Author's Note: This was my first attempt ever at a humorous story involving Snape. Although it does have a dash of serious in it every now and then. As always, none of J.K. Rowling's characters are mine, and I do not own anything Harry Potter or related indicia. -Robbieoboe
The Make-Over
Or
"How my Good Looks Gave Everybody A Lot of Trouble"
He stomped up to his room, more irritable than usual. 'Why do I look so ugly all the time?' he thought miserably. The looks from the staff, the students...it was all piling up and this time he'd had it. He stopped in front of his mirror in his bathroom, staring hard. "Well, I'm surprised to see you! When was it last that we met...1985?" said the mirror. "Shut up! What do I need to do to get rid of all this?" "All this? All this what? All this greasy black hair? That entire mouthful of yellow teeth? List it off for me and I'll do what I can." He thought about it for a moment, "Everything that's wrong with me appearance wise." "Okay, well first you're going to need to wash your hair about five or six times and then you should probably get it cut short. Yes, I think that would look nice." He followed her instructions after extensive searching for a bottle of hair care potion and then asked, "Now what?" "Get a toothbrush and a lot of toothpaste. And I do mean a LOT of it. You know what to do next." So he did; he brushed his teeth over and over again until his gums were sore. "And then?" he asked. "Clean your robes; they're filthy...potion stains everywhere...frankly it's nasty. But after that I think you'll be finished. Oh, except you need to spend a few hours out in the sun...sallow skin...ugh...and then that should do it." He let out a deep sigh and rolled his eyes, "Okay..."
+ + +
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were eating dinner in the Great Hall, Harry and Ron joking with Hermione about how much she read. "Could take Madam Pince's place in the library you could," said Ron. "You've read more of the books than she has I think." Hermione blushed, taking it as a complement, "Well...thanks." Ron rolled his eyes but Harry grinned, then glanced up at the staff table. Snape wasn't there; "Hey where's Snape at? He's never late for dinner," said Harry. The other teachers seemed to be wondering the same thing too; he hadn't shown up since the last Potions lesson that day. Suddenly the doors to the Great Hall flew open and in stepped someone Harry hadn't seen before. One of Dumbledore's friends he supposed, but still, he looked very familiar, although he hadn't seen this tall, handsome stranger anywhere before. He was making his way through the Great Hall when someone figured it out; "Oh my God..." said Dean Thomas slowly, "that's Snape."
Ron suddenly began to choke furiously on his pumpkin juice, and Harry had to slap him hard on the back before he finally stopped coughing. Then other tables started to realize who was walking through the Hall, and they all did the same thing as the Gryffindors; they simply stared. Even the teachers were paralyzed in their seats; this was outrageous. Snape actually clean for once? Unthinkable. Harry looked at Ron who looked back at him with that same expression; what brought this on? Snape suddenly realized the entire Hall was dead silent, and he looked at the students; "What?"
Everyone quickly went back to eating, only the conversation volume was at a roar, and everyone was talking about the same thing. "I don't believe that stupid git finally decided to shower," said Seamus Finnigan in a wide-eyed expression. "I don't think that's all either," said Harry. "I think he even brushed his teeth." "Mad, gone howling, barking mad," said Ron to Hermione; but she wasn't listening. She was still staring at Snape with a funny, glazed over look in her eye. "Hermione?" "Wha?" she said, still not peeling her eyes off him. "Oh no..." said Ron. "No! NO! I don't believe it!" he said disgustedly, staring at Hermione as if she were some sort of germ. "Ron, calm down," said Harry. "This is lunacy!" cried Ron, "Do you know what she's got on her mind right now? She fancies him! That stupid old git who's always picking on us!" "He's not a stupid old git Ron," said Hermione. "Oh, great, and now you're siding with him too. This is just fantastic!" he said, folding his arms in front and looking very cross indeed.
But Harry noticed that Hermione didn't seem to be the only one eyeing Snape that way. Parvati Patil, Hannah Abbott, and even Pansy Parkinson at the Slytherin table had it too. Involuntarily, he shuddered. 'Maybe Ron's right,' he thought, 'all raving mad.' Snape seated himself at the staff table, while the rest of the teachers were still staring at him. Dumbledore seemed to be the only one who was acting like everything was normal...which Harry supposed it was except for Snape...got a...a make-over.
"Have you got your eyes off that nasty old man yet?" said Ron finally. Hermione began rummaging through her bag for her schedule, face very red, "Yes I have now shut up Ron." She pulled it out and began writing on it, which Harry thought was curious. "Hermione, what are you writing on your schedule?" "Nothing," she lied, covering her schedule and continuing to write. Ron snatched it out of her hand, looked at it, and threw it back at her. "I don't believe this..." he said. "What?" asked Harry. "She's outlining her next Potions lesson in little hearts. The last time I saw that happen was when Gilderoy Lockhart was here in our second year. Absolutely disgusting..."
+ + +
Harry supposed that the next Potions lesson for the Gryffindors would be interesting, but he got more than he'd reckoned for. The girls stared at Snape the entire lesson, not writing notes, just staring, which was beginning to make Snape edgy. "Miss Patil!" he snapped irritably one time. "Yes Professor?" she said dreamily. "Are you taking notes or staring into space?" "Erm, taking notes," she said, her face blushing.
Ron cringed.
Harry had indeed noticed that Parvati had been writing something but what he had no idea. It most certainly hadn't appeared to be notes. "Let's see them then Miss Patil," he said, hand outstretched. Her face drained, "No sir, I don't think you want to..." "Don't tell me 'no' now hand them over!" he snarled. She gave her 'notes' to Snape and buried her face in her hands, giggling madly. Snape's face went bright red as he read her notes, "Never mind," he said, handing them back. She tucked them safely into her purse while everyone else looked at her curiously. "Back to your Stupefying Potions..." said Snape, continuing on with instructions and notes as they added ingredients to their potions. "Your final potion should appear to be a dark blue color with a very thick texture due to the additives of..."
"BOOM!"
The dungeon shuddered as smoke went everywhere. "What happened?" said Ron as he choked on the smoke. "I don't know!" said Harry, waving the smoke with his hand at pulling his shirt over his nose so he could filter the air out a bit. "LONGBOTTOM YOU IDIOT!" came Snape's booming voice. "Oh no..." said Dean Thomas, "...poor Neville...not again." "But honest sir, it was blue when I looked at it!" came Neville's moaning voice. "I swear it was! I don't know how it changed all of a sudden like that!" "Apparently not Longbottom now shut up! Detention this Saturday night in the dungeon!" The smoke gradually cleared and Snape ladled out some of Neville's potion. "Clear Longbottom. Your potion is clear. You added the infusion of wormwood before the...Miss Granger! What are you doing?" he snapped at Hermione. She was hugging him around the waist, "Mmm...Professor Snape..." she said dreamily. The entire class burst into laughter; "What the?!? Get off me!" he howled, trying to shove her off. "Uh-oh Neville, I think I know what your potion turned into," said Seamus Finnigan warningly. "You don't think it turned into a..." he gasped, "...a love potion do you?" But it seemed it had, for Hermione was covered in the clear substance in Neville's cauldron, nobody else was, and thus nobody else had been affected by it.
Ron pretended to vomit into his cauldron in disgust when he saw Hermione after the smoke had cleared.
While Harry found that to be rather funny, he couldn't help but feel bad for Hermione. Once Snape whipped up something to cure whatever Neville had done, she was sure to be embarrassed. Over the next ten or fifteen minutes Snape tried several different potions but none of them worked. "Blimey Neville, what did you use?" said Dean Thomas in amazement as he leaned over to get a look inside Neville's cauldron. Harry leaned over too and looked at the potion, dipping his finger into it. "Wait a minute..." he said slowly. He took the chance and tasted it; water. 'But if that's just water, and there's nothing magical about it...' thought Harry. He laughed. Laughed until tears streamed down his face; "Professor Sna-ape!" he said in a singsong voice. "What now Potter?!" he shouted, still trying to get Hermione off him. "Neville didn't make a love potion or anything at all! This is water! There's nothing special about it, I just tasted it!"
Hermione froze.
Harry saw Snape's face go bright red, "Do you mean to tell me Potter..." he said, his voice shaking with anger. He walked over and took a large swig of the water, "There's nothing wrong with this water..." he said slowly. "There's nothing wrong with this water." Then he looked in Hermione's cauldron; it was a blue substance exactly like Neville had described it. Then everything clicked in Harry's brain; Hermione, having a little crush on Snape by now, must have decided that she wanted to get up close and personal with him. So she left water in her cauldron the entire time, and then used a Switching Spell to change the cauldrons right before the explosion. She must have made an explosion from her wand somehow without anyone noticing.
Then the room almost exploded again.
"GRANGER!!!" Snape roared angrily. She cowered back against the opposite wall, "P-P-Professor...I..." "SHUT UP! DETENTION AND TWENTY-FIVE POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!!!"
+ + +
The Gryffindor common room had been buzzing with activity ever since the story of Hermione's trick had been spread. Fred and George Weasley had been horrified; "Yeah, I suppose he looks better with all that clean hair and nice teeth, but I really don't see what's so appealing," said George. "I mean really, he's not that good-looking," added Fred. Harry secretly suspected that they were both a bit jealous, but he didn't say anything.
At twelve that night Hermione came through the portrait hole, looking thoroughly taken. "These past four hours have been the best of my life," she said. "What?" said Ron, "Didn't you just finish detention with...oh yeah, I'd forgotten, your little boyfriend. Yuck." "He's not my boyfriend Ron," she said, even though she didn't sound all that upset with him for making that remark. "Riiight," he said disgustedly. "Hermione, can I ask you something?" said Harry. "Sure Harry, what's up?" she asked, sitting down in the chair across from him. "Well, I mean...what's so appealing about him now that he's showered?" he said in a concerned manner. "Oh, everything," she said gleefully. "Parvati and I were talking about him the other day and..." "Spare me the feminine details," Ron groaned. "Okay," she said, looking slightly miffed. "Well he's very...erm, handsome and tall," she said. "I've heard enough, I'm going to bed," Ron said grumpily as he shuffled off to the boys' dormitory. "The nerve of him, honestly!" said Hermione. Harry shrugged. Actually, he was beginning to think that Ron was going on the right way about these things. Then Harry remembered earlier in the Potions lab, "Say Hermione. You wouldn't happen to know why Snape's face went all red when he read Parvati's notes, would you?" "Oh that," she giggled. "Parvati was writing notes...but they were mainly things like 'Parvati Snape' outlined in hearts." Harry spat out a mouthful of butterbeer, "What?"
+ + +
Hermione shared the details about her detention the next morning at breakfast. Parvati and Lavender Brown were eager to hear the details but Dean, Neville, Seamus, and Ron weren't. "You'd think he could be on the cover of Vanity Fair the way this is going on," said Harry with a shake of his head. "What's Vanity Fair?" asked Ron. "Oh, er, Muggle magazine," said Harry off-handedly. "I think the equivalent of Vanity Fair would probably be something like Witch Weekly," he added. "Oh great. If they give Snape the 'Most Charming Smile Award' I swear I'll puke," said Ron, remembering Gilderoy Lockhart. "So what exactly did you have to do for your detention?" asked Ron. "Just clean the desks without magic and pickle some dragon livers. But it was all worth it though," she said with a giggle. "All worth it for what? Him yelling at you some more?" said Dean. "No, just getting to spend time with him," she said as she buttered her toast. He rolled his eyes and Harry could have sworn he heard something like, "Total lunatic," being muttered beneath Dean's breath. 'Right on about that,' thought Harry with a shake of his head.
