The last Blood Pack mercenary fell to the ground, and Miranda breathed a small sigh of relief. They were almost done with this bloody facility. Jack could get closure, or whatever it was that she wanted, and Miranda could go somewhere more cheerful and lively. Like Ilos. Teltin unnerved her in a way that Freedom's Progress had never done. There had been no ghosts at the colony, only a vast emptiness. If she closed her eyes now, she could almost hear a child whimpering or the sound of bone breaking as it was ripped apart by an uncontrolled mass effect field.
Jack ejected the thermal clip from her pistol. The click sounded unnaturally loud in the silence. "Come on. I want to blow this Aresh's fucking head off, so I we can trash this place already."
That was almost poetic for Jack. Miranda didn't say anything. She'd long since given up trying to enforce some sort of discipline on Jack. The girl was half-wild, like an animal lashing out at anything that came near her. She was powerful, but she wielded power that was more likely to kill her than her enemies. She'd explode in a haze of hatred and violence. Miranda intended to be far away when that happened.
Jack led the way down a long, narrow corridor that smelled of mildew and dried blood. Miranda fell in step beside Commander Shepard and stole a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. His expression was carefully neutral. Miranda frowned. She'd learned to read him over the last two months: the slight narrowing of his eyes when he was filled with righteous anger over a quarian being oppressed, the way his mouth quirked upward when he was trying not to laugh at something Garrus had said. She had no idea what he was thinking now, and it bothered her.
Rooms - no, cells - flanked them on either side. The door to one of the cells had been blown off its hinges, leaving the interior bare for all to see. Vegetation grew up through cracks in the floor. The walls were scarred with dents and gouges, as if someone had attempted to claw their way out, a set of bunk beds on a rickety frame was the only furniture. The mattresses were stained with dried urine and feces. That wasn't what made the bile rise in Miranda's throat; it was the size of the mattresses. They were smaller than the bed she'd slept on as a girl. The people who'd called this cell home couldn't have been more than five or six years old. For the first time, she truly understood. "They kept children here," she rasped. "How could anyone do this?"
Jack looked back at her and sneered. "You oughta know, cheerleader. You work for 'em."
No. This wasn't Cerberus. This wasn't her. This was a perversion: a handful of rogue agents twisting Cerberus' goal of strengthening humanity for their own sick ends. Miranda was no saint. She'd tortured dozens in the course of her missions and killed more, but never innocents. Never children. She hadn't experimented on them in hopes of creating some Nietzschean supermen only to discard them once they've served their purpose. That was the domain of monsters like her father. She had standards. So did the Illusive Man. That was why he'd had this facility shut down.
Jack's old room was at the end of the hall. She slapped the door control and stepped back as the door opened. Miranda tightened her grip on her pistol, half expecting to find another well-armed krogan inside. There wasn't. A man about Jack's age squatted in the middle of the floor, staring at the bed pushed against the opposite wall. Miranda could only view his profile, but his face was lined and his eyes had the glassy look of someone who saw more shadows than people. "Had to be something special about her," he muttered. "Just have to figure out what."
Miranda and Shepard shared a look. He shrugged. The varren and the mercs were one thing. Neither of them knew quite what to do with this gibbering, haunted... person. Jack had no such difficulties. She aimed at his head. "Who the hell are you?"
The man rose slowly to his feet but didn't face them. "I know that voice. Subject Zero." He chuckled. "I'm Aresh. You really don't remember me?"
"No." Her words were quick - almost too quick. You don't remember, or you don't want to?
"I remember you. Don't have a choice, really. The guards and the doctors always reminded us that this -" he gestured at the room - "was all done for you. We were just the guinea pigs. They had to protect their precious prodigy."
Jack flew at him, gun forgotten. Her skin glowed with biotic power. "You fucking liar! I had it worse than anybody. Nobody protected me!"
Shepard pulled her back. "Stand down!"
Jack glared at him for a long moment, but finally slumped her shoulders and stepped back. Miranda suppressed a twinge of envy. She had authority, but he was authoritative. Shepard merely had to ask and people did whatever he wanted while she had to depend on unspoken threats of the wrath of the Illusive Man to get more than a cup of coffee.
"So, you were a prisoner here," Shepard said. "Why come back with an army of mercenaries?"
Aresh finally turned to face them. His eyes were filled with a wild energy. "I'm going to reopen this place and find the secret of unlocking true human biotic potential."
"What?" Miranda hadn't heard correctly. She couldn't have. Aresh had seen first hand the suffering this Project Zero had wrought. He ought to have been grateful that it was shut down. He ought to have tried to piece together a normal life, maybe become an advocate for additional safeguards in biotic training. He ought to have known better. It was the responsibility of people who'd been abused to ensure others didn't suffer the same fate.
"That's what the docs were trying to do, but they died before they got past the prototype stage. Well, I'm going to finish the job." He closed his eyes, and Miranda could almost see the scared little boy he must have been once upon a time. "Otherwise, everything we - I - went through will be for nothing. There had to be a good reason for all this, right?"
Jack let out a primal scream and lunged at Aresh. This time, not even Shepard was quick enough to stop her. Aresh went flying. Jack followed him, screaming curses. "Reason? The only reason Cerberus needed was that they were sick. They made you just as sick as they are." She pursed her lips. "Maybe I ought to kill you, too. Make sure all the loose ends are cleared up."
Aresh looked up at her. Blood trickled from his upper lip. "Loose end? Do I needle your conscience just a little too much? You're the one that made all this possible!"
"Shut up and die! It's what you deserve!" Jack's voice trembled with rage and something else that Miranda recognized. Grief. Guilt. Jack didn't want Aresh dead; she wanted him to go some place where he and what he represented would never hurt her. It was what she had wanted from Niket. Miranda bit her lip. She didn't like having things in common with Jack.
Shepard took a step forward and held out a hand. "Easy. You don't want to kill him. His hired guns are all dead. There's no way he can restore this facility."
Jack half laughed, half sobbed. "How do you know what I want? You don't know what I went through, what it was like."
"Don't I?" Shepard circled around to kneel beside her. When he spoke, his tone was light, almost conversational. "Cerberus screwed up my life, too. My first command was of a squad of marines sent to investigate a missing survey team on Akuze. Ever heard of it?"
She nodded. "Didn't a thresher maw kill a bunch of people or something? Don't tell me that you were there?" She almost sounded impressed.
"Yeah. One of two survivors Thought it was an act of God for years, but I found out later that Cerberus set us up so they could conduct some kind of experiment. I killed one of the doctors responsible for it and would've killed more except that another guy got there first."
