Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean. (I do, however, have both CotBP and DMC on DVD, and tickets for AWE!) It is property of Disney, and I'm writing this without their permission. I'm not making a cent off of this.
Liar, Liar, Hair on Fire
by misaoshiru
He should've known it would be a terrible day when his bunk collapsed, sending him tumbling to the floor of his cabin in the wee hours of the morning. He should have commandeered a hammock from his crew and gone back to sleep, but he didn't. He went out to face the day, and now his hair was on fire. Stupid, stupid, bloody stupid.
It started as a routine raid on a merchant vessel. Pillaging, plundering...doing all those typical pirate-y things (well, typical unless you're pirates who don't do anything...) But, as they realized upon boarding the ship, these merchants were very, very stupid. And stupid people who've been backed into a corner can be the most dangerous. It was a ship delivering live chickens to Cuba, and someone foolishly released all of them. Many of the pirates would have interesting beak- and claw-scars after this, he was sure. Also, many of the merchant sailors had thrown whatever was at hand at the marauding pirates, many of them missing and hitting each other. A rather large barrel had hit the merchant captain in the back of his head, knocking him out instantly, but many of the pirates were injured as well. He was pretty sure Gibbs was developing a good-sized knot on his forehead from someone's peg leg, and when a lantern hit Jack upside the head...well, let's just say that his hair, greasy as it was, was surprisingly flammable.
"Captain, we've secured the ship!"
"Good for you, innit?" he grumbled. "Took damn long enough."
"Umm, Captain...your hair..."
"I'm aware of that, damn it. Now will you please put the bloody fire out already, you twit? Or else...I'll tear out your bloody innards and feed them to the bleeding sharks, savvy?"
A meek salute. "Yes, sir!"
"Jack! Elizabeth is..." Will trailed off. "Jack, is that...is that a wig?!"
"Shut up, William."
Author's Notes:
Umm...yeah. Just a bit of humor to celebrate the forthcoming release of AWE...which I get to see tomorrow night at eight. Yay!