UPDATE (August 26)

After playing through the game fresh again (it's been over 6 months since I last played), I noticed some inconsistencies, so I will be trying to patch it up without changing the story too much. Thanks for your understanding; if anything looks weird, please don't hesitate to let me know! I'm also going through and fixing any spelling/grammar errors I catch because I read it over the other day and it's terrible!

Background:

FemShep - Soldier Class

Earthborn - Hero

Ending - Synthesis

Paragon

Notes for you!

This is the first fan-fiction I've ever written. I enjoy writing, but I don't do it much, so I don't expect it'll be fantastic by any means. I have a lot more planned for this story, but I'm really just feeling it out right now and trying to get into Garrus' head the best I can before I invest more into fleshing it out.

I feel like I should add a disclaimer; there may be inaccuracies or discrepancies: both vs the ME universe/story, as well as my own writing. I just really, REALLY need it to continue, and this is my way of satiating my need! I hope someone out there enjoys it!

Please note: the artist who created the brilliant pictures I used for my thumbnails has kindly given me permission to use them. I'd also like to suggest you check out their work! It's AMAZING. Wei723 on DeviantArt.

Here goes!

The blazing sound of the Reaper tore through the skies above; Garrus clutched his chest over his armor, hoping it would somehow relieve the painful pressure of broken ribs and cracked carapace.

EDI held him up and began escorting him further into the Normandy's shuttlebay. Her body was scorched and steaming, but she seemed more or less undamaged. She was stronger than Garrus expected; effortlessly propping up the turian in full armor.

EDI led Garrus a few more feet into the shuttlebay as the Normandy began flying away; he turned around to take one last look at the mayhem below. He could make out Shepard as she sprinted towards the beacon, dodging missiles and shrapnel. They had already said their goodbyes, but the shuttle bay door began to close, and Garrus started to panic.

"NO!" he tried to shout, but the pain in his chest and shoulder made it nearly impossible. EDI was still propping him up, and heard him clear enough. She stopped the door and slowed down the Normandy.

Joker's frantic voice rang over the intercom, "EDI, we have to get out of here! Reapers are going to be up our asses in 20 seconds!"

EDI began leading Garrus back towards the shuttle bay opening, "Jeff, please allow us 10 more seconds." Jeff didn't answer but he also didn't attempt to fly away or override the door.

With his good arm, Garrus grabbed onto a ceiling bar to support himself, and continued to look down at Shepard. She seemed so tiny and vulnerable in the battlefield below; so far away from safety. As she dodged a missile, the looming Reaper's "eye" began charging a deadly red glow. Garrus went cold. Everything happened in slow motion. The laser seared through the ground, bee-lining towards Shepard. Garrus couldn't think straight anymore, all he knew was he needed to be down there with her. He didn't' care how far the drop was, he almost hurled himself off the edge of the Normandy shuttlebay. EDI held on tight though, and pulled him back; they fell to the floor. She didn't let go. Garrus could only manage a hoarse sob through his injuries, and EDI held him tighter. He struggled to crawl on his knees to the edge again, he could see the battlefield below; it was barren, with no sign of Shepard or anyone else.

Jeff's angry voice rang in again "We're leaving, or we all die!" The shuttle bay door began to close, and the Normandy started forward.

"NO!" Garrus managed to exert another painful cry. He struggled again, standing up, putting his hands on the closing ramp, pushing against it as if trying to stop it. EDI didn't intervene; she stood behind him, as if to guard him. Garrus began shoving his uninjured shoulder against the door, and then smashing it with his fist. He continued for a few more moments until he wore himself out and stood still, resting his forehead on the fully-closed door. He closed his eyes and slowly sunk to the floor; his armor clanking on the metal. James arrived in full armor with Dr Chakwas at his side to take Garrus to the medical bay.

Vega put his hand on Garrus' shoulder; "Alright, buddy," he said softly. Garrus didn't look up, but he let Vega grab him from under his good shoulder and he stood up without giving his shipmate trouble.

"She was alone," Garrus whispered.

Vega frowned, "She'll be fine, hermano." He seemed concerned, but not as devastated as Garrus was. Vega didn't see what happened below, but he knew that if they lost hope in the Commander, they lost hope in everything.