+ + +
The next Quidditch match was Slytherin versus Gryffindor after the Gryffindors had flattened Ravenclaw in the first match. Harry and the team waited in the changing rooms until it was time to head out, and Harry thought he might be sick if he had to stay in there any longer. "I know, he looks so different now," Angelina Johnson had been telling Katie Bell. "Maybe he's finally got himself a girlfriend who's actually heard of hygiene..." Harry was getting very irritated with all the girls at Hogwarts talking about Snape all the time and it was almost ten times worse having to put up with it during Quidditch practice. But finally, Madam Hooch told them to get their broomsticks and come outside and Harry gratefully left the changing rooms.
Once up in the air, Harry did a few quick laps around the stadium to let off some tension while the game continued below him. "...And Alicia Spinnet, one of Gryffindor's Chasers has the Quaffle and...score for Gryffindor!" The crowd roared, a good half of the stadium waving red and gold flags with lions on them, the Gryffindor house symbol. They were now 10-0, and Harry did a quick victory lap out of sheer happiness. Harry kept his eyes peeled for the Golden Snitch though, anxious to catch it and win the game before Slytherin could score too many points on them via the Quaffle. The bigger the win, the more house points to be won for Gryffindor. "Can't find the Snitch, Potty?" came a voice from below him. Draco Malfoy was sneering up at him nastily, racing right along below him. "Shut up Malfoy, you're not doing any better!" snapped Harry. But suddenly he saw a glint of gold, speeding alongside George Weasley. He zoomed off, now racing Draco to get there first.
George suddenly realized that they were heading for him for a reason, and he saw the Snitch there right beside him, "Blimey!" he cried as Harry went racing past him, hot on the trail of the Snitch. Harry was desperate to catch it before Malfoy; if he didn't he'd be hearing about it for months, and he hadn't yet failed to win them a game. "Come on, come on!" he cried, urging his Firebolt on to move faster. But then Harry felt a hard tug on the tail of his broom and looked down to see Malfoy pulling on his broom, a devilish grin covering his face. Harry felt himself slowing down, and tried to kick at Malfoy to get him off but to no avail. Then Malfoy grabbed Harry by the robes and flung him off his broom. Harry saw the ground speeding toward him and looked up to see a look of victory as he closed in on the Snitch. 'Oh great,' thought Harry. 'I'm about to get killed and Malfoy is going to win the game. Talk about unfair.' "ACCIO FIREBOLT!" came a sudden cry from the stadium. Harry's Firebolt went zooming in another direction, and Harry barely managed to glimpse someone grab it. The ground came faster and faster toward him until...
"WHOOSH!"
He felt someone gripping him tightly around the ankle, Harry only inches away from the ground. He looked up, glasses hanging off his ear to see Snape on his Firebolt. "Get back on your broom Potter!" he snarled, shoving his broomstick right at him. Harry leapt on it and yelled out "Thanks!" as he sped after Malfoy, now only feet behind the Snitch. He speeded beneath Malfoy and pulled directly upward, startling Malfoy and Harry almost leapt clear off his broom and caught the Snitch. Legs barely entwined around his broom, he let out a scream of happiness, (upside down of course,) and grabbed back onto his broom, lapping the stadium in joy. The Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws roared with amazement at Harry's sudden catch while the Slytherins booed and hissed not only Harry but also Snape. Which reminded Harry; why had Snape done that?
+ + +
The Gryffindors had celebrated with a huge party in Gryffindor common room several hours later. (Mostly because it had taken Fred and George a few hours to get all their party supplies from Hogsmeade.) They slapped Harry on the back and cheered the Gryffindor Quidditch team loudly once the party was in full swing, however, and Harry found himself celebrating with Ron and Hermione over several Chocolate Frogs. "An awesome comeback Harry, really something else," said Hermione. "Maybe so," said Ron, "but Snape, he..." "Saved my life," said Harry, "for the second time here at Hogwarts. I don't know why, though. Snape would do anything to see me hanged that's for certain. I just don't get it." "Maybe he's trying to get on your good side for a while and then kill you when you're least expecting it," said Ron. Suddenly Parvati Patil came over to Harry. "What a spectacular save of the Snitch Harry! Really something! And Snape! What a hero!" Ron shuddered as Parvati went back to the party, "She's gone off her rocker." "Well, he did save Harry's life. Who knows what would have happened if he hadn't stopped Harry from hitting the ground at the speed he was going at," said Hermione. "Oh yeah! That reminds me Harry," said Ron, pulling something out of his pocket. "Remember the Omnioculars you bought me when we went to the Quidditch World Cup? Well I recorded that save during the game; here, have a look!"
Harry held up the Omnioculars and pressed "REPLAY" which was flashing in green on the screen, a frozen shot of Harry with a wide-eyed expression of happiness on his face. It immediately rewound back to Malfoy pulling Harry off his broom and then Malfoy yanking on Harry's robes, sending him tumbling down in slow motion. "Wow, that must have been two hundred and fifty feet up when he knocked me off," said Harry as he watched himself fall. His Firebolt was still speeding toward the Snitch on its' own when it suddenly changed directions, heading for a black, moving blur in the crowd that was obviously Snape. He did a running jump and landed squarely on the broom, jetting forward as fast as he was sure his Firebolt could have managed. Harry was sure that he was going to hit the ground, just as he had been the first time he had been heading for it but no, Snape got there and swerved upside down, legs interlocked on the broom and one hand grasped around Harry's ankle. Then he yelled something at Harry which he remembered as him saying, "Get back on your broom Potter!" and there Harry was, zooming after the Snitch again while Snape landed softly in a kneeling position on the Quidditch field, watching Harry go. Harry speeded up behind Malfoy and then screamed upward and clenched a fist solidly around the Snitch, winning the Quidditch match against Slytherin yet again.
"It's just as incredible watching it this way," he said as he rewound it to watch yet again. "Yeah, some move by Snape," said Ron. "If I didn't know any better," said Harry, as he stared at Snape diving again, "I'd say he would have made a pretty good Chaser or a Beater on the Slytherin team back in his years here at Hogwarts." "Maybe even a Seeker," said Hermione. "Now don't push your luck Hermione," warned Ron, "he wasn't that good."
+ + +
Harry decided to visit the dungeons that night, wondering if he couldn't find Snape lurking down there somewhere. It was strange how, for once, Harry actually wanted to run across Snape. Normally he did anything to stay away from him, but this time he had to find out why he'd done what he had at the Quidditch match. He walked through the dungeons quietly, passing only a few ghosts on his way down. He stopped outside of Snape's Potions room and noticed that a light was still on through the crack under the door. He knocked softly, unconsciously hoping that perhaps Snape wouldn't be there; he never knew what the Potions master did in his off time and he wasn't eager to find out. "Who is it?" came an irritable reply. 'Oh he's in there all right,' thought Harry with disdain. "Uh, it's Harry Potter, sir," he said, almost unsure of himself.
A pause.
"Come in Potter."
He creaked the door open slowly and saw Snape sitting at his desk, giving Neville Longbottom what suspiciously looked like a zero on his paper. "Hello Professor," he said quietly, "um, I just wanted to ask you why..." "Why I stopped you from bashing your head into the ground and probably dying?" "Oh, well, yes that's it," he said. He glared at Harry, "Because Potter, I won't have the Slytherin Quidditch team take the easy way to a win by knocking you off your broom. Now go back to your common room."
+ + +
Despite his explanation, Harry seriously doubted what Snape had told him. He told Ron and Hermione about what he'd said, and they didn't think that it made sense either. "He's never done anything like that for me before; remember when I fell off my broom during our match against Hufflepuff in my third year? I fell a good fifty feet and Dumbledore had to put a spell on me to slow me from hitting the ground too hard. He didn't do anything then, that's for sure," said Harry.
+ + +
The next morning at breakfast everyone was gossiping about the save not only Harry had made of the Snitch, but Snape's save of Harry. "I can't believe he did that," said Dean Thomas as he ate his bacon. "It's just so...so...not like Snape." Suddenly the doors to the Great Hall flung open and Snape came striding through, scowling, as usual, at the rest of the student body. "What a hero..." said Parvati Patil dreamily. Ron snorted into his orange juice in irritation, "One more comment like that and I think I'll have to transfer to a different school. This is getting unbearable." Seamus, Neville, and Dean nodded in agreement with Ron, although Harry was beginning to suspect that there was something deeper than this going on. "I'd give anything to find out why it is that he's being so...well I wouldn't say nice, but life-saving," said Harry.
Suddenly Fred and George sat down by Ron and Harry. "We heard what you said, and we've got a plan," said Fred. "We've been wanting to get Snape for years, and we finally decided this would be the ideal time to do it." "What have you got in mind?" asked Ron. Fred and George noticed all the eyes on them and George said, "How about we talk about it tonight? Gryffindor common room at eleven o'clock." Ron and Harry shrugged as Fred and George went off to their first class. "Don't suppose why not," said Ron casually, "nobody likes Snape anyway..."
+ + +
At eleven o'clock the common room had emptied out considerably, which Harry supposed was the reason for Fred and George asking them to meet at such a late time. Besides Ron and Harry, only Dean and Neville were left, playing Wizard Chess in a corner, Neville losing pitifully. Suddenly the portrait hole swung up and in stepped Fred and George. "Okay, here's the plan," George said as they sat down by Ron and Harry. "We're in our seventh year now, and we learned just a month or two ago in Potions how to make Veritaserum. You know what that is, don't you?" They both nodded, "Yeah," said Ron, "it's a super powerful truth potion. Works for an hour doesn't it? You have to answer whatever anybody asks you truthfully, no matter how much you want to lie." "Right on," said Fred. "Now, we reckon that if one of us can distract most of the Great Hall tomorrow at dinner or breakfast, we can put a few drops of Veritaserum into Snape's goblet and find out what he's really up to. How about it?" Ron shrugged, "Yeah I guess so. But how are you gonna distract the entire Great Hall including Snape?"
George grinned, "Sweets weren't the only things we picked up at Hogsmeade the other night."
+ + +
The next morning all Ron and Harry had to do was watch. "The fewer people there are involved with this, the smoother it'll go over," Fred had told them. They waited until Fred and George got up to "leave" and then continued to eat, watching for any sign of something peculiar happening. Suddenly an explosion rocked the Great Hall and a foul smell began spreading everywhere. "Dungbombs!" Ron said as he pinched his nose, trying to block out the smell. All the teachers got up and ran toward the other end of the Hall, wands at the ready. Fred, in the meantime, suddenly popped out from underneath the staff table and squeezed three clear drops into Snape's goblet. Then George came walking back into the Great Hall, "Sorry, forgot my...oh dear, what happened?" he said. Ron and Harry grinned at each other. Fred joined George momentarily, "Did you see what happened George? Too bad; some prankster thinks they're being funny. Just extra work for Filch, that is. What a shame," he tutted. The smell in the hall began to clear as Professor McGonagall used a Scouring Charm to get the mess cleaned up, the Hall now beginning to smell like freshly cut flowers from the scented charm. Then she stood on one of the steps leading up to the staff table, "If ever I find out who did this...I will make sure they are personally expelled."
