Title: Stand by Me

Genre: Romance

Rating: PG-13 (for now)

Pairing: Mick/Beth

Spoilers: through 1x08, 12:04 AM

Summery: "It's an interesting feeling; not caring whether you live or die." Sequel to Through the Years and Watching Over You.

Ch.1 Slippery Slope (1/5)

"Admitting you're in love with someone is a slippery slope. Once you say it, even just to yourself, everything begins snowballing and all you can do is hang on and hope you don't end up with a broken neck (heart) at the bottom."

Beth dug through her closet with a single minded ferocity that startled even herself. Her closet had always been a black hole for things, stuff just seemed to gravitate there and pile up out of sight where they would be forgotten and not dealt with. She paid little to no attention to the mess she was making of her bedroom as high heels and assorted trinkets were tossed carelessly aside in her search for a shoebox she hadn't seen in five years. It took another six minutes before she finally found it tucked away in the back corner behind a dusty stack of National Geographic magazines. She pulled the box onto her lap, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the mess that had once been the contents of her closet. She held the box carefully as if it were made of glass or precious crystal and not torn cardboard. She wasn't sure if she wanted to open it but she had to know. Carefully, with all the caution one would use if opening Pandora's box, she lifted the lid and gently took out the first card. The colors had faded in the years since she had first received it, but the writing remained clear. She traced the letter M that stood in place of a signature. M. Mick. Why hadn't she made the connection before? Two and two had been equaling four for a while now but she had stubbornly refused to do the math. Denial was a necessary defense mechanism when the was something you weren't ready to admit.

After the events of the past few days however, Beth could no longer hide from the truth. Finding her file in Mick's office had forced her to confront what she's been running from. Mick St. John. Over and over she had repeated they were just friends, to her boss, to Morgan, to Josh, to herself. Even after her impulsive kiss in the parking lot, her abortive seduction while high on vampire blood, and every time she fought back a shudder of revulsion when Josh caressed the scar Mick's fangs had left on her arm, she stubbornly refused to admit to more than that. Just friends gave them both an out, an excuse to continue on in this state of purgatory. They could stay in comfortable stagnation, ignoring the issue to their hearts' content as long as they remained "just friends." Saying more then that would force them to make a choice, one Beth hadn't been ready to make.

She looked down at the shoebox of cards in her lap; her very first mystery, finally solved. She picked up the one he'd sent on Valentine's Day when she was thirteen. Her very first crush had been on someone she had never seen and she's always thought that the reality would fall far short of her fantasy. She's be wrong. It was true that he was nothing like the picture she had held as a child but Mick could never fall short of anything.

It was time to face the music. She was no longer thirteen but she was definitely in love. She sighed, she knew that one simple admission was going to complicate her life far more then she could guess. It would be difficult enough if Mick was a normal guy. She was dating Josh and whatever feelings she held for Mick did not erase the fact that she cared about him. Beth couldn't just stomp all over his heart and move on, it didn't work that way. Still dealing with Josh was not even the biggest complication admitting her feelings for Mick would bring up. The fact remained that Mick was a vampire and that brought with it a whole set of complications that she didn't even know about. Granted that was because he wouldn't say anything beyond "it wouldn't work" but it still left her with a feeling of being in the dark. Being out of the know was not a feeling she particularly enjoyed either and Beth felt the urge to go pry some answers out of Mick. How could he expect her to understand anything, let alone deal with it, if he refused to tell her things? But trying to pry answers out of him would be a futile quest she knew. Mick had the ability to be more evasive then even her reporter honed doggedness could get around. So unless she could come up with some way to tie him down where he couldn't do his little "poof" vampire bit she had little to no chance of getting any answers out of him.

The fact that he owed her the truth, or at least a more satisfying explanation, was obviously a moot point. She'd push and he'd evade and frankly Beth was tired of that dance by now. The time was coming where she'd have to make a decision and going in half blind and ready for a fight would do her no good.

Beth closed her eyes and held the box of cards a little closer. She remembered the way he'd looked that morning, hand held up to shield himself from the harsh glare of sunlight and the truths she's thrown at him moments before. He'd looked so broken, so scared, when he told her once again it could never work. Never was just a word, it only held meaning if you let it. They both knew it, but she had said it and he had disappeared. She couldn't understand why he was the one hiding. She was the one with everything to lose: Josh, her heart, maybe her life, yet he was the one that refused to risk it. Perhaps it was out of some misguided sense of protectiveness for her, or maybe it was himself he was protecting. She didn't know but it was as infuriating as it was endearing.

"Beth? What are you doing?" The sound of Josh's voice dragged her out of her memories.

"What?" she asked, turning to face her boyfriend without leaving her place on the floor.

"Why did you decide to empty out your closet?" he asked. "It's a little early for spring cleaning."

She could hear the confusion behind his attempt at humor.

"Oh, I was looking for something," she said, clutching the shoebox tighter as if he was going to try and take it from her.

He gave her a bemused smile, "did you find it?"

She nodded, quickly placing the lid back on the box. Josh couldn't see what was in there, it would lead to questions she wasn't ready to answer yet. She stood up and tucked the box under her arm. She maneuvered through the items strew across her floor to Josh. Standing on tip toe she leaned up to kiss his cheek ignoring the feeling of wrongness that settled in her stomach with the action.

"I have to go to work," she said before he could ask anything else. "I'll see you later."

Mick wasn't the only one good at running, she thought as she left her flummoxed boyfriend standing in the middle of her messed up bedroom.

Work was a welcome relief. She typed up her follow up to the Donavan Sheppard story with more enthusiasm then was strictly necessary. Beth was just glad to have a distraction from facing the consequences of her decision for a few more hours. Unfortunately for her, her enthusiasm meant she finished her report faster than normal. Relief is such a short lived pleasure.

"Alright, spill," it was Marissa. She'd been watching Beth frown at her computer screen for the past half-hour and it was time to figure out what was up.

"Spill what?" Beth asked, feigning ignorance.

"Don't give me that," Marissa was not fooled. "You've been sitting there with that 'contemplating life or death matters' look and I'm dying to know why."

Beth sighed, the best friend radar for emotional turmoil was definitely a curse.

"It's nothing," she said. "I just learned something is all and I'm trying to process it."

"Learned something, huh?" Marissa sat down, intrigued. "Care to share?"

"Not until I've figured it out for myself," she said apologetically.

Really, Beth would love to share, having someone else's opinion on her situation would be more than helpful but that wasn't an option. How does one explain that they're in love with a vampire?

"Does it have to do with Josh?" Marissa asked, undeterred.

Beth sighed. "Sort of, but he's not really the problem."

"There's someone else," Marissa guessed confidently.

Beth winced, wishing her friend didn't know her so well.

"Like I said, I'm still trying to figure it out myself," Beth replied pointedly.

Marissa grinned, not bothered at all by Beth's tone. "Alright, but you have to make a decision one way or another soon."

She knew that, and that was the whole problem. She nodded slowly. "I know," Beth said. "I'm going to head out."

"Good luck, girl," Marissa replied, giving her friend a hug.

Beth responded with a pained smile. "Thanks."

Luck, she was going to need it. If ignorance was bliss than denial was the greatest feel-good drug ever invented. Unfortunately, cold turkey was the only way to quit and it wasn't an easy way to go. Once the pill is yanked all you can do is prepare yourself for whatever happens.

Beth raised her hand to knock on the door. Cold turkey, here I come, she thought as her knuckles made contact.

AN: here's part one of my story. Feedback is love.

[wants to feel loved