Miranda opened her mouth to object but thought better of it. There would be time to set the record straight later. Cerberus had nothing to do with the tragedy on Akuze. It was true that she'd sent a memo to the Illusive Man suggesting Cerberus find a way to mass produce its venom to use as a bioweapon after discovering an old STG report describing the creature. Just as well. Cerberus would have suffered too many casualties attempting to acquire one for study. She'd read the reports of marines devoured. The rescue team had found Shepard two days later, shivering and covered in his own blood. He hadn't spoken for a week.
"Good for you," Jack said. "This story got a point or are you going to let me get on with ripping Aresh limb from limb?
"The point is that I killed the person responsible and not the one who suffered more than I could ever imagine. Aresh is as much a victim of this as you are, and he looks like he couldn't kill a pyjak. Killing him isn't vengeance. It's murder." He placed a hand on her shoulder and forced her to face him. "That what you want?"
"Wouldn't be the first time," she said without meeting his eyes. A dozen emotions seemed to flit across her face at once. The only sound was Aresh's ragged breathing. Miranda held her breath without knowing why. It meant nothing to her whether or not one broken wreck killed another. Nothing at all. She wasn't responsible. And yet, she held her breath.
Jack bowed her head. "Whatever." She stood, and Aresh scrambled to his feet. His eyes were beginning to focus again. "What are we going to do with him? I'm still going to blow this place up."
"Leave me here." His voice was hollow and robotic, as if he'd been replaced by a badly written VI. There's nothing left for me anymore." Before anyone could protest, he darted past them and disappeared into the darkness.
Jack watched him go. The whites of her eyes glittered faintly in the dim light. "Screw him," she whispered. "It's not my fault he's fucked up. I need to take one last look around before I set the bomb. Memories, you know?"
"Take all time you need. Miranda and I don't mind waiting in the shuttle."
Miranda didn't mind at all. She'd had enough of this place for a lifetime.
Miranda had two messages waiting for her when she finally returned to her quarters that evening. The first was from Oriana. The message almost stream of consciousness. Oriana hopped from topic to topic like a frog. She'd been accepted into the bioengineering program at the Lowell City Institute of Technology. Did Miranda have any advice? Her mother loved her new job as a sales agent for Binary Helix. Dad was thinking of getting a dog. The boy who worked at the coffee shop was really cute.
Miranda smiled. Her sister had the normal life she deserved; thanks to Shepard, Miranda could be a part of that life. She had no idea what to tell her about college. She'd never been to one before. Her father had engaged an army of tutors and minders to instruct his heir. She'd lived off the grid after she'd run away until she'd found Cerberus. After, there had been no time to continue her formal education. She read and talked to experts when she needed to know something for a mission or for her own edification, but that wasn't the same as pulling an all-nighter in the company of people her own age.
She didn't know what to say about the boy either. She'd never had a real relationship as a teenager. Her father had seen to that as well. He'd always had her monitored and made sure she was never alone. God forbid that she needed some boy and ruined his plans for a genetic dynasty. Sex, she understood. She'd used it to manipulate, to relieve stress, to have fun. But the schoolgirl crushes and dinner dates that she sincerely hoped were the limits of her sister's experience with the opposite sex were as foreign to her as rachni. Maybe that was why she kept making a fool of herself in front of Shepard when they were alone. Her inner teenager was taking revenge for decades of neglect.
She settled for asking what breed of dog Oriana's father wanted.
The second message was an encrypted transmission from Cerberus command. It merely confirmed what she already knew: the facility on Teltin had gone rogue. A troubleshooting team had already been dispatched to purge it at the time of the mass breakout. They'd arrived to find most of the staff dead, along with a small army of frightened and confused children. The children had received medical treatment along with a mild amnesiac and passed off as survivors of a batarian slave raid. Cerberus had, as always, made the best of a bad situation.
The door opened, and Jack sauntered in. Her gaze swept around the room. She hadn't changed her clothes and still wore nothing above the waist except those ridiculous belts that barely covered her breasts. Miranda knew the value of subtle and provocative clothing. It let you catch most men (and some women) off guard and made it easier to sway them to your cause. There was nothing subtle about Jack's attire though, merely tasteless. Miranda arranged her face into a facsimile of a polite smile. "Can I help you?"
Jack didn't answer right away. She picked up a datapad lying on the corner of the desk and examined it. "'Nielsen and Objektivering: A new approach?' What the hell does that mean?"
"It's a copy of a lecture given at the University of Leipzig. You wouldn't understand a word." Miranda leaned forward in her chair and steepled her fingers. "I'll ask you again: can I help you?"
"Just admiring the view. Nice place you got here. This how you spend the blood money that Cerberus pays you? How many kids do you have to torture to earn a place like this?"
This again. "I didn't torture them. Neither -"
"- did Cerberus. You sound like a canary, always singing the same old song." She closed the distance between them and leaned in close enough that Miranda could have spit in her face. She didn't. "Well, I've got news for you, cheerleader. They did. The guards even had the logo on their uniforms."
Miranda sighed. She could feel the pressure beginning to build behind her temples. "Project Zero went well beyond mission parameters. What you and the other children endured was neither sanctioned nor condoned by the Illusive Man. Cerberus was not responsible in any way. She shifted her terminal slightly so that Jack could read the screen. "Read this if you don't believe me."
"I don't need to. It's just more political bullshit from your precious Illusive Man, and you keep swallowing it. I bet it's not the only thing from him that you swallow."
Every muscle in Miranda's body tensed. Jack wasn't the first person to accuse her of sleeping her way to the top, but it still rankled. Jealous colleagues took one look at her and thought she didn't deserve to be in charge. They were right in their way. She hadn't earned her position. Everything that made her a valuable agent was due to her genetic tailoring and she had demonstrated her usefulness to Cerberus time and again - but not on her back. "I'm not going to dignify that with a response."
"That's the same as admitting it. Just say you're a Cerberus whore already. The only reason you're on this mission is because you're fucking the boss. I'll bet you're fucking the commander, too." Jack smirked at her. "It would explain why he's always coming in here and why he can't seem to take a step off this ship without dragging you along. Personally, I don't see why he doesn't just visit one of those asari brothels. They know how to show a person a good time."
Rage poured through her like ice water. "I am not sleeping with Commander Shepard." He was attracted to her, that she knew. His gaze lingered on her a little too long when she entered the room. He leaned in a little too close when he spoke to her. But at least he had the grace to try to be subtle about it, unlike most of the crew. And he spoke to her like he was actually interested in what she had to say. He didn't mock her for her insecurities. He was the one who had urged her to introduce herself to Oriana. He wouldn't treat her like that if all he wanted was sex. Would he? "He and I are very good friends. Not that you'd know anything about that. At least I don't let everyone who's ever tried to get close to me die."