Fred and George winked at each other and left the Hall.
The teachers sat down after the mess had been cleaned up, and both Harry and Ron watched Snape, waiting for him to drink from his goblet. But then Snape turned and looked squarely at them, seeing that they were staring at him. His eyes flashed angrily at them and they both quickly went back to eating. Harry glanced up and saw that Snape was drinking deeply from his goblet. "Ha! Got him!" Harry said with a grin. Ron grinned back while Harry checked his watch; it was 9:03. They had until 10:03 to ask him whatever they wanted to. The students slowly began to leak out of the Hall, in the meantime, heading for class. The teachers quickly left, and Harry saw that Snape was the last one to leave. He watched him leave, (after scowling at Harry as usual,) then he and Ron followed him out. Harry made sure that no one else was around and then ran up behind Snape, "Hey Professor, can I ask you something?" "What Potter?" he snapped as he continued his way down to the dungeons. "Why did you save me the other day at the Quidditch match?" Snape turned around with an expression on his face that said what it usually said whenever he looked at Harry; pure loathing, and Harry almost thought the Veritaserum hadn't worked. "Because I want people to like me Potter!" he snapped, then his eyes grew wide. "Then why don't you be nice to people instead?" said Harry. "Because it's not in my nature to be nice and I'm not used to it," he said. "Why am I telling you this? Wait a minute..." then the realization hit him. "You put something in my goblet didn't you?!" he howled. "No I didn't! I swear I..."
+ + +
He hadn't believed a word Harry had said, and he'd dragged Harry by the scruff of his collar all the way down to the dungeons, shouting at Ron to just leave him and go to class. Ron had finally given up once Snape had threatened to hang him up by his thumbs in his dungeon, calling out, "See you tonight Harry! If you live that long!" Ron's joking words hadn't been taken all that well with Harry though. Mostly because he figured Snape probably was going to kill him. He threw Harry into his empty Potions class and removed a small, crystal phial from his pocket. "Do you recall me threatening you with this a year ago?" he snarled as he uncapped it. "Yeah, that's Veritaserum, isn't it?" said Harry in a depressed tone. "Yes, and now we're gonna find out exactly who put that in my goblet," he said as he clenched Harry's jaw and tried to force him to open his mouth. But Harry wouldn't move and tried to push Snape away, but instead he pinched Harry's nose, preventing him from breathing, waiting for him to open his mouth and gasp for air. Harry finally gave out and felt three icy drops trickle down his throat. "Oh great..." he grumbled.
"Now Potter," said Snape with some satisfaction, "did you put Veritaserum in my goblet this morning?" "No," said Harry. He glared at Harry, "Did you hear me correctly? I said 'Did you put Veritaserum in my goblet this morning?'" "Yes I heard you correctly, and no, I did not put any Veritaserum in your goblet," he replied blandly. Snape looked infuriated, "Was it your little pal Ron Weasley who put it in?"
"No."
"Hermione Granger?"
"No."
"Why do you hate me so much?" Harry said, springing the question on him. "What? I..." Snape clawed at his mouth, trying to keep the answer from bursting out, but to no avail. "I don't hate you, I hated your father." "So why do you hate me then?" said Harry curiously. "It's a reflex towards students," he replied sourly. "Then why don't you try not hating the students for a day? You'd have a lot more friends and you'd be a lot more liked, that's for sure." "I'm not sure if I can do that Potter," he said, an almost nervous look in his eyes. "Look, your first lesson hasn't even started yet; try it for today and see if it works out for you. If it does, then see if you can do it for a week and just keep building it up from there. How does that sound?" Harry asked. "It sounds okay," Snape said miserably. "Right then, let's see how it works out," Harry said as he began to edge toward the door, ready to bolt for it as soon as the door was opened. "I don't know about this Potter. I've never been well liked even when I went to school here..." he said slowly, not believing he was saying any of this to Harry. "Eh? Well, maybe it's because you were never clean and never nice. Let's see what happens when you're the opposite," said Harry. "All right! Fine! But if something bad comes out of this because you suggested this screwball idea, I'll...I'll..."
Harry was already running out the door as fast as his legs could carry him.
+ + +
'Potions should be interesting today,' thought Harry as he headed to the dungeons, 'if he listened to a word I said.' He sat himself down in his usual seat between Ron and Hermione, whom he had told about Snape earlier that morning. "Yeah, he'll be nice to us for once Harry, sure," said Ron, shaking his head. "Well I don't think so either, but you never know," he had replied. So now they waited in Potions for the bell to ring, signaling the beginning of class as they pulled their cauldrons and ingredients out. The bell finally rang, and the class waited until suddenly the door burst open and in strode Snape. He stopped in front of his desk and took in a deep breath, "Good afternoon class." Dean Thomas gave Harry a funny look; when had Snape ever said that anything was good? "We're going to be working with Jumping Potions today, so get out some parchment and a quill; you'll be taking notes on it as we go along."
Class was actually going over fairly well what with Snape acting nice instead of irritable for once, when all of a sudden there was an "Uh-oh" heard from Neville's general direction. "No wait Neville don't add that yet!" came Hermione's strangled cry.
Too late.
"BOOM!"
Once again, another explosion rocked the Potions lab, only this time it was large enough that it sent Harry cascading backward a few feet, Ron landing on top of him. "Oof! Sorry about that Harry!" he said as he jumped back up and helped his friend to his feet. Harry dusted himself off and adjusted his glasses; a purple haze was floating in the lab now, coming from Neville's cauldron. "LONGBOTTOM!" came an angry cry. 'Oh no, he's lost it now,' thought Harry. But instead Snape approached Neville, (cowering behind his cauldron,) and said, "I believe you added the phoenix ash sooner than you should have." Neville seemed to think this was some sort of trick into making him think that Snape was being polite about one of Neville's screw-ups; "R-R-Really, sir?" "Yes, because you see Neville, if you add the phoenix ash too soon it mixes with the belladonna to produce a certain combination that is rather volatile in the presence of monkshood. And you added that next, didn't you?" "Erm, yes sir, I think so," he said, not so fearful of Snape anymore. "Right, well, the result is usually a rather large explosion and the byproduct is a purple smoke called 'Night Haze.' Not at all dangerous but very popular during the Fourth of July." "Oh," Neville said slowly. "Um...sorry." "Oh no, don't be sorry, just clean this up and forget about it," he said as he sat back down at his desk.
The room was silent.
Draco Malfoy's jaw had almost hit the floor, "Are you feeling alright sir? Perhaps you should visit the hospital wing," he said uncertainly. "No Mr. Malfoy I'm feeling fine. Continue on with your Jumping Potions please," he said with a wave of his hand. Ron's mouth was opening and closing soundlessly, looking very much like a goldfish in its' bowl. People slowly began to go back to work on their potions, but they were still eyeing Snape like a ticking time bomb. "He's never, ever done anything like that before," said Seamus in amazement. Even Harry was surprised at how well Snape was handling everything that had just happened. It was just so...so...not like Snape.
The end of the class came without much of a fuss, which Harry was glad about because he didn't want to push his luck with Snape, now having been nice to everyone for an hour and a half. The bell rang, and the class filed out quickly, all chatting about Snape's new personality. Harry, however, was the last one to leave since he needed to clean up a vial of dragon's blood he'd spilled by accident, and was kneeling over behind his desk when he saw a pair of feet in black, sharply polished shoes. He looked up, "Oh hi Professor, just cleaning this up sir," he said as he hastily recapped the vial of blood. "I'll just be going now," he said as he grabbed his books and tried to make a run for it. Snape, however, clenched a fistful of the back of Harry's robes, "Wait just a minute Mr. Potter," he said. Harry turned around, "Yes sir?" "Thanks for the advice this morning. It's working out just fine."
+ + +
"You mean he's going to be nice from now on?" said Ron, a forkful of shepherd's pie halfway up to his mouth. "I'm not saying he is, but I think he is," said Harry through a mouthful of treacle tart. "Oh wow," said Hermione, "he'd be perfect if he were..." Harry snorted into his tart, "Oh no Hermione not more of this," he groaned. "What?" she said innocently. The doors to the Great Hall burst forth once more and Snape walked into the Hall. Hermione and Parvati, both seated next to each other, stared at him, only this time he caught them; he smiled a dazzlingly bright smile at them and continued up to the table.
Hermione smiled back weakly, then her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she promptly passed out.
"Hermione!" said Ron, propping her back up and slapping her face lightly, trying to get her to wake up. "Huh? Wha?" she said, a drunken smile on her face. Parvati, in the meantime, was chugging down water and fanning herself with her napkin. Dean put his face in his hands, a pained expression on his face. "I don't believe this," Ron said as Hermione sat herself back up, Ron still casting a wary eye on her. Harry then noticed for the first time that maybe Ron had a crush on Hermione and that's why it was hurting him so badly to see her falling for Ron's worst, (or rather second worst after Draco Malfoy,) enemy. "That's it! This is going to stop!" he said, jumping out of his seat. "Ron! What're you going to do?" said Hermione. "I'm gonna give that stupid old git a knuckle sandwich!" he snapped at her as he marched up to the staff table. "Not the face! Not the face!" Hermione shouted after him. He glared over his shoulder at her and continued on his march up to the table. Harry raised his eyebrows; Ron wouldn't dare strike a teacher, would he?
As it turns out, Ron didn't dare. He instead slammed a fist down in front of Snape, rattling his goblet on the table. He looked up and Harry could see a heated conversation taking place; most of the heat coming from Ron's end of it. He pointed back at all the tables and gestured erratically, repeatedly slamming his fist on the table again and again. Snape leaned over and looked past Ron, staring at Hermione and all the other girls at the tables. He almost jumped in his seat when he realized that every girl in the Hall was staring straight back at him; he grew wide-eyed and then disappeared, having sat back in his original position, hidden from view by Ron's angry frame. Ron was still ranting and raving, and Professor Flitwick, who had been sitting next to Snape, was looking at Ron like he'd gone mad. 'Then again, perhaps he has,' thought Harry sadly.
But then Snape held up his hands for Ron to stop and the two began a very intense, quiet conversation. Five minutes later Ron was practically skipping back to his seat. "What happened?" said Dean in amazement. "Oh, Snape feels bad about stealing all the girls here right out from under our noses so he's giving me fifteen points of extra credit in his class. I'm really needing it too; that's why I'm so happy." But that didn't make much sense to Harry; then Ron winked at him, and he knew something was up.
