Pippin looked at Gandalf reproachfully before examining the rest of the surroundings. Boromir and Aragorn, after glancing wildly at their surroundings and deciding that there was nothing to be particularly worried about, sheathed their swords, though Boromir kept a hand to the hilt of his. However, Legolas did not lower his bow, nor did Gimli relax his hold on his axe. The other hobbits, as usual, gawked at their surroundings. Gandalf, as could be expected, took charge of the situation. "We have arrived in an unusual place. It doesn't appear to be threatening, but be on your guard all the same. We need not alarm the people here, so lower your weapons. That means you too, Gimli." For Gimli was watching Gandalf incredulously. "I suggest we split up. Some will go here," He gestured towards Barnes and Noble. "and the rest can go here," he said, pointing at Best Buy.
"Is it wise that we separate?" Aragorn asked. "There are all these people around. We could be easily attacked and overwhelmed."
Gandalf nodded. "That is true, Aragorn. Yet look at them. None of them are armed." Seeing this, Aragorn nodded.
"Boromir, Gimli, Pippin and I will go to this place," Aragorn decided. His decision met with a number of glares, mainly from Boromir and Gimli. "And the rest can go to the other.whatever it was."
"Best Buy, I think." Frodo spoke for the first time in a while.
"Uh, yeah, Best Buy."
"And," Gandalf interjected. "I think it best that I stay here, to keep an eye on things."
"He's probably staying out here to smoke his pipe," muttered Merry in a mutinous way, elbowing Pippin at the same time.
"I heard that, Master Meriadoc." Merry shut up.
"How do you know we can't smoke in there?" Pippin asked Merry in a whisper. Merry merely shrugged.
"Come on." Aragorn strode off towards Barnes and Noble. Unfortunately, they had landed in the middle of a very busy parking lot. He nearly got run over by an SUV. The driver stopped, with a great deal of squealing from the breaks, and rolling down the window, berated the somewhat bewildered Aragorn.
"HEY! JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, MISTER!" Aragorn, flustered, mumbled "Sorry" and hurried to the safety of the sidewalk. Boromir, Pippin, and Gimli rushed to join him.
"What in the name of my fathers was that?" exclaimed an indignant Gimli. His query was met with shrugs.
"I have not the slightest idea what that was, but I think we should avoid them." Boromir proclaimed.
"There's one slight problem," piped Pippin.
"What would that be?"
"How are we going to avoid them? This place is full of them." Proved wrong, Boromir gave Pippin a rather annoyed look. "Alright," Pippin continued, unfazed. "What are we waiting for?" They found the door, and filed in. Looking around, they were met with walls and walls of books, and more books piled on tables in great displays of color and shiny paper. "This must be some kind of library." Pippin's remark was met with indifference.
"Wait and see." Aragorn advised. They shuffled, self-conscious (they were attracting- understandably- very strange looks), through the bookstore. After much aimless wandering, they found themselves staring at a table stacked with nothing but Lord of the Rings books and merchandise. Aragorn picked up a book and ruffled the pages. "And here I was thinking that all book covers were made of leather," he remarked.
The cover of a hardback The Two Towers caught Gimli's eye. "WHAT!" he thundered. "Isn't that that bloody elf!?" It was indeed Legolas' face on the front cover. "Grrr.bloody elves...they think they're so bloody great and so bloody good-looking." No one paid him any attention.
"Isn't that something that Elrond said, 'the Fellowship of the Ring'?" Boromir asked rhetorically.
"Then.do these people know about us?" Aragorn asked-again, rhetorically. Boromir seized a copy of The Fellowship of the Ring and frantically leafed through it. He stopped at a chapter entitled "The Council of Elrond."
"Yes.it's all here! Every last word we spoke! In which case." He rifled through it, his gloved hands making it more difficult. "But this stops before Frodo ever gets anywhere near Mordor! And we all split up! But I wonder." He replaced the book, and grabbed the copy of The Two Towers that had so offended Gimli. He had scarcely gone through two pages when, much to the surprise of his companions, he threw the book down in disgust with a very loud "What the hell! I don't believe this!" They all looked at him in shock.
"What is it, Boromir?" asked Pippin, concerned.
"I DIE, DAMMIT! I DIE!!" He spat on the book, and jumped up and down on it. "I can't die! I'm too bloody cool to die!"
"Everyone dies, Boromir," Aragorn said gently. "It's just a matter of when."
"Yes, yes," Boromir cried, enraged. "But I don't what to know when and how! Bloody great, that. I get shot by those damn Orcs and then die, and you lot get to prance 'round and 'round in search of your bloody friends, and I get to go over a waterfall in a boat!"
"Boromir!" Gimli tried to get his friend to shut up. "You're making a scene!"
A Barnes and Noble employee approached the incensed Boromir. "Sir, people are trying to look for books in here. Could you please be quiet?"
