I wanted to write a short story about Jem and Will, so here it is. I hope you like it!:)
I am sitting by the kitchen table again, glass in hand. The water is so still that I can see a perfect reflection of myself - hair bright silver and skin as pale as a dead man's. The pills are in my other hand, red and blue and black. All experts on different things, but all serving the same purpose: to get me well. So my hands won't shake and I won't take a second look at knives and razors. So I won't scream for no reason and cry in public. So I won't jump off a bridge or slit a man's throat. So I have to take them, all three of them. Red and blue and pink. Why can't it be a goddamn yellow one, I would much rather swallow the sun than the blood. Than the never ending ocean that feel no mercy and the black hole that will swallow you whole. But if something is wrong with you, you eat the wrong and leave the right. The sun is not for you. So I swallow the pills in a sweep, and I drink the water and I get out of my chair. And I walk out the door, straight to the deep green forest. Where no one can touch me and the pills won't feel so threatening anymore. It's cold outside so I just stay there for a while, mind as blank as a slate of paper. And that's when he shows up, speaking a symphony of words.
"I missed you, Jem." The boy's words are true, I can feel it in the way he says them. With a sorrow and longing so hard that it cracks my ribcage open. I can feel it in the way my whole body tingles and I can see it in the boy's deep violet-blue eyes. I can feel it in the way we are standing right at the edge of the forest, fingers etching to touch each other. I can see it in the way he leans slightly towards me, mouth in a so honest smile that it radiates sadness deep enough for my whole body to ache. I can feel it in the way my heart breaks in a million of pieces and only dust remains. I can feel it in the way my body shakes of sickness and of emotions, a sorrow so deep it could cut through a man's bones, and I'm sure he feels it too. One step and we would be lost in trees that would be gripping after us, tearing our clothes in shreds and pulling blood through our new wounds. I'm lost in a mess so beautiful that I almost can't stand still when I answer the black haired boy with a promise of what we both want.
"Let's go." And as I say it, I run into the forest. The boy following, hand finding mine and fingers lacing together as we run. I can feel the pills slowly taking over my system, but I have a few minutes left. A few minutes of total bliss with the black haired boy, the boy with scars running along his skin like a painted map. Just a few minutes where he is mine and I am his. A few seconds before the effect of the pills starts kicking in and I no longer will remember what I feel. When I no longer will remember if I love the boy or if he's just another shout out in the void of nothingness.