Memory Tango
"Nanao-chan! Just the beautiful woman I was looking for!" Shunsui came positively prancing into Nanao's room where she was sitting doing, as always, paperwork.
"Captain, I would appreciate it if you would skip the flattery, it doesn't work on me. Now what do you want?" Unperturbed by Nanao's brisk cold manner (he was used to it by now) Shunsui sat on her desk, directly on top of the pile of papers that still needed to be read and filled out. Nanao closed her eyes, ground her teeth, and put a hand to her temple.
"A bunch of us are going for a drink later tonight, I want you to come."
"Captain, you should really stay here and work on paperwork..."
"Nonsense! So I will expect you to be ready at seven." Nanao just sighed, she would have to rush through today's work to accommodate her Captain... again. She had great respect for her Captain, but sometimes he was... trying.
Eventually six thirty rolled around and Nanao figured it was time to get ready. She could not decline an order from her Captain no matter how much she disliked it. She retired to her rooms to dress appropriately for this occasion. It wasn't formal so that disqualified the formal dress uniform, but Shunsui would never let her go in her everyday uniform. Nanao dug through her drawers. Finally under all the black Shinigami uniforms she found a black pencil skirt and a tight fitting gray cowl-neck sweater. Shunsui was going to have a field day with this, but it was all she had. Nanao went to change.
When Shunsui arrived at her door he was pleasantly surprised at Nanao's attire, even though he found the lack of color dull it brought out her vibrant eyes, and so was dubbed acceptable. She had with her, as always, her thick book that was stuffed with papers and her small fan that always seemed to appear out of thin air. Shunsui was dressed in black slacks and a royal purple shirt that was unbuttoned so you could she just a bit of his muscular (yet hairy) chest. His long wavy brown hair tied back in a ponytail And for once he had left his ever-present ladies' mantle and Chinese sakkat in his apartments.
"Shall we go,lovely Nanao-chan?" Shunsui asked, offering her his arm. Nanao brushed past him, ignoring his arm and charming smile.
"I suppose. Lead the way Captain."
They were at the bar. Rangiku, Renji, Hitsugaya, Yumichika, and Ikkaku. Captain Ukitake didn't come because sake always made him feel sick, he would just stick to his tea. The bar had music playing loudly and the air was smokey. The smoke created a haze over everything so the lights seemed yellow and dusty. Nanao sat in the seat nearest the door, she spread her paperwork out on the table in orderly piles. Shunsui shook his head a little and sat across from Renji, a few seats away from Nanao. When the waitress came around Shunsui called out,
"Sake for everyone!" and there was a healthy bit of cheers. When the waitress passed by, Nanao pulled on her sleeve and asked that she was brought only water. The waitress nodded and went to get the drinks.
The sake bottle had gone around quite a few times and by now Rangiku was hanging on Toshiro being her happy-drunk self, Ikkaku and Yumichika where having an argument about something or other their yells muddled by the liquor, and Shunsui was as of yet unaffected. Renji downed another sip of sake and smiled a little. He had been studying Shunsui's actions and noticed that his eyes kept sliding over to Nanao, who was doing his paperwork diligently.
"So..." he slurred, "What makes the cold one so attractive?" Shunsui answered without batting an eyelash.
"The cold ones always have the most passion."
"Oh *hic* really? Somehow I doubt it."
"Would you like to make a bet on that?"
"You're on! 800 yen says she's as cold as ice to you."
"I take that bet." Shunsui smiled a little, slowly he stood and walked to the small band playing in the corner. He whispered something to the musicians and flipped a 400 yen piece at them. They nodded and started to tune some instruments.
Shunsui walked back to the table he held out his hand to Nanao. She looked up from her paperwork blinking a bit.
"Yes Captain?"
"Dance with me Nanao-chan." His charm-the-birds-from-the-trees smile was back on.
"Oh I'm really not a dancer..."
"Come on Nanao-chan, please?" Hesitantly she put her hand in his. He led her out to the small dance floor by the band. Renji's eyes were slightly wider and the others started to take notice. Shunsui gently maneuvered her arms in a hold, her right hand in his, her left on his shoulder. His large hand held her waist. The music started. Shunsui stepped forward, Nanao stepped back. The music was deep and almost slow, a Latin beat kept it going. Shunsui heard Nanao gasp a little,
"A tango..." she breathed. She swayed her hips a bit. A violin pierced out high tones and an accordion smoothed out the melody. A drum in the background punched out a beat, mixed with a lilting Spanish guitar. Shunsui moved pressing his body to hers and Nanao responded with a flick of her leg.
"Lovely Nanao..." he whispered into her ear, he could feel her shiver.