+ + +
Friday night. The busiest time in the common room with everyone playing Exploding Snap or wizard chess, talking loudly about the past week's events. It was the perfect time to sneak up to the boys' dormitory because nobody would be in it. Harry and Ron sat down on Seamus' bed, "So what happened up there?" said Harry. "Okay, it started like this; I went up there and started telling him off for being such a git and I told him, 'Look what you've done to all the girls here eh?' and he looked around and realized what I was talking about. So then he said, 'Okay, we can fix this though.' He's gonna find himself a fake girlfriend, thus breaking the hearts of all the girls after they see him with someone his own age, and they'll stop liking him. Good idea, eh?" Harry thought it was brilliant, "Who came up with it?" "He did; but I helped," Ron added hastily.
Ron and Harry went back down to the common room a minute later, and they immediately came upon a group of girls whispering and giggling in a corner, one of them being Hermione. "He gave me such a great smile," she was saying. "Excuse me," said Parvati, "but he was smiling at me." "Nooo," Hermione sneered, "he was smiling at me." This erupted into a huge verbal argument between Parvati and Hermione, and by the time the night was over with neither of them would speak to each other. Ron and Harry, in the meantime, were telling the guys about the plan Snape had concocted to get rid of all his extra attention. "So when is this girl gonna appear?" said Dean, "because I'm not sure how much more of this I can take." "Next Hogsmeade weekend," said Ron in a hushed whisper, "that's in two weeks. They're gonna walk through the town together holding hands and stuff like that." "Urgh, who would want to hold hands with him?" said Seamus disgustedly.
The girls' corner erupted into more fits of loud giggles.
Ron shook his head, "I think you just heard your answer."
+ + +
The next Hogsmeade weekend came up quickly, much to Harry's relief. Girls going into fits of laughter wherever Snape was...him being nice in Potions lessons...things were just getting weird at Hogwarts. Soon, however, they were leaving Hogwarts behind for the cheery scene of Hogsmeade, the village just beyond the Hogwarts gates. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stopped in the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer from Madam Rosmerta, the pretty landlady, then headed over to Zonko's Jokeshop where they met the Weasley twins checking the prices on Fanged Frisbees. "Seen Snape yet?" asked George casually. "No," Hermione said wistfully, "too bad too..." Then Harry heard Fred cry, "Oi fellas! Look outside!" They ran to the window to see Snape walking down the street with a rather attractive blonde, both holding hands. "Eeeww..." said Neville, "Someone is actually holding hands with him." Hermione poked her head out the door, eager to get a better glimpse. Then Harry noticed faces popping up in shop windows all over the street. Snape noticed it too, although he seemed to give it only a fleeting glimpse, then, he leaned over and whispered something hastily to the woman he was walking with. Harry barely saw an acknowledgment from her and then Snape bent over and gave her a very deep, passionate kiss. "EW! Disgusting!" said George. "No doubt!" added Fred as he cringed. Ron looked ready to be sick, but he held it down as he watched Snape wrap an arm around the woman's shoulders, the couple entering the Three Broomsticks. Harry was beginning to wonder what Hermione thought about all this when he saw her face.
She was still staring at the now shut door of the Three Broomsticks, eyes slits of fury. She huffed and slammed the door to Zonko's Joke Shop and came back inside. "Why the nerve..." she snarled angrily.
Ron grinned at Harry.
+ + +
Ron and Harry waited until all the students had left, remarking that "They wanted to check on the next supply of Dungbombs," to get rid of Hermione, who was in a bad mood as it was anyway. They finally entered the Three Broomsticks once all the students were nowhere to be seen and saw Snape sitting alone at a table, drinking a butterbeer. "Bloody brilliant!" Ron exclaimed as he sat down next to him. "Huh? Oh yeah...that," he said. Harry had never seen two people that had hated each other so much up until only recently act so warmly. "Hermione was furious! I don't think she'll even come to Potions now!" Ron said cheerfully. "I'd hope not. Miss Granger needs to pass my class if she wants to enter her sixth year at Hogwarts," Snape said, casually taking a sip of butterbeer. "I don't think Parvati Patil was too happy either," said Harry as he sat down next to Ron. "Her face was red as a beet when we met her in Zonko's, right Ron?" "Yeah, wouldn't shut up about how much she hated you. Sounds almost like old times when we..." Ron scratched his head trying to distract him and started talking about the weather. "Oh please, don't try to be kind about it. I know I was a real...git, so to speak, up until a week or so ago," he said with a sigh.
"What's brought on the change of character anyway?" said Ron. "Not that I want the old one back of course," he added hastily. Snape smirked, "Thanks. But I just wanted a change in appearance; getting a little tired of the old one after all. I hadn't changed my hair since I was thirteen." Harry shrugged; there was nothing wrong with keeping the same hairstyle for a while. He'd had his since before he could remember. "As for just being a different person...I think I owe that one to Potter and three drops of Veritaserum from Fred and George Weasley," he said.
Harry and Ron's jaws dropped.
Snape slipped them a wink and smacked them both roughly on their backs; "See you boys in class."
+ + +
"You never told him about Fred and George, did you?" said Ron on their way back up to the castle. "No! Of course not! I'd never rat them out!" Harry protested, wondering how Snape had known. They slipped through the front doors quickly and headed for dinner, eager to tell Fred and George about what Snape had said.
When Fred and George found out about how Snape had known their deception, they couldn't do much other than shrug. "Sometimes you win and sometimes you don't," George had said as he'd finished off the last of his steak. Harry, however, saw it as a more pressing matter; the Weasley twins were infamous for their abilities to sneak around without getting caught, yet Snape had done what most teachers were yet to do...catch the Weasley twins. "I think Snape knows something we don't," said Harry, "but what is something else."
Harry waited and waited until all the students had headed off to the dormitories, even telling Ron that he wanted to just walk around the castle by himself to get rid of him. Then Harry saw Snape getting up to leave and he caught up with him right outside the doors to the Great Hall, "Sir, how did you know...?" He looked at Harry strangely, "Just because I'd like to prove that I knew something that your father and his friends didn't, I'll tell you.
"I was one of the few people to notice the Weasley twins leaving the other morning, and just as they thought they had passed the doors one of them pulled out his wand." Snape pulled out his own and walked past the doors, stopping in front of a statue of Zarod the Zany, a mad goblin. He tapped the statue on the chest with his wand and an opening as wide as a thin man opened up. "Lumos!" he said, wand tip now alight. "Come on Potter, I'll show you where this leads to." Harry followed Snape after lighting his own wand, wondering where this passage that he'd never seen on the Marauder's Map lead to. They walked for a minute or two until Snape stopped. Bright light suddenly beamed out of nowhere, and Harry blinked; it was a trapdoor. Snape heaved himself out of it and pulled Harry out. "This is where it leads to," he said. They were back in the Great Hall, right at the end of the staff table that was furthest away from the Gryffindor house table. "I'd expect that one of the twins threw a bag of Dungbombs up through here and made a run for it back down the passage," said Snape as he closed the trapdoor. There was no perceptible difference in the floor as to where the trapdoor was. "And then," he said, lifting up the white sheet that lay draped over the entirety of the staff table, "the other one probably climbed up underneath here and crawled through the length of the table until they reached my goblet at the other end. Probably escaped through the door behind my seat; it leads into the kitchens."
Harry was in awe; Fred and George's plan really had been ingenious. "But how did you know about all this?" said Harry. "If there was one thing I prided myself in Harry, it was that I knew something the Marauders didn't; the one secret passage they never found. It wasn't much, but James and his friends were very popular when we were in school together and holding something like this over them was quite an accomplishment. I never told anybody about it though, which makes me wonder as to how it was that the Weasley twins found out about it." Suddenly two heads of red, flaming hair peeked around the doors to the Great Hall. "One of the passages here in Hogwarts is accessible through a statue by tapping it with a wand; we just tried out all the other statues to see if they did the same thing," said George. "I can't believe you found it before us Professor," said Fred. "We thought we were the only ones that knew about it." "And I thought I was the only one that knew about it, so we'll call it even," he said.
+ + +
Potions the next day went over fairly well without incident, other than the girls staring at Snape like they wanted to kill him and the boys looking at him with admiration. For once, nobody was really holding a grudge against him; even Neville seemed to have relaxed a bit over the past week. Malfoy was the only one who looked unhappy with this arrangement; he clearly wanted the old, greasy-haired Snape back to punishing Gryffindors unfairly. It was this fact, Harry thought later on, that probably drove Malfoy to doing what he did.
Harry and Ron were paired up in class for making their Sleeping Draft, sharing ingredients, when all of a sudden Harry's potion changed color and he saw something sparkling in the middle of it. "Hey Professor Snape," Harry said. "Yes Potter?" Snape said as he came over and peered into Harry's cauldron. "What happened to my potion? It changed all of a sudden." Snape leaned over and saw the sparkling item in the middle of the potion, "That looks like a Filibuster Firewor-" said Ron, but he didn't complete his sentence. "DROP!" shouted Snape, shoving Harry and Ron below their desks as the cauldron exploded. Bright green potion splattered across the room, hitting several students.
Harry and Ron peered over their desks slowly; "Whoa," said Ron. That about summed it up; several of the students were now asleep on the floor, covered in green potion. Suddenly Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle came out from behind Snape's desk. "Nice job of screwing that one up Potty," said Malfoy with glee. "I didn't do it Malfoy! My potion just changed all of a sudden and..." "Riight, sure it did Potter," he said with a pleased grin.
Then it hit Snape like a bomb; "You did this didn't you Malfoy?" he said angrily. "What? Me? Professor, I mean really...why would I do something like that? How could I have done something like that?" Snape leaned over the fizzing cauldron, then looked into Malfoy's. "I find it interesting, Malfoy, that Harry's cauldron has your initials on it," he said, admiring the side of the shiny, new, black cauldron. "What? Those aren't my initials. I don't know how they got there," he said quickly. "Ahh yes, but I think I do," Snape said, taking a menacing step closer to Malfoy and his cronies. "You see Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger used a Switching Spell not to long ago in my class to change out hers and Mr. Longbottom's cauldrons. You could have done the exact same thing with yours and Potter's. Not only that, but I find it very curious indeed that you and your friends should be hiding behind my desk before the firecracker even went off. It's almost as if you had some advanced knowledge that it would explode," he said with a leering grin.
Malfoy had been caught; "B-B-But sir, I'd never..." "Be quiet Mr. Malfoy. Detention and thirty-five points from Slytherin; yes Malfoy, from my own house!" he snarled angrily. Harry was distinctly reminded of the old Snape. "And oh yes, why don't you apologize to Harry and the rest of the still-awake Gryffindors for trying to get him into the trouble that you caused?" The people still awake in the room were amazed; they'd never seen anything like it from, of all people, Snape. Malfoy shot daggers at Snape, then looked at Harry with pure hatred, "I'm so sorry, Potter. So sorry to have caused you all this trouble," he snapped.
Harry was positive his birthday had come early.
+ + +
The rest of the school year ended without much event, and soon Harry was on his way to the Hogwarts Express, already wishing he was back at Hogwarts. Just as his left foot hit the steps to the train, however, a small owl landed on his shoulder, a note in its beak. He took it from the owl and it flew off toward Hogwarts, and he quickly opened the parchment.
Mr. Harry Potter has been granted permission by Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, Potions Master Severus Snape, and godfather Sirius Black to remain at Hogwarts for the duration of the summer holidays.