Boromir glared at him. "How would you like it if you just found out you were going to die?!" The salesman was quite taken aback by Boromir's response. He was very used to dealing with compliant people, and Boromir came as something of a shock. Still, he tried to be professional.
"Well, sir, to tell you the truth, I wouldn't be very happy-"
"Then bloody well clear off, or I'll cut your head off!" Boromir had lost all manner of composure, and drew his sword on the unfortunate employee. A number of people in the crowd that had gathered to watch this strange spectacle screamed. A few fumbled for their cell-phones to call the police. Aragorn tried to restrain him. In all of the commotion, Pippin wandered off. No one noticed.
"Boromir, is it really worth killing this innocent man?" Aragorn asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. Slowly, Boromir lowered his sword and sheathed it.
"Git," he muttered under his breath.
Aragorn then stepped forward to deal with the crowd. "Everything is alright. Boromir won't hurt anyone. I think he just got a little excited, that's all." The crowd slowly dispersed, chattering in hushed voices.
"Nice one, lad," Gimli complimented Aragorn on breaking up the crowd, then cast a look of great annoyance on the cover of The Two Towers. "Though I wish Boromir had jumped on the damn book a little more. D' you think these people can tell the future? Or are they just making all of this up?" He looked up at Aragorn, worried.
"Well," Aragorn began cautiously. "They knew of the Council at Rivendell, yet it is easy to write of events past. What Boromir read may be true, or it may not be. None of use know." He stopped, glanced at Boromir, who seemed to have resigned himself to his fate, and then back at Gimli. "Come on, Gimli, Boromir-" he helped Boromir to his feet. "-Pippin. Let's get back to Gandalf." He was about to start towards the door, when Gimli called him back.
"I can't find Pippin." The three remaining companions searched among the nearby shelves, then came to the same conclusion: "Where's Pippin?!"
I would also like to point out that this is an incredibly weird bit of fanfiction (if you've read my stuff already, you know what to expect.) So, I warned you.
Welcome to Reality, Mr. Frodo, and Legolas, and Aragorn, and Gimli, and Pippin, and Merry.
The nine companions (this is before Boromir dies, children!), who were gathered around the fire, never saw it coming. Pippin just happened to look up at an opportune moment.
"HEY! What in Middle Earth-"
All the other companions looked skyward. There was an enormous black hole in the blue sky. Gandalf grabbed for his staff. "The eye of Sauron grows ever more powerful!" he shouted over the roar that filled the air. Boromir and Aragorn drew their swords. The hobbits, as was usual, stood there, gawking. Legolas knocked an arrow to his bow, and aimed at nothing in particular. Clutching at his axe, Gimli muttered something along the lines of:
"Bloody elf! What good is that?"
However, none of their weapons were of any use against what they were up against next. The black hole in the sky sucked them in, and in a few minutes, they found themselves neatly deposited in front of a number of stores: specifically, Barnes and Noble and Best Buy.
"Where the heck are we?" Pippin asked no one-and everyone at the same time.
"Peregrine Took, if I knew where we were, I would answer! But as no one knows where we are, I may well count your question as another example of your foolishness!" Pippin looked at Gandalf reproachfully before examining the rest of the surroundings. Boromir and Aragorn, after glancing wildly at their surroundings and deciding that there was nothing to be particularly worried about, sheathed their swords, though Boromir kept a hand to the hilt of his. However, Legolas did not lower his bow, nor did Gimli relax his hold on his axe. The other hobbits, as usual, gawked at their surroundings. Gandalf, as could be expected, took charge of the situation. "We have arrived in an unusual place. It doesn't appear to be threatening, but be on your guard all the same. We need not alarm the people here, so lower your weapons. That means you too, Gimli." For Gimli was watching Gandalf incredulously. "I suggest we split up. Some will go here," He gestured towards Barnes and Noble. "and the rest can go here," he said, pointing at Best Buy.
"Is it wise that we separate?" Aragorn asked. "There are all these people around. We could be easily attacked and overwhelmed."
Gandalf nodded. "That is true, Aragorn. Yet look at them. None of them are armed." Seeing this, Aragorn nodded.
"Boromir, Gimli, Pippin and I will go to this place," Aragorn decided. His decision met with a number of glares, mainly from Boromir and Gimli. "And the rest can go to the other.whatever it was."
"Best Buy, I think." Frodo spoke for the first time in a while.
"Uh, yeah, Best Buy."
"And," Gandalf interjected. "I think it best that I stay here, to keep an eye on things."
"He's probably staying out here to smoke his pipe," muttered Merry in a mutinous way, elbowing Pippin at the same time.
"I heard that, Master Meriadoc." Merry shut up.
"How do you know we can't smoke in there?" Pippin asked Merry in a whisper. Merry merely shrugged.