Shunsui led her around the dance floor, always guiding her slightly with a pressure of his hand or a slight guiding of the foot. He spun her out and back, he slid one hand up Nanao's side, she caressed his face, sliding her foot up his leg. Nanao sprung up in a flurry of footwork their upper-bodies always connected . Shunsui's face was buried in Nanao's neck as they did some quick steps back. Nanao spun out and back into Shunsui's arms, he caught her and let her land in an open position. She bent her legs and Shunsui gathered her into his arms and let her into a low dip. He slowly, very slowly, brought her up, gazing, always gazing, into her flashing blue-purple eyes. Shunsui spun her around and around finally stopping her in a one quick flick of the wrist. He grabbed her waist and picked her up effortlessly. Nanao let her back go and it curved down. Shunsui twisted her to land toward him. She stepped to the side and did a jump to sit on Shunsui's extended knee. He lifted her by her hands, spun her and finally landed in a dip. Shunsui was on one knee, the other leg extended, with both his arms around Nanao's waist. His forehead resting on her collar bone, Nanao with her arms back, one leg bent under her, the other extended out to a point. They stood like that, as if time had stopped, both of their chests rising and falling rapidly. And then the roar began. Everyone in the bar stood and cheered, whistles and catcalls echoed throughout the room. Calls of 'Bravo!' and 'Encore!' sounded. Looking to the other Shinigami, the pair only saw that everyone's jaws had literally dropped. Renji had a look of amazement mixed with loss and utter shock on his face.
Nanao looked around at the cheering crowd. Her heart was pounding and sweat was dripping off of her brow. Her hair was coming loose and her glasses were still slightly askew. Nanao was still in a bit of a daze, when she became aware of Shunsui's hand around her waist. She backed away, slowly at first, then turned and ran. She ran out of the bar as fast as she could. The crowd, slightly confused, quieted slightly and Shunsui just shrugged and said to everyone,
"She doesn't do well in the limelight." the crowd sat down, still chatting excitedly about the performance. Shunsui left the bar to find Nanao.
When he was outside. Shunsui closed his eyes and searched for Nanao's spiritual pressure, soon he found it, on the roof of the bar.
"Why did you do that?" Nanao's voice betrayed no emotion.
"You were amazing Nanao-chan. You had fun didn't you?" Shunsui smiled, sitting next to her. Nanao sighed.
"How did you know?" she asked in a small voice.
"Know what?" Shunsui was clearly confused.
"Before I joined the Court Guard Squads, I loved... dancing, especially ballroom. There was a small Latin cafe on the corner near the Academy. On Friday nights after school I would go down and dance. I had many different partners, different songs, different dances, different tastes... but I loved it. I loved it so much." a slight wistful tone creeping into her voice. Then she stiffened, realizing her lapse in etiquette.
"I'm sorry Captain, I'll be leaving now, I came, I drank, and I danced. Now if you'll excuse me I believe I have some of yourpaperwork to do." she stood to leave.
"Nanao!" Shunsui grabbed Nanao's wrist in his iron grip. Nanao was shocked, he had actually yelled at her. Shunsui the laid-back, go with the flow captain, had raised his voice. She couldn't remember the last time he had done that. Nanao knew her jaw was slightly slack but couldn't muster the response to close it.
"Don't..." his voice softened to a longing whisper, "Don't disappear again."
"W-what are you talking about?" Nanao winced at the wavering of her voice.
"I see you everyday, walk and talk and breath and eat and drink. But where is your fire? Where is your passion? I saw Nanao a little while ago, alive on the dance floor, where did she go? This shell, this cold exterior, this isn't you." Shunsui looked at Nanao strait in her eyes. His dark smoldering brown ones boring into her violet ones that were now racked with indecision and some other emotion he couldn't place. Shunsui looked closer, then his eyes widened... fear, her eyes had fear in them an emotion so rare on Nanao's face he had only seen it once before.
"I-I-I..." Nanao couldn't think. Images flashed before her eyes, images she had kept locked away hoping never to see again. They served as a warning and a safeguard. But now they flew about tearing open the old wounds time had healed. Nanao crumpled to her knees her hands covering her eyes. Images, a smokey Latin club- the windows yellow with age, a hard day at university, release in dancing, a fateful tango, him standing at the door, the rage in his face, the pain when she got home, the pain, the pain. Then, Nanao did something that Shunsui thought she would never do.
She cried.
She cried heaving sobs of a broken woman. She let all her pent up emotions out, anger, betrayal, sadness, loneliness, heartbreak, fear, everything. Shunsui wrapped his arms around her. Holding her to his chest in a protective grip.
"Shh...shh Nanao-chan, let it out. I'm here. I'll always be here." hearing these words just made her cry all the harder. After what seemed like and eternity of sobs, Nanao gathered herself together.
"I'm sorry Captain." she whispered ashamed at her weakness. Shunsui ignored this comment and poured her a saucer of sake from his ever-full hip flask.
"I think you need a drink. I know you didn't have any at the table." Nanao took the alcohol with a shaking hand and downed it in one gulp, without flinching. Holding the saucer out she said,
"Pour me another, would you Captain?" Shunsui was mildly impressed. He poured her another. Nanao downed it and put the saucer down on the shingles of the roof.
"The reason I don't dance anymore, the reason I don't … love anymore... his name is Netamashii. He was my fiance." Shunsui's heart lurched at her words. She had been in love?