Jack staggered back as if she'd been slapped. "Wha - what are you talking about?"
Miranda smiled. Her words had been blurted out in anger, but it felt good to be on the attack. "I've read your file. I know everything about you. I know about that little recording your last partner left you. He'd loved you. He was going to build a house for the two of you. And you let him die."
She felt the pain of the datapad striking her in the face before she saw it leaving Jack's hands. Blood trickled down her face. The force was enough to activate the lecture's supplementary audio component, and strains of the Wind Quartet filled the air. Jack wasn't done. Her skin was glowing again, and she shot a ball of biotic force at Miranda "You bitch!"
Miranda knocked it aside and stood. Biotic combat was like judo. Victory rarely went to the person with the most strength. It went to the person who had control over their emotions and Miranda was nothing if not in control. "Let's see how you like it." She readied her own attack. Not much. Just enough to break every bone in her body.
Jack was faster. "Touch me, and I will smear the walls with you, bitch!" She picked up a chair and threw it at Miranda's head. She sidestepped, and the chair slammed into the wall instead.
"What the hell is going on here?"
She and Jack both turned. Commander Shepard stood in the doorway. His uniform was slightly rumpled, as if he'd donned it in a great hurry, and water plastered his hair to his scalp. Behind him, Crewmen Goldstein and Hawthorne were trying and failing to loiter inconspicuously. It was a miracle that Goldstein was able to keep his tongue in his mouth. Men. Though she thought she wouldn't mind so much if Shepard had trouble. It was preferable to him being angry. People tended to die when Shepard was angry.
Jack whipped her head toward him. "The cheerleader still won't admit that what Cerberus did to me was wrong." She sent another wave of energy toward Miranda.
Miranda batted it away. "Now who's 'singing the same old song?' That wasn't Cerberus, not really." She could feel the anger pool in her gut, cold and deadly. "But clearly you were a mistake."
The barb hit home, as Miranda thought it might. Jack's nostrils flared as she closed the distance between them. "Screw you! You have no idea what I went through." She smiled slightly, and Miranda felt her skin grow cold. "Maybe it's time I showed you. I think I'd enjoy hearing you scream."
This time Miranda did spit in her face.
Shepard dashed forward and grabbed Jack roughly by the shoulders to spin her around. His eyes were dark, hard, and glittering. For the first time, Miranda could see, could really see, the man who had defeated an entire asari commando unit and slain the Thorian. A different sort of chill passed over her. "When you agreed to work for me, you agreed to be part of a Cerberus mission." He said. "If you ever threaten a member of this crew again, I will personally throw you out the airlock. Is that clear?"
They stared at each other, "Fuck this," Jack muttered under her breath. "I don't need either of you two lovebirds. You can screw each other on the desk for all I care." She stormed out.
Miranda watched her go and let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "Thank you. I'm sorry you had to see that. I should have been able to take care of her before you got here."
"No problem."
"Liar." She smiled despite herself. "You look like you just got out of the shower."
"Maybe." He peered at her face. "Is that blood? I can have Dr. Chakwas run some medigel over."
"I'll be fine." She'd been thrown off a two-story building, shot in the leg, and nearly burned alive by a batarian terrorist. The same batarian terrorist. A small cut from a datapad was nothing. She wiped her forehead. "I'd recommend having Jack watched though. Most of the crew isn't as resilient as I am, and she does seem to be unusually irrational and violent lately."
Shepard shook his head. "I don't blame her for being pissed. Cerberus did screw up her life. But I will never let a member of this crew come to harm if I can help it. Especially-" He blushed and dropped his gaze to the floor. "Especially now. We're going to have to be at full strength if we want to survive this."
Well, at least she wasn't the only one in this...relationship who tripped over her words. Sheepish was a good look for him. He should try it more often. It made him look like more of an ordinary man and less like a legend. They were on even footing for once. "It's unfortunate that rogue cells have given Cerberus such a bad name."
"Are they rogue? If ninety percent of an organization is rotten, they stop being rogue." He crossed the room to stare out the window. "I remember the first time I heard the name Cerberus. Admiral Kahoku was scared for his life. I saw the needle marks on his body. He was tortured before he was killed. And that's just the beginning." He counted on his fingers. "An Alliance listening post was nearly wiped out by a species that supposed to be extinct. A human colony was wiped out and turned into husks. Don't forget Akuze. I know I won't."
Akuze. It always came back to Akuze. Miranda moved to stand in front of him. This was the other Commander Shepard: the man who had had to send one of his friends to their death to stop a cure for the genophage and had to choose to let an entire colony be wiped out rather than let a terrorist go free and kill even more the next time. This was the Shepard who had seen his entire unit wiped out during his first command. This was the Shepard who would never quite succeed at his mission. "But you killed the people responsible. Though you never struck me as the sort of person to take revenge. You're too bloody noble for your own good half the time." She chuckled, hoping to make him laugh and get out of his dark mood.
He didn't laugh. "Revenge was as close as I get to justice. Killing Wayne was the least I could do for my squad. I don't suppose you knew him?"
"Wayne?" She searched her memory and found something. "Wilson used to talk about an Elijah Wayne. They went to med school together and worked on some bioengineering projects for Cerberus together. Thick as thieves, to hear him tell it. Might explain why he tried to kill you. A traitor and a rogue agent. What a pair. And the people who were responsible for Akuze were rogue." She took his hand in hers. He didn't pull away. "What we're doing, stopping the Collectors, saving the galaxy, that's the real Cerberus. I'm the real Cerberus. One day, I'll make you see that."
"You're wrong." He cupped her cheek with his free hand. His fingers were long and slightly calloused. His breath caressed her face, and Miranda felt her own breathing grow labored. All she had to do was move her head a fraction of an inch, and she could kiss him if she wanted to. There was a very good reason why she shouldn't, but she couldn't think of it. She couldn't think of anything at all. She wondered if this was how Oriana felt about the boy at the coffee shop. "You aren't the real Cerberus."
The spell broke. Miranda dropped his hand and stepped back. How dare he say that she wasn't truly Cerberus? She had devoted her entire adult life to them. She had killed for them. She believed in the Illusive Man's vision of a strong and independent humanity just like her father believed in his own perfection. "I am." She tried to keep the venom from her voice. It didn't work.
"No." His voice was soft and a little sad. "You're too good for them." And with that, he walked out.
"Anomoly detected."
Miranda let out a silent cheer. They had been surveying the Caleon Nebula for the last three days. It was rich in eezo, and they never had enough of that. That didn't make mining it any less soul crushingly monotonous. Stopping a missile from destroying a colony or recovering stolen cargo from mercenaries would be almost refreshing. If she were lucky, maybe she would get to shoot a few Eclipse mercs.
