Disclaimer: Joss Whedon. 'Nuff said.

Prompt: #29 Birth (FF100)

A/N: Please be kind. I'm pretty excited about this one.

Simon thought he was in hell when River went away. He thought he was in hell when he read her letters. He thought he was in hell when she started going on jobs. He thought he was in hell when she took on Reavers. He thought he was in hell when she started dating. And when she got pregnant.

He didn't know what hell was.

Hell was his mei mei giving birth. Being the only doctor on board, he had to deliver River's child. It wasn't going smoothly. Kaylee tried to help, but burst into tears of frustration. Mal just stood outside of the infirmary, pacing. Inara was trying to comfort him and Zoe stood stoically by the window, her own toddler in her arms. The only good thing that had happened since River went into labor was that he got to dope Jayne.

Only after getting punched in the face, though.

Jayne didn't take his wife's pain too lightly and seemed to think Simon wasn't doing much to prevent it. He yelled, growled, swore, threatened, and threw things. The line was drawn when he forced his fist across Simon's jaw. So, he doped Jayne before he had a chance to fight back. He now lay sprawled across the floor, every now and then "accidentally" getting stepped on.

"This is his fault!" River screamed.

"I know, mei mei," Simon shushed her. "Push."

She screamed as she tried to push out the baby. "He should be holding my hand, the qing wa cao de liumang!"

"I agree." Despite her current condition, River's anger made her terrifying.

"Shut up! You doped him!"

"I know, mei mei. I'm sorry." He wasn't. Not even close.

"I hate you!" She screamed in pain again.

"You're almost there, River."

"I hate him, too! He did this to me!" That was about the eighth time she proclaimed her hatred of Jayne in the last couple of hours.

"That's good, mei mei. You just remember tat. Almost there!" The baby's head was almost free. Just a little further...

There! He pulled out the baby girl with dark hair and blue eyes. He had hoped she would have River's eyes. Oh well... Wrapping the messy baby in a blanket, he handed over the bundle to his baby sister.

"She's so beautiful," River croaked.

Simon noticed that everyone was no at the door. Well, except Jayne, of course.

"Ooh," Kaylee cooed. "What're ya gonna name her?"

River never looked up from her daughter. "Jane. Her name is Jane."

Simon groaned. So much for River hating her husband. He now had a niece named Jane Cobb.

He was in hell.