Harry felt his insides flutter with happiness as he looked at the parchment, four signatures lining the bottom of the sheet.
This was definitely going to be a much better summer.
~The End~
The Make-Over
Or
"How my Good Looks Gave Everybody A Lot of Trouble"
He stomped up to his room, more irritable than usual. 'Why do I look so ugly all the time?' he thought miserably. The looks from the staff, the students...it was all piling up and this time he'd had it. He stopped in front of his mirror in his bathroom, staring hard. "Well, I'm surprised to see you! When was it last that we met...1985?" said the mirror. "Shut up! What do I need to do to get rid of all this?" "All this? All this what? All this greasy black hair? That entire mouthful of yellow teeth? List it off for me and I'll do what I can." He thought about it for a moment, "Everything that's wrong with me appearance wise." "Okay, well first you're going to need to wash your hair about five or six times and then you should probably get it cut short. Yes, I think that would look nice." He followed her instructions after extensive searching for a bottle of hair care potion and then asked, "Now what?" "Get a toothbrush and a lot of toothpaste. And I do mean a LOT of it. You know what to do next." So he did; he brushed his teeth over and over again until his gums were sore. "And then?" he asked. "Clean your robes; they're filthy...potion stains everywhere...frankly it's nasty. But after that I think you'll be finished. Oh, except you need to spend a few hours out in the sun...sallow skin...ugh...and then that should do it." He let out a deep sigh and rolled his eyes, "Okay..."
+ + +
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were eating dinner in the Great Hall, Harry and Ron joking with Hermione about how much she read. "Could take Madam Pince's place in the library you could," said Ron. "You've read more of the books than she has I think." Hermione blushed, taking it as a complement, "Well...thanks." Ron rolled his eyes but Harry grinned, then glanced up at the staff table. Snape wasn't there; "Hey where's Snape at? He's never late for dinner," said Harry. The other teachers seemed to be wondering the same thing too; he hadn't shown up since the last Potions lesson that day. Suddenly the doors to the Great Hall flew open and in stepped someone Harry hadn't seen before. One of Dumbledore's friends he supposed, but still, he looked very familiar, although he hadn't seen this tall, handsome stranger anywhere before. He was making his way through the Great Hall when someone figured it out; "Oh my God..." said Dean Thomas slowly, "that's Snape."
Ron suddenly began to choke furiously on his pumpkin juice, and Harry had to slap him hard on the back before he finally stopped coughing. Then other tables started to realize who was walking through the Hall, and they all did the same thing as the Gryffindors; they simply stared. Even the teachers were paralyzed in their seats; this was outrageous. Snape actually clean for once? Unthinkable. Harry looked at Ron who looked back at him with that same expression; what brought this on? Snape suddenly realized the entire Hall was dead silent, and he looked at the students; "What?"
Everyone quickly went back to eating, only the conversation volume was at a roar, and everyone was talking about the same thing. "I don't believe that stupid git finally decided to shower," said Seamus Finnigan in a wide-eyed expression. "I don't think that's all either," said Harry. "I think he even brushed his teeth." "Mad, gone howling, barking mad," said Ron to Hermione; but she wasn't listening. She was still staring at Snape with a funny, glazed over look in her eye. "Hermione?" "Wha?" she said, still not peeling her eyes off him. "Oh no..." said Ron. "No! NO! I don't believe it!" he said disgustedly, staring at Hermione as if she were some sort of germ. "Ron, calm down," said Harry. "This is lunacy!" cried Ron, "Do you know what she's got on her mind right now? She fancies him! That stupid old git who's always picking on us!" "He's not a stupid old git Ron," said Hermione. "Oh, great, and now you're siding with him too. This is just fantastic!" he said, folding his arms in front and looking very cross indeed.
But Harry noticed that Hermione didn't seem to be the only one eyeing Snape that way. Parvati Patil, Hannah Abbott, and even Pansy Parkinson at the Slytherin table had it too. Involuntarily, he shuddered. 'Maybe Ron's right,' he thought, 'all raving mad.' Snape seated himself at the staff table, while the rest of the teachers were still staring at him. Dumbledore seemed to be the only one who was acting like everything was normal...which Harry supposed it was except for Snape...got a...a make-over.
"Have you got your eyes off that nasty old man yet?" said Ron finally. Hermione began rummaging through her bag for her schedule, face very red, "Yes I have now shut up Ron." She pulled it out and began writing on it, which Harry thought was curious. "Hermione, what are you writing on your schedule?" "Nothing," she lied, covering her schedule and continuing to write. Ron snatched it out of her hand, looked at it, and threw it back at her. "I don't believe this..." he said. "What?" asked Harry. "She's outlining her next Potions lesson in little hearts. The last time I saw that happen was when Gilderoy Lockhart was here in our second year. Absolutely disgusting..."
+ + +
Harry supposed that the next Potions lesson for the Gryffindors would be interesting, but he got more than he'd reckoned for. The girls stared at Snape the entire lesson, not writing notes, just staring, which was beginning to make Snape edgy. "Miss Patil!" he snapped irritably one time. "Yes Professor?" she said dreamily. "Are you taking notes or staring into space?" "Erm, taking notes," she said, her face blushing.
Ron cringed.
Harry had indeed noticed that Parvati had been writing something but what he had no idea. It most certainly hadn't appeared to be notes. "Let's see them then Miss Patil," he said, hand outstretched. Her face drained, "No sir, I don't think you want to..." "Don't tell me 'no' now hand them over!" he snarled. She gave her 'notes' to Snape and buried her face in her hands, giggling madly. Snape's face went bright red as he read her notes, "Never mind," he said, handing them back. She tucked them safely into her purse while everyone else looked at her curiously. "Back to your Stupefying Potions..." said Snape, continuing on with instructions and notes as they added ingredients to their potions. "Your final potion should appear to be a dark blue color with a very thick texture due to the additives of..."
"BOOM!"
The dungeon shuddered as smoke went everywhere. "What happened?" said Ron as he choked on the smoke. "I don't know!" said Harry, waving the smoke with his hand at pulling his shirt over his nose so he could filter the air out a bit. "LONGBOTTOM YOU IDIOT!" came Snape's booming voice. "Oh no..." said Dean Thomas, "...poor Neville...not again." "But honest sir, it was blue when I looked at it!" came Neville's moaning voice. "I swear it was! I don't know how it changed all of a sudden like that!" "Apparently not Longbottom now shut up! Detention this Saturday night in the dungeon!" The smoke gradually cleared and Snape ladled out some of Neville's potion. "Clear Longbottom. Your potion is clear. You added the infusion of wormwood before the...Miss Granger! What are you doing?" he snapped at Hermione. She was hugging him around the waist, "Mmm...Professor Snape..." she said dreamily. The entire class burst into laughter; "What the?!? Get off me!" he howled, trying to shove her off. "Uh-oh Neville, I think I know what your potion turned into," said Seamus Finnigan warningly. "You don't think it turned into a..." he gasped, "...a love potion do you?" But it seemed it had, for Hermione was covered in the clear substance in Neville's cauldron, nobody else was, and thus nobody else had been affected by it.
Ron pretended to vomit into his cauldron in disgust when he saw Hermione after the smoke had cleared.
While Harry found that to be rather funny, he couldn't help but feel bad for Hermione. Once Snape whipped up something to cure whatever Neville had done, she was sure to be embarrassed. Over the next ten or fifteen minutes Snape tried several different potions but none of them worked. "Blimey Neville, what did you use?" said Dean Thomas in amazement as he leaned over to get a look inside Neville's cauldron. Harry leaned over too and looked at the potion, dipping his finger into it. "Wait a minute..." he said slowly. He took the chance and tasted it; water. 'But if that's just water, and there's nothing magical about it...' thought Harry. He laughed. Laughed until tears streamed down his face; "Professor Sna-ape!" he said in a singsong voice. "What now Potter?!" he shouted, still trying to get Hermione off him. "Neville didn't make a love potion or anything at all! This is water! There's nothing special about it, I just tasted it!"
Hermione froze.
Harry saw Snape's face go bright red, "Do you mean to tell me Potter..." he said, his voice shaking with anger. He walked over and took a large swig of the water, "There's nothing wrong with this water..." he said slowly. "There's nothing wrong with this water." Then he looked in Hermione's cauldron; it was a blue substance exactly like Neville had described it. Then everything clicked in Harry's brain; Hermione, having a little crush on Snape by now, must have decided that she wanted to get up close and personal with him. So she left water in her cauldron the entire time, and then used a Switching Spell to change the cauldrons right before the explosion. She must have made an explosion from her wand somehow without anyone noticing.
Then the room almost exploded again.
"GRANGER!!!" Snape roared angrily. She cowered back against the opposite wall, "P-P-Professor...I..." "SHUT UP! DETENTION AND TWENTY-FIVE POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!!!"
+ + +
The Gryffindor common room had been buzzing with activity ever since the story of Hermione's trick had been spread. Fred and George Weasley had been horrified; "Yeah, I suppose he looks better with all that clean hair and nice teeth, but I really don't see what's so appealing," said George. "I mean really, he's not that good-looking," added Fred. Harry secretly suspected that they were both a bit jealous, but he didn't say anything.
At twelve that night Hermione came through the portrait hole, looking thoroughly taken. "These past four hours have been the best of my life," she said. "What?" said Ron, "Didn't you just finish detention with...oh yeah, I'd forgotten, your little boyfriend. Yuck." "He's not my boyfriend Ron," she said, even though she didn't sound all that upset with him for making that remark. "Riiight," he said disgustedly. "Hermione, can I ask you something?" said Harry. "Sure Harry, what's up?" she asked, sitting down in the chair across from him. "Well, I mean...what's so appealing about him now that he's showered?" he said in a concerned manner. "Oh, everything," she said gleefully. "Parvati and I were talking about him the other day and..." "Spare me the feminine details," Ron groaned. "Okay," she said, looking slightly miffed. "Well he's very...erm, handsome and tall," she said. "I've heard enough, I'm going to bed," Ron said grumpily as he shuffled off to the boys' dormitory. "The nerve of him, honestly!" said Hermione. Harry shrugged. Actually, he was beginning to think that Ron was going on the right way about these things. Then Harry remembered earlier in the Potions lab, "Say Hermione. You wouldn't happen to know why Snape's face went all red when he read Parvati's notes, would you?" "Oh that," she giggled. "Parvati was writing notes...but they were mainly things like 'Parvati Snape' outlined in hearts." Harry spat out a mouthful of butterbeer, "What?"
+ + +
Hermione shared the details about her detention the next morning at breakfast. Parvati and Lavender Brown were eager to hear the details but Dean, Neville, Seamus, and Ron weren't. "You'd think he could be on the cover of Vanity Fair the way this is going on," said Harry with a shake of his head. "What's Vanity Fair?" asked Ron. "Oh, er, Muggle magazine," said Harry off-handedly. "I think the equivalent of Vanity Fair would probably be something like Witch Weekly," he added. "Oh great. If they give Snape the 'Most Charming Smile Award' I swear I'll puke," said Ron, remembering Gilderoy Lockhart. "So what exactly did you have to do for your detention?" asked Ron. "Just clean the desks without magic and pickle some dragon livers. But it was all worth it though," she said with a giggle. "All worth it for what? Him yelling at you some more?" said Dean. "No, just getting to spend time with him," she said as she buttered her toast. He rolled his eyes and Harry could have sworn he heard something like, "Total lunatic," being muttered beneath Dean's breath. 'Right on about that,' thought Harry with a shake of his head.