James led Garrus to the med bay, and Dr. Chakwas began scanning him in silence. Garrus sat on a med-table, looking down, replaying the scene in his head over and over again. Vega stayed with him, while EDI returned to the flight deck to assist Joker with navigating them through the apocalyptic battle above Earth. For the next while, Garrus seemed gone; unable to respond to his friends or surroundings. James helped Chakwas remove Garrus' scorched armor and cut through his thermal-suit to reveal his torso. The carapace around Garrus' shoulder was cracked, and his chest was discoloured with bruising. The doctor cleaned the cobalt-blue blood spattered over the turian's chest and neck, dressed his wounds with medi-gel, wrapped his chest and shoulder with bandages, and set Garrus's arm to his chest with a sling.

They then gently helped him lie down on a med-table and left him in peace. Garrus stared up to the ceiling, allowing a hot tear to roll back down onto the table before Chakwas' sedative threw Garrus into a deep, dreamless sleep.

High above Earth, the battle against the Reapers and the collective force of the allied fleets raged on. Though Commander Shepard's efforts to align the galaxy's forces were not fruitless; the Reapers were simply too experienced in eradicating entire races; they tore through the fleets easily with systematized terror and strategy.

The Normandy maneuvered fluidly through the battle, effortlessly dodging the dense debris of fleet ship and Reaper alike, floating listlessly above the Earth's atmosphere. It sped through the ravaging war towards the Citadel. Several Alliance warships stood guard of the Citadel, which was closed tight in its defensive case state. All they could do was wait, and stay safe while they awaited Shepard's call. The crew had no choice but to believe the Commander made it to the Citadel; EDI hadn't mentioned to Joker what she and Garrus saw in the fray below before Shepard made it to the beam. She calculated there would be no positive outcome to the crew reacting to Shepard potentially being decimated by a Reaper, before even getting close to the Crucible.

Joker kept the Normandy moving, allowing EDI to send out shots towards any stray Reaper-Collector Oculi they were able to take out.

The crew members that had been fighting on Earth had been picked up prior to retrieving Garrus and EDI. They were tasked with providing Shepard back-up on the Citadel if needed. They had no idea what to expect, but the entire crew was ready to be there to extract their Commander at any cost in the case she failed to engage the Crucible; it felt like forever as they waited for her call. An uneasy anxiety rolled through the crew as their Commander's comm channel continued its restless silence. The Citadel's "arms" began to open, and the crew watched, anxiously. Eventually a voice rang over the comm, but it wasn't Shepard. It was Admiral Hackett, ordering all fleets to disengage as the Crucible had been activated.

Garrus flickered awake after what he felt was a lifetime of sleep. He shifted himself and propped himself up on the med-table with his good arm. He ached all over as the medi-gel had worn off, and every joint and muscle in his body was stiff. The medbay was dark, save some tiny blinking lights from various medical appliances and consoles. The absence of the resonating hum of the Normandy's engine was somewhat unsettling. Garrus sat in the darkness for a short while, attempting to unwrap the events prior to his blackout. His memory was dark, and straining to remember wasn't working. He stumbled off the med-table, but grabbed back on to hold himself steady; we was weak, and very sore. "EDI," Garrus could only manage a dry whisper. His throat was parched and he tried to wet his tongue again before trying again. "EDI," his voice came back to him, though somewhat shaky.

"Garrus," EDI's voice rang over the intercom, "I will send Dr. Chakwas down immediately."

Garrus shook his head, "EDI, where is everyone? Where is Shepard? It's dark in here." The med-bay lights flooded the room, forcing Garrus to shield his eyes in order to adjust. He started to lumber his way out of the medbay towards the elevator. Dr. Chakwas, EDI and Tali met him as the elevator doors opened, and helped him inside. "Where are we?" Garrus croaked, "We've stopped? Did Shepard-" The sharp, harrowing flash of Shepard being enveloped in the reaper's red ray jolted Garrus back to full awareness. "Where are we!? We need to go get her!" Tali put her hand on Garrus' arm, but didn't say anything. Garrus looked down at her, "I...I left her. She was alone."