"What have we got, EDI?" Shepard sounded almost as eager as she felt.
"Scans are picking up two sets of radio chatter, as well as what appears to be a crude research facility. The first set of transmissions is using a slightly modified version of encryption protocols that were once standard for Cerberus operations requiring the highest security clearance. However, this particular protocol has not been in use for over five years."
That was odd. Encryption keys were changed every six months, more often if the Illusive Man felt that the Alliance or the Council was getting too close to cracking one. It was a constant arms race, and one every Cerberus agent took seriously. They were nobler than people like Jack believed, but they did things that governments were unable or unwilling to do. Secrecy was vital. Something serious must have happened. Or they were dealing with yet another rogue cell that didn't have access to current security measures. "You said there were two sets of chatter. What about the second?"
"It manages known Blue Suns protocols, though activity appears to be unusually frequent. Would you like me to patch you in?"
"Yes," said Shepard and Miranda simultaneously. They looked at each other, and Shepard smiled slightly before returning his attention to the CIC. "This should be good."
There was a crackle of static as they tuned in. "Requesting reinforcements at my position," a woman said calmly. "These Cerberus bastards have me pinned down. Sorasky and Chen are down. That acid of theirs cuts right through our armor." Gunfire rang in the background.
"Affirmative. I'm down to one man, LT. Hope that's enough for you."
"Enough to cover us as we get the hell out of here, maybe."
"Oh, for the love of God!" cut in a new voice. "I'm not paying you to retreat. You told me there were six lab techs and scientists in there. My mother could handle them, Lieutenant Carver. I'm coming in there."
"You're welcome to try, Mister Toombs. God help you."
The channel fell silent. "Damn it, corporal." Shepard whispered. "What are you up to now?"
"Given Corporal Toombs psychological profile and personal history, as well as the fighting apparently ongoing, it is likely he believes those working at the facility are in some way responsible for the massacre on Akuze and is attempting to extract vengeance."
"That was a rhetorical question, EDI." He shook his head. "It looks like I didn't get them all. I want the shuttle ready in five minutes. Samara, you're with me."
"As you wish." Both of them marched toward the elevator.
"I'm going with you," Miranda said quickly. "If these people are responsible for Akuze, I want to deal with them myself. Cerberus takes care of its own, including its own problems." And I will prove to you once and for all that Cerberus is not responsible for what happened to you.
"Have it your way. Word of advice: don't tell Toombs who you work for. Say you're a bounty hunter I hired on Omega or something. He's not as discriminating as I am."
She had to hand it to the scientists. Taviz was the perfect planet if you wanted to be left alone to conduct illegal or unethical research. It was an unremarkable place, barely larger than an asteroid and completely devoid of economic or strategic value. The atmosphere was a thin layer of argon, and the environment was inhospitable to life of any kind. The planet was also bloody cold. The chill bit through her armor and worked its way under her skin. Ice covered the ground as far as the eye could see. Whatever was happening inside the research facility, she hoped the heat still worked.
The facility itself stretched across a flat plain. It had definitely been a Cerberus installation at one time. Like all their secret facilities, it had been constructed from interchangeable, off the shelf modules, but there were patterns and markers even in anonymity: the placement of the entrance on the far side of the easiest approach so that intruders would be under fire longer, strategically placed crates and other objects ensured those intruders couldn't make a straight shot for the door, dummy communications towers that hid antitank guns. The remains of those guns sat watch over the landscape, twisted black metal against a sea of white. Whatever problems the Blue Suns were currently having, entering the facility hadn't been one of them.
The door control had been blown off, and the door itself stood open. Shooting the lock off instead of picking it. Miranda frowned. This was closer to Blood Pack handiwork than that of the Blue Suns. They usually preferred more finesse. Toombs must've wanted this job done quickly. Haste had made them sloppy. If they'd taken their time with the door, they might have retained the element of surprise. Idiots.
The corridors were long, bare, and clinically white. Her helmet's breathers filtered the worst of the smell, but the stench of burning flesh filled the air. Two bodies had been left to lie where they fell. The chest plates of their armor had been eaten away. Miranda could see their skin, red and puckered like hamburger meat. "What the hell happened here?"
"I think I know." Shepard knelt before one of the bodies. His voice sounded very far away. "It's thresher maw venom. I'd recognize the marks anywhere. Looks like Cerberus is up to its old tricks. No wonder Toombs wants to slaughter them." He rose. "He isn't the only one."
Weaponized thresher maw venom? Lovely. One hit from that would cut through kinetic barriers and kill or disable anything short of a tank. It was no wonder a group of unarmored scientists had been able to hold off a band of mercenaries. The only way to survive would be not to get hit, and that would require luck. Miranda had always preferred being good to being lucky. "Follow me. We don't stand a chance if we go in blind."
Cerberus facilities were like krogan. Everything had a backup. If one part was destroyed or overrun, then the secondary system could be accessed in an emergency. This included the security console. She should be able to find it and access the cameras get a better idea of what they were up against. Maybe she'd even find something that could help them. "Look for a room with a single terminal. No VIs, no extranet capability, but plenty of monitors."
She could hear the faint sound of gunfire coming from the west, so Miranda headed in the opposite direction. There was no sense looking for trouble. They passed storage rooms, offices, and what might have been a medical bay. Miranda kept one eye out for additional mercenaries or scientists, but they encountered nothing, not even so much as a combat drone. Were it not for the increasingly distant sounds of battle, she could almost believe that the facility was deserted.
Her other eye, she kept on Shepard. There was a tension in him that she had never seen before, not even when they were fighting for their lives on Horizon. It was not the coiling of a serpent waiting to strike. This was the preparation of someone who expected to be struck. His psych profile made no mention of posttraumatic stress disorder, but the Alliance and its soldiers was notorious for sticking their fingers in their ears when it came to mental disorders. The last thing she needed was for him to have a flashback if he did see acid flying at him again. "Are you going to be able to deal with this?"
"I've killed a Reaper. I think I can handle a few scientists." She could hear the smirk in his voice.
"That wasn't what I meant."
"I know." He sobered. "I can deal with it. I don't have a choice."
"Excuse me," Samara called from some distance ahead of them, "but I believe I have found something."
Miranda and Shepard jogged forward to find her standing at the entrance of a room about the size of a walk-in closet. It was empty except for a single terminal that would have been out of date a decade ago and a bank of monitors. Jackpot. Shepard eyed the computer clinically and activated his omni-tool. "I haven't seen anything this crude in years. You would think that the Illusive Man would have sprung for top of the line."
"It doesn't have to be top of the line. It just has to work. She pushed past him. "I suggest you find somewhere comfortable to stand. It will take some time to override the system."