"He was a jealous man, I knew that, and I told him everything I did. I always told him when I was studying late and I told him about the Latin club. He had even seen me dance before, waltz, foxtrot, cha-cha, salsa, he knew. We were still young and in love, he was only twenty, I was nineteen, but we were happily engaged. It was a stressful day at work and I told Netamashii that I was going to the club after class that night. I was dancing, pouring all my frustration into the dance for at least a few moments release, and then I saw him. Netamashii was leaning against the door frame arms crossed watching me. At first I was glad to see him, but then I saw the look of disgust and loathing in his clouded eyes. We were dancing an Argentine Tango the most passionate tango, but Netamashii knew about the style of Latin dances. Yet still he stalked over to me and my partner, a man I'd never met before this night, and punched the male dancer strait in the face. I screamed. I tried to talk to him, to yell at him. I asked him why he did that. He turned to me and screamed at me to shut up and that I was a filthy whore. He dragged me forcibly by the wrist. Screaming and cursing at me the whole way home. When we got home he started hitting me. I didn't know what to do. I was so scared. Why would he do this? The beatings stopped when patrolling officers forced their way into our apartment and held him back. The bartender at the club had called them. He was thrown in jail for abuse, but got bailed out by his rich parents. I found out later that that night he had been gambling and had lost the last bit of our savings. All the times I was dancing at the club he had been slowly gambling away our money. The night he attacked me he had spent our last eight hundred yen on cheap whiskey, an American alcohol, and drunk himself into a stuper. Then Netamashii broke the engagement. I guess he was trying to get any money I still had which wasn't much, to pay off his debts. Why his rich parents wouldn't give him the money I'll never know, maybe he ran up one too many tabs for dad as a kid. He ended our engagement on the grounds that I had committed adultery in the Latin club and that I had gambled his money away under his name. It was lies of course but some how I was dumped out on the street. Throughout this entire affair I still loved him. That day crushed me. That day in the Latin club."
All was silent. Tears streamed down Nanao's face unheeded.
"Do you still love him?" Shunsui's voice was strangely pinched and formal.
"No." Nanao said, "I'll never see him again, and anyway if he walked up to me right now and said he was sorry and that he loved me... I-I couldn't forgive him. Besides, I found out that he's happily married and has children."
"I didn't ask if he loved you or if you could forgive him, I asked if you love him. Tell me." Shunsui had an edge to his voice.
"I-... No." Nanao sighed.
"I don't believe you." Shunsui said suddenly passive.
"Wha-" Nanao spun to look at the man fully in the face, the blatant disregard for her feelings rankled her, "That man put me through Hell! Pure HELL, I don't love him!" she yelled. Shunsui grabbed her wrists.
"Now I believe you, Nanao-chan." He whispered, "You put heart into your words. And you know, it may be wrong, but I'm so happy you don't love him."
"W-Why?" She whispered.
"Because now I can do this..." he whispered. Shunsui pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Nanao's eyes bulged then slowly closed as she relaxed into his lips.
She had wanted this, she had wanted this so bad it hurt, the comfort of another person's touch, warm arms protecting her, his heartbeat next to hers. Nanao's arms wrapped around Shunsui's neck, she burrowed her hands in his thick dark hair. They separated slowly, both gasping for breath.
"We...can't be doing this." she whispered.
"But we are." Shunsui replied. He captured her lips again. When she pulled back to breath, again she said,
"We shouldn't be doing this..."
"Who's stopping us?"
"It's not right..."
"I don't care."
"Why?"
"Because Nanao-chan, I lov..."
"Don't say it!" Nanao pushed her way out of Shunsui's arms, "I don't want to be another flight of fancy! I've seen you chase plenty of other women. I don't want to be lied to again."
"Dammit Nanao! Why do you have to torture me like this? Everyday I see you, every minute you're with me and all I want to do is hold you in my arms and know that your mine and yet all my hints, all my signals go unheeded. All the times I showered flattery upon you, that wasn't fake. Why can't you see?"
"T-then what about the women?" Nanao didn't quite know what to think .
"Jealousy! I was trying to make you jealous. Did you ever notice that not one of them stuck around for more than a week? I felt like I was betraying you every time I so much as looked at them, even though you weren't mine." Shunsui let his head fall into his hands.
"I-I did notice." Nanao's voice was low and shy, almost ashamed. Shunsui slowly raised his head.
"You did make me jealous, but every time I wanted to make a comment I remembered what happened last time I fell in lo-." Nanao bit her lip.
"Say it Nanao," Shunsui raised himself to one knee and grabbed Nanao's hand, "Say it, say that you're in love." She shook her head, eyes closed tight, "Please, Nanao, for me." Shunsui pulled her into his arms, "Please..."
"I...I...I'm in l-ll-love. I l-love you Captain." She whispered.
"You've made me so happy Nanao-chan, so very happy."
Shunsui held Nanao tight,and promised himself he would never let go.