VERY Guilty Conscience…
I don't own Final Fantasy VII or any of Eminem's songs (too bad…v_v) I'm a poor teen so don't sue my @$$. Enjoy and review when you're done with it. Please?
*
(It's a very cold night in Rocket Town. A messy man is walking down down the sidewalk. An announcer pops up out of nowhere.)
Announce: Meet Cid. 39 years old. Fed up with life and the way things are goin', he decides to rob a drug store. But on his way, he has a sudden change of heart, and suddenly…his conscience comes into play…
Aeris: (angel side) All right, stop!
Cid: Huh?
Aeris: Now before you walk in the door
of this drug store
to get money out of the drawer,
you better think of the consequences.
Cid: Who the hell are you?
Aeris: I'm your very careful conscience!
Sephiroth: (devil side) That's nonsense!
Go in and take all of the money from your aunt's crib
And borrow a damn dress and also a blond wig.
Tell her you need a place to stay
And you'll be safe for days
If you shave your legs with her friends razor blade!
Aeris: Yeah, but if it all goes through like it's supposed to,
The whole neighborhood knows you,
And they'll expose you.
Think about it before you walk in the door first,
Look at the store clerk, she's older than Scarlet…THAT'S WORSE!!!
Sephiroth: F**k that! Do that s**t! Shoot that b***h!
Can you afford to blow this s**t?! Are you that rich?
Why you give a f**k if she dies? Are you that b***h?!
Do you really think she gives a f***k if YOU have kids?!?
Aeris: Man, don't so it! It's not worth it to risk it.
Cid: You're right!
Aeris: Not over this stuff.
Sephiroth: STOP!!!
Aeris: Stop acting so tough.
Cid: I will (runs off)
Aeris: Don't even listen to Seph, Cid! It's bad for you!
Sephiroth: You know what, b***h?! I don't like your attitude…
*
(Dance music can be heard as a long-haired guy tries to hit on a girl named Yuffie at a rave.)
Guy: Look, let's just come upstairs for a minute.
Yuffie: Oh no!
(They both go upstairs and lock the door to drown out the music)
Yuffie: Damn…
Guy: Look, it'll be all right, all right?
Yuffie: Okay…
(As they start making out, the announcer pops up out of nowhere)
Announcer: Meet Vincent. 29 years old (yeah right…). After meeting a young girl at a rave party, things start to get hot and heavy in this upstairs bedroom. Once again, his conscience comes into play…
Sephiroth: Now listen to me.
While you're kissing her cheek
And smearing her lipstick,
Slip this in her drink.
Now all you gotta do is nibble on this little b***h's earlobe…
Aeris: Hey, this girl's only 16 years old.
You shouldn't take advantage of her!
It's not fair!
Sephiroth: Yo', look at her bush. Does it got hair?
Vincent: (smiling) Uh huh!
Sephiroth: Screw this b***h right on the spot bare,
'till she passes out,
and she forgets how she got there.
Aeris: Hey, haven't you ever seen that movie, Kids?!
Sephiroth: No, but I'm watching the porno,
And it's not over yet…
Aeris: Man, do you want to get hauled off to jail?!
Yuffie: (makes very pleasurable moans)
Sephiroth: Man, screw this b***h, then you can rot in hell…
*
( A young man comes home in his car)
Man: Damn! It feels good to be home…
Announcer: (pops up out of nowhere) Meet Cloud. A 21 year old ex-mercenary.
After coming home from a hard day of fighting, he walks in the door of his summer home, to find his girlfriend in bed…
Tifa: (makes very pleasurable moans)
Announcer: With another man…
Cloud: WHAT THE F**K?!?!?!
Tifa: Cloud!!!
Aeris: All right, calm down, relax and start breathing…
Sephiroth: F**k that s**t! You just caught this b***h cheating!!!
While you're at work, she's with some dude trying to get off!
F**k slitting her throat!
CUT THIS B***H'S HEAD OFF!!!!!
Aeris: Wait, what if there's an explanation for this trick…
Sephiroth: What?! She tripped, fell, landed on his d**k?!?!
Aeris: All right Sephy…
You not have been ready,
But think about your lady
Before you get all crazy!
Sephiroth: All right, thought about it, still wanna stab her?
Grab her by the throat,
hit the mother and kidnap her?!
That's what I did, be smart! Don't be a retard!
You're gonna take advice from someone who just injects kids arms?!
Aeris: What did you say?!
Sephiroth: What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?!
Aeris: I'LL KILL YOU, MOTHERF**KER!!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: Ah, ah ah! Temper, temper!
Flower girl. Ms. I'm gonna hurl!
Ms. I'm gonna screw you if my brains go in a tilt-a-whirl!
How in the f**k are you gonna tell this dude not to be violent?!?!
Aeris: So he'll never take the weird road that I did.
Been there, done that!
Aww, what am I saying?!
Slice'em both, Cloud!
Where's your sword at?
(sounds of screams, bones breaking, and slicing can be heard as the screen fades out…)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hope you like it! This is my second parody. Please review. All comments (good or bad) can be sent to