+ + +
The next Quidditch match was Slytherin versus Gryffindor after the Gryffindors had flattened Ravenclaw in the first match. Harry and the team waited in the changing rooms until it was time to head out, and Harry thought he might be sick if he had to stay in there any longer. "I know, he looks so different now," Angelina Johnson had been telling Katie Bell. "Maybe he's finally got himself a girlfriend who's actually heard of hygiene..." Harry was getting very irritated with all the girls at Hogwarts talking about Snape all the time and it was almost ten times worse having to put up with it during Quidditch practice. But finally, Madam Hooch told them to get their broomsticks and come outside and Harry gratefully left the changing rooms.
Once up in the air, Harry did a few quick laps around the stadium to let off some tension while the game continued below him. "...And Alicia Spinnet, one of Gryffindor's Chasers has the Quaffle and...score for Gryffindor!" The crowd roared, a good half of the stadium waving red and gold flags with lions on them, the Gryffindor house symbol. They were now 10-0, and Harry did a quick victory lap out of sheer happiness. Harry kept his eyes peeled for the Golden Snitch though, anxious to catch it and win the game before Slytherin could score too many points on them via the Quaffle. The bigger the win, the more house points to be won for Gryffindor. "Can't find the Snitch, Potty?" came a voice from below him. Draco Malfoy was sneering up at him nastily, racing right along below him. "Shut up Malfoy, you're not doing any better!" snapped Harry. But suddenly he saw a glint of gold, speeding alongside George Weasley. He zoomed off, now racing Draco to get there first.
George suddenly realized that they were heading for him for a reason, and he saw the Snitch there right beside him, "Blimey!" he cried as Harry went racing past him, hot on the trail of the Snitch. Harry was desperate to catch it before Malfoy; if he didn't he'd be hearing about it for months, and he hadn't yet failed to win them a game. "Come on, come on!" he cried, urging his Firebolt on to move faster. But then Harry felt a hard tug on the tail of his broom and looked down to see Malfoy pulling on his broom, a devilish grin covering his face. Harry felt himself slowing down, and tried to kick at Malfoy to get him off but to no avail. Then Malfoy grabbed Harry by the robes and flung him off his broom. Harry saw the ground speeding toward him and looked up to see a look of victory as he closed in on the Snitch. 'Oh great,' thought Harry. 'I'm about to get killed and Malfoy is going to win the game. Talk about unfair.' "ACCIO FIREBOLT!" came a sudden cry from the stadium. Harry's Firebolt went zooming in another direction, and Harry barely managed to glimpse someone grab it. The ground came faster and faster toward him until...
"WHOOSH!"
He felt someone gripping him tightly around the ankle, Harry only inches away from the ground. He looked up, glasses hanging off his ear to see Snape on his Firebolt. "Get back on your broom Potter!" he snarled, shoving his broomstick right at him. Harry leapt on it and yelled out "Thanks!" as he sped after Malfoy, now only feet behind the Snitch. He speeded beneath Malfoy and pulled directly upward, startling Malfoy and Harry almost leapt clear off his broom and caught the Snitch. Legs barely entwined around his broom, he let out a scream of happiness, (upside down of course,) and grabbed back onto his broom, lapping the stadium in joy. The Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws roared with amazement at Harry's sudden catch while the Slytherins booed and hissed not only Harry but also Snape. Which reminded Harry; why had Snape done that?
+ + +
The Gryffindors had celebrated with a huge party in Gryffindor common room several hours later. (Mostly because it had taken Fred and George a few hours to get all their party supplies from Hogsmeade.) They slapped Harry on the back and cheered the Gryffindor Quidditch team loudly once the party was in full swing, however, and Harry found himself celebrating with Ron and Hermione over several Chocolate Frogs. "An awesome comeback Harry, really something else," said Hermione. "Maybe so," said Ron, "but Snape, he..." "Saved my life," said Harry, "for the second time here at Hogwarts. I don't know why, though. Snape would do anything to see me hanged that's for certain. I just don't get it." "Maybe he's trying to get on your good side for a while and then kill you when you're least expecting it," said Ron. Suddenly Parvati Patil came over to Harry. "What a spectacular save of the Snitch Harry! Really something! And Snape! What a hero!" Ron shuddered as Parvati went back to the party, "She's gone off her rocker." "Well, he did save Harry's life. Who knows what would have happened if he hadn't stopped Harry from hitting the ground at the speed he was going at," said Hermione. "Oh yeah! That reminds me Harry," said Ron, pulling something out of his pocket. "Remember the Omnioculars you bought me when we went to the Quidditch World Cup? Well I recorded that save during the game; here, have a look!"
Harry held up the Omnioculars and pressed "REPLAY" which was flashing in green on the screen, a frozen shot of Harry with a wide-eyed expression of happiness on his face. It immediately rewound back to Malfoy pulling Harry off his broom and then Malfoy yanking on Harry's robes, sending him tumbling down in slow motion. "Wow, that must have been two hundred and fifty feet up when he knocked me off," said Harry as he watched himself fall. His Firebolt was still speeding toward the Snitch on its' own when it suddenly changed directions, heading for a black, moving blur in the crowd that was obviously Snape. He did a running jump and landed squarely on the broom, jetting forward as fast as he was sure his Firebolt could have managed. Harry was sure that he was going to hit the ground, just as he had been the first time he had been heading for it but no, Snape got there and swerved upside down, legs interlocked on the broom and one hand grasped around Harry's ankle. Then he yelled something at Harry which he remembered as him saying, "Get back on your broom Potter!" and there Harry was, zooming after the Snitch again while Snape landed softly in a kneeling position on the Quidditch field, watching Harry go. Harry speeded up behind Malfoy and then screamed upward and clenched a fist solidly around the Snitch, winning the Quidditch match against Slytherin yet again.
"It's just as incredible watching it this way," he said as he rewound it to watch yet again. "Yeah, some move by Snape," said Ron. "If I didn't know any better," said Harry, as he stared at Snape diving again, "I'd say he would have made a pretty good Chaser or a Beater on the Slytherin team back in his years here at Hogwarts." "Maybe even a Seeker," said Hermione. "Now don't push your luck Hermione," warned Ron, "he wasn't that good."
+ + +
Harry decided to visit the dungeons that night, wondering if he couldn't find Snape lurking down there somewhere. It was strange how, for once, Harry actually wanted to run across Snape. Normally he did anything to stay away from him, but this time he had to find out why he'd done what he had at the Quidditch match. He walked through the dungeons quietly, passing only a few ghosts on his way down. He stopped outside of Snape's Potions room and noticed that a light was still on through the crack under the door. He knocked softly, unconsciously hoping that perhaps Snape wouldn't be there; he never knew what the Potions master did in his off time and he wasn't eager to find out. "Who is it?" came an irritable reply. 'Oh he's in there all right,' thought Harry with disdain. "Uh, it's Harry Potter, sir," he said, almost unsure of himself.
A pause.
"Come in Potter."
He creaked the door open slowly and saw Snape sitting at his desk, giving Neville Longbottom what suspiciously looked like a zero on his paper. "Hello Professor," he said quietly, "um, I just wanted to ask you why..." "Why I stopped you from bashing your head into the ground and probably dying?" "Oh, well, yes that's it," he said. He glared at Harry, "Because Potter, I won't have the Slytherin Quidditch team take the easy way to a win by knocking you off your broom. Now go back to your common room."
+ + +
Despite his explanation, Harry seriously doubted what Snape had told him. He told Ron and Hermione about what he'd said, and they didn't think that it made sense either. "He's never done anything like that for me before; remember when I fell off my broom during our match against Hufflepuff in my third year? I fell a good fifty feet and Dumbledore had to put a spell on me to slow me from hitting the ground too hard. He didn't do anything then, that's for sure," said Harry.
+ + +
The next morning at breakfast everyone was gossiping about the save not only Harry had made of the Snitch, but Snape's save of Harry. "I can't believe he did that," said Dean Thomas as he ate his bacon. "It's just so...so...not like Snape." Suddenly the doors to the Great Hall flung open and Snape came striding through, scowling, as usual, at the rest of the student body. "What a hero..." said Parvati Patil dreamily. Ron snorted into his orange juice in irritation, "One more comment like that and I think I'll have to transfer to a different school. This is getting unbearable." Seamus, Neville, and Dean nodded in agreement with Ron, although Harry was beginning to suspect that there was something deeper than this going on. "I'd give anything to find out why it is that he's being so...well I wouldn't say nice, but life-saving," said Harry.
Suddenly Fred and George sat down by Ron and Harry. "We heard what you said, and we've got a plan," said Fred. "We've been wanting to get Snape for years, and we finally decided this would be the ideal time to do it." "What have you got in mind?" asked Ron. Fred and George noticed all the eyes on them and George said, "How about we talk about it tonight? Gryffindor common room at eleven o'clock." Ron and Harry shrugged as Fred and George went off to their first class. "Don't suppose why not," said Ron casually, "nobody likes Snape anyway..."
+ + +
At eleven o'clock the common room had emptied out considerably, which Harry supposed was the reason for Fred and George asking them to meet at such a late time. Besides Ron and Harry, only Dean and Neville were left, playing Wizard Chess in a corner, Neville losing pitifully. Suddenly the portrait hole swung up and in stepped Fred and George. "Okay, here's the plan," George said as they sat down by Ron and Harry. "We're in our seventh year now, and we learned just a month or two ago in Potions how to make Veritaserum. You know what that is, don't you?" They both nodded, "Yeah," said Ron, "it's a super powerful truth potion. Works for an hour doesn't it? You have to answer whatever anybody asks you truthfully, no matter how much you want to lie." "Right on," said Fred. "Now, we reckon that if one of us can distract most of the Great Hall tomorrow at dinner or breakfast, we can put a few drops of Veritaserum into Snape's goblet and find out what he's really up to. How about it?" Ron shrugged, "Yeah I guess so. But how are you gonna distract the entire Great Hall including Snape?"
George grinned, "Sweets weren't the only things we picked up at Hogsmeade the other night."
+ + +
The next morning all Ron and Harry had to do was watch. "The fewer people there are involved with this, the smoother it'll go over," Fred had told them. They waited until Fred and George got up to "leave" and then continued to eat, watching for any sign of something peculiar happening. Suddenly an explosion rocked the Great Hall and a foul smell began spreading everywhere. "Dungbombs!" Ron said as he pinched his nose, trying to block out the smell. All the teachers got up and ran toward the other end of the Hall, wands at the ready. Fred, in the meantime, suddenly popped out from underneath the staff table and squeezed three clear drops into Snape's goblet. Then George came walking back into the Great Hall, "Sorry, forgot my...oh dear, what happened?" he said. Ron and Harry grinned at each other. Fred joined George momentarily, "Did you see what happened George? Too bad; some prankster thinks they're being funny. Just extra work for Filch, that is. What a shame," he tutted. The smell in the hall began to clear as Professor McGonagall used a Scouring Charm to get the mess cleaned up, the Hall now beginning to smell like freshly cut flowers from the scented charm. Then she stood on one of the steps leading up to the staff table, "If ever I find out who did this...I will make sure they are personally expelled."
