The Pilots' Chatroom, a gundam wing/ac fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. This story is written for fun only, no offense is intended, no money is being made.

Warnings: yaoi, language, sexual content

AN: This little thingy developed during my friend dwarf8's and my not so busy work days on an certain Internet platform. We both wanted to be Duo, but as I'm the one with hair like his, I won. lol She's the blonde one, so she got to be Quatre. But as she wanted to deliver mean lines as well, she also got Wufei. Trowa is her favorite, so here she goes. That left me with Heero, whom I like to write very much as well! Our colleages deem us crazy, but we're having fun playing gay terrorists! Please forgive us the mistakes, we're no native speakers. (Although most of the misspellings are intended to seem like in a real short message/ chat.)

The Pilots' Chatroom

Tuesday 10:35

zero4 to zero2: mission received... awaiting approval

Tuesday 10:37

zero2: downloading mission parameters...

Tuesday 10:52

02 checking supplies... woah major lack of CeeFour, might as well go shopping first. will check with 05, China-man has better connections on earth. cu in a bit, Q!

Tuesday 12:07

02 to 04: mission accepted. got enough boom now. so who else will be involved, Q-ball? u know, just making sure it will be worth the trouble for the both of us ^^

Tuesday 14:05

zero2... it is essential you do not reveal our identity to the enemy... I want you to keep that in mind because otherwise we might be doomed... was checking the list you provided... seems like we have enough solids to start the job.. but we might as well get some liquids...you are right with the source you mentioned, very valuable contacts indeed. any progress in this matter?

Tuesday 14:24

c'mon 04, don't get your silk panties in a twist! Im not namin', Im taggin', Qtee :D liquids huh? u planning on havin' something special? fcause I'm bringing some booze for the aftermath... maybe get SOME people to loosen up a bit! but since when r u drinkin' alkohol, buddy? aren't you like a muslim or something? hey, I'm the master of evasion! think I didn't notice u changin' the subject? so who's gonna come Q-bean?

Tuesday 14:35

drop it Shinigami! SOMEONE might be eavesdropping!and what is this about religion?a new code you invented?for that to work the recipient ought to KNOW IT TOO!to answer your question... the usual circle of course.

Tuesday 14:42

all of them? awesooome! we're gonna kick some major ass! so, commander 04, who r u gonna pair me up with? I mean, I guess ur partner is a given! ;P how's zero3 by the way? Hehehehe

Tuesday 15:02

well well zero2 ... you seem to forget I´m an empath... there is no doubt with whom you want to be paired off with. therefore I suggest you just use that big mouth of yours for something meaningful once and come out of that cupboard and JUST TELL HIM! question answered? :-P

Tuesday 15:20

here u go avoiding my question again, Kittycat! hey, howse about u show me how it's done? at least it's obvious that T-man has the hots for u!:P u know that Mr Perfect Soldier has nothing but the mission inside that thick skull of his. even if there's some space left, it's probably occupied with this annoying blonde female with that screachy voice. though I can't really imagine having THAT sound in the back of my head all the time. ewww would drive me crazy to have a crush on something like that! no wonder he's a suicidal workaholic!

Tuesday 16:18

you shouldnt underestimate a woman when she preys on somesthing or lets better say someONE. she wont let go easily. she is all over him all the time. no wonder he is so tensed up lately. we need to change that. I wanted to pair you off with zero5 but given the cirumstances I will make zero1 your date to the ball. I am dead certain you will try all you can to distract him and cheer him up.

Tuesday 17:30

so Mr Empath, ur tellin' me 01 is annoyed by his princess' shadowing? and u want me to do the dirty work of distracting him and cheering him up? aww how thoughtful of you! :) mission accepted, buddy! but u know, I wouldn't mind getting to the root of the problem... as u were saying, this is me not underestimating The Harpy. I'm not talking permanent, but... u get the idea... hehehe... think Soldier Boy would object, if I released him of the cause of his... stress?

Tuesday 17:50

mission parameters: never mean to kill. only to maim. Or seriously injure.* she unfortunately is too important to the world to be eliminated. I am sure zero1 would be happy you helped him solve the problem. this or that way. but well of course we both know he would never show it. I am thinking of pairing zero5 with the harpy as you named her. he is least likely to lose his temper around her. his meditation skills will help him tune her out.

Tuesday 18:12

no kill? awww u're no fun ;) just kiddin'. pity that we all have to rely on her savin' us. I guess, that takes the maiming part out of the question, too. who'd follow a retarded lookin' Queen? ... hehe, u think a Queen could do without her hair? not that I'm jealous, we all know who's got the longest, most beautiful hair after all! :D
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, 05? LEAST likely to lose his temper? what the hell gave u that idea? he's like the f-ing God of temper tantrums!