The console beeped. "Access to all systems granted."
Miranda whipped her head around to stare at Shepard. "How did you do that?"
He shrugged. "I'm trained to hack into things. Well, and make weapons malfunction. Mostly hacking."
She shook her head. "Can you use that training of yours and get me logs or data or something to give me an idea of what's going on here?"
He could.
June 17, 2177
Alliance encounter with thresher maw a success. 49 casualties within 9.3 hours. Venom extremely effective against conventional armor. Recovered corpses have had their epidermis stripped away in areas that came in contact with venom. Have recovered one living subject for use in further tests.
August 24, 2177
We have begun injections into Subject 1. Venom appears to cause extreme pain when introduced into the bloodstream. Subject screamed and appears to suffer convulsions. Mild cellular degeneration detected, but long-term effects are unclear. Further tests recommended.
November 21, 2180 - Elijah Wayne's Personal Log
Toombs has escaped. I have ordered my team to scatter for the time being. He's likely to come after us, but I refuse to give up on weaponizing this venom. The potential is too great. [Reference to off-site personnel. Project lead access required] was right. We could revolutionize warfare. I've kept most of her and our notes. We should be able to reconstitute our findings easily enough.
[Communication from off-site personnel. Project lead access required.]
November 16, 2183 - George Kemble's Personal Log
Wayne's dead. Can't say I miss him. He always treated me like dirt. Turns out the other guy who survived the original attack is a Spectre now. I'm the last survivor of the original Project Ares. The Illusive Man would tell me we've already lost too many operatives on this, but I refuse to let their deaths be in vain. I'm going to finish what we started six years ago. If I have to kill another squad of Marines, I will.
April 23, 2185
Success. Prototype hand cannon is ready for field test.
April 25, 2185
Blue Suns mercenary team inbound. They'll do.
Miranda closed her eyes. More rogues and monsters. There was only one way to deal with them. "I promise you that I will personally purge this facility. What happened to you, Toombs, and the rest of your squad will never happen again. I swear it."
"Fighting to avenge Cerberus' good name, Operative Lawson?"
Not just that. "Of course. I told you, we take care of our own problems." She returned her attention to the terminal. "Let's see if we can find Kemble, shall we? I want a look at the security footage."
One of the monitors flickered to life. The picture was grainy, but Miranda could make out what was happening well enough. A man in a Cerberus uniform was crouched behind a long metal table, flanked by a pair of THOR mechs. Their appearance was cruder than that of LOKIs - these bore a striking resemblance to Robbie the Robot- but their aim was almost as good. The one on the left shot and hit a Blue Suns merc in the chest. He fell. Wonderful. Now they had to deal with not only the armed scientists, but an unknown number of mechs, all using the modified hand cannons.
Mechs. Wait a minute. Wilson had shown her how easily mechs could be turned against their masters, and he had been able to reverse their friend/foe targeting en masse. If Shepard could do the same thing, it would make their job much easier.
Shepard must have had the same idea. He activated his omni-tool and studied the readings. "I might be able to use this terminal to broadcast a signal that will screw with their targeting computers. It'll be just like Lazarus Station. Fun times."
"Do it." Miranda watched as the mechs turned on the scientists. The resulting battle was short and bloody. Most of the scientists didn't even have time to be surprised. Miranda almost felt sorry for them. Almost. Shepard was right. They had gone rogue. For all she knew, they wanted to recreate Akuze. They deserved their deaths. This was the only justice some people ever received.
The sound of footsteps and labored, mechanical breathing startled Miranda from her reverie. A figure covered from head to toe in battered and scarred Blue Suns armor rushed down the corridor. Miranda put one hand on her pistol and saw the others do likewise. The figure didn't notice any of them until it had almost passed. Then it stopped short and stared at them. The next thing Maranda knew, she was staring down the end of an assault rifle. She drew her own weapon in response.
"Who are you?" said a woman Miranda recognized as Lieutenant Carver. "Nobody's supposed to be here except for the scientists, and you sure aren't one of those. You have until the count of three to identify yourself. One..."
"Easy," said Shepard. "We're on your side. Our ship picked up some of your radio chatter, and it sounded like you could use a hand."
"Two..."
"I'm Commander Shepard of the Normandy."
"Thr - did you say Shepard?" Shepard nodded, and she lowered her rifle a fraction of an inch. "You're supposed to be dead."
"I get that a lot. And you are?"
"Lieutenant Natalie Carver, Blue Suns. You sound like Shepard. I was with the Dresden during the Battle of the Citadel." She lowered her gun the rest of the way. "I knew something was up. The Council pushed you to the side way too fast after you died. Six months later, and it was like you'd never existed. But some of us remember what you did. You're a damned hero." She shook her head. "Toombs is pissed at you, though. Thinks you joined up with Cerberus."
"Commander Shepard is part of a deep cover operation working to undermine Cerberus from within." The best cover was what your target wanted to believe in the first place. Miranda extended her hand. "Miranda Lawson, Systems Alliance Intelligence Service. What can you tell us about what happened here?"
"Toombs hired us to clear this place out, said the scientists here were working on something really disgusting. His credits were good, and it sounded better than most of the jobs I've been on. My team went in fast and hard just like he wanted. It was supposed to be easy. But the scientists, they..." She trailed off.
"They had weapons you didn't expect," Shepard prompted.
She nodded. "Weird silver hand cannon things that cut through our shields and armor like butter. Chen looked like he'd been burned alive. I thought I was dead for sure, but the mechs started firing on the scientists. Was that you?"
Shepard nodded. "What about Toombs? Where's he now?"
"Labs. Down the hall to your right. He said he was looking for, and I quote: 'the bitch who started all this.' He screamed about Akuze a lot, seemed to think she had something to do with that, too. I wasn't listening too closely. Getting my men killed is not good for my attention span. I'm doing what I can to see if any of my men survived, and then I am out of here. Toombs can go to hell."
She left. "Guess that's our cue to leave," Shepard said. "Whatever Kemble was working on died with him, and Toombs can take care of himself."
"Our job isn't done. Not quite. We need to get to the labs." Rogue or not, this facility contained top secret Cerberus project data. She couldn't let it fall into the wrong hands. "I want to know what 'off-site personnel' thought it was a good idea to send Alliance Marines to their deaths."
"I quite agree," Samara said. "Whoever ordered these experiments is just as much at fault as those who carried them out."
"Fine. But if there is someone else involved..." Shepard looked down at his pistol. "You remember what I promised?"
The labs turned out to be a large room. Two long metal tables covered with all manner of instruments and equipment dominated the room. A door at the back led to a private office. Tanks and canisters lined the wall. Liquid the color of vomit bubbled ominously within. Terminals beeped and whirred, still processing data that no one would ever examine. And then, there were the bodies: six men and women in Cerberus uniform lay scattered around the room. Their flesh had been burned away where the venom had struck them, and the remains of THOR mechs littered the floor.
