I'd never had anything to believe in..
Nothing to call.. Mine..
But at that time..
And from then on..
Whenever I looked up
You were there..
My sky..
My protector..
My world.
I'd been alone.. scared..
And then you'd been there..
And my heart..
Became whole.
It has been ten years..
And nothing has changed..
Nothing except me..
I have changed.
But my faith in you remains strong..
I will follow you without question,
Anywhere you go.
But my heart is becoming less content to be ignorant..
To go about my life..
Uninterested.
And sometimes I find myself wondering..
Just what.. you are thinking.
Behind your harsh gaze..
Beneath your cool mask..
Hiding within your unreadable silence.
Sometimes..
I think I almost know..
Others...
It is late and I am meant to be sleeping.. but my mind just won't quiet.
I know you are well aware of my insomnia, and I wait for the inevitable command for me to rest.
"Rin.." You call to me, your voice is steady and familiar...
The rhythm it brings to my heart is not.
You stand, a graceful movement my human limbs could never achieve.
"Come." You command for me to follow you, I quickly scramble to my feet and scurry after your retreating form.
When I reach your side I match my pace with yours. Though your fluid steps are far more accurate and purposeful than my own messy gait, it isn't hard as to keep up as it was when I was a child. I have grown taller as well, my ebony crown now reaches your elegant shoulder. Though I must still look up if I wish to spy your face, I realise I will always look up to you.
For now however, I look away..
We stop at a clearing, not far from the edge of a cliff. The moon hangs in the clear sky as it bathes all it sees in silvery light.
We stand there in silence.. the wind gently tugging at our hair, as if urging us to speak.
I want it to be easy again, carefree like it used to be..
But it seems so much harder now.
A simple gesture..
A smile..
A touch..
Actions that came to me so frivolously in the past...
Why..
Do they now feel so awkward...?
I'm beginning to understand..
what you are to me..
What you have always been..
A light, bright and luminous and beautiful,
Gifting me the dawn of your presence.
A guide to light my way in the dark and brighten my loneliness..
You are the moon within reach of my mortal hands..
And yet, you are so absolutely untouchable...
But I wonder.. what am I to you?
Finally, you speak "Rin.. are you well?"
The question suggests concern, but your unwavering voice will not betray it.
So how can I know? Excactly what I am to you..
Am I a servant like Jaken?
A pet?
A friend?
Something more..?
But what more was there.. I was beginning to wonder.
"Y-Yes Sesshoumaru-Sama..." I am unsure of my own words as I answer and I'm sure you can tell.
You are quiet for some time and I wonder if you will call my bluff, but when you do finally speak it is a question
"... Do you wish to return to the human village?" I flinch at your words.
Could it be.. Am I a burden..?
Do I dare ask.. If I don't I shall never know..
I cannot bring myself to look at you as I ask "Does Sesshoumaru-Sama..want Rin to leave..?"
Your silence is painful in the emptiness it leaves between us, and I wonder if you will answer me at all when you say
".. Do as you wish, it makes no difference to me."
So you say.. but you will not look at me. I wonder if you really do not care, but I cannot be sure and I cannot push further...
That is not our way..
The only thing I can do.. is be truthful with you.
"Rin wishes to stay, to travel with Sesshoumaru-Sama and Jaken-Sama." A small smile tugs at my lips.
It is the truth.. Things might be confusing now but..
I know now what I have always known.. that to be by your side is where I feel most content.
No matter what I may be to you.. or how much of it you plan to share... I am in my rightful place.
For a moment.. I can forget what has changed and revel in this fact.
I smile at you and I am almost certain your eyes smile back, if only for an instant.
Yes, I am sure that.. Right here.. looking up at the moon...
Is where I belong.