Fred and George winked at each other and left the Hall.
The teachers sat down after the mess had been cleaned up, and both Harry and Ron watched Snape, waiting for him to drink from his goblet. But then Snape turned and looked squarely at them, seeing that they were staring at him. His eyes flashed angrily at them and they both quickly went back to eating. Harry glanced up and saw that Snape was drinking deeply from his goblet. "Ha! Got him!" Harry said with a grin. Ron grinned back while Harry checked his watch; it was 9:03. They had until 10:03 to ask him whatever they wanted to. The students slowly began to leak out of the Hall, in the meantime, heading for class. The teachers quickly left, and Harry saw that Snape was the last one to leave. He watched him leave, (after scowling at Harry as usual,) then he and Ron followed him out. Harry made sure that no one else was around and then ran up behind Snape, "Hey Professor, can I ask you something?" "What Potter?" he snapped as he continued his way down to the dungeons. "Why did you save me the other day at the Quidditch match?" Snape turned around with an expression on his face that said what it usually said whenever he looked at Harry; pure loathing, and Harry almost thought the Veritaserum hadn't worked. "Because I want people to like me Potter!" he snapped, then his eyes grew wide. "Then why don't you be nice to people instead?" said Harry. "Because it's not in my nature to be nice and I'm not used to it," he said. "Why am I telling you this? Wait a minute..." then the realization hit him. "You put something in my goblet didn't you?!" he howled. "No I didn't! I swear I..."
+ + +
He hadn't believed a word Harry had said, and he'd dragged Harry by the scruff of his collar all the way down to the dungeons, shouting at Ron to just leave him and go to class. Ron had finally given up once Snape had threatened to hang him up by his thumbs in his dungeon, calling out, "See you tonight Harry! If you live that long!" Ron's joking words hadn't been taken all that well with Harry though. Mostly because he figured Snape probably was going to kill him. He threw Harry into his empty Potions class and removed a small, crystal phial from his pocket. "Do you recall me threatening you with this a year ago?" he snarled as he uncapped it. "Yeah, that's Veritaserum, isn't it?" said Harry in a depressed tone. "Yes, and now we're gonna find out exactly who put that in my goblet," he said as he clenched Harry's jaw and tried to force him to open his mouth. But Harry wouldn't move and tried to push Snape away, but instead he pinched Harry's nose, preventing him from breathing, waiting for him to open his mouth and gasp for air. Harry finally gave out and felt three icy drops trickle down his throat. "Oh great..." he grumbled.
"Now Potter," said Snape with some satisfaction, "did you put Veritaserum in my goblet this morning?" "No," said Harry. He glared at Harry, "Did you hear me correctly? I said 'Did you put Veritaserum in my goblet this morning?'" "Yes I heard you correctly, and no, I did not put any Veritaserum in your goblet," he replied blandly. Snape looked infuriated, "Was it your little pal Ron Weasley who put it in?"
"No."
"Hermione Granger?"
"No."
"Why do you hate me so much?" Harry said, springing the question on him. "What? I..." Snape clawed at his mouth, trying to keep the answer from bursting out, but to no avail. "I don't hate you, I hated your father." "So why do you hate me then?" said Harry curiously. "It's a reflex towards students," he replied sourly. "Then why don't you try not hating the students for a day? You'd have a lot more friends and you'd be a lot more liked, that's for sure." "I'm not sure if I can do that Potter," he said, an almost nervous look in his eyes. "Look, your first lesson hasn't even started yet; try it for today and see if it works out for you. If it does, then see if you can do it for a week and just keep building it up from there. How does that sound?" Harry asked. "It sounds okay," Snape said miserably. "Right then, let's see how it works out," Harry said as he began to edge toward the door, ready to bolt for it as soon as the door was opened. "I don't know about this Potter. I've never been well liked even when I went to school here..." he said slowly, not believing he was saying any of this to Harry. "Eh? Well, maybe it's because you were never clean and never nice. Let's see what happens when you're the opposite," said Harry. "All right! Fine! But if something bad comes out of this because you suggested this screwball idea, I'll...I'll..."
Harry was already running out the door as fast as his legs could carry him.
+ + +
'Potions should be interesting today,' thought Harry as he headed to the dungeons, 'if he listened to a word I said.' He sat himself down in his usual seat between Ron and Hermione, whom he had told about Snape earlier that morning. "Yeah, he'll be nice to us for once Harry, sure," said Ron, shaking his head. "Well I don't think so either, but you never know," he had replied. So now they waited in Potions for the bell to ring, signaling the beginning of class as they pulled their cauldrons and ingredients out. The bell finally rang, and the class waited until suddenly the door burst open and in strode Snape. He stopped in front of his desk and took in a deep breath, "Good afternoon class." Dean Thomas gave Harry a funny look; when had Snape ever said that anything was good? "We're going to be working with Jumping Potions today, so get out some parchment and a quill; you'll be taking notes on it as we go along."
Class was actually going over fairly well what with Snape acting nice instead of irritable for once, when all of a sudden there was an "Uh-oh" heard from Neville's general direction. "No wait Neville don't add that yet!" came Hermione's strangled cry.
Too late.
"BOOM!"
Once again, another explosion rocked the Potions lab, only this time it was large enough that it sent Harry cascading backward a few feet, Ron landing on top of him. "Oof! Sorry about that Harry!" he said as he jumped back up and helped his friend to his feet. Harry dusted himself off and adjusted his glasses; a purple haze was floating in the lab now, coming from Neville's cauldron. "LONGBOTTOM!" came an angry cry. 'Oh no, he's lost it now,' thought Harry. But instead Snape approached Neville, (cowering behind his cauldron,) and said, "I believe you added the phoenix ash sooner than you should have." Neville seemed to think this was some sort of trick into making him think that Snape was being polite about one of Neville's screw-ups; "R-R-Really, sir?" "Yes, because you see Neville, if you add the phoenix ash too soon it mixes with the belladonna to produce a certain combination that is rather volatile in the presence of monkshood. And you added that next, didn't you?" "Erm, yes sir, I think so," he said, not so fearful of Snape anymore. "Right, well, the result is usually a rather large explosion and the byproduct is a purple smoke called 'Night Haze.' Not at all dangerous but very popular during the Fourth of July." "Oh," Neville said slowly. "Um...sorry." "Oh no, don't be sorry, just clean this up and forget about it," he said as he sat back down at his desk.
The room was silent.
Draco Malfoy's jaw had almost hit the floor, "Are you feeling alright sir? Perhaps you should visit the hospital wing," he said uncertainly. "No Mr. Malfoy I'm feeling fine. Continue on with your Jumping Potions please," he said with a wave of his hand. Ron's mouth was opening and closing soundlessly, looking very much like a goldfish in its' bowl. People slowly began to go back to work on their potions, but they were still eyeing Snape like a ticking time bomb. "He's never, ever done anything like that before," said Seamus in amazement. Even Harry was surprised at how well Snape was handling everything that had just happened. It was just so...so...not like Snape.
The end of the class came without much of a fuss, which Harry was glad about because he didn't want to push his luck with Snape, now having been nice to everyone for an hour and a half. The bell rang, and the class filed out quickly, all chatting about Snape's new personality. Harry, however, was the last one to leave since he needed to clean up a vial of dragon's blood he'd spilled by accident, and was kneeling over behind his desk when he saw a pair of feet in black, sharply polished shoes. He looked up, "Oh hi Professor, just cleaning this up sir," he said as he hastily recapped the vial of blood. "I'll just be going now," he said as he grabbed his books and tried to make a run for it. Snape, however, clenched a fistful of the back of Harry's robes, "Wait just a minute Mr. Potter," he said. Harry turned around, "Yes sir?" "Thanks for the advice this morning. It's working out just fine."
+ + +
"You mean he's going to be nice from now on?" said Ron, a forkful of shepherd's pie halfway up to his mouth. "I'm not saying he is, but I think he is," said Harry through a mouthful of treacle tart. "Oh wow," said Hermione, "he'd be perfect if he were..." Harry snorted into his tart, "Oh no Hermione not more of this," he groaned. "What?" she said innocently. The doors to the Great Hall burst forth once more and Snape walked into the Hall. Hermione and Parvati, both seated next to each other, stared at him, only this time he caught them; he smiled a dazzlingly bright smile at them and continued up to the table.
Hermione smiled back weakly, then her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she promptly passed out.
"Hermione!" said Ron, propping her back up and slapping her face lightly, trying to get her to wake up. "Huh? Wha?" she said, a drunken smile on her face. Parvati, in the meantime, was chugging down water and fanning herself with her napkin. Dean put his face in his hands, a pained expression on his face. "I don't believe this," Ron said as Hermione sat herself back up, Ron still casting a wary eye on her. Harry then noticed for the first time that maybe Ron had a crush on Hermione and that's why it was hurting him so badly to see her falling for Ron's worst, (or rather second worst after Draco Malfoy,) enemy. "That's it! This is going to stop!" he said, jumping out of his seat. "Ron! What're you going to do?" said Hermione. "I'm gonna give that stupid old git a knuckle sandwich!" he snapped at her as he marched up to the staff table. "Not the face! Not the face!" Hermione shouted after him. He glared over his shoulder at her and continued on his march up to the table. Harry raised his eyebrows; Ron wouldn't dare strike a teacher, would he?
As it turns out, Ron didn't dare. He instead slammed a fist down in front of Snape, rattling his goblet on the table. He looked up and Harry could see a heated conversation taking place; most of the heat coming from Ron's end of it. He pointed back at all the tables and gestured erratically, repeatedly slamming his fist on the table again and again. Snape leaned over and looked past Ron, staring at Hermione and all the other girls at the tables. He almost jumped in his seat when he realized that every girl in the Hall was staring straight back at him; he grew wide-eyed and then disappeared, having sat back in his original position, hidden from view by Ron's angry frame. Ron was still ranting and raving, and Professor Flitwick, who had been sitting next to Snape, was looking at Ron like he'd gone mad. 'Then again, perhaps he has,' thought Harry sadly.
But then Snape held up his hands for Ron to stop and the two began a very intense, quiet conversation. Five minutes later Ron was practically skipping back to his seat. "What happened?" said Dean in amazement. "Oh, Snape feels bad about stealing all the girls here right out from under our noses so he's giving me fifteen points of extra credit in his class. I'm really needing it too; that's why I'm so happy." But that didn't make much sense to Harry; then Ron winked at him, and he knew something was up.
+ + +
Friday night. The busiest time in the common room with everyone playing Exploding Snap or wizard chess, talking loudly about the past week's events. It was the perfect time to sneak up to the boys' dormitory because nobody would be in it. Harry and Ron sat down on Seamus' bed, "So what happened up there?" said Harry. "Okay, it started like this; I went up there and started telling him off for being such a git and I told him, 'Look what you've done to all the girls here eh?' and he looked around and realized what I was talking about. So then he said, 'Okay, we can fix this though.' He's gonna find himself a fake girlfriend, thus breaking the hearts of all the girls after they see him with someone his own age, and they'll stop liking him. Good idea, eh?" Harry thought it was brilliant, "Who came up with it?" "He did; but I helped," Ron added hastily.