As promised, there was one living figure among the carnage. An armored figure that she assumed was Toombs knelt over one of the bodies. "Which one are you? You can't hide from me forever. There's got to be ID cards or personnel records or something."
Shepard cleared his throat. "I don't think they have ID cards, corporal. Secrecy would have been paramount."
Toombs rocketed upward and rounded on them. For the second time in five minutes, someone was pointing a gun at them. This gun, however, was like none she'd ever seen before. It was roughly the shape of a hand cannon but large, silver, and bulky. He must have lifted it from one of the scientists. "Shepard! You lying, traitorous Cerberus bastard! I thought you'd know better than to show your face here."
"I'm not working with Cerberus. I'm..." he inclined his head slightly toward Miranda. "... undercover. Working to bring Cerberus down from within."
His suit gave Toombs' laugh a tinny, hollow quality. "Do you expect me to believe that?"
Shepard stepped forward. "You know me, corporal. You know what they did to us. You saw me kill Wayne. Do you really think I would work with the people who wiped out my entire squad?" He extended his hand. "I was the one who set the mechs on the scientists. I want them dead as much as you do."
Toombs didn't take it. "Then prove it. I didn't come here just to shut down this facility and stop them from making these babies." He tilted his gun to the side. "That's just gravy. I finally found out who sicced the thresher maw on us in the first place. Help me find her, and I might start believing you. I want a nice long look at her corpse."
"You aren't the only one. Who are we looking for?"
Toombs spit out the words as if they were rotten varren meat. "Miranda Lawson. What happened on Akuze was her idea."
Time stopped. Miranda could see nothing, hear nothing. Her entire world had narrowed to that one sentence: "What happened on Akuze was her idea." It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. She would never condone what had happened to those Marines. Killing them would have done nothing to advance the cause of humanity. And she would never do anything to harm the commander. The closest she had ever come was one memorandum on bioweaponry a decade ago.
Wait. She had suggested weaponizing the thresher maw venom in that memo. This facility had successfully weaponized thresher maw venom. This facility was a rogue Cerberus installation. Something vast and cold and empty clawed at her. That memo had only ever been shown to the Illusive Men, and he had dismissed it. He had the only copy, and it was virtually impossible to hack into his private databases. This had to be a coincidence. Dr. Wayne or one of his associates must have hit upon the idea independently. She was separate from rogue elements like him and the Teltin facility by a wall a mile wide and an inch deep. Never the twain shall meet.
Shepard's gaze bored into her. She could feel him mentally stripping away her armor layer by layer. His face was inscrutable behind his mask. Did he believe Toombs' ridiculous assertions? No, they were preposterous. This whole situation was preposterous. He knew her. Damn these stupid helmets. And damn her for wanting to see his face so much. Finally, he spoke, "Never heard of her." His tone was easy, casual, as if they were discussing nothing more important than quasar strategy.
"I figure she's got to be pretty high up in the organization. If you didn't just kill her, I bet she's stashed away on some garden world sipping piña coladas. Probably laughing about what she put us through. But I'll find her, and you and your crew are going to help me. I need someone to get into the terminal back there." He gestured at the office. "It's locked so that only the project director can get in. If there's any info on Lawson, it'll be in there. I figured that since you took care of the mechs, you might be able to get in."
I assure you that I am not laughing. "Our pleasure."
"Thought so. I need to find Carver. She has the access codes to the ship."
Toombs left. Shepard turned on her. His moves were halting and jerky, like the Tin Man in the remastered vids of the Wizard of Oz she had seen as a child. His shoulders hunched as he bowed his head. "It's not true, is it?"
"Of course not. I'll prove it." Toombs was right about one thing. If there was any information about who had ordered Akuze, it would be part of Kemble's private, encrypted files. She would find out who was responsible. This wasn't about Cerberus or rogue cells anymore. She needed to know for her own sake. If she refused to look, she would always wonder if it might somehow be true. So would Shepard. Miranda refused to be a coward. "I just need you to get me a look at those files."
The office was small and impersonal. There were no photographs of family or pets or unusual paperweights, nothing to break up the endless sea of gray and white. It could have passed for Miranda's own office on Lazarus Station. The thought made her feel faintly ill. Perhaps she would buy a plant the next time she was on the Citadel. "You can get them, right?"
"Of course I can," Shepard snapped as he pulled up a chair. He pressed a button on his omni-tool and was rewarded with a loud, high-pitched beep. "Damn it! I suggest you do find somewhere comfortable to stand this time. This is going to take a while."
Miranda walked back to the main laboratory. The bodies were easier to look at than Shepard. One of the mercenaries was sprawled face up in front of her. His chest had been burned away so that Miranda could see the bone sticking out. She had been right about one thing. The thresher maw venom was a brutally effective weapon in the proper hands. Humanity needed every possible advantage to maintain its independence. Galactic cooperation was all well and good, but only equals could cooperate. If the Alliance could not maintain military parity, they would become the Council's servants instead of their partners. To do that, humanity had to do what it did best: innovate. And they had.
Samara studied her intently, and Miranda instinctively straightened. The justicar had always made her slightly uncomfortable. Certainly, she admired her keen sense of purpose. Her competence was unquestionable, and she was considerably more stable than Jack. That didn't change the fact that she would kill the entire crew of the Normandy where they stood were it not for her oath. There was no room for Cerberus' gray in her black and white world. "Yes?"
"I was merely thinking about the accusations levied against you. You are holding up remarkably well for someone accused of murdering forty-nine people."
"That's because I didn't murder anyone. I only kill people who deserve it or when there's no other way. Sending those marines to their deaths made no sense. It drew too much attention." If she had been allowed to pursue her suggestions, she would have ordered tests against pirates or slavers. No one would miss them, and the galaxy would be a better place. But she hadn't been put in charge. Her memorandum was sitting safe and unread in the Illusive Man's databases.
"That depends on your definition of 'sense,' does it not? A military target would provide the best showcase of the thresher maw's power. If you want to know a weapon's capability you must test it against the strongest possible opponent. As for the attention, it took six years for anyone to know Akuze was anything other than a random and tragic attack by a wild animal."
Miranda opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a loud crash coming from the direction of Kemble's office. "Miranda!" Shepard yelled. He had found something, but it didn't sound like anything she wanted to hear. Miranda raced after him.
