AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm sorry guys, I know I said I wouldn't write anything else after All's Well That Ends Well but this story had been harassing me for quite some time until I spat it out. So there you go.
She was watching her son doing homework. She wasn't even sure which school that was for anymore. He barely talked to her these days. Or to anyone on Centipede for that matter. It's been a month and she thought he'd start getting used to their new... situation but apparently he wasn't. Why would she expect him to if she herself was nowhere near being ok with what happened. Both the other night and afterwards. It all felt so wrong but she thought she just needed time to adjust to her new life. One without Scorpion. One without the garage. One without him. But it all hurt just as much as it did a month ago and the huge hole inside her didn't even start to heal. But she would pull through, she knew she would. Just like she always did. At least that's what she was telling herself every day. Things would be ok. Eventually. But then it wasn't just about her. The toll it all had on her son frightened her, the thought of him withdrawing into his mind again was making her week in her knees.
"Ralph..." she started, her voice trembling. Crap, she thought. She had to pull herself together. She couldn't let him see how scared she was. She cleared her throat and then resumed, gently, but this time with more confidence: "Please, talk to me."
He just kept ignoring her, focused on his project. Just like he had been for the past month. All this time, he'd never said anything unkind to her. No angry words. No outbursts. No questions about the future. She tried to explain things to him but she never received any reply.
So it was a mixture of shock and relief when he finally looked at her and opened his mouth: "Two wrongs don't make a right."
She blinked quizzically. "Excuse me?"
"That's what you told me when I punished those girls for bullying Patty. That two wrongs don't make a right. But that's what you've been doing. Just because it was wrong of Walter to lie to you doesn't mean that what you're doing is right, mum. It's still just wrong."
Maybe this was a little too much. Maybe his words took her to places she didn't want to go. Or maybe all the nights she'd been trying to be strong and muffle her sobs with a pillow finally took a toll. She'd been trying so hard to put on a brave face for her son, to make him feel safe, like she was in control of their lives but maybe she just wasn't strong enough. She couldn't help the tears running down her cheek. She wiped them away angrily. Ralph must have noticed her inner struggle because his expression suddenly softened and he gently put his hand on her shoulder.
"Mum, I'm sorry," he said in a small, tired voice. "Maybe there's an exception to this rule. Like, if you really were as unhappy with Walter as you told him you were, then maybe this was the right thing to do. I don't think you were but what do I know. Please don't cry."
ooooo
Unhappy. The word reverberated in her head over and over. There were times when she was frustrated. Exasperated, maybe. But she was never unhappy. And she should know. She felt unhappy when her mom disappeared once and for all. When her father died. When she realized Drew wasn't coming back. When she couldn't afford decent living conditions for her child. She was an expert at unhappy. The way she felt being with Walter... Well, if THAT was unhappy, she could do unhappy for the rest of her life. Minus the Florence part, of course. But then, this was probably largely on her. It was her jealousy that broke them apart. And the lie she had encouraged... because she was so pathetic she couldn't take mild criticism. Oh God.
It suddenly hit her that most likely she was the reason for the demise of their relationship. Not his weirdness, his social maladaptation, his low EQ. It was mostly her. Her insecurities. Her unsaid and childish expectations. Her abandonment issues.
The realization made her feel strangely exhilarated. Liberated. Empowered. Because if the problem lay within her, it meant it was within her power to fix this.
ooooo
"Walter."
He jumped in his chair at the sound of her voice in his place of work, the place that had her traces all over it, the one he never expected to see her in again.
"Is Ralph ok?" He asked, panic in his voice.
"Yes, he's fine..."
"Are you ok? Are you in trouble?" Her heart skipped a beat hearing the overwhelming concern in his voice.
"Yes, I'm ok..."
He ran his hand over his face and breathed out. He looked at her again, composed.
"So why are you here?"
Paige cleared her throat, a little taken aback by his cold demeanor when just a few seconds ago she could read so many emotions running through his eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to do her best to sound calm and confident. She really had no idea how to say this so she decided to cut right to the chase.
"I think our break up was a mistake and I would like to undo it," she stated in a single breath.
Walter opened his mouth but he was literally at a loss for words. That was definitely the last thing he'd expected to hear. He stood up from the chair and circled the desk to stand in front of her.
"W-why would you say that. You told me I didn't satisfy you. You didn't want to be around me anymore."
"I was SO angry. I just kept saying all those horrible things I didn't mean. I'm so sorry. If I could unsay them, I would. But now it all looks so small and petty and what matters is that I miss you so much..."
"Paige..." he interrupted her. "Stop, please. I know what's happening"
"You do?"
"There's a neuronal circuit in the brain that allows us to forget fear and anxiety. It makes you subconsciously push out bad memories and emphasize the good. In time, it will make you forget. And it's probably for the best."
"So what now? Am I supposed to just hope to forget that I love you? Is that what you're going to do?"
"No. My brain is not normal. But then you already know this all too well. I will never forget this. I love you. I always will. But you left me. I know I messed up big time. But I would have done anything to fix this. I would have tried harder. I would have worked on my EQ more. I would have gladly accepted any punishment you'd have decided I deserved." He swallowed hard. "But you left me, not for the first time, mind you, and this time you also tried to take everything else from me in the process."
She gave him a teary look.
"I just don't think I can go through this again. Now, if you'll excuse me... I have some business to take care of..." He muttered the last words as he exited the garage.
She just stood there, watching him leave. So much for the empowerment.