Tuesday 18:23

I agree... he USUALLY is like that... but around her...haven't you noticed the way hes blushing whenever he only SEES her ... let alone talk to her. well that means if he even is able to open his mouth around her... I think he is the right one.. she can go on babbling about everything and everybody... and he just sits there and savours the moment. :D zero3 says hi btw.

Tuesday 18:38

seriously? 05 and Her f-ing Majesty? I thought he was just thinking of ways to shut her up, while tryin' not to get her damaged. who woulda thunk? but then isn't he like dying cause of the injustice of her fawning all over 01?
aha! I knew it! u brought him home with u again! hi to u too, T-man! way to go, Cat! knew u had it in u! ;D sooo, what r u 2 up to tonight? bit o' happy humping in order? Hahaha laughing my ass off!

Tuesday 18:50

opposites attract, zero2, opposites attract. look at you and uhm.. well.. u know who :D
it is actually none of your business what we are going to do tonight. its just a bit of sparring and close combat practice anyways. gotta keep those skills up and ourselves in shape after all.
see you tomorrow at HQ!

Tuesday 18:56

woah don't wanna hear anything more about ur skills! :D pretty sure u both are... lol... keeping it up real nice! Hahaha! hey, tell 03 not to fry me, please, Commander QT! cya bunnies tomorrow!^^

(* Dobby in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1.)

Wednesday 10:43

zero2, mission delayed... what did u do THIS time? put yourself in chains with that mess on your head you call hair? I told you to cut that rat's tail... or Ill do it with my katana!

Wednesday 11:04

THAT I wanna see u try, Wuff. but u know u gotta pull that katana out of ur stuck up ass first! :P do I hear envy? u know, it's not my fault that u can't grow more than that pathetic amount of hair. don't talk to me b4 I had a coffee! ETA 10min... thought we wouldn't start b4 noon anyways... is Cat there with u? hey, ask him how that work-out of his... worked out! :D

Wednesday 14:24

zero5 to zero2: you better watch your mouth you arrogant selfish little prat. I could do things to you with my katana that make you regret you had such a loose tongue. I could even cut it out in an act of mercy ... for MANKIND.

Wednesday 14:25

zero4 to zero5: calm down zero5, you know very well he is teasing you on purpose just for you to flip.

Wednesday 14:28
zero4 to zero2: the work out was very satisfying a little bit of bending and flexing wouldn't do you any harm as well. Therefore I set up some training lessons with zero1. That way it is guaranteed you go to your limits. I will email the schedule as soon as it is aligned with the missions coming up.

Wednesday 18:05

02 to 05: aww, pity I missed ur most recent tantrum, Wuffie-Wu! it's always so much better live and colored! so, what's this I hear about u being in lurrve with a certain blonde? are we gonna be invited to the wedding? see my point? virtual conversations just miss something. what I wouldn't give to see ur big fat blush and indignant sputtering now! Hahaha :D

Wednesday 18:11

02 to 04: wow great planning Mr Strategy! THAAANK U bigtime! first training session wasn't yet as satisfying as ur workout as of now, but... we're getting there! :D at least I am! had some awesome views, while bending and flexing... and afterwards in the communal shower o.O Man, Cat, I love U, bro! And thanks for restraining the grumpy dragon for me! did I tell U I love U? hey, can u send me the parameters for the mission on Friday? cu, zero4!

Wednesday 18:13

02 to 03: hey T-man! just to make sure, when I say I love ur bunny, u know I don't mean I LOVE ur bunny! no offense, 04's all yours! don't wanna interupt ur... training^^, so have fun u guys!cya soon

Wednesday 18:30

01 to 02: If training is not satisfying, partner should be informed. Efficiency is essential. Next work out session: increase level of training. View during work out is unimportant and only needed to secure safety of area. Staring at work out partner instead is not comprehensible. Pilot 02 should stop unnecessary behavior (e.g. exaggerated observing and wording) in order to increase efficiency.

Wednesday 18:37

02 to 01: Geez, He-Man, would u stop hacking my e-mails? u know, I was watchin' u to make sure u don't overdo it. gotta see to it, that my partner's at 100%. so why not enjoyin' an adonis if he's right in front of my eyes? 8-D sweet, efficient dreams, hon! cya in Q's gym!