Shepard had knocked his chair to the ground. He stood staring at the terminal, unmoving except for clenching and unclenching his fist at regular intervals. "Look at this." He stepped back to allow her to pass. Miranda took a deep breath. She had promised herself that she wouldn't be a coward, but her boots felt as if they were filled with cement as she walked forward. Every instinct screamed at her to run. But there was nowhere to run, was there? She read.
Toombs has escaped. I have ordered my team to scatter for the time being. He's likely to come after us, but I refuse to give up on weaponizing this venom. The potential is too great. Operative Lawson was right. We could revolutionize warfare. I've kept most of her and our notes. We should be able to reconstitute our findings easily enough.
No. No. She wasn't reading this correctly. Or it was a fake. Her hands felt cold and clammy. Let it be a fake. She was supposed to eliminate those responsible for atrocities like Akuze, not inspire one. No one except she and the Illusive Man were ever supposed to know that she had suggested using the venom as a weapon. This wasn't supposed to happen. She kept reading.
Classified STG reports make mention of a creature called a thresher maw. It emits a highly corrosive acid from its mouth that is capable of destroying armored vehicles. I propose we investigate the possibility of replicating and mass producing it. It could prove vital to protecting human interests in the Traverse or in case the Council races turn on us again.
Miranda had read enough to recognize her own words. She was the "off-site personnel" she had been looking for. Wayne, Kemble, and the others had twisted her words and arranged Akuze to test her theories. Toombs had been telling the truth. "Oh, God," she whispered.
"So it is true." Shepard turned away from her. His voice had that odd, robotic quality again. He seemed smaller somehow, less legendary, but this time he was anything but approachable.
She would not run. He had always understood her before. She would make him understand now. Miranda rose shakily to her feet and put a hand on his shoulder. "I didn't mean for -"
He jerked his arm away so quickly that Miranda nearly lost her balance. You didn't mean for this to happen?" He laughed, but it came out as something closer to a choked sob. "You wanted them to create more thresher maw venom. How did you think they were going to test it? Set up some targets at a firing range?"
"I thought they would be tested on batarian slavers. People who deserved it. Never the Alliance. Never you."
"Well, isn't that refreshing?" He turned back to face her. "You write a memo suggesting developing illegal biological weaponry, send it up the chain of command of a terrorist organization, and then you complain about who those terrorists test it on." His voice was raw, and he spoke with great difficulty. "Or maybe you didn't really care. What's a few dozen lives compared to your glorious vision of human dominance? Gotta break a few eggs to make an omlette, right?"
Miranda seized him by the shoulders. She felt a burning sensation in her throat, and it was her turn to have trouble speaking. "You know me better than that. I won't be blamed for the actions of madmen." When he didn't respond, she stepped back. Bitterness crept into her voice along with the anger. "Do you want me to be a monster? Wayne and Kemble are dead, so you need someone else you can hate. Akuze made you what you are, and you're as stuck in the past as Jack."
"All I want is to know that I am not betraying my men by falling in love with the woman who caused their deaths!"
Miranda staggered backwards. "Falling in love?" she whispered. It was also terribly, bloody funny. They had danced around their feelings for weeks now. She'd half-anticipated, half-dreaded a romantic declaration that was force her to deal with the fact that she was now Shepard's less-than-objective handler. And this farce was what it took for him to admit his feelings? "Then believe me when I say I'd never hurt you deliberately. If I'd known what would happen, I'd never have made the suggestion. I'm not responsible, and neither is Cerberus." She wished desperately that she could see his face, know whether she was getting through to him or not."
"I-"
"I think we all know who's responsible," said Toombs quietly. Miranda heard something click. "Isn't that right, Agent Lawson?"
She and Shepard both turned. Toombs stood in the doorway, pointing the gun at her. "In between telling me how many ways that I could screw myself, Carver happened to mention that the commander here was working with an Alliance agent named Miranda Lawson. I always knew you were a snake, Shepard. Did you bring her here so she could kill me? Hush up the only person who could expose her?"
Miranda forced herself to keep her breathing slow and even. The first rule of covert operations was never to panic, even if your cover had been blown. The second was to evaluate and eliminate the threat as quickly as possible. The first order of business was to get that gun away from him. She flicked her wrist and sent a biotic pulse to rip it from his hands. Toombs sidestepped. His omni-tool sprang to life. Shepard took a step forward, whether to stop her or Toombs she neither knew nor cared. His own omni-tool was glowing as well. Miranda readied another pulse, larger and strong enough to dislocate Toombs' shoulder, and -
- pain filled her. Miranda fell to her knees. It wasn't like normal pain. This was something hot and burning, molten lava that raced through her nervous system and enveloped her until it was the only thing left in the world. Miranda bit her lip. She would not scream. She would not give him the satisfaction.
"Try those fancy biotics of yours now." He crossed the room to stand in front of her. "Perfect man stopper, they told me. I can deploy it in seconds, and nothing can stop it until it's run its course. "Don't worry, there won't be any permanent damage. Not that it matters. I just want you to know what it's like to be in so much pain that you can't breathe." His voice was suddenly soft. "I lived with it for three years. You can live with it for three minutes."
Stand down, Toombs!" Shepard's voice was harsh and demanding, with none of his earlier pain or doubt audible in his voice. "You don't want to torture her."
"Why not? I was tortured on her orders. I want her to know what it was like. The way the venom burns as it runs across your skin. The fear." He knelt down so they were at eye level. "I want you to beg like I begged. And then I'm going to kill you. And then I am going to kill every other Cerberus bastard I can find."
"Not...Cerberus. Not my fault."
"Shut up! I heard the scientists talking when they thought I was too sick to pay attention. Their Illusive Man wanted a superweapon, something to give them an edge against the Council races. He was going to be so proud of them, long as his 'pet' didn't find out what they were doing."
No, he wouldn't. The Illusive Man would never have condoned killing Alliance soldiers unless there was no other way. He had shut down Teltin. He'd promised her that everything Cerberus did was ultimately for the good of humanity. They had standards. But why would Wayne and the others even say the Illusive Man authorized this project? There was no benefit. Toombs wouldn't have cared. The Illusive Man had refused to let her pursue the project, and she was more brilliant than Wayne. That made no sense. He always assigned the most competent people to a project.
Unless you were the "pet." Samara's right. Tests on a military target would make more sense. How would you have reacted if he had asked you to organize the attack on Akuze? And how else did your memo make it into Wayne and Kemble's hands? Miranda shook her head. That was insane. The pain was making her delirious. "Rot in hell."
"Enough!" Shepard's voice cut through the air. Miranda could see his boots out of the corner of her eye. He had circled around the left of Toombs. "I'm not going to let you kill her, corporal. It's not worth it. This isn't what I wanted. This isn't what the men would have wanted."