The elevator stopped at the CIC and Garrus stumbled through the doors faster than they could open, knocking his injured arm on the door and stooping over in pain. He turned around to face them again, and was met by Chakwas' shining a scanner into his eye, he attempted to swat her away. "Garrus," she said concerned, "You've suffered some critical injuries to your chest and shoulder, I think you should sit down and rest."

Garrus's mandibles flared angrily, "We need to go back for Shepard. She was hit by a Reaper just before we left. We don't even know if she made it to the Crucible!" The three crew members looked at Garrus strangely, he fumed with frustration, but then paused. "Wait," Garrus gently took Dr Chakwas by the arm and pulled her from the elevator into the light. "Your eyes…" He observed, perplexed. Her eyes had a light-green sheen where the irises were blue before. At closer examination, she seemed to pulse gently with the faint green glow in a peculiar pattern across her skin. "Spirits…" Garrus breathed in amazement. He looked to EDI, she had the same. He looked at his own hands, and turned them over in astonishment. They too had what looked like a synthetic sheen, softly pulsating. He looked at Tali, "My eyes?" She nodded.

EDI spoke first, "Shepard made it to the Crucible, Garrus." Garrus shot his attention back to EDI.

"She made it? She made it." The hopefulness in his voice seemed to make the others sad. Garrus picked up on this, "But…" he waited for EDI to continue.

"Garrus, we believe she had to choose. To choose a fate for all of us, not just the Reapers. What she chose didn't kill the Reapers, but we believe it's because it was an alternative to something sinister. She chose this," EDI held out her hands to present the odd glow on her body, "It did something to me. To all of us."

Garrus looked around, the rest of the crew surrounded them; eyes aglow with the unique green hue. "What did it do, exactly?" Garrus asked cautiously. He didn't' feel any different, besides sore everywhere.

EDI took a moment to process her thoughts, "We're not entirely sure exactly, but the most distinctive change as far as I can tell, is that I'm no longer server-based. I am alive, Garrus."

Garrus' eyes widened with bewilderment, "You mean...you're aware? Er, not that you weren't before, but you know. You're not..an AI? You're...EDI?" EDI took another moment to think about what Garrus said, she seemed to land on accepting the conclusion as a compliment and let herself a small smile.

"I'd say so, yes. It's what all synthetic life strive to achieve; to know what it is to be truly alive. Whatever Shepard did within the Crucible, it affected the entire galaxy. It is said even the Geth have full awareness...what they would consider "enlightenment". Reports indicate the Reapers are no longer a threat, and have somewhat been "rewritten" or even "released" from their original programming. They are peaceful, Garrus. We didn't believe it at first either, until the Crucible was engaged, and the Reapers stopped fighting altogether to begin repairing the devastation."

Garrus took it in for a moment; he had many questions, but the burning issue on his mind was how to retrieve Shepard. "We need to go back for her," Garrus repeated. "If she succeeded, she can't be…" Garrus' voice cracked and his throat tightened again, "We just need to find her, alright?"

The crew members looked to the ground, as if guilty. EDI continued gently, "The Alliance returned back to Earth and the Citadel the moment they realized what had happened; that whatever Shepard did effected the Reapers, just as much as it did us. Getting Shepard out of the Crucible was the first and foremost objective. Garrus... Shepard is gone."

Garrus held in a whimper, and his knees almost buckled. He felt so exhausted. He was tired of hearing Shepard was dead. He went two years before finding out Shepard had come back to life after the Collector attack. He had finally overcome the devastation of her death once, and then she popped up again on Omega only to save him from certain demise. He thought he saw her die to the reaper on Earth. Then he found out that couldn't even stop her from activating the Crucible. She saved the entire galaxy, and she was supposed to come out of it with a few cuts and bruises, like always... But she's gone.

The Commander had once explained the Human concept of Karma while they lay together in her quarters, comfortably intertwined. He knew there was no such thing. If there were, she would be alive, and revered throughout the entire galaxy as their savior. They would retire together near an ocean; somewhere warm. They would hold a proper ceremony for Mordin to let him rest on the coast, his grave would be an intricately placed mound of seashells...