A few years ago, she would probably have fallen apart. But now she knew him well. So she kept replaying their conversation in her mind to make something out of it. Walter didn't say things just because he was sad or wanted to be mean. He only said things he meant. Let's see. So he said he loved her. He wasn't going to forget her. He just didn't trust her that she was serious. That she wouldn't leave him this time. And that he could make her happy. Good. So now she had something she could work with. And she was going to make this right.
ooooo
She was very thorough with her make-up and clothes that day. She pulled her hair back into a pony tail and ironed her shirt twice. Now she was sitting in the waiting room, a little nervous.
"Miss Dineen," she heard a young female voice. "Mr. Pearson is waiting for you."
She inhaled deeply. She got this. The worst part was already behind her anyway. Telling her Centipede partners she wasn't going to be a part of their team anymore. And they weren't going to make this easy on her.
"So what? You're going to just leave us? After all we've been through. It's been barely a month and you're already running back to Walter?!" Toby was clearly dismayed with her.
"I just can't do this if I want Walter to ever give us a chance. Not after how this all happened." She knew she owed them an explanation.
"So you'll just abandon us? After we took your side? Is this your loyalty?" he continued.
Paige was really struggling to keep her composure. "I never asked you to. And you're the last people on earth to teach me about loyalty!" The struggle was obviously lost as she was now waving her hands in agitation.
"Well, what does that make you then, waitress?!" Happy interjected, obviously sharing her husband's sentiments.
"You know what? This probably does make me a bad person. But what really made me a bad person is what I, what WE did back then. And what we've been doing for the past month! Sitting here, plotting, feeding our anger? I can't even remember why we did this in the first place!" Paige was practically yelling right now. "And you know what? Since I already AM a bad person anyway, I at least want to be a happy one."
They all just kept standing there for a moment, staring at one another, her words slowly sinking in.
"Look," she started, her voice completely calm now. "I'm sorry about this, guys. But this... undertaking... was born of something that no longer applies. At least not to me. I'll close any open tasks I may have but otherwise, it's over for me."
"For what it's worth, I don't think this makes you a bad person..." All the eyes travelled to Sylvester, who hadn't said a word so far.
"Ha." Toby scanned him thoroughly, as Sylvester averted his gaze, unable to look him in the eye. "You've been awfully quiet. Actually, you've been quiet for the past fortnight. Never staying after hours, never hanging out to have pizza with us. Yeah... And judging from your flustered expression it wasn't Walrlock's Chest that kept you busy."
Happy and Paige both shot him a questioning look.
"Ok, ok." he looked up to face them. "I've been hanging out with... Florence. And it's not what you think," he added quickly to silence the exasperated grunts. "I was going through... Well, you know exactly what I was going through." Humiliating rejection. The person I care about having feelings for someone else. "And it hit me she was going through the same... And we bonded. As friends."
The gang was staring at him wide-eyed.
"This is just wrong on so many levels," Toby muttered, mostly to himself.
"The point is, I know Walter did nothing to cause this. Actually, I've been working up to an apology."
"You want to mend fences with your buddy Walter or ask your former boss to give you your old job back?" Happy asked, already knowing the answer.
"Both. I'm so sorry, guys. But this feels so wrong, it no longer works for me either."
"Miss Dineen?" The voice of her interviewer snapped her out of her thoughts. "I asked you how you got this impressive resume after eight years of working as a waitress.
"Well, I guess I was in the right place at the right time. I assisted a team of Homeland contractors on a job and they liked how I conducted myself so they offered me a permanent position."
"And why would they trust you with so much responsibilities?"
"I worked hard for it. My boss gradually expanded my scope of duty, seeing how well I was doing with whatever he threw my way."
"So why do you no longer work for your former employer?"
She was prepared for that question so she answered without hesitation: "I'm looking for something with more structured working hours. My previous job involved frequent... trips out of town, sometimes for a few days. But I'm a mum to a teenage boy and it's really important for me to come home to him in the end of the day."
The rest of the interview was a piece of cake. Discussing office management, interpersonal skills, work organization and accounting. She could do this in her sleep. She obviously got the job. She was so relieved. It was really important because she didn't want Walter to think that there were any ulterior motifs to her attempts at reconciliation. Any strings attached. She wanted this to be only about them this time. About her and him. With no external factors that could distort the whole picture and somehow influence their decisions.
ooooo
It was a long day. Ralph was already in bed and she was sure she had a moment of privacy. She dialed the number that somehow never left her speed dial.
"Paige? Is Ralph..." she heard the panic again.
"Yes, Walter, Ralph's ok and I'm ok."
"Good." She heard the relief in his voice. "What can I do for you.?"
"I want you to know that I've terminated my partnership in Centipede. I've got a new job. I have also commenced therapy to finally address some issues from my past that have affected our relationship and my well-being in general."
Silence. Was he still there?
"I'm really trying to show you that I'm serious, that it's not just my brain deceiving my perception. That I want to make things work."
More silence.
"Walter," she continued. "I know I've left more than once," she said quietly. "But for what it's worth, I've always come back to you. Because I know that we belong together." Was she reading it all wrong?
"W-would you like," he finally started, "me to accompany you with any of your therapy sessions? I mean, where my presence would be of relevance."
She felt a wide grin involuntarily spreading across her face. "I'd love that."
"Paige, you won't regret this. I meant what I said in the garage the other day. I will try harder. I promise. "
"I know you will. So will I."
