There are always choices; left or right, yes or no, black or white. Each choice has a different result and each result different consequences. But, yet, choices are not obvious, results are varied and consequences unpredictable.
Consequences lead to more decisions, that much I have learnt the hard way. The best choice can lead to the worst decision or the worst decision can lead to the best choice. If there is one thing I wish I'd have learnt earlier is that choices of the heart should never be decided with logic of the mind.
Une, deux trois. I count in my mind the laps of the waves as they crash against the rocky walling of the lake. Quatre, cinq, six. The rhythmic swash of the waves fill my ears, accompanied by the melodic chirping of the birds. I allow myself to listen to the sounds as I place my arms behind me and arch my back. I close my eyes, shutting off my view of the dull American lake.
Sept, huit, neuf. I imagine the tide flowing over me. Wave after wave, stripping me of all conscious thought.
Flowers line the grass all around me. Fields of reds, yellows and white divided only by the vast expanses of vivid, lush green. I still hear the waves and the sweet birdsong and I know now, I am home.
Dix. The waves stop. Yet from my right I can still hear the birdsong's sweet calls as two figures approach me from either side.
The figure to my left appears dark and mysterious. As I watch I see the vivid green turn to a dull brown under his foot, a darkness which soon spreads. I watch brightness turn to darkness and life turn to as it even manages to turn even the purest white rose to a dark, hopeless grey.
To my right a woman approaches me. Her eyes seem to reflect the very essence of the sunlight whilst maintaining a shimmer across her hazel eyes. Unlike the man, where her feet touch the ground, the green only grows more vivid. A joyous smile plays on her face, much to the happiness of the birds who seemingly grow more vocal. I gaze in her eyes as I feel a smile spreading contagiously across my own face. A smile which fills me with warmth.
My eyes remain affixed to the shimmering hazel orbs as I allow the warmth I feel to grow inside me. A warmth I feel twirling inside me, reaching my every extremity as it fills my very being, my soul et en mon coeur.
Warmth is soon replaced with distantness and love with hate as I feel a bony hand grip my left shoulder, squeezing on it with a firm grip making a shiver reverberate down my spine. My head jolts sharply to the direction of the hand and I feel my eyes being forced to lock into a lifeless gaze with the man. His eyes are filled with nothing more than indifference and hate, emotions which fill me as the world around me swirls into a colorless abyss.
"Delphine?, Delphine?!" I hear a voice shouting but I cannot locate the direction of the calling. "Delphine!" the voice demands as once more I feel hands on my shoulders, not cold like the man's but warm and reassuring like the woman's gaze. I allow my eyelids to flutter open as I feel myself being shook and I find myself gazing once more into the glimmering hazel eyes. "Oh mon dieu!" I hear myself exclaim in confusion as my vision slowly returns to me "Cosima?"