Thursday 11:21

zero2 to zero4: man, Q-ball, maybe this work out thing wasn't such a bright idea after all... just back from gym and already feel like a stampede of Treize's Leos stomped all over me! God, I'm NOT lookin' forward to the next couple o' days! :(

Thursday 11:41

always complaining... but hey Mr Sunshine, you know the best things in life wont come to you easily... you should hold on to it and I am sure it will work out in the end. In a positive and satisfying way of course.
And the bruises you suffer now will prepare and strengthen you for the final task...entering the killing zone when its not a combat or training situation... guess you know what I mean.

Thursday 12:07

zero4 to zero1: mission: ease pain in body and mind. often referred to as relaxing. training partner needs to be involved. awaiting approval.

Thursday 12:09

01 to 04: Mission: accepted.

Thursday 15:52

02 to 04: what the fcuk just happened? Soldier Boy was just visiting me, behaving extremely weird... he was ordering me around like usual, yeah, but with the f-ing strangest orders ever, man! made me sit down, close my eyes and told me my arms and legs are supposed to be heavy and how my solar plexus is warm now. I didn't even know I had such a thing! and always grumbling on about some mission or other... and after 15min he asked me if I was relaxed now. fcause I told him, that I'm worried enough to call the psych-ward. he just hned at me and told me not to do that and that he'll be back later after more research. I mean, wtf, Cat? do u know, what he's on about?

Thursday 15:53

01 to 04: Mission report.
Objective: relaxation of this pilot and his partner.
Research resources: http: / / en. wikipedia. org/ wiki/ Relaxation_ technique http: / / en. wikipedia. org/ wiki/ Autogenic_ training
Operation: 'autogenic training'
Status: failed.
Note: will continue with technique 'biofeedback' after sufficient research.

Thursday 16:01

01 to 04: Mission report.
Objective: relaxation of this agent and his partner.
Research resources: http: / / en. wikipedia. org/ wiki/ Relaxation_ technique http: / / en. wikipedia. org/ wiki/ biofeedback
Operation: 'biofeedback'
Status: discontinued.
Note: Equipment necessary. Since requiring of this is too time consuming, will continue with technique 'deep breathing' after sufficient research.

Thursday 17:09

zero4 to zero2: you seem to be a bit out of it. I am actually worried your brain was somehow injured in the last few training sessions... I mean the way you talk... of course you talk a lot of nonsens all the time but this? I will send for a psycologist... just to be sure nothings wrong.

zero4 to zero1: continue mission asap. regular updates required.

Thursday 17:53

02 to 04: CAT! U evil little twit! having fun back there? why didn't u TELL me u gave him that... mission? but, aahh, whatever. I grant u the little joke, cuz the idea is just greaaaaat! :D u wanna know how I found out? Bcause the 'Mission' suddenly became 'Time Sensitive', so I was involved in the 'Parameters' to help 'Research'... and, yay! I can come up with some very interesting 'Operations' in that field! as u wanted updates: just now we're tryin' somethin' involving oil, warm hands, and no clothes... so on my part: mission accomplished, buddy! and for his part... I'll be getting to that, starting tonight hehehe

Relena Darlian

Tuesday 18:48

Relena Darlian to Quatre R. Winner: 3 3 3 Dearest Mr. Winner,
I hope you are well! Surely you are intrigued as to why I write to you today. As a matter of fact, I want to ask a favour of you. I haven't heard of Heero in a terribly long time! Since last Thursday, actually. I am very concerned for his well-being. Since you are a friend of his, I would like to query his where-abouts. Would you please tell him to visit me soon or at the very least answer my letters. Sincerely yours,
Relena Peacecraft 3 3 3

Quatre R. Winner

Wednesday 18:11

Quatre R. Winner to Relena Darlian: Dear Miss Peacecraft.
He is busy with a mission I assinged him for. He will not be available. Neither to appear personally nor to correspond in any other way. However I can assure you he is very well and so is his partner since they fulfill this duty together. I am more than hopeful it will help them grow together even more what will make them more efficient when on missions together. I ask you not to interfere, no matter what you might hear.
Kind regards, Q. Winner

AN: That's it! After that our colleague / house mate interfered with the comment: „Solvents!", accusing us of inhaling too much of them during our work in the lab. I told him something like: „A bit of DCM in the morning chases grief and sorrow away." Which would be funny, if you knew the actual German saying. Which is a rhyme. See? Completely insane! Lol It was really fun, but since it was too tedious for us to think of a more complex story and since our shared stay abroad leaned towards the end, we stopped just as spontaneously as we had begun. Anyway, I hope you had fun reading!