Happy Dances
A collaboration between Tigerlily and Mandy of the Amoeba, AKA JenAgain
Happily Dancing Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. All the cats belong to ALW and RUG. The Divine Divinity of Fanfiction belongs to Tigerlily. Lottie belongs to Nick Cave.
Jemima sat on the ground and stuffed herself with sour cream, managing to look completely tranquile and adorable while doing so. Feeling extra mean that day, Gus came by and stole her sour cream from her, then ran away cackling wildly.
Jemima started sobbing melodramatically, as though it wasn't just her sour cream that has been stolen away, but her whole existance. Or worse even, her "Adoraquick" lenses, who made her eyes huge and adorable. But then Santa Clause came and gave her a new and improved pair of "Adoraquick" lenses that made her eyes even more huge and adorable, so that anyone would keel over from her adorableness. This had a downside, however. Gus came back to get more sour cream, and since he was old already, the cuteness immediatly killed him.
"Help! I'm a killer" cried Jemima desperately and adorably.
With that, Lottie ran in, weilding a circular saw. "You can't be a killer! I'M the killer!"
"I'm just as much a killer as you are!" Jemima retorted quickly. She concidered for a while before adding an insult "You goody two-shoes"
This enraged Lottie. "At least I'm a REAL killer! You have to use your cuteness!"
"Oh, poo! Can't you see I'm born to kill! Look at these claws!"
Lottie snorted disdainfully. "Those prissy little manicured things? Yeah, right."
"Well, they're better than you humans' patethic substitute for them! Just look at yours, they break so easily!" To demonstrate, Jemima grabbed ahold of one of Lottie's fingernails and broke the tip off.
Lottie stared at the broken nail for a moment, her lip quivering, then burst into loud tears.
"What happened to Miss Oh-I'm-such-an-evil-killer-girl, hm?" asked Jemima triumphantly, and did the Allmighty Happy Dance
She stopped abrubtly when a random helicopter landed on top of her. Out strode the Divine Divinity of Fanfiction. Lottie dried her tears and smiled sweetly, hiding the saw behind her back. "Thank you, oh great DDF, for getting rid of that little brat..."
"Stop!" yelled the Divine Divinity of Fanfiction. The time inside the fic froze.
The authors frowned. "Why'd you do that?"
"You're warping the character's personalities" said the Divine Divinity of Fanfiction seriously
"In theory, that's not allowed"
The authors pout.
"Oh, SCREW theory" said a random fanfiction fan who popped in and popped back out again
"Yeah!" cried one of the authors. The other author started doing the Allmighty Happy Dance
The DDF disappeared and the time in the fic started going again, slowly at first.
But something got messed up, and while everything else was moving in slow Motion, Lottie was running around double speed. Talking at double speed too.
The commotion caused the rest of the cats to come out and stare at her in confusion.
But, for the Rum Tum Tugger, it only took one look. It was love at first sight. Unfortunately for him......Lottie chopped mane off with the circular saw.
Etcy started wailing and moaning. Tugger fainted. Etcy realized that Tugger looked quite girly without his mane, so she immediatly began fawning over Munkustrap instead, something that made Demeter unbelievably angry.
So, she and Lottie plotted to get rid of Etcy.
Demeter wanted to do it humanely, but that didn't quite fit with Lottie's evil and sadistic tendencies, so they began rigging up a torture chamber with quite an extensive overuse of spikes.
Just then, Harry Potter came in and immediately struck a hero pose. "You can't put up this torture chamber! It's very unsafe!"
The fanfiction fan popped in again "Oh, screw unsafe!"
Harry Potter whimpered. "But....but....but it's my job...."
"What exactly is your job?" asked Demeter
"To rid the world of evil!"
"And do you think you will succeed by telling a raving mad 14-year-old serial killer that her torture chamber is unsafe?"
Harry paused. "Well....I figured I might as well try...."
"But don't you see that Lottie is incurably evil?" At this point, Lottie was doing the Flattered Happy Dance (The Evil Version)
"So is Voldemort, and I'm supposed to beat him..." Harry said, shuffling his feet.
"Yeah, but he's sorta...stupid, ain't he?"
Harry paused, considering this. "er....good point..."
"And I'm nooot!" Lottie danced an even more exuberant Evil Flattered Happy Dance, dragging Harry along. Harry muttered, "I'm not so sure about that..."
Lottie tightened her grip around Harry's waist, digging her nails into his lower back. She didn't say that she had heard what he said, but made it quite clear that she had anyway. Harry passed out.
"Hm. I really thought there was more life in that guy" Lottie said dryly, disdainfully kicking him in the head. Harry woke up, but unfortunately thought he was Gilderoy Lockhart. Etcy immediately started swooning over him. This creeped him out, so he ran away.
Etcy started crying ditzily.
Her tears flooded the yard and they all died.