Toombs jerked his head around. "Not worth it?" If it wasn't for her, there would have been no Akuze. It's not like she'll ever see prison. This is the only kind of justice she'll ever see." He pressed the gun to her skull and fired.
Nothing happened. Toombs pulled the trigger again. Still nothing. "What the hell?"
"I'm trained to make weapons malfunction, remember? Now, stand down! I told you that I don't want her dead. Let it go, Toombs. Please. Will sort this out later."
Toombs was incredulous. "I was right. You are a traitor. But some of us still want justice." He tossed the hand cannon to the side. "Guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way." Miranda heard the sound of a pistol being unholstered.
The sound of a gunshot rang in her ears. She closed her eyes. She was not as frightened as she thought she ought to be. Death was better than pain. Certainly better than doubt. Only... I'm sorry, Oriana. Enjoy college for me.
"You can open your eyes now, Lawson. Toombs is dead."
Toombs was sprawled face up in front of her. A bullet had ripped a ragged hole in the side of his helmet. Shepard knelt beside him. "You deserved better, Corporal Toombs," he said quietly. "I'm going to have to apologize to Jack. I killed the guy who suffered more than I did, after all." He turned his attention to her. "Can you stand?"
Every cell in her body shouted an empathetic no "I... don't think so."
"Samara, help her up." He activated his suit radio. "Normandy, this is Commander Shepard. We have a man down. I want med bay standing by." He stood. "Come on, I've had enough of this place for a lifetime."
The next day passed in a haze of painkillers. As Toombs had promised, there was no permanent damage, but her muscles still screamed in protest every time she moved. Chakwas was in and out, but made no attempt at conversation beyond the occasional order to "drink this" or "try flexing your index finger." Miranda was grateful. She doubted she could explain what had happened down there. She could barely explain it to herself.
Toombs' words still nagged at her. She'd always believed that the Illusive Man had humanity's best interest at heart. She had met him in person only twice, but he had radiated purpose and conviction. Her judgments were always right on the money. And yet, she doubted. If she were wrong, then fifty Alliance marines were dead because she had trusted the wrong man. There was no doubt an e-mail from Cerberus Command waiting for her at her private terminal that would explain all this. Miranda doubted that it would be enough. She needed proof, not assurances.
"EDI, can you find any references to Project Ares in Cerberus databanks?"
"I'm sorry, Operative Lawson. The blocks in my programming prevent me from accessing that information."
Miranda sighed. Of course, it wouldn't be that easy. Nothing ever was. There were less obvious channels she could try. Ish owed her a favor for saving him from being murdered by Aria. He had a tendency to overreach occasionally, but there was no denying his brilliance. He could go places and ask questions that she, as a Cerberus officer, couldn't without arousing suspicion. He'd consider it a thrilling test of his abilities.
Then the only question that remained was whether she wanted to ask him. Passing technically classified information to Jacob was one thing. This was something else. Even if Project Ares wasn't authorized, the Illusive Man would not take kindly to snooping. If it was authorized... well, she wouldn't let herself think about that. Perhaps it was better just to accept whatever the official explanation was and concentrate on the Collectors. She was not a child. She didn't need someone to hold her hand and tell her that everything was going to be all right. She was strong enough to deal with this temporary crisis of faith on her own.
Or too frightened to deal with it at all. You don't want the truth. You want to be exonerated. Suppose Ish corroborates everything Toombs said. Shepard would be right. Project Ares would be the real Cerberus. And so would you.
"How are you holding up?" Commander Shepard stood in the doorway. His posture is erect and stiff, as if a metal rod had been fused to his spine, and his hands were clasped behind his back. His skin had an unhealthy pallor and dark circles ringed his eyes.
Miranda's response was automatic. "Doctor Chakwas assures me that I'm going to be fine."
"Glad to hear it." He stepped inside the room and perched on the chair closest to her. "I had EDI scrub the facility databanks. We won't have to worry about anyone else running around with those guns for a very long time."
"I remind you, Commander, that Cerberus protocols state that any technology developed by rogue operatives should be turned over to appropriate Cerberus personnel for proper study."
Shepard glared at EDI. "And I remind you that I am in command of the ship. Can you turn yourself off, or whatever it is that you do? I need to speak with Operative Lawson in private."
"I cannot be turned off. I will, however, refrain from collecting sensory data from the medical bay for the next five minutes. Would that be sufficient?"
"Fine," he said through gritted teeth. There was a soft beep, and Shepard took a deep breath.
"You're really okay?"
"Yes. I should be able to resume my duties in a few days."
They lapsed into an awkward silence. Shepard cleared his throat. "About what happened down there, what I said..."
Miranda tensed. She had been dreading this conversation. Shepard had never said whether he believed her claim of innocence. He had said that he was falling in love with her, but those words men less than nothing if he didn't trust her, too. And she found that she desperately wanted Shepard to trust her. "I never would have written that memo if I'd known what would happen."
"Yeah, I think you said that before." He pulled up a chair. "And for what it's worth, I believe you." He closed his eyes. "But that doesn't change what happened. I look at you and all I can see are ghosts."
Miranda felt a tightness in her chest. Her brain was still a little fuzzy from the painkillers, and it took her a moment to piece together his words. "And what does that mean?"
He ran his fingers through his hair. "It means that I need time. I know I'm stuck with you as XO, but can we leave it at that for now? Until I figure things out?"
Miranda managed a weak salute. "Of course, commander." She could give him time. He didn't seem to hate her, which was perhaps as much as she could hope for right now. And perhaps she could offer him something to help him along the way.
"After this mission is over, I'm going to find out if Kemble and Wayne truly went rogue."
"You might not like what you find."
"I know." I like uncertainty even less. "I owe it to you for saving my life."
"You don't owe me a damn thing. I told you, I will never allow a member of this crew to come to harm if I can help it." He leaned forward and brushed his lips across her forehead. "Especially you."
Author's Note: A year ago I wrote a story called Be All Our Sins Remembered in response to another fic (long since forgotten) that had Shepard be what I thought was overly forgiving when he learned that Miranda was part of the team at Akuze. I also wanted to do something that would justify her resignation a little better than what we got in the game. Unfortunately, I was only partially successful. Shepard came across as far more harsh than I had intended, almost abusive. They were both vicious and cruel, which didn't bother me quite so much because I never had any intention of reconciling them. This was the story of Miranda learning that the rogue element in Cerberus might not be so rogue after all. It wasn't a romance. But as time wore on, the story nagged at me. The second half had never been beta'd and I kept finding horrible typos. And the second half read more like "poor innocent Miranda being bullied by Shepard" than Miranda having a moral awakening. So I sent the entire story to my wonderful beta, fongiel. you've read the result. I still have no plans for a sequel, but hopefully things are a bit better balanced now.