"Come on." Aragorn strode off towards Barnes and Noble. Unfortunately, they had landed in the middle of a very busy parking lot. He nearly got run over by an SUV. The driver stopped, with a great deal of squealing from the breaks, and rolling down the window, berated the somewhat bewildered Aragorn.
"HEY! JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, MISTER!" Aragorn, flustered, mumbled "Sorry" and hurried to the safety of the sidewalk. Boromir, Pippin, and Gimli rushed to join him.
"What in the name of my fathers was that?" exclaimed an indignant Gimli. His query was met with shrugs.
"I have not the slightest idea what that was, but I think we should avoid them." Boromir proclaimed.
"There's one slight problem," piped Pippin.
"What would that be?"
"How are we going to avoid them? This place is full of them." Proved wrong, Boromir gave Pippin a rather annoyed look. "Alright," Pippin continued, unfazed. "What are we waiting for?" They found the door, and filed in. Looking around, they were met with walls and walls of books, and more books piled on tables in great displays of color and shiny paper. "This must be some kind of library." Pippin's remark was met with indifference.
"Wait and see." Aragorn advised. They shuffled, self-conscious (they were attracting- understandably- very strange looks), through the bookstore. After much aimless wandering, they found themselves staring at a table stacked with nothing but Lord of the Rings books and merchandise. Aragorn picked up a book and ruffled the pages. "And here I was thinking that all book covers were made of leather," he remarked.
The cover of a hardback The Two Towers caught Gimli's eye. "WHAT!" he thundered. "Isn't that that bloody elf!?" It was indeed Legolas' face on the front cover. "Grrr.bloody elves...they think they're so bloody great and so bloody good-looking." No one paid him any attention.
"Isn't that something that Elrond said, 'the Fellowship of the Ring'?" Boromir asked rhetorically.
"Then.do these people know about us?" Aragorn asked-again, rhetorically. Boromir seized a copy of The Fellowship of the Ring and frantically leafed through it. He stopped at a chapter entitled "The Council of Elrond."
"Yes.it's all here! Every last word we spoke! In which case." He rifled through it, his gloved hands making it more difficult. "But this stops before Frodo ever gets anywhere near Mordor! And we all split up! But I wonder." He replaced the book, and grabbed the copy of The Two Towers that had so offended Gimli. He had scarcely gone through two pages when, much to the surprise of his companions, he threw the book down in disgust with a very loud "What the hell! I don't believe this!" They all looked at him in shock.
"What is it, Boromir?" asked Pippin, concerned.
"I DIE, DAMMIT! I DIE!!" He spat on the book, and jumped up and down on it. "I can't die! I'm too bloody cool to die!"
"Everyone dies, Boromir," Aragorn said gently. "It's just a matter of when."
"Yes, yes," Boromir cried, enraged. "But I don't what to know when and how! Bloody great, that. I get shot by those damn Orcs and then die, and you lot get to prance 'round and 'round in search of your bloody friends, and I get to go over a waterfall in a boat!"
"Boromir!" Gimli tried to get his friend to shut up. "You're making a scene!"
A Barnes and Noble employee approached the incensed Boromir. "Sir, people are trying to look for books in here. Could you please be quiet?"
Boromir glared at him. "How would you like it if you just found out you were going to die?!" The salesman was quite taken aback by Boromir's response. He was very used to dealing with compliant people, and Boromir came as something of a shock. Still, he tried to be professional.
"Well, sir, to tell you the truth, I wouldn't be very happy-"
"Then bloody well clear off, or I'll cut your head off!" Boromir had lost all manner of composure, and drew his sword on the unfortunate employee. A number of people in the crowd that had gathered to watch this strange spectacle screamed. A few fumbled for their cell-phones to call the police. Aragorn tried to restrain him. In all of the commotion, Pippin wandered off. No one noticed.
"Boromir, is it really worth killing this innocent man?" Aragorn asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. Slowly, Boromir lowered his sword and sheathed it.
"Git," he muttered under his breath.
Aragorn then stepped forward to deal with the crowd. "Everything is alright. Boromir won't hurt anyone. I think he just got a little excited, that's all." The crowd slowly dispersed, chattering in hushed voices.
"Nice one, lad," Gimli complimented Aragorn on breaking up the crowd, then cast a look of great annoyance on the cover of The Two Towers. "Though I wish Boromir had jumped on the damn book a little more. D' you think these people can tell the future? Or are they just making all of this up?" He looked up at Aragorn, worried.
"Well," Aragorn began cautiously. "They knew of the Council at Rivendell, yet it is easy to write of events past. What Boromir read may be true, or it may not be. None of use know." He stopped, glanced at Boromir, who seemed to have resigned himself to his fate, and then back at Gimli. "Come on, Gimli, Boromir-" he helped Boromir to his feet. "-Pippin. Let's get back to Gandalf." He was about to start towards the door, when Gimli called him back.
"I can't find Pippin." The three remaining companions searched among the nearby shelves, then came to the same conclusion: "Where's Pippin?!"