The End
A collaboration between Tigerlily and Mandy of the Amoeba, AKA JenAgain
Happily Dancing Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. All the cats belong to ALW and RUG. The Divine Divinity of Fanfiction belongs to Tigerlily. Lottie belongs to Nick Cave.
Jemima sat on the ground and stuffed herself with sour cream, managing to look completely tranquile and adorable while doing so. Feeling extra mean that day, Gus came by and stole her sour cream from her, then ran away cackling wildly.
Jemima started sobbing melodramatically, as though it wasn't just her sour cream that has been stolen away, but her whole existance. Or worse even, her "Adoraquick" lenses, who made her eyes huge and adorable. But then Santa Clause came and gave her a new and improved pair of "Adoraquick" lenses that made her eyes even more huge and adorable, so that anyone would keel over from her adorableness. This had a downside, however. Gus came back to get more sour cream, and since he was old already, the cuteness immediatly killed him.
"Help! I'm a killer" cried Jemima desperately and adorably.
With that, Lottie ran in, weilding a circular saw. "You can't be a killer! I'M the killer!"
"I'm just as much a killer as you are!" Jemima retorted quickly. She concidered for a while before adding an insult "You goody two-shoes"
This enraged Lottie. "At least I'm a REAL killer! You have to use your cuteness!"
"Oh, poo! Can't you see I'm born to kill! Look at these claws!"
Lottie snorted disdainfully. "Those prissy little manicured things? Yeah, right."
"Well, they're better than you humans' patethic substitute for them! Just look at yours, they break so easily!" To demonstrate, Jemima grabbed ahold of one of Lottie's fingernails and broke the tip off.
Lottie stared at the broken nail for a moment, her lip quivering, then burst into loud tears.
"What happened to Miss Oh-I'm-such-an-evil-killer-girl, hm?" asked Jemima triumphantly, and did the Allmighty Happy Dance
She stopped abrubtly when a random helicopter landed on top of her. Out strode the Divine Divinity of Fanfiction. Lottie dried her tears and smiled sweetly, hiding the saw behind her back. "Thank you, oh great DDF, for getting rid of that little brat..."
"Stop!" yelled the Divine Divinity of Fanfiction. The time inside the fic froze.
The authors frowned. "Why'd you do that?"
"You're warping the character's personalities" said the Divine Divinity of Fanfiction seriously
"In theory, that's not allowed"
The authors pout.
"Oh, SCREW theory" said a random fanfiction fan who popped in and popped back out again
"Yeah!" cried one of the authors. The other author started doing the Allmighty Happy Dance
The DDF disappeared and the time in the fic started going again, slowly at first.
But something got messed up, and while everything else was moving in slow Motion, Lottie was running around double speed. Talking at double speed too.
The commotion caused the rest of the cats to come out and stare at her in confusion.
But, for the Rum Tum Tugger, it only took one look. It was love at first sight. Unfortunately for him......Lottie chopped mane off with the circular saw.
Etcy started wailing and moaning. Tugger fainted. Etcy realized that Tugger looked quite girly without his mane, so she immediatly began fawning over Munkustrap instead, something that made Demeter unbelievably angry.
So, she and Lottie plotted to get rid of Etcy.
Demeter wanted to do it humanely, but that didn't quite fit with Lottie's evil and sadistic tendencies, so they began rigging up a torture chamber with quite an extensive overuse of spikes.
Just then, Harry Potter came in and immediately struck a hero pose. "You can't put up this torture chamber! It's very unsafe!"
The fanfiction fan popped in again "Oh, screw unsafe!"
Harry Potter whimpered. "But....but....but it's my job...."
"What exactly is your job?" asked Demeter
"To rid the world of evil!"
"And do you think you will succeed by telling a raving mad 14-year-old serial killer that her torture chamber is unsafe?"
Harry paused. "Well....I figured I might as well try...."
"But don't you see that Lottie is incurably evil?" At this point, Lottie was doing the Flattered Happy Dance (The Evil Version)
"So is Voldemort, and I'm supposed to beat him..." Harry said, shuffling his feet.
"Yeah, but he's sorta...stupid, ain't he?"
Harry paused, considering this. "er....good point..."
"And I'm nooot!" Lottie danced an even more exuberant Evil Flattered Happy Dance, dragging Harry along. Harry muttered, "I'm not so sure about that..."
Lottie tightened her grip around Harry's waist, digging her nails into his lower back. She didn't say that she had heard what he said, but made it quite clear that she had anyway. Harry passed out.
"Hm. I really thought there was more life in that guy" Lottie said dryly, disdainfully kicking him in the head. Harry woke up, but unfortunately thought he was Gilderoy Lockhart. Etcy immediately started swooning over him. This creeped him out, so he ran away.
Etcy started crying ditzily.
Her tears flooded the yard and they all died.
The End