Ron and Harry went back down to the common room a minute later, and they immediately came upon a group of girls whispering and giggling in a corner, one of them being Hermione. "He gave me such a great smile," she was saying. "Excuse me," said Parvati, "but he was smiling at me." "Nooo," Hermione sneered, "he was smiling at me." This erupted into a huge verbal argument between Parvati and Hermione, and by the time the night was over with neither of them would speak to each other. Ron and Harry, in the meantime, were telling the guys about the plan Snape had concocted to get rid of all his extra attention. "So when is this girl gonna appear?" said Dean, "because I'm not sure how much more of this I can take." "Next Hogsmeade weekend," said Ron in a hushed whisper, "that's in two weeks. They're gonna walk through the town together holding hands and stuff like that." "Urgh, who would want to hold hands with him?" said Seamus disgustedly.
The girls' corner erupted into more fits of loud giggles.
Ron shook his head, "I think you just heard your answer."
+ + +
The next Hogsmeade weekend came up quickly, much to Harry's relief. Girls going into fits of laughter wherever Snape was...him being nice in Potions lessons...things were just getting weird at Hogwarts. Soon, however, they were leaving Hogwarts behind for the cheery scene of Hogsmeade, the village just beyond the Hogwarts gates. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stopped in the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer from Madam Rosmerta, the pretty landlady, then headed over to Zonko's Jokeshop where they met the Weasley twins checking the prices on Fanged Frisbees. "Seen Snape yet?" asked George casually. "No," Hermione said wistfully, "too bad too..." Then Harry heard Fred cry, "Oi fellas! Look outside!" They ran to the window to see Snape walking down the street with a rather attractive blonde, both holding hands. "Eeeww..." said Neville, "Someone is actually holding hands with him." Hermione poked her head out the door, eager to get a better glimpse. Then Harry noticed faces popping up in shop windows all over the street. Snape noticed it too, although he seemed to give it only a fleeting glimpse, then, he leaned over and whispered something hastily to the woman he was walking with. Harry barely saw an acknowledgment from her and then Snape bent over and gave her a very deep, passionate kiss. "EW! Disgusting!" said George. "No doubt!" added Fred as he cringed. Ron looked ready to be sick, but he held it down as he watched Snape wrap an arm around the woman's shoulders, the couple entering the Three Broomsticks. Harry was beginning to wonder what Hermione thought about all this when he saw her face.
She was still staring at the now shut door of the Three Broomsticks, eyes slits of fury. She huffed and slammed the door to Zonko's Joke Shop and came back inside. "Why the nerve..." she snarled angrily.
Ron grinned at Harry.
+ + +
Ron and Harry waited until all the students had left, remarking that "They wanted to check on the next supply of Dungbombs," to get rid of Hermione, who was in a bad mood as it was anyway. They finally entered the Three Broomsticks once all the students were nowhere to be seen and saw Snape sitting alone at a table, drinking a butterbeer. "Bloody brilliant!" Ron exclaimed as he sat down next to him. "Huh? Oh yeah...that," he said. Harry had never seen two people that had hated each other so much up until only recently act so warmly. "Hermione was furious! I don't think she'll even come to Potions now!" Ron said cheerfully. "I'd hope not. Miss Granger needs to pass my class if she wants to enter her sixth year at Hogwarts," Snape said, casually taking a sip of butterbeer. "I don't think Parvati Patil was too happy either," said Harry as he sat down next to Ron. "Her face was red as a beet when we met her in Zonko's, right Ron?" "Yeah, wouldn't shut up about how much she hated you. Sounds almost like old times when we..." Ron scratched his head trying to distract him and started talking about the weather. "Oh please, don't try to be kind about it. I know I was a real...git, so to speak, up until a week or so ago," he said with a sigh.
"What's brought on the change of character anyway?" said Ron. "Not that I want the old one back of course," he added hastily. Snape smirked, "Thanks. But I just wanted a change in appearance; getting a little tired of the old one after all. I hadn't changed my hair since I was thirteen." Harry shrugged; there was nothing wrong with keeping the same hairstyle for a while. He'd had his since before he could remember. "As for just being a different person...I think I owe that one to Potter and three drops of Veritaserum from Fred and George Weasley," he said.
Harry and Ron's jaws dropped.
Snape slipped them a wink and smacked them both roughly on their backs; "See you boys in class."
+ + +
"You never told him about Fred and George, did you?" said Ron on their way back up to the castle. "No! Of course not! I'd never rat them out!" Harry protested, wondering how Snape had known. They slipped through the front doors quickly and headed for dinner, eager to tell Fred and George about what Snape had said.
When Fred and George found out about how Snape had known their deception, they couldn't do much other than shrug. "Sometimes you win and sometimes you don't," George had said as he'd finished off the last of his steak. Harry, however, saw it as a more pressing matter; the Weasley twins were infamous for their abilities to sneak around without getting caught, yet Snape had done what most teachers were yet to do...catch the Weasley twins. "I think Snape knows something we don't," said Harry, "but what is something else."
Harry waited and waited until all the students had headed off to the dormitories, even telling Ron that he wanted to just walk around the castle by himself to get rid of him. Then Harry saw Snape getting up to leave and he caught up with him right outside the doors to the Great Hall, "Sir, how did you know...?" He looked at Harry strangely, "Just because I'd like to prove that I knew something that your father and his friends didn't, I'll tell you.
"I was one of the few people to notice the Weasley twins leaving the other morning, and just as they thought they had passed the doors one of them pulled out his wand." Snape pulled out his own and walked past the doors, stopping in front of a statue of Zarod the Zany, a mad goblin. He tapped the statue on the chest with his wand and an opening as wide as a thin man opened up. "Lumos!" he said, wand tip now alight. "Come on Potter, I'll show you where this leads to." Harry followed Snape after lighting his own wand, wondering where this passage that he'd never seen on the Marauder's Map lead to. They walked for a minute or two until Snape stopped. Bright light suddenly beamed out of nowhere, and Harry blinked; it was a trapdoor. Snape heaved himself out of it and pulled Harry out. "This is where it leads to," he said. They were back in the Great Hall, right at the end of the staff table that was furthest away from the Gryffindor house table. "I'd expect that one of the twins threw a bag of Dungbombs up through here and made a run for it back down the passage," said Snape as he closed the trapdoor. There was no perceptible difference in the floor as to where the trapdoor was. "And then," he said, lifting up the white sheet that lay draped over the entirety of the staff table, "the other one probably climbed up underneath here and crawled through the length of the table until they reached my goblet at the other end. Probably escaped through the door behind my seat; it leads into the kitchens."
Harry was in awe; Fred and George's plan really had been ingenious. "But how did you know about all this?" said Harry. "If there was one thing I prided myself in Harry, it was that I knew something the Marauders didn't; the one secret passage they never found. It wasn't much, but James and his friends were very popular when we were in school together and holding something like this over them was quite an accomplishment. I never told anybody about it though, which makes me wonder as to how it was that the Weasley twins found out about it." Suddenly two heads of red, flaming hair peeked around the doors to the Great Hall. "One of the passages here in Hogwarts is accessible through a statue by tapping it with a wand; we just tried out all the other statues to see if they did the same thing," said George. "I can't believe you found it before us Professor," said Fred. "We thought we were the only ones that knew about it." "And I thought I was the only one that knew about it, so we'll call it even," he said.
+ + +
Potions the next day went over fairly well without incident, other than the girls staring at Snape like they wanted to kill him and the boys looking at him with admiration. For once, nobody was really holding a grudge against him; even Neville seemed to have relaxed a bit over the past week. Malfoy was the only one who looked unhappy with this arrangement; he clearly wanted the old, greasy-haired Snape back to punishing Gryffindors unfairly. It was this fact, Harry thought later on, that probably drove Malfoy to doing what he did.
Harry and Ron were paired up in class for making their Sleeping Draft, sharing ingredients, when all of a sudden Harry's potion changed color and he saw something sparkling in the middle of it. "Hey Professor Snape," Harry said. "Yes Potter?" Snape said as he came over and peered into Harry's cauldron. "What happened to my potion? It changed all of a sudden." Snape leaned over and saw the sparkling item in the middle of the potion, "That looks like a Filibuster Firewor-" said Ron, but he didn't complete his sentence. "DROP!" shouted Snape, shoving Harry and Ron below their desks as the cauldron exploded. Bright green potion splattered across the room, hitting several students.
Harry and Ron peered over their desks slowly; "Whoa," said Ron. That about summed it up; several of the students were now asleep on the floor, covered in green potion. Suddenly Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle came out from behind Snape's desk. "Nice job of screwing that one up Potty," said Malfoy with glee. "I didn't do it Malfoy! My potion just changed all of a sudden and..." "Riight, sure it did Potter," he said with a pleased grin.
Then it hit Snape like a bomb; "You did this didn't you Malfoy?" he said angrily. "What? Me? Professor, I mean really...why would I do something like that? How could I have done something like that?" Snape leaned over the fizzing cauldron, then looked into Malfoy's. "I find it interesting, Malfoy, that Harry's cauldron has your initials on it," he said, admiring the side of the shiny, new, black cauldron. "What? Those aren't my initials. I don't know how they got there," he said quickly. "Ahh yes, but I think I do," Snape said, taking a menacing step closer to Malfoy and his cronies. "You see Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger used a Switching Spell not to long ago in my class to change out hers and Mr. Longbottom's cauldrons. You could have done the exact same thing with yours and Potter's. Not only that, but I find it very curious indeed that you and your friends should be hiding behind my desk before the firecracker even went off. It's almost as if you had some advanced knowledge that it would explode," he said with a leering grin.
Malfoy had been caught; "B-B-But sir, I'd never..." "Be quiet Mr. Malfoy. Detention and thirty-five points from Slytherin; yes Malfoy, from my own house!" he snarled angrily. Harry was distinctly reminded of the old Snape. "And oh yes, why don't you apologize to Harry and the rest of the still-awake Gryffindors for trying to get him into the trouble that you caused?" The people still awake in the room were amazed; they'd never seen anything like it from, of all people, Snape. Malfoy shot daggers at Snape, then looked at Harry with pure hatred, "I'm so sorry, Potter. So sorry to have caused you all this trouble," he snapped.
Harry was positive his birthday had come early.
+ + +
The rest of the school year ended without much event, and soon Harry was on his way to the Hogwarts Express, already wishing he was back at Hogwarts. Just as his left foot hit the steps to the train, however, a small owl landed on his shoulder, a note in its beak. He took it from the owl and it flew off toward Hogwarts, and he quickly opened the parchment.
Mr. Harry Potter has been granted permission by Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, Potions Master Severus Snape, and godfather Sirius Black to remain at Hogwarts for the duration of the summer holidays.
Harry felt his insides flutter with happiness as he looked at the parchment, four signatures lining the bottom of the sheet.
This was definitely going to be a much better summer.
~The End~