The pictures of this rolled through his mind, giving him a split second of comfort. The crew waited patiently for Garrus to respond. He looked up and inhaled, regaining his militant stance. "I need to see her then. Her body. We need to put her to rest."

EDI and Tali looked at each other uneasily, and Garrus ground his teeth. "What? What is it?"

Tali answered this time, her voice was shaky; her bond with the Commander was as strong as a sibling, or even more so, Garrus reflected. "When EDI said Shepard is gone" Tali began, "...she means we cannot find her. They're investigating the Crucible now, but there doesn't seem to be any trace of her. They found the bodies of Admiral Anderson and who they think may be the Illusive man. They're trying to track down Miranda Lawson to identify him. It looks like...it looks like they shot each other."

Garrus' mandibles flared, "That bastard. I only wish he was alive so I could wring the smoke right out of his withered little lungs myself. Why the hell was he there? Did he do something to Shepard?"

Tali shook her head, "We don't know yet, I'm sorry Garrus. We're waiting to hear from Admiral Hackett; he's volunteered to keep us informed."

Garrus looked around at the surrounding crew; their skin gently pulsing with the eerie green glow. It was odd, but he was hell-bent on getting answers about Shepard. More information about this anomaly could wait.

"Alright," He said, his voice militant again, "Why aren't we on our way to the Citadel now?"

EDI answered for him, "We did not know what to expect when the Crucible was detonated. Once we the Crucible was engaged, Admiral Hackett ordered the fleets to disengage and meet at the rendezvous point; not far from this star cluster. Joker waited as long as he could, but Shepard wasn't responding. We had to force him to leave, Garrus, otherwise the Normandy crew might have died" EDI added, noting the look on Garrus's face. "We were trying to race what we thought was some sort of EMP blast; we did not know what it was capable of, besides what it was theoretically supposed to do to the Reapers, so we had to leave. When Joker had the Normandy hit FTL, the blast was literally right on the Normandy's tail. We managed to take a few relays towards the fleet rendezvous point, until the blast finally caught up. It rushed through the Normandy without causing any visible damage to her, or the crew, but it destroyed the next relay right before our eyes, and we could see the blast moving towards through the galaxy to the next one, light years away. We had no choice but to land here in the Typhon system for fuel and repair the damage from the battle with the Reapers above Earth. We were all concerned about the effect the blast had on us. I immediately felt different, more aware of the people, emotions... I could feel touch, Garrus." EDI placed her hand on Garrus' arm, in hopes to comfort him as much as she felt she needed comforting too.

"The organic crew on the ship also showed signs of being affected by the blast as well, as you can see. We're not sure yet precisely what the results are, but in no way does it seem negative, from what we've seen so far. They've shown some signs of a higher awareness as well, and at first we feared it was some form of mass indoctrination; but their personalities have stayed the same and there is no evidence of the side effects of Reaper or Leviathan indoctrination, or otherwise. Once Joker and I managed to get the comm channel tied in with a nearby colony comm-station, we got a hold of Admiral Hackett. He told us most of the fleet made it to the rendezvous point, and were on their way back to the Citadel to find Shepard. Engineers Donnelly and Daniels were confident they could get the Normandy back up and running within a couple days, and that there was no reason to send a rescue ship at this time. James and Cortez took the shuttle to the nearest colony to stock up on as much EZO as possible. They've made a few trips, and want to be sure we can make it back to the Sol system without issue."

Garrus sighed deeply and sadly, "Thank you, EDI," he put his free hand on her shoulder, and looked around at the crew. "Thank you, everyone. Without the diligence, courage, and sheer determination of this crew, we wouldn't have made it out alive. We will give our Commander the peace she deserves," his throat tightened, but he refused to let his voice waver. He let the wave of sorrow pass silently, and continued addressing the crew professionally, "But first we repair, and prepare ourselves for the journey home. Without our Commander, and without you, there would be no home to return to."

