Hello boys and girls, I'm back. After years of not writing, and many horrible adventuers, the urge to put my crazy head- words to paper (or .doc files, as the case may be) has returned, and I assure you, YOU WILL ALL SUFFER . Additionally, I now take myself much less seriously.
So I'm discussion horrible fanfiction ideas on 4chan, and I actually came up with Beast Boy/Catherine the Great by myself as an example of the twisted stuff I'd enjoy writing. Then people said "Lol, write it" I said no. Then I started thinking out the logistics of it. Then my fingers started typing. This is the result.
BeastBoy's Excellent Adventure
By kagato23, aka Danoodle, who couldn't think of a better name.
Catherine II of Russia, aka Catherine the Great, aka Sophie Augusta Frederica, aka Catherine Wells, Aka Martha Pensley. Born 17 November, 1796, according to the history books. Of course, as Beast boy now knew, it was in fact 2796. As he'd been filled in, Martha Pensley was a History technician in the 26th century who'd gone insane from accidental liquid-suspendium exposure, and had begun jumping around time first in a mad effort to "fix" herself, and as her condition degenerated had simply begun following her twisted whims.
Using medical technology currently unknown to that time period, Martha had killed the real Catherine II of Russia by inducing a stroke in her weeks ago, and had taken her place as Russian royalty. She had killed the Time Cops that Beast Boy had initially chased after through the portal that had taken them all here, and was now the sole person with functioning technology that could get him back to his own time. The problem was simple: She'd coded it to remain affixed to her upper arm as long as she was alive. Time Cops wouldn't dare fire lethal weaponry in the past, but Beast Boy could utilize an option they didn't have. Catherine had never actually seen him use his powers, and her unfamiliarity with him made it clear that he apparently he wasn't a particularly large part of 26th century history classes. Martha had, on a whim, ordered all the animals in her castle to be painted different colors every day, and today was green day. He'd remembered the rumor about how Catherine the II had died, and realized now that both historical stories could be accurate.
Replacing the horse was simple enough. All he had to do now was wait. He'd heard the stablemen talk of the queens strange new proclivities, obviously Martha had taken Catherine's debauchery to its extreme. A few hours of hay chewing later, she'd entered, all her guards outside the stable ordered not to let anybody in. Beast Boy had made sure the horse he'd become had the largest most prominent member of any in the stable, and so was he was chosen. An impressive oral ministration (no girls in the 21st century had ever done THAT with their tongue!) later, she was ready for the mounting.
As they rigged him in the harness, he took a deep breath, and prepared to do what he had to. As a rule he generally avoided killing, but technically it'd already happened by his time, and besides, Raven wasn't going to find anybody else that could be her best friend with benefits in both human and dog form.