The crew responded to Garrus with a solemn but respectful salute, and returned to their stations. He turned back to Tali, EDI and Dr. Chakwas. "I think I'll have that rest now," he admitted. He had no intention of resting, but he needed to be alone. Chakwas nodded, and motioned him to the elevator. He stood as tall and stern as he could, trying not to show that his sorrow and injury were weighing him down. He passed Tali, who rested her hand on his back as he made his way into the elevator. Dr Chakwas selected the floor, and Garrus looked up at her, puzzled.

She smiled warmly at him, a trait Garrus learned to truly appreciate of the human race. "Take the Commanders quarters for now, Garrus. You need peace and quiet. I'll bring up some more medi-gel soon, and some rations if you need."

Garrus felt it would be good manners to decline, but it's all he wanted. To be alone, and close to Shepard's things.

The fishtank bubbled joyfully as Garrus stepped into the Captain's Cabin. He stopped to watch the fish, floating weightlessly, untouched by strife or any awareness of the world beyond their Plexiglas walls. He smirked at himself coyly for envying them, and tapped the feeding button. He wanted to stop feeling sorry for himself; he didn't feel he deserved it. His brow-plate furrowed as he felt a pang of guilt. It should have been him running to that Reaper beam, disappearing off the face of the Earth.

Shepard confessed her love for him before she ordered him to leave with the Normandy. He wished he'd defied her; stood up straight, and pushed by, dashing for the beam and leaving her behind in the safety of the Normandy. He was critically injured, and knew it wasn't possible at the time, but for some reason he didn't expect her to go alone. He didn't know what he could have done, but the vision of her running towards the beam on her own played hauntingly in his mind over and over again.

Garrus sat down on the bed and picked up a datapad. It had a report of the last mission they were on before the fleets moved in on Earth: infiltrating the Cerberus base, ending in a bloody battle against the assassin Kai Leng. Garrus reflected on the mission; Spirits, it was fun, he thought.

He felt sheepish for thinking so, but when on missions with the Commander, their synergy on the battlefield was incredible; he also got more satisfaction than he should admit wreaking havoc on the Illusive Man's investments. It also allowed Garrus his moment. One moment; a split second where there was calm, and he could look at Shepard when she didn't notice. It could be while she was gathering intel, overriding a console, or simply reloading her rifle. He savored those moments as quick as possible, so as not to let his guard down, or his Commander down. Somehow managing to remember them in slow-motion; he detailed every minor movement she made, the way she looked when she was thinking, or the curve of her jaw as she clenched and relaxed it while pulling the trigger. He stashed these moments away in his memory, like a loving family would treasure their photo-vids. They were his most precious possession.

Turning the lights off, and lying down, Garrus placed the datapad on his bandaged chest. He didn't know why, but it comforted him. The blue reflection from the aquarium oscillated peacefully on the ceiling as he looked up. The swaying and intertwining of the strings of light encouraged him to doze off.

The darkness of sleep enveloped Garrus; the walls of the Captain's quarters moved away from him, leaving him in a silent, black void. He looked around, peering through the darkness. He thought he saw a faint light through the pitch dark; light years away. He couldn't move his arms or legs, but he willed himself towards the light. He didn't think it was working at first, but the light inched closer. It was still so far away, though. He felt like it would take years to get there, but something pushed him onward. He willed himself harder, further; the small light becoming larger. He couldn't make out what it was. He thought at first it was a star, but he could almost feel it, as if it were conscious of him, and it wished him closer. His resolve was strong; he felt like he knew what it was, but he didn't want to admit it until he saw it. It would be too much for him. Yet he pushed himself even further; or was he pulling the light to him? Either way, he was somehow removing the space between himself and the light. He wanted to go faster, and he did. Until he was speeding through his dream at break-neck speed; tumbling towards the warm light.

Garrus reached out with his consciousness, as if it were his arm, trying to get only a little bit closer. The light started to flicker, and he began slowing down. "No." he could only think the words, but he knew he was waking up. He struggled to delve into his dream again, but the more he struggled, the more he awakened.

A split moment before he returned to reality, he heard it, "Garrus," she whispered to him.

His eyes shot open, Garrus jolted up in the bed knocking the datapad to the ground. He looked around frantically. Empty. The aquarium bubbled happily as the fish darted at floating flakes of food; he frowned at them and got out of bed to make his way down to the CIC.